


Kiss and Cry

by jongnugget



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sports, Angst and Humor, Ice Skating, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Sports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 02:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 87,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13331667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jongnugget/pseuds/jongnugget
Summary: "People who aren't skaters don't understand what courage it takes to be one. It's the same with love. People who haven't loved yet don't understand what courage it takes to do so."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, I'm back with a new story and i really hope you will enjoy it~
> 
> Also just a quick fun fact, Kiss and Cry isn't just two words put together, a Kiss and Cry is the area in an ice rink where skaters wait for their marks to be announced after their performance :)
> 
> \--> The story is also available on aff **[here](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1244791/kiss-and-cry-romance-exo-kai-sports-jongin-kyungsoo-kaisoo-dokyungsoo-sidebaekyeol-iceskating-figureskating-sportsau-figureskatingau)**

 

 

01

 

 

Breathing.

All he hears in that moment is his own breathing.

All he feels is the soft fabric underneath his fingers as his hands slide securely around her waist.

 _One. Two._

A spin. She grabs his arm and flashes him a smile.

 _Three. Four._

They change positions and he grabs her by the waist again.

 _Five. Six._

His breath hitches and she’s up in the air, flying.

 _Seven. Eight._

He catches her hand when she lands and looks up to him with a very quick, small smile.

He finally breathes out.

He finally starts hearing other things as well. Like the cheering of the people in arena, like the music slowly coming to an end.

As he finally dives the toepick into the ice and pulls the girl closer, as she rests her hand on his chest and turns her head to the side, smiling brightly towards the crowd.

He can feel her breathing heavily in his arms as they finish up their routine smoothly, as the cheering becomes louder, more enthusiastic.

Only two minutes and a half, but it felt like hours out on the ice. He finally lets a smile bloom on his face as he grabs the girl’s hand and they bow together at the audience. As flowers and plush toys start flying towards the rink.

“We did it,” she breathes out and her smile is wide, happy. He nods and sprawls out a hand, waiting for her to glide into his embrace – he wraps his hand around her shoulders, before they skate towards the exit of the rink, still waving at the crowd, bowing.

Their team is waiting for them.

He can’t even say a word before he is engulfed in one of their coaches’ arms. Before he is pulled into another embrace.

Handed blade covers, as the manager urges them to proceed to the bench and wait for their results.

He feels hands on his back, patting him, he can hear voices saying they were outstanding out there.

But all he pays attention to is the screen in front of them once they sit down, to the anxious flips his stomach is making as he waits for the scores to appears. Only pays attention to the girl nervously fiddling with the water bottle in her hands next to him.

They’re a team. He pats her on the knee and when she looks at him he gives her a reassuring smile.

And that’s when the results start showing on the screen and the crowds starts cheering again.

And he feels his breath hitching once again. As he feels the girl beside him gasping, as he feels her hands suddenly pushing him excitedly.

As his eyes widen and he turns and pulls her in another embrace.

 _They did it._

“You did it!” the coach beside them exclaims loudly. “First place! You did it!”

He looks back to the screen, unable to feel anything but utmost pride and happiness.

* * *

* * *

**_Two months later_ **

He parked the car in his assigned parking spot, pulling the gym bag from the passenger seat and hurrying towards the building.

He was so late. And oh, he was so dead.

He didn’t waste any time but made a beeline for their ice rink, pushing the large doors open, ready to make an excuse for himself, but as soon as he walked in, a few pairs of eyes were staring at him.

“You’re late, Jongin. _Again_.”

“But I’m here now.” He tried, withstanding the warning glance of Victoria. The only person in the hall who didn’t seem to mind at all was the girl resting against the railings, hair tied up in a bun, as she smiled at him. “What’s this anyways? Welcoming committee?”

“We will have a meeting today,” Suho, his manager, spoke first. “After your training is over.”

“A meeting?” Jongin sat down and started putting on his skates. “I can’t join today. I’m meeting a friend after this. Bummer.”

“Oh it won’t take long,” Victoria said quickly.

Jongin furrowed his brows as he looked up to see Suho’s sour expression, as Victoria, their coach, urged him and the other managers outside before Jongin could even question it.

Instead of waiting and wondering, he stepped on the ice finally.

The girls slided towards him and he caught her hand, as they started skating across the rink together.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“Don’t sweat it.” She replied in a bit of a strained voice, although she was still smiling. “I was somehow hoping you wouldn’t come at all.”

She spun around in his momentary confusion, grabbing his other arm as they continued with the warm up.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

“You can’t lie to me, Krys.” Jongin said quietly, as they moved together. “Your eyebrows start doing weird things when you have something on your mind.”

“It’s-…”

“Why are we having a meeting after the training?” Jongin questioned instead, the only sounds in the rink besides Victoria still urging the managers out, coming from the blades of their skates on the ice.

Krystal just looked up to him with a sour expression, before her eyes darted away.

“Suho will tell you everything in a bit.”

Jongin didn’t push it because he saw how concerned she seemed. And there would be no point in making her feel uncomfortable just at the beginning of their training session.

Instead, he grabbed her hand and they started sliding across the ice rink faster, waiting for Victoria to come back down to the rink. Waiting for the real training to begin.

* * *

“Can we please make this quick?” Jongin asked as soon as he sat in the chair.

He hated their meetings. Every time they discussed marketing and advertisement strategies, training schedules and other boring stuff he knew he would end up having no say in. However, these were usually in the beginning of the season, not on a random Wednesday after their training.

“Sit down and listen.” Suho sighed out and he seemed a tad bit disappointed. Jongin couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he did end up leaning back in his chair and raising his eyebrows.

They didn’t start until Jongin and Krystal were sitting there, with Victoria on one side and their managers on the other side.

Jongin just stood there and waited. It was their manager Amber who stood up.

“We have received a sponsorship offer.”

“So?” Jongin questioned. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“It is a great thing, Jongin. They’re willing to cover all performance expenses. In return, they just want a face for their ads.”

The boy was a bit lost as he looked around the circle they had formed – coaches, managers, skaters. He didn’t see why they’d have to hold a meeting for this. And then it hit him.

“ _Oh no-_ ,” he gasped. “Is it one of those fast food places where you order fries but instead get a cup of oil and a few pieces of potatoes?”

The managers shared a glance and it was Suho who shook his head.

“No, Jongin, it’s not.”

“Good. Because advertising that would have been gross. But then again, accepting to cover all expenses…I mean, I don’t see a problem with-“

“Jongin.” Amber interrupted him and raised her eyebrows. “The problem is not the place. The problem is that they want a face to represent them. Only _one_ face.”

He stilled down in his chair and suddenly took notice of how silent everyone in the room was. Of how sullen their expressions were. Of how Krystal was suddenly interested in her fingers more than anything else.

“Oh,” he let out a sound, as he leaned back in his chair. As he took another look towards his skating partner and his eyebrow furrowed. “Well I mean, that’s cool. One of us could do it and they’d cover their expenses and-“

“They want Krystal.”

“That’s fine.” Jongin continued, eyebrows furrowing. “She can advertise it for them and we will find another sponsor for me, right?”

He didn’t like the way the managers shared glances. He didn’t like it at all.

“Listen, Jongin,” Suho stood up from the chair. “This wouldn’t be possible. This is called a clash of interest. We can’t have two different sponsors on the same team.”

“So what you’re saying is…?”

“What we’re saying is that there are two options in front of us right now. Either Krystal rejects the offer and loses all perks that come with the deal, or she accepts it and departs.”

Jongin felt something pulling at his heartstrings.

“Departs?” he echoed after Krystal’s manager. “Departs, as in-...as in…”

“As in joins the women’s category. Skates solo.”

He felt like someone had taken a wet towel and slapped him across the face with it.

He couldn’t believe it. Him and Krystal, they’d been skating together for years. They grew up skating together, they entered the skating world together as a figure skating pair.

And now they were saying they wanted her to leave him. They wanted her to skate solo.

“Is there no way out of this?” Krystal asked from beside him and he didn’t even have to look up to know the managers were shaking their heads. He felt a small hand on his knee.

He looked up to Krystal and saw her arched eyebrows.

“I won’t do it,” she said quietly, without much conviction. “I won’t take the offer-“

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He was surprised by how confident and strong his own voice sounded. “You can’t miss up on an opportunity like this. You have to.”

“But, Jongin, I-“

“Krystal.” He looked up, lowering the volume of his voice so that only she could hear him. “Do you think you can do this? Skating alone, I mean. Do you _want_ to do this?”

She was silent for a few seconds, before she nodded hesitantly. He pursed his lips and nodded, patting her hand lightly.

“That’s all you needed to know,” he uttered finally, turning towards their team, not looking up. “Alright. I guess it’s decided then, isn’t it?”

He didn’t listen to what else they had to say. All his thoughts were spiraling in his head, revolving around the fact that he was losing his skating partner. He was losing his skating partner just a few months before the nationals and he felt like all they had been working for so hard, all they had achieved until now was meaningless.

Once the meeting was over he felt Krystal’s hand on his shoulder, as she tried to say something.

Instead, he just smiled stiffly and told her it was fine, that he’d be alright. That he was running late to his meeting with his friends.

And then he was running away. Away from the managers before Suho could stop him, away from the coaches before Victoria would urge him to return to the rink, away from Krystal who looked so guilty that it was making Jongin himself feel that way.

He never made it to that meeting. He just needed to be alone.

* * *

“Too tall.”

Another picture.

“Too skinny.”

Another picture.

“Too…I don’t know, I don’t like her expression.”

“Kim Jongin!” Suho sighed out in exasperation, pushing the laptop away. “What is your problem? Isn’t there one skater out of all these girls you like? They’re all talented. They’re all _gorgeous_.”

“You know I’m not into girls anyways.”

He heard Suho’s exasperated sigh as the man rubbed his hands against his face.

“What do you plan on doing then? Nationals are in no time and you don’t have a partner.”

“I was kind of hoping you’d have a solution to that.”

“I do!” Suho raised his eyebrows, pointing towards the laptop and all the skater profiles on the screen. “I do have a solution for that but you don’t seem to _want_ this. Come on, Jongin!”

The boy closed his eyes for a second, before returning to the chair.

“Listen, I’ve been skating with Krystal my whole life, alright? You can’t just expect me to find someone like this. Just staring at their photos…this does nothing for me, alright? Besides, there isn’t much of a choice really.”

“That’s because everybody is already getting ready for the competitions and here you are arguing with me over a partner!” Suho exclaimed tiredly. “If you aren’t willing to work _with_ me then just do it by yourself, I can’t help you if you don’t want to comply.”

Jongin stilled down in his place and didn’t reply anything for a couple of moments.

He just kept on staring at Suho quietly. The manager let out a sigh, taking the silence for acceptance.

But Jongin just squinted his eyes and looked towards the screen.

“You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right, I’m always-“

“I’ll just do it by myself!”

“Wait, what-“

“You’re right, Suho!” Jongin exclaimed, leaning back in his chair. “I mean, if Krystal can skate solo then so can I, right?”

There was silence for a few more moments, before the older man shook his head.

“No. No, absolutely not.” He stood up. “Skating alone would change so many things for you. For me, too. We don’t have the time to prepare solo programs for you. You don’t have choreographers. You don’t have a coach. You don’t have-“

“But I have you, Suho!” Jongin interrupted, feeling his heart picking up its heartbeat from the sudden excitement rushing through his body. “Listen to me, I can do it alright! And if we start preparing right away I can make it in time for the nationals!”

“Regionals.” Suho deadpanned. “You’d be a rookie in this discipline, Jongin. I don’t think-“

“I think it’s a great idea!” the skater interrupted. “Come on. I am working with you, now it’s your turn to work with _me_.”

Jongin stared the manager down until he heard a defeated sigh.

“Fine!” Suho rolled his eyes. “But don’t expect me to make miracles happen here, alright?”

“Let’s do this!”

Jongin felt a grin stretching his lips. For the first time this week he felt excitement bubbling in his chest again.

* * *

He spent the next few days looking up as much videos of past competitions and performances of as many male skaters as he could while Suho was trying to find a coach for him. There were a few things he realized after he did that.

If he wanted to skate in the male category he had to step up his game, because he was now on his own. He had to improve his jumps, he had to improve his steps and moves. There wasn’t another person who was helping him complete the routines anymore. He would be all by himself on the huge ice rink.

“Listen, as much as I want to help you,” Sehun started, as he peeled himself off the railing. “I don’t see how you monitoring my training will help you in any way unless you get your ass out on the rink.”

“I don’t need to skate. I just wanted to see the on-ice training of a male skater.”

“One would think you haven’t trained this for the past fifteen years.”

“Not alone.”

Sehun rolled his eyes and pushed himself back on the rink.

“Whatever. Just don’t expect me to stop the coaches from kicking you out. Because, trust me, they will. You are the competition now, after all.”

“Right,” Jongin furrowed his brows and leaned back, as he watched Sehun making one quick round around the ice rink, then getting in position for his routine.

And Jongin just sighed out, watching his younger friend.

He had so much work do to.

* * *

“The sweethearts of South Korea are no more a thing, huh?”

“The sweethearts of South Korea were never a thing, busta, check your facts.” Sehun jugged his chin towards him. “Jongin here is gayer than you are.”

“Well in any case, the illusion is broken,” Baekhyun leaned over the table. “So what do you plan on doing once the press finds out?”

“That is something I do not wish to think about just yet.” Jongin winced then raised the shot glass up to his lips, the burning sensation in his throat igniting again. 

He had spoken about that with Suho, alright. All these previous advertisement deals with Krystal, all these sponsorships and appearances. They would all evaporate once the entire media world found out that they were parting ways.

For now, though, everything was still quiet, so the last thing Jongin wanted to think about was the unpleasant not far away future.

“So Sehun said you still don’t have a coach.” Baekhyun asked, eyebrows slightly raised in surprise. Jongin just nodded. “That’s not good, you know. The regionals are in like two months. That’s ten minutes in skating world.”

“More like five.”

His friends didn’t say anything, just shared a quick glance, before Baekhyun raised his arm to call the bartender.

“Three more shots for us.” He said cheerfully and when Jongin just let out a groan, the older skater laughed. “Actually, make that six.”

* * *

It was well past midnight and he was asleep when his phone started ringing.

Jongin contemplated covering his head with a pillow and ignoring it but listening to the very insistent ringing, he couldn’t help but roll in the bed and reach out for the phone on the nightstand.

When he saw Suho’s picture on the screen, he sat up and clicked the green button.

“Honestly, if you even dare nag me tomorrow morning for being late after calling at this hour I’ll fire you.”

“Shut up and listen,” the older man said on his turn and Jongin stilled down. “I fond you a coach!”

The skater felt himself straightening up in the bed, the drowsiness fading.

“You need to come half an hour earlier to the rink tomorrow to meet him, alright? Don’t ruin this for us, Jongin, I worked hard to make it happen.”

“Of course!”

 _So,_ Jongin thought when Suho hung up after repeating about three more times that he had to be there on time, _it was starting_.

* * *

“Fuck…fuck, fuck….” Jongin was quietly chanting as he ran down the hallway towards the ice rink. “ _Fuck_ , he’s going to kill me.”

Of course he was late. Typical.

He didn’t stop to greet back the younger skater who passed by him, his head was on the line here.

He pushed the doors open.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, I got-“

He stopped in the middle of his sentence when he saw Suho with the other man standing only a few steps away from him.

Naturally, Suho looked at him incredulously, and something in the way his eyes were widened told Jongin he was either totally done with him or he was going to get an earful later.

However, he didn’t stare at his manager much longer. He looked towards the other man.

Clad in a black coat, with black hair pushed back and glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, the man turned ever so lightly towards him and looked him up and down.

His plump lips pulled back into the tiniest of smiles.

“Hello, Jongin,” the man spoke with his deep, velvety voice. “Nice to meet you. I’m Do Kyungsoo.”

Jongin clutched the strap of his gym bag and opened his mouth, hoping for a sound to come out. He stared at the shorter man in front of himself for a few seconds, feeling his eyebrows furrowing.

“… _yeah_ ,” he turned his head towards Suho. “Can I talk to you for a second, please?”

* * *

“Are you out of your goddamn mind?!” Suho let out a sigh as soon as they were in another room. “I asked you specifically to not be late today of all days and you had to go and-“

“Are _you_ out of _your_ goddamn mind?!”

The manager stopped strolling around and looked towards him finally.

“Why? Is something wrong?”

Jongin shook his head in shock, dropping his bag to the floor.

“Are you kidding me right now? _Do Kyungsoo_? Of everybody you could have found you brought Do Kyungsoo?”

“So you do know who he is…” Suho hummed and Jongin snorted.

Of course he knew who Do Kyungsoo was. There wasn’t a skater out there who didn’t know the man.

A former skater himself, a former competitor, Do Kyungsoo was always known for his perfectly flowing, perfectly polished routines. For his flawless performance and technical difficulty of his programs.

For the moves that no other skater dared attempting.

That was, of course, what he was known for before he injured himself. It hadn’t happened long ago. Maybe a year and a half ago. Maybe two. At the peak of his career.

Jongin shook his head and glared at Suho.

“Of course I do know who he is! The question is, do you?!”

“Of course I do,” Suho smirked. “He’s your new coach.”

“You really must be fucking kidding me.” Jongin ran a hand through his hair. “You aren’t serious right now, are you?”

The silence between them was intense as Suho glare at him on his own turn.

“Listen to me, Jongin. You’re joining the competitions not even half an year before the start of the season. All other skaters out there have been practicing for the past few months. All self-respecting coaches who actually know what they’re doing are taken. They’re busy training champions. I didn’t have many options really.”

“Yet out of everyone available you chose the one with suicidal tendencies!”

“No, Jongin,” Suho looked at him hard. “I chose the one who can help you get gold.”

The skater opened his mouth, ready to say something but when no sound came out, he simply closed it again and stared right back at his manager.

 _Do Kyungsoo._

Do Kyungsoo, a former star in their field. A man everyone had deemed crazy for doing all these dangerous stuff. For doing all these different things. And yet, a man everyone had looked up to.

Do Kyungsoo, who was waiting in the hall with the ice rink just next door.

Jongin picked up the gym bag and threw one last look towards Suho. The manager smiled.

“Give it a chance.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Jongin breathed out, raising his eyebrows. “But you’re going to buy me a helmet first thing in the morning tomorrow!”

The skater didn’t quite understand why Suho laughed. He wasn’t joking. Not one bit.

* * *

Jongin felt like a little child as Suho pushed him down the stairs towards the rink where Do Kyungsoo was waiting.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Do.” Suho said and upon hearing the voice the other man stood up and turned towards them. He looked at Jongin curiously.

“Is everything alright?”

The man was looking towards him so Jongin nodded in a bit of a strained way, as Suho finally pushed him down and he was standing not even one meter away from the other man.

He was shorter than him, he noted vaguely. Much shorter.

He also felt Suho’s burning glare from the side, so he urged himself to smile down at the man.

“I apologize for being late, Mr. Do-“

"It's okay.”

Jongin nodded.

“I’m Jongin, but….yeah, you already knew that.”

He stood there, not even knowing what to say, as the man in front just kept on staring at him.

“I did know that already, yeah.” He finally uttered, stepping back and leaning against the railing. “Well? Since we already lost ten minutes how about you get on the ice and show me what you got?”

Jongin straightened up immediately, throwing one last glance towards Suho who nodded encouragingly.

He hurried to put his skates on as fast as possible, before stepping on the cold ice and rushing to the middle of the rink, spinning around to face the two men who were looking at him.

Jongin rested his hands on his waist.

“So? What do you want to see?”

He watched as Do Kyungsoo simply straightened up in his place, a small smirk stretching his full lips, as he shrugged.

 _“Everything.”_

  


 


	2. Chapter 2

 

“So?”

Jongin’s voice echoed around the rink.

He was standing in the middle of the ice, chest heaving up and down after showing his new coach the last routines he had been working on with Krystal.

And Do Kyungsoo was just standing there, arms crossed in front of his chest, as he stared right at him with an unreadable expression.

“So what?”

“So…how was it?” Jongin questioned, pushing himself forward with one leg, sliding closer to the railings.

“It was…decent.”

The skater felt a frown forming on his lips, as he squinted his eyes towards the shorter man, al clad in black.

“ _Decent_. Decent. What do you mean it was _decent_?”      

“I mean,” Do Kyungsoo finally unfolded his hands, resting them on the railing and shrugging lightly. “It was decent.”

Jongin felt like snapping at the older man. He had spent hours and hours working on executing every move perfectly, with Krystal, with Victoria, with their other assistant coaches. And now this man, _this boy_ , he was telling him it was just decent.

“And may I know what you didn’t enjoy about that?” Jongin asked icily, feeling his own eyebrows raising up on his forehead.

“It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it.” Kyungsoo said just as blankly as before, no hint of emotion lacing his words. “It’s just that you lack skill.”

“I-…I lack skill?! Are you kidding me right now?” Jongin let out a breath when the man in front of him just shook his head without the smallest sign of hesitation. “Listen, I have been training this sport for the last fifteen years of my life. I may have a lot of flaws, but if there’s one thing I can be sure about, it’s that I am perfect in what I’ve been doing until now in my life.”

“Ah, but that’s exactly the point, isn’t it?” Do Kyungsoo smiled and Jongin had to take a double take to make sure he wasn’t imagining. “You are, indeed, perfect in what you’ve been doing until now. Which is figure skating in _pairs_. But now, Jongin, you are about to compete in the men’s category and what you just showed me...I’m afraid that it is nowhere near enough if you want to make a name for yourself in that field too.”

Jongin felt his lips pulling back ever so lightly. He knew there was some truth to that, he had known that he’d have to work a lot on improving the technique of his jumps, but it didn’t mean he enjoyed someone else saying it.

Especially not when that someone was a former skater with a reputation like this.

“And what is?” he asked quietly, voice still resounding through the empty hall. “Ending up like you?”

He tried his best not to change his expression when Do Kyungsoo smiled again. A small, curved smile, somewhat cynical as he looked down for a second, hands still resting on the railings.

“What I meant is, your singles have to become doubles, and your doubles have to become triples. Every toe loop should become a Salchow and every Flip should become a Lutz. Axels should be dominating in your programmes if you want points for difficulty.” Kyungsoo’s voice was loud and clear and it felt like every word was shooting through Jongin like a bullet. “And that’s the least you should do if you’re even aiming for a medal. Going for the gold would require much, much more. Do you want me to continue?”

Jongin stood in his place, taking the hard look Do Kyungsoo was giving him – two round eyes staring at him through those black rimmed glasses. He looked like he was challenging Jongin to speak up and no matter how much he wanted to give the shorter man a piece of his mind, a part of him told him it wouldn’t be the wisest thing to do in that very moment.

Because, in the end of the day, that man was right. It was one thing to skate with someone else. But he was on his own now. All the weight, all the effort that had to be put into the performance was on his shoulder and his shoulders only.

He ended up looking away and shaking his head briefly.

“ _Good_ ,” Do Kyungsoo spoke up again and when Jongin spared him a glance he saw he had straightened up, arms once again folded in front of his chest. “Now it’s up to you. If you want me to help you out, to be your coach and to teach you the things I know we should join your manager and sign the papers. If you want me to leave, I will understand and respect that.”

Jongin bit on the inside of his cheek, measuring the other man with his eyes.

_Rude son of a bitch_ , Jongin thought to himself bitterly, _but what the heck_.

Do Kyungsoo was, after all, a legend. Surely, not always in the best sense of the word but he sure knew what it took to win. And at this point, wasn’t it all about winning?

Besides, Jongin didn’t really have anything left to lose.

Except for the intact skull, a little voice reminded inside his head but he chose to ignore it for the time being.

He pursed his own lips.

“I hope you have a pen. My manager never has one with himself.”

He noted the small smile that graced Do Kyungsoo’s lips as he raised Jongin’s blade covers, waiting for him to get off the ice.

* * *

“I heard you’re going to compete in the men’s category.”

Jongin turned around upon hearing the oh-so-familiar voice, Krystal walking behind him on the way out to the parking lots. He waited for her to catch up, a small smile raising on his lips.

“Yeah.”

“And I heard Suho found you a coach.”

“He had to.” Jongin shrugged, walking alongside the girl. “Victoria will be too busy with you. She won’t have time for a second skater.”

“I heard it’s Do Kyungsoo.”

“Alright, you didn’t hear that,” Jongin chuckled out, pushing her shoulder ever so lightly, earning himself a small smile. “Who told you?”

“Amber helped Suho find his coordinates.” Krystal threw her bag in the backseat of her car as they reached their parking spots. “Besides, I did see him today in front of the ice rink, which I considered a bit odd given the fact that the man’s been inactive for a while now.”

“Yeah, well...you heard and saw right. He’s my new coach.”

Jongin turned his back to her, throwing his own stuff at the backseat of his car, then opening the door and finally looking up towards the girl again. She was looking at him with pursed lips and slightly raised eyebrows.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah,” Jongin hurriedly said, before he nodded more to himself than Krystal. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“If you say so,” the girl smiled tiredly, finally opening the door to her own car. “Just try not to injure that head of yours. I’m quite fond of it.”

“You too, Krys.” Jongin retorted, looking at her through the open window of his car. “Try not to break yourself when I’m not there to catch you.”

He heard the light laughter that escaped her lips before the motors of two cars revved up and before they drove away in two different directions.

* * *

Jongin was sitting on the big leather couch holding the remote tightly in his hands, eyes never leaving the wide screen on the wall in front of him.

Never leaving the small body twisting and turning on the ice, viciously pushing itself off the ground, jumping, flying. The step sequences, the combinations performed without a single mistake, without a single skipped beat, without a single grimace indicating any sort of trouble.

He pressed the button on the remote for the next video. And then the next one. And the following.

In every single video, everything would be perfect. Everything would be flawless. The cheers would be loud after every completely perfectly landed jump and after every complicated move. The marks in the end of every video would be visibly much higher than the marks of the other skaters.

Do Kyungsoo was a legend, there was no doubt about it.

But Jongin couldn’t help but notice.

All these high jumps, all these spirals and turns, all these sudden twists and landings on outer edges of the blades. Was he really going to attempt doing that? All by himself?

He shook his head, before pressing the ‘next’ button again.

And he froze.

That video. That performance. That fateful event, that ended Do Kyungsoo’s career.

He was standing in the middle of the rink with a beautiful smile stretching his lips, with a beautiful black suit complimenting his figure. And when he started skating Jongin’s mouth was left agape.

The routine was the same one as the previous long programme he’d watched – filled with all these combination jumps and artistic moves. A lot went into every jump and doing another in rapid-fire succession seemed to Jongin like the perfect formula for disaster but that wasn’t the case here. Do Kyungsoo was making it seem as easy as a child’s play. 

And then Jongin tensed up. Because he knew what followed. He had been there, after all. He had seen this very moment shown from every single angle on every single news broadcast with big headlines.

Because when Kyungsoo sped up for yet another seemingly effortless combination and something in his expression had changed, something in the furrowed brows and the concentration that reminded Jongin of the determination he had always had when strongly throwing Krystal into the air, that’s when everything went wrong.

The first jump was good, the Axel perfectly landed but the following quad had been rushed. Kyungsoo had tripped over his own leg in mid air resulting in his entire body falling down, landing the fall on his legs just to prevent his face from being hit against the ice.

Jongin felt his lip quivering at the sudden outburst of the crowd, the gasps of the commentators. At the camera focusing on Kyungsoo who was lying down on the ice, trying to push himself, but unable to get up.

He looked away from the continuous shots of the boy  lying down on the ice, face hidden behind his hair as he stretched out his arms to hold onto the leg that had taken his weight. As he saw a man rushing onto the ice – Kyungsoo’s coach according to the commentators. As he saw the emergency team following after him.

He stopped the TV.

And only when he did did he realize that his breathing was heavy and that his mouth was still wide open.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he muttered to himself, as he rested his head back against the couch and closing his eyes. He brought two hands up to cover his face. “What did I get myself into?”

* * *

“You’re late.”

Jongin hurried to throw his bag on the stands, sitting down and starting to get his ice skates out.

“I’m sorry, there was traffic.”

“At 5AM? I highly doubt that.”

Jongin threw a look towards his brand new coach – hair once again pushed back and the glasses gone. He was wearing just a light sweater, no coat this time around. And he was bearing a very calm, very intimidating expression.

“What are you doing?” he asked all of a sudden and Jongin’s eyebrows raised up.

“Do you not see without your glasses? I’m putting on my skates.”

“Did I tell you to put on your skates?”

Jongin froze in his place, a skate in his hands, as he looked up towards the tiny coach and his raised eyebrows. No, apparently.

“I told you, those moves you have to learn, they’re harder than anything you’ve been doing until now in a skating pair.” Kyungsoo spoke up. “And if you thought I’d let you attempt them on ice first thing, then you’re wrong. We’re going to the studios.”

“What-…we don’t have time for off-ice training!” Jongin argued. “The regionals are in like two months! I have to start training on ice as soon as possible if I want to make it in time!”

“Then make sure you’re not late again.”

Before Jongin could react the shorter male had leaned down, grabbing the skates out of his arms. He was about to hotly protest, about to call him petty for making a scene about five minutes, make a point, but Do Kyungsoo just held the skates in his arms.

“Did you even stretch before coming here?” at the lack of a reply, the former skater closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. “I thought so.”

“I can warm up on the ice!”

“Well too bad you’re not going anywhere _near_ the ice until you’re done perfecting the moves off ice.”

 Jongin tried opposing again but the man in front of him was already moving away towards the exit, still holding his skates and not letting go. He only stopped when he reached the door.

“Oh, and by the way, the regionals are in one month, three weeks, four days, seven hours and fourteen minutes. So if I were you, I’d hurry up.”

Jongin had a little staredown battle with the man standing by the door, and when he realized that the longer he was staring the harder the look in Do Kyungsoo’s became, when he realized he’d lose this one, he looked away and threw his stuff back in the bag, throwing it over his shoulder.

“Asshole.” He muttered under his breath.

“I heard that.” The voice flew over to him and Jongin froze for a second, before looking up to see the coach still holding the door open as he threw a look to his wristwatch. “Thirteen minutes. So, are you coming or what?”

* * *

“Do you have to stand here the whole time?” Jongin asked with a dirty look between heavy breaths, the treadmill still going fast under his feet.

Kyungsoo just crossed his legs, looking up from the book he was reading.

“If I don’t stay here you’ll just end up slacking.”

“That’s really rude, you know.” Jongin stated, jumping so his legs would be on the side of the treadmill, taking a small break. “I didn’t get to this level by slacking.”

“I didn’t say you were slacking.”

“You implied it. More than once.” Jongin frowned, throwing the towel over his shoulder. “What’s your problem?”

“It’s sad that you think like this.” The man set his book aside, finally standing up. “Not even a day and you’re doubting everything I make you do.”

“Yes!” Jongin slammed his hand on the stop button for the treadmill. “I’ve been running for almost an hour after half an hour of stretching. How will running help me land a triple Axel?”

He squinted his eyes when the man in front of him chuckled.

“A triple Axel? That’s ambitious.”

Another dirty look.

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“Running helps in many ways. Running can be a great warm-up, running helps you build stamina, running strengthens your feet muscles-“

“I do have enough stamina, alright. And I’ve been doing pair skating for years, the last thing you should be worrying about is my muscles.”

“Why are you doubting everything I’m asking you to do?”

“And why are you doubting everything I can do?” Jongin put his hands on both sides of the treadmill. “All these years of training, no coach has ever made me do anything of this sort. Not for so long anyways.”

“You seem to forget something, Kim Jongin.” The man in front of him said quietly. “I am your coach now. And you agreed. So instead of complaining and doubting everything I say you can actually let me work with you, help you. It won’t happen if you don’t trust me.”

The younger took a deep breath, throwing a quick glance towards the numbers displayed on the treadmill. He let out a sigh.

“It’s hard to trust someone you’ve met one day ago about something this important.”

Silence fell between them, before Jongin clicked the start button again and the treadill started moving again, slowly at first, as he hrew another look towards his new coach.

“How much longer do I have to do this?”

He didn’t expect the wide grin, as Do Kyungsoo folded his hands in front of his strong chest.

“Since it’s a warm up you could have really just stopped after the first twenty minutes. I just wanted to see how long you’d go before you start complaining.”

Jongin’s hand flew back down to stop the treadmill, throwing an incredulous glance towards the shorter male in front of him.

“You mean I did this useless thing just to-…ugh, you know what, whatever.” He jumped off the treadmill. “I have a deal for you. I start doing the things you want me to do only if you stop testing out my patience like this. One week. If I still deem you a complete asshole, I’ll talk with my manager to revoke the contract.”

“You’re willing to spend an entire week just testing out the waters?”

“it’s better than spending two months without any result whatsoever.”

“Fair point.” The man shrugged. “Sounds good to me. But you really do what I tell you to do. That means, I tell you to run – you run. I tell you to lift weights – you lift weights. I tell you to practice off ice, you practice off ice and off ice only. Clear?”

“Yes.” Jongin mockingly smirked, grabbing his water bottle. “What should I call you anyways? Sir? Coach? Mr. Jerk?”

“Charming, really. It doesn’t matter what you call me as long as you listen to me.” The man noted. “But for the record, just Kyungsoo’s fine.”

* * *

_Hours._

Hours of running and fitness exercises, of weight lifting and cardio, of stretching, before finally, finally, Kyungsoo let them move to the empty studio with the mats on the floor.

Before he stood up right in front of Jongin and started explaining in detail how every move should be executed.

They started with the single jumps and moves. Things Jongin already knew. He wanted to complain that he already knew how to do this stuff, but he had made a deal and he was going to honor it. Especially when Kyungsoo did say that they would work their way up from there.

“See, you can’t do it like that.” Kyungsoo was saying. “Because if you land heel-first on the ice I can assure you you will end up on your ass. Try it again.”

So Jongin did. He kept on jumping, jumping, jumping. Taking occasional twenty second breaks to wipe his face and drink some water before going back on the soft, blue mats that would prevent the skaters using this room to practice from leaving with bruises.

So he continued doing everything he was told to do – every jump, every spin, every quad on the ground.

And he wouldn’t complain, no matter how many times Kyungsoo just rested against the wall and repeated ‘ _again_ ’. No matter how many times he felt like looking up and saying something, expressing his discontent, he didn’t.

Because if doing this really was going to help him, then he was willing to do it all.

“Again.” Kyungsoo said and Jongin just let out a quiet sigh, standing in position.

* * *

His muscles were aching a bit, and the fact that Sehun deemed it appropriate to clasp a hand on his back as soon as he entered wasn’t entirely appreciated by Jongin.

“So, I met Krystal today.” The younger one started, sitting down on the chair between Baekhyun and Jongin, holding up a finger to call the bartender. “She said some interesting stuff.”

“Interesting stuff?” Baekhyun leaned on the counter and Jongin closed his eyes, knowing what would follow.

“She said Jongin’s new coach is no other than Do Kyungsoo.”

There was a choking sound and when Jongin opened his eyes merely out of curiosity, he was greeted with two glances – Sehun’s curious and Baekhyun’s widened in shock eyes.

“ _What?!”_ the redhead screeched over his glass. “For real? _The_ Do Kyungsoo?!”

“One and only.” Jongin frowned, ignoring the way his two best friends looked at each other with funny expressions.

“You don’t really seem thrilled.”

“I’m not.”

“Dude…” Baekhyun shook his head. “I mean, I know you’re new to this, to men’s category, but let me tell you one thing. Do Kyungsoo is like…he’s like…”

“He’s good.” Sehun chided from the side, shrugging.

“He’s not just _good_ , he’s like a _god_ in our category.”

“That’s a bit-…”

“He’s like an angel of anti-gravity laws.”

“Gravity did get him real good, though, didn’t it?”

“Happens to the best of us.” Baekhyun gave Jongin a look. “You don’t even realize how lucky you are, do you?”

Jongin tapped his fingers on the counter, before raising the shot glass to his lips, gulping the contents in one go, before giving his friends a look.

“I have spent the last four days training at least nine hours per session. And he doesn’t let me do anything on ice yet. Does this sound normal to you?” the silence was enough of an answer for Jongin, who frowned. “See? If I were training to be a gymnast or a dancer that would have been cool. But I’m a skater. It just doesn’t seem right, does it?”

There was silence for a few more moments, before Sehun shrugged it off.

“Well, I mean, he’s your coach now. Helping you would only benefit him so if he thinks this is necessary I’d trust him with it.” The youngest one took his own drink, before giving Jongin a look. “Besides, if you get half as good as he was out there in his golden days then you’ll know everything was worth it, right?”

“And, well, you can’t deny the fact that he _is_ ridiculously handsome.” Baekhyun chided out of nowhere, giving a sly smirk.

And Jongin just looked away.

Some things, he could deny. But when his friends were speaking truth and nothing but truth even he couldn’t bring himself to disagree.

Do Kyungsoo was, in fact, ridiculously handsome.

* * *

When Jongin arrived at the rink arena the next day and walked into the studio where Kyungsoo was already waiting with his book in hands, he let out a sigh, ready to spurt out an excuse.

However, Kyungsoo spoke up without even looking up from the book.

“You know, we really have to work on your punctuality.”

“I am literally three minutes late. Cut me some slack.”

“Three minutes in which you could have already been done with half of your stretching.”

Jongin sighed out, pushing the bag off his shoulder, going up to the blue mats, starting his regular stretching.

Slowly twisting his head to warm up his neck, then pushing his arms backwards, pulling to stretch the muscles below his shoulders and on his back. Slowly going through every single muscle group of his body, not even sparing a glance towards the coach who also wasn’t paying much attention to him – he seemed immersed in his book, the black rimmed glasses resting on his nose today once again.

Jongin didn’t even need to ask, he headed for the treadmill and after his usual twenty minutes of warming up, he turned to the shorter man, who was finally looking up after the complete silence in the studio.

“So now what? Weights or jumps?”

“Stretch again.”

Jongin opened his mouth a bit, but then decided not to question the man. Sehun’s words were echoing in his mind ever since he spoke them last night – ‘if you ever get half as good as he was out there in his golden days then you’ll know everything was worth it’. And after countless times watching various videos of Kyungsoo through the years of his skating career, Jongin had to begrudgingly agree that he was right.

So he diligently went over to the blue mats again, sitting down and proceeding with his stretches. Getting hold of his toes, stretching his back. Then back to pulling on his elbows to stretch his arms.

And again and again and again, until Kyungsoo finally stood up from the chair with his book closed.

“That’s enough.”

Jongin let out a sound, something between a grunt and agreement. He hurried over to his bag, drawing out the water bottle and looking back to the coach, who was picking up something from the ground behind the equipment.

Jongin almost spurted the water out when Kyungsoo held his skates up with the tiniest smile.

He set down the bottle just before Kyungsoo pushed them into his arms.

“You seemed really desperate to try it all out on the ice.” The man said and Jongin looked down to the black leather in his hands. “So I thought, why not. Let’s give it a go.”

The determination Jongin felt filling his chest was undescribable. After days of jumping in one spot on the hard ground in the studio with the soft mats underneath his feet, he felt pretty confident that he knew how things were supposed to happen on the ice. He was determined to show Kyungsoo that he could do it.

That even though he had been skating in pairs up until now he had what it took to be a solo skater.

“Finally,” he muttered quietly, picking up his bag, feeling the excitement rise in his chest. “Let’s go then!”

“Ah, ah, ah, wait a second.” Kyungsoo said and Jongin froze in his spot watching as his coach turned around to grab a bag, very similar to Jongin’s. Made him wonder for a second if the other man wouldn’t get on the ice with him. He wouldn’t be surprised.

What did surprise him, however, was the fact that he didn’t expect Kyungsoo to toss the bag towards him. He barely caught it in time.

“Go put these on.”

Jongin gave a suspicious look to the man, drawing the zipper open, and opening the light bag. And he let out a snort.

“No way.”

“Then we’re staying here.”

“Fine, there’s no way I’m putting that on. What am I, five?”

“Do whatever you want, Jongin, I’m not forcing you. But you are not going to attempt any of this stuff out there on my watch without putting that on.”

Jongin hadn’t had a stare down battle with his coach ever since his first day of training.

Much like back then, he lost it.

“If anybody finds out about this, and I mean it, _anybody_ , you’re fired.” Jongin pulled up the bag, letting out a displeased sound. “This is so embarrassing. Only kids wear these.”

“Kids who aren’t attempting to throw and spin their body in the air while standing on shoes with blades. On ice.”

Jongin looked away from the older man, pulling out the leggings with the protective cushioned paddings. He couldn’t believe this, he’d look like he’d grown a third ass-cheek. To think he’d have to wear these again after all these years. Another look down in the bag towards the protective gear for knees and elbows.

“I hate this so much.”

“Come on,” Kyungsoo finally said, a hand making its way to jongin’s waist and pushing him forward. The younger stiffened at the touch. “You’ll thank me for that someday.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Let me rephrase then,” Kyungsoo said as they walked down the hallway towards the empty ice rink. “You’ll thank me in less than five minutes when you’ve already fallen on your ass ten times.”

Jongin let out yet another whine, holding onto the paddings and the bags, his skates.

At least one good thing was following out of this, even if it meant wearing children’s gear and protectors.

Despite the way he was wording things, Do Kyungsoo did think he was more or less ready for trying it all out on the ice.

Finally.

“You know, you forgot the helmet.” He reminded ironically as they pushed the doors for the rink open and he finally took in the sight of freshly cleaned ice. All for him. “With the chin strap and all.”

“Oh, I didn’t forget it.” Kyungsoo announced as they walked down and Jongin finally got to putting on his skates. “I thought hitting your head once or twice wouldn’t be that bad for someone as thick-skulled as you. Maybe then you’ll finally start listening to me without complaining so much.”

Jongin gave an incredulous look to Kyungsoo, who just smiled at him.

“Remind me again,” the skater started with squinted eyes. “Why did Suho ever think hiring you would be a good idea?”

The smile stretched into something wider on the heart-shaped lips of his coach, as he leaned back on the railings. He looked at the younger one confidently.

“Because I _am_ the best, of course.”

Jongin just rolled his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment down below, tell me what you think ^^
> 
> Thank you so much and until next time ~


	3. Chapter 3

Kyungsoo didn’t say ‘I told you’. Not one time.

But the way he was looking at him from beyond the rink with crossed arms and a tiny little smug smile was more than enough to make Jongin frown and push himself up from the ice and try even harder. There was no way in hell he’d let the man think he had been right.

Jongin didn’t exactly know how it happened, there was no explanation behind it, but the triple jumps, when landed correctly, had never felt lighter. Maybe there really was something he had failed to see in all these hours spent on ridiculous workouts.

“Good!” Kyungsoo’s voice echoed through the arena when Jongin landed a triple Lutz, the sound of his own heavy breathing making it hard to concentrate on the words of his coach. “Do it again!”

Jongin nodded, taking off on the ice again. He made a quick turn before he twisted his body backwards, preparing himself for the jump.

“Skate faster.” Kyungsoo raised his voice from the side, hands resting on the railings. Jongin just breathed out, picking up the speed and skating in big circles around the ice. “Faster, Jongin!”

He threw a quick glance towards the coach, then back to the ice. How much faster did he want him to go?

Jongin frowned lightly, once again turning around and sliding his skates on the ice faster before turning to take his take-off position.

Head twisted to look back at the ice he was skating on.

The prospect of skating that fast and then throwing himself in the air didn’t seem all that appealing. Especially not when he thought of the possibility of eventually falling down or colliding with the railings.

He breathed out slowly, making sure he wasn’t nowhere near the edge of the rink, before ramming the toepick in the ice and pushing his entire body in a jump. Hands crossed in front of his chest to make the spinning faster, before he spread them out and landed the jump on his right leg. He nearly winced when his leg shook a little bit, when his skate felt like it would give away.

But ultimately, he landed. Without falling down. Without losing his balance.

Happily, without colliding with the railings.

He directed his skates towards the exit of the rink, where Do Kyungsoo was waiting for him with an unreadable expression.

He handed Jongin the blade covers as soon as he was next to him and the skater could only take them and nod lightly, the slightly damp strands of hair falling into his eyes.

“So?” he looked up from the bench. “No review? No evil snickering or snide comments? Nothing?”

“I am concerned about the light you see me in, really,” Do Kyungsoo smirked down at him. “You did good today. Better than I expected.”

“Better than you expected,” Jongin let out an amused snort. “What were you expecting? Junior class skating? Stumbling on the ice and tripping in the toepicks?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Do you always forget that I am a world champion? Or do you just like ignoring the fact that I have more golden medals than most skaters can even imagine seeing in their life?”

Jongin caught the water bottle that Kyungsoo tossed towards him without even blinking an eye. He was just staring at his coach, whose smirk became a bit smaller. Knowing.

“Let’s just say I’m ignoring it for your sake. Don’t let those medals get to your head now that you’re trying out something completely new.”

“You know,” Jongin started, pushing himself up from the bench and looking at the smaller man. “Today is-…today is the first time I’ve landed triples without breaking a sweat. I’m not gonna lie, your ridiculous training actually did help me. I don’t know how, but it did.”

“Your point?” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows, waiting for an elaboration.

“My point is…” Jongin looked away and urged himself to breath out quickly, to maybe swallow down some of his pride, before looking back to Kyungsoo. “My point is, I’m sorry for not trusting you from the beginning about it. And thank you for keeping up with me. And-…And I guess I really hope we could get along and work together without all the unnecessary bullshit.”

Silence fell between them and all Jongin could do was stare right at Do Kyungsoo’s eyes, waiting for a reply. Or if not a reply, at least a change in his expression.

This time, he didn’t look away, he just stared and stared.

Until finally the shorter man’s lips pulled back in a lopsided smirk and he pushed himself off the railing.

“You and me both, kid.”

Jongin blinked a few times before he realized Kyungsoo was walking away towards the exit of the arena. Then it hit him.

“Kid… _kid_?! You’re only one year older than me!”

Kyungsoo stopped by the door, hand ready to push it open when he turned around and flashed Jongin a little teasing grin.

“Did you google me?”

“I did no such thing.”

“Don’t get all flustered, it’s alright. You did your homework.”

“I didn’t-“

“Tomorrow, 5AM sharp, alright? Don’t be late.”

Jongin couldn’t even reply because by the time he opened his mouth Kyungsoo had escaped the arena.

“Right…” he muttered more to himself than anything, before looking back to the ice.

A quick look to the clock at the end of the arena. He still had half an hour before the next booking for the rink.

He removed the blade covers and stepped onto the ice again, breathing in.

Another look down to the leggings with protection pads. He felt heat rising to his cheeks, at the thought of just how ridiculous he looked with them. The thought of taking them off now that Kyungsoo wasn’t here anymore crossed his mind but yet another look to the hard, cold surface of the ice made him think otherwise.

He was alone in here, after all. And it would definitely hurt less than falling directly on his ass.

He let out another breath, before he started sliding on the ice again, picking up the speed, breath hitching when he started practicing his jumps again.

He had a little more than a month left until the regionals. And by then, he was going to make sure he’d be perfect.  

* * *

Jongin was resting on his couch, laptop in his lap as he was going through countless videos of previous male skater long programmes, trying to pick out different elements he enjoyed about each of them , or disliked. Maybe he’d be able to coherently explain to Kyungsoo what he wanted to work on, what he wanted to include in his routine.

He didn’t expect his phone to ring so loudly at this hour of the evening.

A quick glance towards the ID of the caller, before he picked up with a quiet sigh.

“You really have no sense of time, do you?”

“News are out that Krystal is skating solo.” Suho sounded breathless when he spoke up and Jongin felt his back straightening at the new piece of information. “Sponsors are already pulling out, we need to do something about it.”

“Just tell them I’m skating solo as well.” The skater muttered to get an annoyed huff in response.

“I can’t just tell them you’re skating solo,” Suho’s voice reached him through the phone. “This will be all over the news tomorrow and not in the way I want it to be. We have to do something about it quick.”

“Well I have more important things to do than deal with news outlets, Suho,” Jongin breathed out, eyes still fixated on his laptop where a performance of Kyungsoo from two years ago was playing. “Regionals are in a month, I have to get ready.”

“And so you will,” Suho continued. “I have talked with Kyungsoo. You will be busy in the morning tomorrow but he agreed to skip the two hour session in the afternoon so we can hold a press conference. We will announce that he has become your coach.”

“What?” Jongin finally looked away from the laptop and squinted his eyes. “Why would we do that?!”

“Publicity, of course. More publicity means more sponsors. And more sponsors mean I’m doing my job well. Which means a raise.”

Jongin’s eyes tiredly moved back to the laptop, before he let out a sigh.

“Yeah. Okay, whatever.” A quick shake of his head. “Just make sure it’s not all over the news.”

“You don’t ever listen to me, do you?” Suho sounded borderline annoyed. “We want it to be all over the news.”

“We do?”

“Yeah. Not in the ‘nation’s sweethearts have broken up’ way, but the ‘a skating legend to coach world champion in pair skating into winning gold in new discipline’ kind of way.”

Jongin rolled his eyes.

“Fine. Make it work somehow. I’ll see you at the rink tomorrow.”

“I’m not the one who should make it work. You are!”

“What am I even paying you for?”

Jongin heard Suho’s ghostly laugh before the older one hung up on him and left Jongin alone in the silence of his home.

He ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up.

He finished the video he was watching before setting the laptop aside and letting out yet another heavy sigh.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

“You are late,” Kyungsoo looked up from his book when Jongin barged into the arena. “Again.”

“You really do have to come to terms with it, you know,” the skater announced huffily. “Besides, Suho called me in the middle of the night so it’s also partially his fault.”

“Don’t bore me with excuses.” Kyungsoo flashed him a look and he was about to open his mouth and probably tell Jongin what to do next, but he beat him to it.

“I stretched already. And went for a jog in the morning.” He said quickly. “So I’m all warmed up.”

He observed the way Kyungsoo squinted his eyes and didn’t move an inch for a couple of seconds, before closing his book suddenly and stiffly nodding.

“I hope for your own sake you’re not lying.”

Jongin took that as a cue to sit down and start putting his skates on.

He could feel the other man’s burning look on him and he felt like snapping for a moment, because really he was just five minutes late. Maybe even less. But then again, he _was_ late, so he decided to stay silent.

He only looked up when he heard a sigh, loud and kind of exasperated. Kyungsoo sat down on the bench in front of Jongin and stared at him.

he was about to question what was wrong but before he could Kyungsoo had leaned down to grab him by the ankle and pull his leg up between his legs, holding the skate tight between his knees. Jongin furrowed his brows when his coach grabbed the strings out of his hands and started tightening them.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure you don’t break your ankles.”

“Excuse me?”

Jongin’s breath hitched for a second when Kyungsoo looked up from his skates to stare right into his eyes. He was so close.

“Yesterday. You hadn’t properly tightened your skates. You lost balance because of that.”

“That’s ridicu-“

“If you’d landed just the slightest bit off or fallen then your ankle would have taken the hit. And a skater without two perfectly functioning legs isn’t really worth much.”

Jongin squinted his own eyes at the male who went back to pulling on the strings strongly. The younger one almost winced at how hard he was tugging at them, tightening the skates so much around Jongin’s feet that it was starting to feel uncomfortable.

Then he raised his head again to stare at the concentrated face of Do Kyungsoo. A little grin made its way to his lips.

“So I did well?”

“What?” the coach looked up and Jongin’s smirk only grew wider

“You said if my landing had been off it would have been bad. Doesn’t that mean my landing was good?”

Jongin watched as Kyungsoo let go of the skate’s strings, finally tied. Watched as he leaned down to take hold of his other ankle and pull it up on the bench between his knees. Maybe a tad bit too aggressively, because if Jongin hadn’t been holding himself on the bench he would have turned over.

“Your landing was good, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said quietly, concentrating on his work. “It’s your lack of self-preservation I didn’t appreciate.”

The skater remained silent this time around instead of blurting the bity remark about Kyungsoo’s past. He knew it wouldn’t end well so he ended up focusing on the way Kyungsoo’s fingers were hooking under the strings and pulling strongly. He internally cursed himself when his eyes wandered away to look at the way his coach’s thin sweater was sticking to the biceps whenever he pulled, the outlines of beautiful, toned muscles visible underneath the fabric.

Jongin only looked back when Kyungsoo let out a hum and put his leg down.

“How is that?”

“I don’t think there’s blood flowing to my feet anymore.”

The small lopsided smirk made its way to Do Kyungsoo’s lips, as he stood up.

“That should do it then,” the shorter man said. “Now get on the ice. We have a lot of work to do and not enough time. Come on.”

Jongin stood up and headed for the entrance of the ice, just when Kyungsoo sprawled out a hand to stop him.

“What? You told me to get on the ice!”

“Paddings, Jongin. And the protectors. I thought it was self-explanatory.”

“Oh, come on!” the younger whined. “How long do you expect me to wear these things?”

“Until you’ve mastered your routine.”

“My rou-… _my routine?_ I don’t even _have_ a routine yet!” Jongin frowned. “This means I’ll be wearing this shit until the regionals, is that what you’re saying?”

“Pretty much.”

“Great.” He grumbled, but headed back to his stuff anyways to fish out the required items. “Maybe by the time these things come off I’ll have forgotten what my ass is normally supposed to look like. It’s like I’m growing additional limbs or something.”

“Stop whining,” Kyungsoo said from the side as Jongin finished up closing the protector around his elbow and headed back to the ice. No hand stopped him this time. “And in your ass’s defense, it looks good no matter what you put on.”

Jongin stumbled forward at the words, the blade of his skate accidentally digging into the ice, causing him to fall forward.

A disgruntled sound escaped his lips as he collided with the ice, a little part of him thanking all gods and goddesses and supernatural forces out there that he had the elbow protectors on, that had taken the fall for him instead of his bare hands.

He pushed himself up and with eyes widened in shock and surprise mostly turned around to stare at Kyungsoo who was grinning lightly.

“And just yesterday you were blaming me for expecting stumbling on ice and tripping over toepicks.”

“That’s completely unfair,” Jongin grumbled, adjusting back the protectors to their places. “You can’t just say stuff like that and not-...and be-…You know, you just _can’t say stuff like that_.”

“Stuff like what?”

Jongin squinted his eyes at his coach who was watching him with raised eyebrows and a small smile.

“You know what, forget it.” he announced, skating away and trying to get rid of the burning feeling under his skin. _Was he blushing again?_ Jongin cussed quietly under his breath, before turning around at the middle of the ice rink. “Let’s start working on the routine. The sooner we start, the bigger my chances for winning are.”

He watched as Kyungsoo straightened up in his place, the little mischievous smirk being replaced by a smaller, more determined one. He looked pleased by what Jongin had just said, he looked like he had been waiting to hear those words. Kyungsoo rested his hands on the border of the rink, nodding briefly.

“Alright, then. Let’s start.”

* * *

“Goodness, Kim Jongin!” Suho hollered as soon as he saw them approaching the conference room. “What is this? Why do you look like you just ran five miles?”

“Because I _did_ just run five miles.” Jongin replied casually, running his fingers through his hands. “I had off-ice training just now.”

“Seriously…seriously?” Jongin warily looked up towards Suho who was shooting daggers in Kyungsoo’s direction. “You made him run now of all times? You made him run and sweat just before a press conference?”

“I don’t know what you expect from me,” Kyungsoo shrugged, completely unfazed. “You want me to cut him slack or you want me to train a champion? You have to make up your mind.”

“Don’t-….don’t you pull that card on me. You should have known better than making him sweat right before this.” Suho let out a breath as he approached Jongin and tried to flatten down the hair that Jongin was so desperately trying to mess up even more. “Lose the goddamn windbreaker, will you?”

Jongin rolled his eyes but did as he was asked. His manager grabbed it out of his arm, shooting one last glare towards Kyungsoo, who was trying to hide his little smirk.

“Come on, there are already reporters waiting.” Suho urged and led them forward to the conference room.

Jongin took a breath, before entering. He heard the shutters of cameras going off. Maybe a little part of him did regret training until the very last second before coming here, but he didn’t have time for this sort of stuff. The sooner they started, the sooner they’d be ready and he could go back on the ice.

Suddenly the room was filed with whispers and the shutters of the cameras were off once again. Jongin didn’t need to look back to know that Kyungsoo had entered the room. Nothing else could have caused the sport reporters to start fussing all over the place.

Jongin followed Suho up to the little podium set up with a table on it. He was practically shoved down on the seat and he tried not to laugh when he heard Suho muttering something about hiding the ‘ugly goddamn track pants’. The manager took the spot next to him naturally, while Kyungsoo seated himself on his other side. Jongin just stood there and waited until the flashes of the cameras died out a little, his eyes blurring a little at all the flashes.

He waited until Suho started talking. Thanking the reporters for coming. Easing the conversation into subject. The news that Jongin and Krystal weren’t a skating pair anymore. Jogninw as giving him cautious glances from time to time, trying not to lose the smile as there were cameras still on his face.

Suho sure did know how to talk, how to use his words well. The reporters were listening to him, taking notes. There was a sudden uproar when Suho started talking about Kyungsoo and how he was now Jongin’s coach.  The skater couldn’t help but look to the side and see Kyungsoo who was nodding along with the blankest of expressions. Eyes lazily going over the little crowd of reporters in the room, lips slightly pressed together. Jongin couldn’t help but notice how calm he looked. How he seemed so used to this sort of stuff, how this was second nature forhim, even thought it had been some time.

Jongin blinked a few times in surprise when he heard his name being spoken again. Just to realize Suho had invited the reporters to come forward with their questions.

He got out of his little trance just when Suho pointed towards a woman in the front row.

“How do you feel about you and Krystal breaking up?”

Jongin furrowed his brows and was about to spit out that he never broke up with Krystal because he’d never even been with Krystal in the first place. However, a stern look from Suho reminded him that the reporter probably meant breaking up as a skating pair, so he composed himself and flashed a smile.

“Me and Krystal have been skating together for many years, ever since I can remember myself really. She is one of my closest friends. We parted ways on good terms, us going in two different directions now is simply a chance for both of us to explore things we haven’t tried before.” Jongin leaned a little forward, tongue travelling over his dry lips. “I was a little sad at first, of course, but soon that feeling was replaced by excitement for what I’m about to do by myself and for what I’m about to see from Krystal. I can only wish her the best of luck. I hope in the end we will be able to meet again as medalists in our respective categories.”

Jongin went back to lean in his chair, smirking at the relieved nod of Suho, who had turned out to the reporters, picking another one.

“We didn’t know you had Do Kyungsoo coaching you, we only found out now and it came as a bit of a shock really. Can you maybe tell us a few words about it. How did it come to this?”

Jongin once again felt his lips drying, as he leaned forward. He threw a cautious look towards Kyungsoo who was looking at him with the tiniest hint of a smirk.

Because really, how was he going to explain that he didn’t want Kyungsoo as a coach at first, how would he explain that Suho brought him because at this time there hadn’t been many coaches left to choose from?

“Well, I was just as surprised when I saw Kyung-...Do Kyungsoo at the ice rink one day in the morning when I arrived for my training. My team had managed to arrange a meeting. He started coaching me that day and it just,” Jongin looked back towards Kyungsoo, who raised his eyebrows in amusement. “It just worked, you know. We have been working together on my training ever since, every day.”

_Wow,_ Jongin mused to himself quietly as he flashed a smile at the reporters, _he was so full of shit_.

But hey, that’s what they wanted to hear and he wasn’t going to be the one to disappoint. Judging by the way Kyungsoo’s smirk was just growing and his eyebrows were just raising higher and higher he was just as entertained by Jongin’s ability to lie that smoothly to their faces. Because if there was one way to describe how their first meeting went, it wouldn’t be _‘it just worked’_.

“How did you decide to become a coach, Mr. Do? And how do you feel about coaching Kim Jongin right now?”

Jongin’s eyes snapped back up to the crowd, then to Kyungsoo, who had leaned over the table, closer to the microphone. He looked absolutely calm, no sign of distress on his ridiculously handsome face. A small smile played on his lips.

“Well I can’t be a skater anymore, can I?” his laugh didn’t sound bitter but Jongin felt bad hearing it anyways. “However I wasn’t ready to part ways with skating just yet so I decided if I can’t do it myself then I might as well start helping people do it. Becoming a coach seemed like something I could do well, like something excited that I was happy to try out.”

His eyes suddenly drifted to Jongin and the skater felt himself tensing a little. The way those round orbs were reading his face, he felt like he was exposed. Like Do Kyungsoo could see beyond him.

“As for working with Jongin,” the man continued with his velvety voice. “It’s really a pleasure to work with someone as passionate about the sport as him. He is a really talented young man and even though he is changing disciplines, even though all his life he has been training in pair skating, I’m convinced that he will be able to make a name for himself out there as a male skater.”

Jongin didn’t mind the uproar of questions again, the flashes of cameras. He could just stare at Kyungsoo with a slightly open mouth. He was a bit shaken. This was probably the first time Kyungsoo was saying something nice about him directly. It felt pretty damn good hearing it.

Was it just for the cameras though, Jongin wondered, as he remembered they were there and flashed them another small smile, or did he really mean it.

“Can we expect to see routines like yours, Mr. Do?”  

Jongin closed his mouth at the question, setting his jaw. He turned his head back to Kyungsoo to see that his small smile had disappeared and was replaced with a serious expression.

“Everybody has their own unique color.” He said calmly. “Just because I am his coach doesn’t mean I plan on recreating my own old routines for Jongin. He has his own strengths and I plan on helping him utilize them all into his skating. I can just tell you that you should look forward to seeing him on the ice.”

Jongin couldn’t help but frown a little. What sort of vague reply was that?

He didn’t like the way Kyungsoo had answered given the fact that he didn’t even have a routine yet. They hadn’t discussed everything yet, so how was he just assuming that the thing they’d come up with wouldn’t resemble one of his old routines? Hell, Jongin wanted it to resemble one of Kyungsoo’s old stuff.

Another question drew him out of his thoughts.

And then another and another and another, until Suho finally stood up and thanked everybody once again for being there. Jongin kept on bowing at the reporters until they were out of the hall and Suho was nodding at him. Or at himself. Maybe at nobody in particular.

“Alright. Alright, that went well.” The manager said, seemingly pleased. “I have to get back to my office and handle some more paperwork because of all these stuff. All that’s left now is for you to actually show good results at the competitions.”

“You shouldn’t worry about that,” Kyungsoo said quietly from the side. “He will. I’ll make sure he does.”

Jongin just frowned again, giving his coach a look. Suho stared at both of them, before clasping his hands.

“Well, that’s good to hear. Great, actually. I have to go now.” Suho threw a look towards Jongin. “I’ll call you tonight about the scheduling details. You too, Kyungsoo.”

A few affirmative nods from everybody and then Suho was walking away and Jonin was left alone in the hallway of the arena with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, who was leaning against the wall and staring at him without saying anything.

Jongin felt the need to let out a little sneer.

“You really do know how to lie, you know.”

Kyungsoo smiled a little, just barely.

“That’s rich, coming from you.”  The skater shrugged and watched as the older man pushed himself off the wall and jugged his chin at the hallway. “Come on, let’s get back to training.”

Jongin just nodded silently as he watched the other one set off down the hallways back towards the ice rink. As he walked forward, all clad in black, moving quickly forward. Until he abruptly stopped and tuned around ever so lightly, his side profile coming in view.

“I wasn’t lying, by the way,” Kyungsoo declared quietly. “Everything I said in there was truth.”

_A really talented young man_ , he recalled Kyungsoo saying, _a pleasure to work with him_.

Jongin let yet another small breath out. Well, he sure wasn’t showing it. Not directly anyways. It was making Jongin’s head hurt.

He pushed himself off the wall on his own turn, raising a hand up to mess up his hair once again and press his palm against his head at the same time to try getting rid of all these confusing thoughts. Instead, he just hurried after Kyungsoo.

He had a lot of work to do. They both did.

* * *

Another three hours later and Jonginw as pretty sure he’d have sore muscles on the next day. He ended up on all fours on the ice, breathing heavily for air after all the skating, after all the jumps and after all the attempted combinations fitting for a routine.

He looked up when he saw black shoes in front of himself, contrasting with the white ice underneath them.

Jongin pushed himself back to a kneeling position and looked up to see Do Kyungsoo who was standing only one step away from him on the ice.

“That’s not allowed, you know,” he noted, eyebrows raising up. “No shoes on the ice.”

“Had to make sure you hadn’t died on me out here.” Kyungsoo shrugged, reaching a hand out. Jongin hesitantly grabbed it and allowed his coach to help him stand up. He smiled at him indly, stretching those beautiful lips of his in a heart shaped smile. “You did well today. The conference, the skating. I think we can call it a day.”

“Really?” Jongin winced. “And here I’d been hoping for a bit more training. Just in case today wasn’t enough.”

“Being sarcastic doesn’t suit you.”

“You’d know that.”

“Why can’t you just accept a compliment without bity comebacks?” Kyungsoo mused. “Don’t get me wrong, because I love it. I really do. But I don’t think it’s all that normal either.”

“Because I don’t need to hear compliments,” Jongin shrugged. “I just need to know that the time I spend here on the rink will pay off.”

“Alright,” Kyungsoo furrowed his brows lightly. “So no compliments. Is that it?”

“You can compliment me all you want if I get a medal.”

“ _If_ ,” Kyungsoo sneered. “With that attitude you’re getting nothing.”

“Fine, _when_ I get a medal.”

“That’s more like it,” Kyungsoo smiled, tilting his head to the exit of the arena. “Come on, lets go. We’ve been long enough here today.”

Jongin bit down the comment he had and skated away instead. He heard Kyungsoo’s careful steps on the ice behind him.

He was in the middle of getting his skates off his tired feet when Kyungsoo spoke up again.

“Say, you’re for some reason allergic to compliments,” the older one started with a small smirk. “But are you also allergic to dinners as a peace offering? Or a reward for a whole day of hard work? Your pick.”

Jongin couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows lightly at the man in front of him. He was just waiting for him to reply, no sign of tension on his face.

He pushed the skate off his foot, biting on the inside of his cheek. He looked back up when he tied his shoe.

“A reward for hard work makes it sound like you’re giving your dog a cookie or something after it performed tricks.” He said boldly, before hesitantly nodding.  “I’ll take the peace offering, though.”

“Alright, peace offering it is, then.” Kyungsoo smiled and Jongin finally looked at him as his coach handed him his bag and as Jongin picked up his skates and shoved them inside. Kyungsoo was watching him. “I know a place nearby. You’re probably hungry.”

“Hungry?” Jongin laughed as he threw the bag over his shoulder. “I’m fucking starving.”

Kyungsoo’s smile was electrifying, there was just something about the way his entire expression was changing from the serious mask of a coach to the happy young man who was standing in front of him now.

“You should rest tonight after dinner, by the way,” Kyungsoo said on their way out. “I have arranged a meeting with a friend of mine tomorrow morning. He is a choreographer. He will help us out with your routine. Then we have to get back to technique in the afternoon. We have a lot of work to do still.”

“Are you really still going to talk about work, even now?” Jongin groaned a little, pushing past the doors of the arena. “And what technique, are you back to offending me and my skills now after you tried serving a few compliments?”

“We already went through this, didn’t we?” Kyungsoo laughed quietly. “I’m not offending you. Not deliberately anyways.”

“Oh, not deliberately. Well in that case then it’s absolutely fine.” Jongin rolled his eyes and could only hear Kyungsoo next to him chuckle quietly.

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo said, shrugging. “Your technique is getting better and better, though.”

“I thought we just talked about this.”

“Right. No compliments.” The coach winced, giving Jongin a side look. “Why is talking to you so difficult? You’re so hard to please.”

“Yeah. Where would all the fun be otherwise?”

“That’s a solid point.”

Jongin laughed quietly at Kyungsoo’s face of approval as they kept walking down the street in the darkness. It felt refreshing to walk slowly after an entire day working out in the arena. Jongin breathed in deeply, closing his eyes for a few moments.

Then he threw a cautious look towards Kyungsoo.

“What technique though?”

A smug smirk from his coach.

“I thought you didn’t want me to talk about work.”

Jongin flashed him a quick glance, before frowning.

“Yeah. Whatever, forget it.”

Kyungsoo kept on walking with his smile and without uttering a word, so that’s when Jongin had to get out of his momentary shock and pick up his pace to catch up with him.

“What, you really won’t tell me?”

“I thought you didn’t want me to?” Kyungsoo smirked at him and Jongin recognized the hint of a teasing smirk. “You really are hard to talk to.”

“Just tell me already!”

“Ah, Kim Jongin,” the older man let out a breath mixed with a low chuckle. “To answer your question though, rotations and step sequences. There, satisfied?”

Instead of replying, Jongin just flashed him a satisfied grin and kept on walking beside Kyungsoo in the chill evening. Then he heard a quiet laugh, deep and entertained. He looked as Kyungsoo looked down, trying to hide his smile, as he shook his head ever so lightly.

“You really are something else, aren’t you, Kim Jongin?”

He simply smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Jongin showing 'figure skating' on charades... Cause it served as an inspiration for a good part of this chapter haha
> 
> [](http://kaizzzi.tumblr.com/post/160659694114/ethereal-baek-figure-skating-kaibaek) [](http://kaizzzi.tumblr.com/post/160659694114/ethereal-baek-figure-skating-kaibaek)
> 
> (here's also Byun Baekhyun doing it cause he nailed it woo ~~stan EXO stan talent~~ )
> 
> [ ](http://kaizzzi.tumblr.com/post/160659694114/ethereal-baek-figure-skating-kaibaek)
> 
> Anyways, please leave me a comment and tell me what you think of the story so far~ 


	4. Chapter 4

04

 

 

Do Kyungsoo’s smile was beautiful.

His teeth were showing when he was laughing, and his lips would be stretched, forming a heart. He somehow seemed younger when he was laughing. Incredibly lovable.

His laugh, his smile – they were absolutely different than the small smirk Jongin had gotten used to seeing on the rink where Kyungsoo was in constant coach-mode. However last night, in that restaurant where they were just Jongin and just Kyungsoo, and not skater and coach, he had gotten to see a completely different side of the older male. Not his coach. Maybe a friend?

And it didn’t matter that they were in a dancing complex right now, walking down to a studio to meet the choreographer who was going to help Jongin with his routine. It didn’t matter they were technically working right now. It wouldn’t even matter if a meteor suddenly hit their planet, Jongin probably wouldn’t even notice for he was too busy thinking about Do Kyungsoo’s adorable smile and how it was a pity he didn’t get to see it more often.

Especially now.

Because Do Kyungsoo was very far away from smiling. Hell, he wasn’t even smirking. He was walking forward with the most serious expression Jongin had seen on his face, explaining something about the required elements in the short program. Jongin would be lying if he said he was listening carefully.

It was way too early in the morning and he was still sleepy and that smile from last night was still haunting his thoughts.

He didn’t realize they had reached the studio until Kyungsoo opened a door and motioned for Jongin to walk in front of him. His eyes quickly scanned the dance studio – nothing out of the ordinary. Wall to floor mirrors, polished hardwood. The barre on the wall somehow hinted that this was also being used as a ballet studio. That would make sense. He was here, after all, for getting a routine for figure skating.

And a man. A young man who was in the middle of the room, a snapback pulled down low, loose sweatpants and an oversized tanktop, clothes very different from what Jongin would expect to see a ballet dancer in.

“Oh! You’re early!” the man mused when he saw them enter, voice dripping with an accent Jongin couldn’t quite pinpoint. He headed towards them, smiling widely and showcasing a deep dimple.

Jongin watched as the young man familiarly pulled Kyungsoo in a half-hug, half-handshake, before turning towards him and stretching a hand out.

“And you must be Jongin, right? Name’s Yixing, but everyone calls me Lay.”

“Nice to meet you.” Jongin could only mutter, his voice still sounding a bit hoarse.

“We don’t have time for this,” Kyungsoo stepped in, crossing his arms in front of his chest and there went all of Jongin’s nice thoughts about him as he couldn’t help himself and threw a quick glare. Hell, they hadn’t even finished introducing themselves properly. Haven’t even spent a minute with the guy and his _coach_ was already urging them to work. “Yixing, sorry for calling you on such short notice. And thank you for making the time.”

“Always glad to help out an old friend,” the dancer smiled, before finally turning to Jongin with his cute dimple and sweet smile. Jongin almost frowned. “So Kyungsoo here told me you were actually a skater before so I shouldn’t have to worry about flexibility, right?”

Jongin blinked a few times.

“I was. Three times golden medalist at Worlds.” He deadpanned, throwing a glance towards Kyungsoo. Who exactly was this dance instructor and heck, if he was working with figure skaters then how was it that he didn’t know who Jongin was? “So yeah, you shouldn’t worry about my flexibility.”

“Alright! That’s good. Now, how about this, what genre of dance do you feel most comfortable with?”

“Dance?...I don’t-…I don’t understand.”

“Did I say it wrong?” Yixing, or Lay, turned towards Kyungsoo with raised eyebrows, seemingly concerned. It was Kyungsoo who turned back to look at Jongin with raised eyebrows.

“No, you didn’t, Yixing. Dancing, Jongin. What type of dance do you like best? What do you feel comfortable with?”

He ended up furrowing his brows. What sort of question was this? Even if he did have a favorite type of dancing, this was about skating. It’s not like he could start krumping in the middle of a routine. It’s not like he could pop and lock his way to the first place, even if he did enjoy seeing that. Even if he could do that.

“Does it matter?” he ended up asking, suppressing the light scoff. “It’s not like I need anything but ballet, right?”

“It’s not a matter of what you need. It’s what you want that’s important.” Lay smiled at him and honestly, Jongin thought, there was something disturbing in the way the guy’s smile wasn’t faltering. Not even for a second. “You should take the routine and make it yours. You should enjoy what you’re doing out there. Only when _you_ truly enjoy it yourself can the audience enjoy it as well.”

“…meaning?”

“Meaning I’m not going to make the routine for you. We’re gonna do that together.” Yixing fixed his snapback, smiling yet again. “So Jongin, I need you to tell me what _you_ want.”

* * *

Jongin had never thought that working on a routine could be anything but tiring. Naturally, he had been proven wrong. Almost two weeks after his first meeting with Yixing and he found himself enjoying the routine they’d come up with more and more, with every passing moment, with every following execution of the more powerful moves combined with the elegancy of the sport.

Jongin had to give it to Kyungsoo, he definitely did know how to make these things work.

And he definitely knew the right people to help with that.

However, there was one thing that Jongin didn’t appreciate and no matter how hard he was trying to persuade Kyungsoo to change his mind, the coach wouldn’t budge.

Not two weeks ago when they had just started developing the routine, not a week ago when they already had it absolutely finished after all the corrections, not now when Jongin already could perform it by heart with his eyes closed.

Alright, maybe not with his eyes closed, cause that’s dangerous, but the meaning was clear. And Jongin was pretty sure Kyungsoo did understand him, but was just stealthily ignoring him.

“Again!” Kyungsoo’s calm voice carried out through the arena loudly. “And straighten up, you’re slouching. It messes everything up.”

Jongin took a breath, skating back to the middle of the ice rink, taking his starting position. He waited for the music to start, closing his eyes and trying to shake off the tiredness he was feeling after the entire day spent training.

He started moving with the melody, slowly at first, before the music intensified and he started getting ready for his sequences and jumps. For the required elements of the program.

He wasn’t even sure where he was with the skating, at this hour and point it was just flowing out naturally. Maybe a bit robotically, but he was trying to do his best no matter how exhausted he was.

Judging by the little nods of Kyungsoo he saw when he threw a quick glance at him before speeding up for a triple jump, he knew he must have been doing well.

Well enough to feel a smile blooming on his own face once he shoved the toepick in the ice, taking his ending pose. Well enough to look up towards Kyungsoo when the music ended and see him nod once sternly.

“Good. Come here.”

Jongin wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand as he pushed himself forward. A small, grateful smile rising on his lips when Kyungsoo greeted him with a bottle of water in one hand and a towel in the other.

“We need to work on your sequences more tomorrow,” the coach started talking as Jongin was gulping down the water. “You were falling behind on the rhythm. It may not cost you a lot of points but you’re new in the category so you need to start with high scores. The first impression on the judge panel always matters. And if they start viewing you as the deaf kid who can’t match the music then you’ll remain the deaf kid who can’t match the music until you retire.”

“I thought I was already known as the nation’s sweetheart.”

“I thought that was Krystal. She’s much more of a sweetheart than you.”

Jongin squinted his eyes at Kyungsoo, who just raised his eyebrows daringly and handed him the blade covers.

“As I said, we need to work on that and we also need to work on your landing after the double-double combination jump. It’s kind of shaky.”

“Hold up and rewind.” Jongin puffed out his cheeks as soon as he stepped off the ice. “You said I have to make an impression which brings us back to square one. I told you I want more jumps!”

“And I told you that’s not happening. You already have all the required elements in your routine, you have-“

“I know, I know. I have the combinations, I have the jumps. I have the required elements and a good choreography. But this isn’t everything!”

Jongin almost flinched when Kyungsoo looked at him through his eyelashes, a certain glare sending shivers down his spine.

“Listen to me carefully, Jongin,” he started with a low voice and for a second there the younger thought that he might actually get hit after constantly bringing up the jumps in the past two weeks despite Kyungsoo’s dislike for it. He contemplated running away towards the ice for a second but his coach just rested his arm on the railing and continued staring at him with a hard look in his eyes. “The most important thing is skating a clean program.”

“No, the most important thing is to win.”

“These are _regionals_.” Kyungsoo bit back quickly. “You only need to qualify to the next level first. This routine is enough to get you to Worlds. And I refuse to even discuss this anymore with you until then.”

Jongin licked over his lips, holding back his frustration.

He liked his routine. Hell, he loved it even, it was clean, it was impressive. It was something he enjoyed and was sure others would like too.

However, it was simple. Technique-wise. There were so many more things he could show. It made him kind of angry to think Kyungsoo was still making him go through the ridiculously vigorous training every day and work on his complex jumps when he was refusing to add them in his routine.

“ _Fine_ ,” Jongin ended up saying. “But if this doesn’t get me to Worlds I’m holding your ass to it.”

“It will.”

Jongin didn’t dignify that with an answer. Instead, he let out a scoff and stalked away, leaving a very collected Kyungsoo behind himself.

* * *

“Can you believe I’ve actually been working with that prick for almost two months now?” Jongin mused over his glass, giving his best friend a look. Sehun just shrugged.

“I told you, him not letting you do those jumps doesn’t make him a prick. Just someone who protects both himself and you.”

“Oh, so now he’s a saint.”

“Not a saint. Just a responsible coach.” Sehun shrugged. “Come on. I’m competing directly in the nationals and my program might have less jumps than yours does now. You seriously need to chill out a bit, Jongin.”

“I don’t want to chill out. If it depended on me I wouldn’t have even been in this discipline now, right? I would have been at the rink right now with Krystal and we would have been training for the Nationals as well. However, since I basically _had_ to do this, I’m not just going to half-ass it.”

“First of all, you didn’t have to do anything, You wanted this.” Baekhyun chided. “And second, of course you’re not going to half-ass it. Do Kyungsoo is your coach. It will be outstanding! Even my coach thinks so.”

“Your coach-….your coach should be focusing on you, not gossiping around about me.”

“Well given how my coach was your coach’s coach for four years before he retired he is bound to be interested in this sort of stuff, you know.”

Jongin squinted his eyes at Baekhyun, vaguely recalling the image of a tall, lanky man with black hair and funny ears.

“Can we please stop talking about work?” Sehun groaned from the side. “Seriously, when you guys say we’re going out to get drinks we always end up sitting here and moping around because of Jongin’s never-ending angst.”

“It’s good to know I have friends who support me.” Jongin sneered ironically at Sehun, who shoved another shot towards him with a pointy look.

“Then make sure you don’t bore them to death. Come on, drink up!”

Whatever, Jongin thought to himself, pulling the shot glass closer and waiting for Baekhyun to pass the salt, Kyungsoo had called off the morning practice for tomorrow anyways, so he could get shit-faced tonight. If it was going to make him forget about everything for a while, then he was also more than willing to do so.

* * *

It was the day before the regionals and Jongin was skating his program for the nth time on the rink, throwing vague looks towards Kyungsoo and Yixing who were both standing on the bleachers, carefully monitoring.

“That was great, Jongin!” the choreographer cheered enthusiastically, clapping and all, and Jongin could only give him a strained smile as he skated back to them. He sure appreciated the kind words but with the pressure of the season starting it was kind of not really getting to him.

“Don’t bother, Yixing.” Kyungsoo said. “He doesn’t like compliments.”

Jongin scoffed and pushed his coach’s shoulder, earning himself a lopsided smirk.

“That was good, Jongin. Skate like that tomorrow and you have nothing to worry about.”

“Great.”

Jongin was trying to catch his breath, as he started untying his skates. He was vaguely listening to Kyungsoo and Yixing discussing the traffic. Of all things to worry about tomorrow, they were worrying about how to get to the arena. Jongin rolled his eyes. 

“Alright!” Yixing clapped his hands on Jongin’s shoulders as soon as he was standing up again, strands of hair falling in his eyes. The Chinese dancer smiled at him and pulled him down quickly for a hug. “You really worked hard, Jongin. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

“Thanks, Lay.” Jongin ended up smiling, this time more wholeheartedly for he couldn’t believe just how dedicated and how enthusiastic Yixing had been about working with him. How seriously he took his job. “See you tomorrow.”

He watched as the older man rushed away, pretty sure he was muttering something about parking in the wrong zone and a ticket. He couldn’t stop the chuckle. So typical.

He kept on looking after Yixing until he disappeared behind the arena’s double doors.

“So,” Kyungsoo’s voice brought him out of his thoughts and he directed his eyes towards the shorter man with the black rimmed glasses. “What are you doing tonight?”

Jongin gave him a cautious look, trying to decide if this was a trick question. Was he supposed to say he’d rest before tomorrow? Was he supposed to say he’d train? But judging by how Kyungsoo was looking at him with raised eyebrows and something akin to a smile, an actual smile, he figured the question as meant differently.

“I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.”

Kyungsoo let out a quiet chuckle.

“Do you want to go grab dinner?”

“Kyungsoo, it’s almost eleven pm. I don’t think that’s a proper time for dinner.”

“But have you eaten yet?”

“Well, no, but-“

“Then it’s as good a time as any other.”

Jongin ended up pursing his lips for a few moments, before nodding.

“Alright. I’ll go shower before we go.”

“Yeah, do that. You stink.”

Jongin squinted his eyes lightly, knowing Kyungsoo was just joking around.

After all, it’s been two months since they started working together. And did they get closer during the time they spent together every day on the ice rink? Yes, definitely. Did it make Jongin judge Kyungsoo’s choices less? Absolutely not.

“What’s the occasion, by the way?”

“A reward for a whole day of hard work.” Kyungsoo just smirked when Jongin glowered at him. “Remembered you liked that.”

“Asshole.”

Jongin rolled his eyes when Kyungsoo started laughing – a deep, beautiful thing, that stretched his lips in the most precious of all smiles.

 _Yes_ , the skater thought as he turned around to go to the changing rooms, _Do Kyungsoo’s smile was beautiful indeed_.

* * *

Jongin was in the middle of a conversation with Suho when he felt two hands wrapping around his shoulders from behind.

He was going to turn around and snap something had he not seen the messy hair bun and the wide smile of the girl.

“You scared the crap out of me, Krys.” he let out a breath.

“Hey, Krystal.” Suho said with a smile, before turning to Jongin again. “Anyways, I’ll go deal with the media now. Stay put.”

“Yes, mom.”

He watched as Suho moved away from them, before he finally felt Krystal’s hands shaking him up again. He turned to look at her, smiling.

“What are you doing here?!”

“What, you thought I wasn’t going to come watch?” the girl laughed, letting go of him. “How are you feeling?”

“The same way you’ll be feeling tomorrow, I guess.”

“Fair enough,” she grinned lightly, before giving him a completely serious look. “You better come tomorrow, Kim Jongin, I swear. If you’re not there to support me then I might go crazy.”

“Is that supposed to be pep-talk?”

He felt the tiny girl push him lightly again, before she finally gave him a very concentrated look, from head to toe.

“You look good!” she laughed. “I was always telling Vic red is your color.”

Jongin shrugged. He was only wearing the red shirt with the black patterns because Kyungsoo had absentmindedly said that it looked good on him while the lady in the tailor place was carefully taking his measurements.

“Anyways, I just came by to wish you luck,” Krystal continued, dragging him out of his thoughts. “It’s crazy out there already and Amber’s waiting for me outside. You’ll do great!”

“Thank you, Krys.”

Jongin smiled softly when the girl pulled him down in a tight embrace. Jongin vaguely thought with the adrenaline rushing through his veins that it would be his first time skating out there alone today. Without the small girl holding his hand. It was a pity him and Krystal weren’t a skating pair anymore, he thought, but there was a new kind of excitement bubbling in his chest.

He didn’t really regret this. He was excited to try skating alone. He was grateful for meeting Kyungsoo. For working with Yixing. For achieving everything he did in just two months.

“Jongin.”

He pulled away from Krystal’s hug when he heard the voice. He turned to the door where Kyungsoo had appeared with a smartphone in one hand and a folder in the other. The while ‘COACH’ pass was contrasting against the black clothes he was wearing. His hair was pushed back and his look felt heavy when it landed on him.

Krystal politely smiled towards Kyungsoo, who gave a stiff nod as a reply. She then let go of Jongin.

“I’ll see you later, alright? Good luck!”

The skater could only watch as she hopped out of the dressing room, before turning towards Kyungsoo with raised eyebrows.

“Is it time to go out?”

“The reporters are waiting. Suho told them you’ll answer to a few questions before the competition starts.”

Jongin tried to judge Kyungsoo’s expression, but there was nothing. So he just nodded and followed after him.

* * *

Jongin was supposed to feel touched that his friends had also come to see him skate, despite their busy schedules and trainings. Not only Krystal, but also Sehun had dropped by to wish him luck. However, it only made him feel even more pressured. Yixing had appeared suspiciously late, but with his never leaving smile nonetheless. He went with Jongin one last time over the choreography before wishing him luck and saying he’d go monitor the other skaters’ programmes.

Which left Jongin alone in the corner of the waiting area with only Kyungsoo by his side, the cheering of the audience and the music from the ongoing performances the only sounds he could hear right now.

That, and the beating of his heart. The nervousness was starting to get to him.

“Do you want to go wait inside until it’s your turn?”

Jongin looked up to Kyungsoo who was staring at him with slightly pursed lips, maybe a concerned expression on his face.

“No,” Jongin shook his head, trying to force out a laugh. “It’s just…this is new. I have never been alone in the waiting area until now. It somehow makes you feel safer knowing you’re not going out there by yourself, you know what I mean?”

Kyungsoo didn’t reply for a while and Jongin wasn’t really waiting for a response anyways. He just looked back down to his skates, going over the moves in his mind.

However, only seconds after that Kyungsoo sat down next to him on the small bench and Jongin looked at him to see the latter smiling.

“Fool.” He said quietly. “You’re not alone. I’m with you.” 

Jongin straightened up and threw another look towards his coach.

Kyungsoo wasn’t even looking at him anymore, though. He was staring down at his phone.

And Jongin felt a little tingling feeling in his chest. _Not alone_.

He didn’t say anything, instead just looked back down. Not to look at his skates, though. Not to go over his routine again and again quietly.

He looked down to hide the smile that bloomed on his face.

* * *

When the staff came and warned him it was his turn after two more performances, Jongin nodded and noticed how Kyungsoo smiled at him and started talking. Talking about random things. About the food at the restaurant they went to last night. How it was good and how they had to go again sometime. About the traffic on the way to the arena. About some funny costume he had seen earlier on one of the junior skaters. About everything and anything, really.

Jongin appreciated it. It did take his mind off the competition.

“By the way, I meant to ask you,” Kyungsoo started again as they moved forward. “Why did Krystal come here today?”

“To support me?” Jongin furrowed his eyebrows, giving Kyungsoo a look. “It’s called being a friend.”

“Oh,” his coach answered coherently. “I just thought you guys might be still together.”

Jongin froze for a little bit, before letting out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head.

“Of all people, you also fell for that. I’m-…we were never together.”  It was Kyungsoo’s turn to give him a look – maybe slightly entertained. Maybe a bit surprised. Jongin just shrugged. “Our managers thought it would be good for publicity if people thought we weren’t just a pair on the ice. We have always been just friends, though. Nothing more.”

“Why not? She looks like a good girl. She is cute too, I guess.”

Jongin raised his eyebrows at the comments he hadn’t expected, before shaking his head again. Suddenly, a new kind of nervousness fell on him as he contemplated how to reply.

“I’m not really-….I’m not really into people like her.”

“People like her?”

“Yeah, you know…the _female_ kind of people.”

“Oh… _oh!_ ”

Jongin wasn’t quite sure what to do next. He couldn’t also quite make out anything of Kyungsoo’s reaction. He didn’t really seem all that fazed by the new piece of information.

His sudden silence made Jongin feel even more nervous. Not about his performance and skating, but about Kyungsoo’s thoughts on him confessing he is gay. It’s been two months and if Jongin was asked he’d say him and Kyungsoo had gotten pretty close in that period of time.

Close enough to not feel the need to hide this.

“Please, say something. It’s nerve wrecking, how you’re all silent.” Jongin threw his coach a look.

“Say something…what do you want me to say?” Jongin was left quite speechless after the question. Kyungsoo was looking at him quietly, until a small smirk appeared on his lips. “Am I supposed to be shocked? Run away screaming?”

“No. Of course not. Just-…wait, you’re not shocked?”

“it’s not that shocking.” Kyungsoo shrugged. “It’s a pity for all the young ladies out there, of course, but I’m not gonna complain.”

Jongin gave him a questioning look but Kyungsoo didn’t say anything else on the matter. Instead, he just smiled and reached out to fix the collar of Jongin’s shirt.

“I want to see clean skating. Don’t push it. And please just do me one favor.”

“What?”

“Try not to come back with too much ice on your butt.”

* * *

The moment Jongin heard his name being announced all the calmness he had had just minutes ago was all gone. The stress hit him all at once when he stepped foot on the ice. The cheering of the people sounded muffled, the shutters of the cameras around him seemed slow.

It felt like suddenly he was aware of everything. Like the judge panel not far from him. The cameras positioned basically everywhere. HE was sure the commentators were now talking about his career as a pair skater now during the live broadcast. He was sure everybody out there was curious to see what he would show now after years and years of skating in another discipline.

 _The first impression always matters_ , Kyungsoo’s voice rang clear in his head and Jongin felt his breath hitching, as he took his starting position in the middle of the ice with all lights on him.

He threw a quick glance to the waiting area and briefly saw Kyungsoo leaning against the railing, looking at him in concentration. He didn’t miss the rest of the skaters that were also curiously looking at him. Their coaches too.

So many people, Jongin almost sighed, so many people had high expectations. And if he didn’t manage to deliver a worthy performance now then he would end up being the laughing stock. That once former champion that was trying out things that weren’t meant for him.

And then the music started and Jongin took one last deep breath before he started moving.

The moves were flowing nicely and he was trying not to think too hard about it. Yixing had said that dancing was always better if you let your feelings take over. So that’s what Jongin tried to do, he tried not to really think about it while still executing every move perfectly. He wasn’t quite sure if it was working out.

Deep breaths, steady feet.

 _One, two, three._ Turn. Another deep breath.

He looked over his shoulder as he got in position for his first jump in the programme. A double Salchow, followed by a toe loop.

Jongin could practically feel all the muscles In his body working when he pushed his body into the air, a single spin. Arms were stretched wide open when he landed on the outer edge of his skate, going into a quick sequence of moves across the entire rink.

 _One, two, three._ And one, two, three.

Another jump. A triple toe loop.

Another sequence followed by a double Lutz.

Jongin could already feel his chest heaving up and down, as he moved along with the music, trying to do everything the best way he could. And then his eyes landed briefly on the judge panel, the people either staring at him expressionlessly or looking down at their notes. He felt his heart skipping a beat.

He had to capture their attention.

He had to attract their looks. He had to do something memorable.

And he didn’t have enough time to think. His program was almost coming to an end already.

So he let out a sigh and tried to compose himself. He had skated a clean program, everything Kyungsoo had wanted. He had skated a good program that would definitely qualify him for nationals.

He had done well.

But he wanted _more_.

So when he started speeding up for his last combination jumps, he pursed his lips and felt his eyebrows knitting together as he skated a bit faster, as he pushed his body higher into the air.

As the single Axel turned into a double.

As the double Lutz turned into a triple.

The cheering of the crowd felt muffled. All he could hear was the loud beating of his heart and the music coming to an end slowly. He skated to the end of his program slowly, executing every move practiced with Yixing precisely, carefully. Perfectly.

And then the music stopped, and just like that his routine ended and Jongin was standing there, in the middle of the ice, with a light grin, chest heaving up and down. He had given his all. He had skated a clean program. He had made it exciting. He had finished it memorably.

Judging by the loud cheers, everyone else thought so too.

And the upgrade of the jumps, although he hadn’t practiced that, it had turned out just right. He had landed everything perfectly and he was sure that would give him extra technicality points.

Jongin took his bows to all sides of the arena, before he finally turned back to the waiting area.

And his smile died out.

Because Kyungsoo was standing there, just behind the railing.

And he wasn’t just looking at him. Oh, no.

He was _glaring_ at him with what was the angriest expression Jongin had seen on his face ever since they met for the very first time on the ice rink two months ago. If looks could really kill, then Jongin would have been already rotting in hell.

Because Kyungsoo did not look happy. Not one bit.

And suddenly all the joy from acing his routine vanished. The smile on his face completely faltered.

He only had one thought in his mind at that very moment.

_Shit._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys~ Finally updated, whooo
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this, I've already drafted a very basic draft for this story so now I finally have a tiny idea of where I'm going to go with this. I'm also excited tow rite it all out for you to read.
> 
> If you liked this, then please let me know and leave a comment. Just tell me what you think so far, it would mean a lot to me ><
> 
> Until next time xox Take care!


	5. Chapter 5

05

 

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.” Kyungsoo cut him off before he could even continue, slamming his hands down on the table. “We trained so much and so hard and I told you not to add the jumps and you agreed to it. And then you went and did it despite everything. Despite what we had previously discussed and practiced, despite everything I did and said. So don’t you dare fucking say you’re sorry, because you’re not!”

“You’re right, I’m not!” Jongin stood up from the chair on his own turn. “I got higher scores than what we’d been hoping for, I ranked first. I won. So I don’t see what the problem is and why you kee-“

“The problem is that you didn’t listen to me!”

Jongin kind of wished Kyungsoo would just go back to glaring at him like he had since the regionals. However, when he was bound to return to the ice rink for his training and face his coach again he’d known that this conversation would eventually come.

And boy, didn’t it come.

He had never heard Kyungsoo screaming before. But he did today, for the first time, and it wasn’t something he wished to hear ever again. Because it was simply devastating to know he was the reason behind the heavy words rolling off his coach’s tongue. He was the reason the older man was so pissed off and was now letting out everything he’d been holding in during the past days.

“I am your coach, Kim Jongin, and you are supposed to listen to what I say! You’re supposed to do what I tell you to do! And what you did on the ice the other day, that was reckless and stupid!”

“It wasn’t-“

“You hadn’t practiced the routine with those elements! You easily risked not only your medal, but also your fucking head.”

“Your routines have always been far more complex than that! Why is it a problem I added a triple?”

“This isn’t about me!”

Jongin stilled down at the volume of his coach’s voice rising. It echoed around in the empty conference hall and sent chills down the skater’s spine. Those round eyes were heavy on him with a look he couldn’t quite identify. There was something dark in them. 

“What I did or didn’t do doesn’t concern you and your skating. It’s in the past. What if you had injured yourself?! What was I supposed to do then, hm?”

“I didn’t injure myself, so can’t we just drop this-“

“No, we can’t drop this. Because you already did this shit once. How will I know you won’t repeat it again at the Nationals? How will I know you won’t just waste my time during training and then end up doing whatever he fuck you want to do on the competitions?”

“If you don’t want me to repeat this, then maybe you should let me add those jumps to the routine!” Jongin heard his own voice raising a bit and he also saw the dangerous glint in his coach’s eyes.

“No.”

“It’s just two jumps.”

“I said no.”

“What are you so scared of?” Jongin breathed out without even thinking. He watched as Kyungsoo’s breath hitched and the older man frowned at him.

As he straightened up quietly and looked at Jongin with that same stern look.

“You just don’t have to push yourself like this.”

“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to watch.”

“Then maybe I won’t!”

Jongin felt his breath hitching when he watched Kyungsoo lean down to grab his coat.

When he watched his coach turn around swiftly and escape the conference hall with quick, angry steps.

When he watched him leave without saying another word.

The loud sound of the door closing made Jongin feel like he had dropped something and it had broken.

He sat back down in his chair without even realizing his breathing had become heavier. Without even realizing his fingers were curled into fists.

He threw his head back and closed his eyes, letting out a sigh.

“Why are you here?”

“I have the rink booked after you.”

“Okay. And why are you here?”

“Because I have to make sure he stops telling everyone he has the rink booked after you.” Sehun answered emotionlessly, earning himself a quick glare from Jongin. “I have it booked. He’s just being a pain in the ass.”

“What? Again?”

Jongin’s eyes moved from Sehun to Krystal. Incredible. He couldn’t trust anybody.

“Yeah. Apparently Kyungsoo wasn’t happy with his little stunt at the regionals. He’s living in his own angsty little world again.”

“Wait, what?” Jongin frowned as he watched Krystal skating closer to the edge of the arena where he was sitting with Sehun. As confusion was written all over her delicate features. “What stunt?”

“Oh!” Sehun exclaimed loudly. “Dude, come on. You haven’t told Krystal yet?!”

“Of course I haven’t. She’s busy with her own stuff-“

“Wait, I’m busy with my own stuff too! But it wasn’t a problem to call me at two in the fucking morni-“

“Guys!” Krystal interrupted them, her eyes moving from one skater to the other, before finally stopping on Jongin. He felt his frown only deepening. “Care to enlighten me?”

“Well…you see, I-…Kyungsoo wasn’t really satisfied with my performance.”

“Wasn’t satis-….Jongin, you got first place!” Krystal seemed angry all of a sudden. Jongin knew that expression well. “What the hell was your coach expecting from you?”

Jongin sighed out (and he could swear he heard Sehun scoffing from the side). He just looked up to Krystal who seemed beyond confused in that moment.

“It’s not that. It’s just the last combination of jumps. It was supposed to be a single-double. I just…I guess I just kind of upgraded it…a bit.”

A few moments of silence.

“WHAT?!” the girl’s voice echoed around the arena. “You changed the routine?!”

“Why does everyone react like this…” Jongin muttered quietly, burying his face in the palms of his hands for a few moments.

When he looked up, Krystal was still looking at him with eyebrows raised up in shock and Sehun was still sitting on the side looking like he wanted to be someplace else.

“Come on…” Krystal shook her head accusingly. “You know a coach’s word is law in skater world. Why’d you do that?”

“Because I wanted to make sure I’d win. Because I was excited and I wanted to show everything I could do. I don’t know!”

There were a few more moments of silence and Jongin kind of regretted having come here in the first place. Or, well, meeting up with Sehun hoping he’d get any adequate advice from the younger.

“You really should have known better, Jongin…” Krystal’s voice attracted his attention again, as well as her sigh. “What did Kyungsoo say?”

“Oh, you mean after he chewed my ass out for not listening to him?” Jongin let out a disgruntled sound, trying to ignore the ‘well-what-were-you-expecting’ look his former skating partner was giving him. “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen him in three days. I think he might have given up on me.”

Jongin heard his own voice faltering and he felt a wave of panic rising in him again.

The same wave of panic that had hit him thousands of times in the past few days. Because the only available coach was now gone and it was his own fault. And how would he get ready for Nationals and Worlds without a coach? How would he make it?

Because in the two months he spent with Do Kyungsoo he achieved more than he had after years and years of training.

Do Kyungsoo wasn’t only a great skater. He was also a great coach.

And Jongin successfully managed to piss him off. Great job.

“I told you already,” Sehun let out a groan, drawing him out of his pessimistic thoughts. “He can’t do that. He’s got a contract.”

“A contract.” Jongin scoffed skeptically.

“He started the season with you. Every skater has a coach already, so it’s not like he can just go work with someone else. Like it or not, he’s stuck with you.” Sehun nodded thoughtfully. “I feel bad for the guy.”

“You know, you’re doing an awfully bad job at being a friend.”

“Doesn’t that actually mean I’m doing great?”

“He’s right, you know.” Krystal spoke up and Jongin looked at her. “He couldn’t have given up on you. Just…go talk to him. Keep training. I’m sure eventually he’ll forgive you for being an asshole.”

“For the fiftieth time, I was not being an asshole!”

“You were. Being an asshole, I mean. You totally were.”

Jongin leaned back in the bleacher, shaking his head.

He tried his best to ignore his friends giggling lightly at him, he tried his best to ignore them and to also ignore the rising feeling of guilt within himself. He clenched his jaw.

“I was not.”

The giggling just became louder and Jongin gave up.

Jongin could feel the cold air in the rink. It was stinging his cheeks, but it was a pleasant kind of sting. The kind of sting that showed he was doing well.

If it did sting, then his speed was good. He had spent a lot of time training. He was doing well.

His breathing was heavy when he sped up for a jump.

His foot was shaky when he pushed himself off the ground.

His voice was loud when he cursed.

His hands were cold when they pushed him back up from the ice.

And again. And again and again, again, again. He kept on trying. On pushing himself. On repeating his routine to the point of hating the ease.

And again.

He was just finishing a combination when he turned around.

When he saw a dark figure in the middle of the staircase. A dark figure that hadn’t been there last time he looked in that direction.

A dark figure with hands twisted in front of the chest, with a little frown and slightly furrowed eyebrows over the deepest eyes he had ever seen.

Jongin tripped on the toepick at the sight of Do Kyungsoo just standing there.

His palms definitely didn’t appreciate the burn of the ice when he fell down again in the most ungraceful way possible, but hey, at least it wasn’t his face. Besides, his heart did a flip that kind of outdid everything else.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he heard Kyungsoo saying, the sound carrying around the empty arena with an echo. Jongin heard the other man walking down the stairs as he was pushing himself back up, trying to restore at least a little bit of his dignity. “What’s your problem with toepicks? Really…”

“You’re back.” Jongin answered instead, still staring at the small man who was standing just beyond the railing. “I thought-…I thought you didn’t want to be my coach anymore.”

“You make it really hard to want that, you know,” the older man answered coldly. “But I’m not just gonna give up like that.”

“So you’re going to keep training with me?” Jongin asked, choosing to ignore the fact he sounded like an excited teenage girl. He could worry about that later. He had some greater things on the line here, like his career for example.

“That depends on you. Are you done acting like a little bitch?”

Jongin felt his eyebrows raising a little in surprise, before he wrinkled his nose in a sort of acceptance.

“I’ll try to work on it.”

“Good.”

Jongin sighed out when Kyungsoo nodded. He just stood in his place when he watched the older man reach up to push off his coat and to throw it on the bleachers on the first row.

Then he turned back around and rested his hands on the railing, giving Jongin a strict look.

“Now, what the fuck were you doing on the ice just now?”

“Oh, I was-….I was practicing, I guess.”

“Practicing. You call that practicing? Goodness gracious,” Do Kyungsoo closed his eyes for a few moments, before looking at him again. “You were off beat, you were rushing the jumps, your landings were shaky when you didn’t end up on your ass and you looked stiff.”

“Wait, how long have you been here?”

“Long enough to know you need me.”

Jongin stopped himself before he’d blurt out something he’d regret. Instead, he just sighed.

“Fair enough.”

He watched as Kyungsoo straightened up a little, before throwing him yet another pointy look.

“Jongin, you aren’t wearing the protection pads.”

“In my defense, I thought you were gone, so-“

“Just go fucking put them on.” 

“I-…yes.”

Jongin rushed off the ice towards his bag. He was pretty sure the last thing he saw Kyungsoo do before he turned his bag to find the hideous pads was shaking his head with closed eyes and the expression of a person done with life.

And all Jongin could do was hide the smile that blossomed on his face.

“Honestly, all I ever get from you is a headache.”

Jongin wanted to close the door as soon as he opened it.

However, Suho didn’t wait for an invitation, he just walked into his house as if it were his own.

“I don’t know what happened at the regionals, Kim Jongin, but the other day I had Do Kyungsoo ranting to me for about an hour about jumps and elements and required points and other stuff I don’t know shit about. Do you understand? I had to listen to him venting about your twirling on ice when I had to be doing your promotion for you!”

“I don’t really appreciate the fact you call it twirling on ice,” Jongin leaned against the wall. “But we’re good now, so please don’t make me listen to your venting for an hour.”

“I really don’t even know why I’m still working for you.” Suho sighed out, seating himself on the couch and pulling up his laptop. “I hear one more complain from Do Kyungsoo and I will personally beat your ass myself. I don’t work so hard for you to fuck it all up, whatever it is you did wrong. Now sit down and start complying for a minute, will you?”

Jongin gave his manager an entertained look, before plopping himself down next to him. His eyes moved to the laptop screen.

“You’re damn lucky you’re a good skater, kid.” The man beside him sighed. “And you’re damn lucky you have me as your manager.”

Jongin smiled affectionately at the older man, before his eyes moved back to the laptop.

Sponsorship offers.

Yes, that’s what a golden medal meant. 

And of course Suho wouldn’t stay angry at him. Not with that amount of zeroes.

Jongin pushed the glasses up the bridge of his nose, pushing himself forward.

This was going to be a long discussion, and knowing Suho – a very thorough and a very careful one.

And the last thing Jongin wanted to do was piss off his manager as well.

After all, he really was lucky to have him.

Three weeks and everything seemed to already be forgotten as they carried through their days and training tirelessly. As they’d meet up every morning and part ways in the evening.

He didn’t even dare bring up jumps anymore. He’d eventually try out his luck again only after nationals.

For now, he was going to try and be content with his routine as it was. Because if Kyungsoo seemed to think it would work to get him to Worlds, then it would work. Jongin was learning how to trust the other one. Slowly, yes, but surely.

He hadn’t failed him until now, after all.

 “Jongin, to be completely fair…” Kyungsoo sighed out when he finished his routine with chest heaving up and down because of the hours spent out here in the training centers. “I don’t like it.”

He felt his shoulders slumping down. After all the work, after all the hours out here it still wasn’t satisfying. No matter how much he tried.

“I know I didn’t land the last jump properly but-“

“It’s not the jump. I blame that on you being tired now.” Kyungsoo stood up, shrugging. “It’s something else. I just-….it doesn’t really look like you are feeling your routine.”

“Of course I’m not feeling the routine. I’m not even sure I’m feeling my own legs right now.”

“I don’t mean just now, Jongin. I mean, in general. Your emotionless face kind of kills the vibe you’re trying to deliver.”

“I’m trying to deliver a vibe?”

“You should be.”

Jongin felt his eyebrows knitting together, before he shrugged.

“OK. OK, what should I do then?”

“Why are you asking me what you should do? It’s your face! It’s your emotions.”

“The only emotion I’m feeling right now is disgust cause I can literally feel my T-shirt sticking to my back. I want to shower.”

“No wonder you look like someone hit you.” Kyungsoo scoffed. “You’re skating to a love ballad, alright? Noone wants to hear you talk about your sweat.”

“Well no one wants to hear me talk about being gay and single either, so I don’t have many choices left, do I?”

“Unbelievable.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

Jongin just stared at him as he took a big gulp of water. He was thirsty, he was hungry, he was tired and all he wanted to do was take a long, long shower then go to sleep. But Kyungsoo’s look and his own will to actually make it up on that podium at the end of the competition were motivational enough to keep him standing on the ice, waiting for instructions.

“Have you ever loved before?”

The younger one threw Kyungsoo a look, before shrugging.

“Of course I have. I love my family. I love my friends. I love the ice. I love-“

“No, Jongin, I meant-…have you ever been in love?”

“Oh.” the skater mused, sliding one of his skates back and forth on the ice. He looked up, trying to recall a memory, that he didn’t really have.

Sure, he’d had partners before. Sure, it had been a bit more than just a fling with a few, but it had never been something really serious. It couldn’t be, not with Jongin’s schedule. Because how was he supposed to find the time for another person when he barely had any time left for himself.

He remembered Kyungsoo was still waiting for an answer and when he looked back to the older man he was staring at him with raised eyebrows. Maybe a slightly intrigued, curious spark in those deep brown eyes.

“No, I don’t think so. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced real love with anybody I’ve ever been with.”

“How many people have you been with?”

“I think we’re getting off topic here,” Jongin squinted his eyes and Kyungsoo raised his arms a little, smirking lightly.

“Yes. Sorry.” The coach cleared his throat. “Anyways, well…for the sake of your routine, try imagining it. Imagine what it would feel like to be in love and try to skate with those feelings alright.”

“Wait, let me get this straight…you want me to imagine feelings?”

“Basically.”

“I’m going to become a real nutjob because of you, I swear…”

“I don’t think you really need my help with that.” Kyungsoo smirked, before reaching out his hand to take the water bottle from Jongin and before jugging his chin back out to the ice. “Now go try it out. It won’t hurt you.”

“I talked to Suho today, you know,” Kyungsoo said in between bites of their usual late, late dinner at the little place around the corner they’d found after months of the same schedule. “We calculated the placement points.”

Jongin felt himself getting tense in his seat, chewing on the food slowly, while looking at his coach.

“Oh Sehun placed ninth in Worlds last year. That means the delegation can send up to two entries this year in men’s category.” Kyungsoo said calmly, fork picking at the food in his plate. “You won first at regionals so you already have an advantage with the points. You just have to place in the top three next week.”

Jongin didn’t like it when Kyungsoo said next week. It just reminded him that Nationals were just around the corner after all these months and how stressful it was because the more he practiced the more insecure he as getting about the execution of his routine, despite what everyone else was saying.

“My point is,” Kyungsoo continued. “You don’t have to push yourself too hard. You will definitely make it in the top three if everything goes smoothly and as planned.”

Jongin could swear there was a scolding undertone at the last part and he suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Really, even after all this time Kyungsoo was still holding a grudge.

“You never know,” he answered instead. “I’m not skating only against the kids from regionals this time around. I’m skating against Sehun. Against Baekhyun. Against Eunhyuk, for fuck’s sake. Like, even you had difficulties winning against him.”

“Eunhyuk retired last year. Honestly, do you live under a rock?”

“Is that a rhetorical question,” Jongin fired back, but with a little ease in his heart. Alright. Eunhyuk out of the competition meant his chances of winning were bigger. Bigger, but not definite.  Jongin frowned. “There’s still other skaters, you know. I shouldn’t take this lightly.”

“I didn’t say you should take it lightly, I said you just shouldn’t push yourself.”

Jongin didn’t say anything else on the matter, he just shrugged and continued eating. He was really starving after the whole day in the rink.

It was kind of ridiculous, eating dinner that late every day, but it was becoming a habit by now. A very unhealthy one, but Jongin was tolerating it because at least he wasn’t sitting alone at home wondering how to make a dinner out of two eggs and a leftover piece of toast.

He was here with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, who was a warm person, despite his attitude when it came to skating. Kyungsoo, who was completely different when he wasn’t talking about work.

Kyungsoo, who was like a teenage kid when he laughed at Jongin’s silly jokes with his beautiful smile and eyes turning into crescents. Kyungsoo, who was talking with excitement about his favorite songs and movies. Kyungsoo, who would get so immersed in talking about the stuff he liked to the point he’d just eventually abruptly stop and bashfully apologize.

And Jongin could only wait for these moments. He’d wake up every morning, head out for his training and whenever it was starting to get hard he kept on repeating to himself that only after a few hours he’d be out of the rink and he would be with Kyungsoo, laughing and just having fun in the little restaurant at the end of the street.

“As I was saying, you shouldn’t push yourself because you’ve improved so much. Even your expressions did.” Kyungsoo continued just as calmly, unaware of the mini-storm happening inside of Jongin.

“Yeah. Imagining fake stuff definitely helped.”

Kyungsoo smirked from the other side of the table, shaking his head.

“I still can’t believe you’ve never really been in a relationship. You’re twenty-one!”

“Also, as we already figured out, I live under a rock. Or I’m stranded on ice most of the day every day.” Jongin puffed his cheeks out. “Besides, I have been in relationships! Just…nothing serious.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

Jongin sighed out at the commentary, before reaching out for his water and squinting his eyes at his coach.

“What about you?” Jongin bit back instead. “You’re twenty-two. You couldn’t have possibly been in love yet, have you?”

“Once.” Kyungsoo replied just as calmly, a somewhat collected and distant expression as he smiled stiffly. “It didn’t end well for me, though.”

 “What do you mean?”

“I mean-“ Kyungsoo looked like he was genuinely going to tell him about it. He looked like he was going to talk, but then he looked up and Jongin somehow saw that determination fading, being replaced by a smaller smile and a softer look in his eyes. “I mean you don’t have to be a certain age to be in love, dummy. This thing just happens, it doesn’t ask.”

Jongin opened his mouth, about to ask further but something in Kyungsoo’s look made him think otherwise. He didn’t seem ready to open up about this, whatever it was. Not yet, anyways. And Jongin wasn’t going to push him.

However, he was curious. So curious that he couldn’t quite focus on anything else that evening.

So curious, that the first thing he did once he got home and changed was to open his laptop and look up past news about nation’s best figure skater Do Kyungsoo. And he saw all sorts of news – articles about his injury, articles about his previous achievements, about his sponsorship and partnership offers. Hell, even articles about Kyungsoo’s vacation overseas from a few years ago, about him being spotted on the street. About all sorts of random things, but nothing about a relationship. Nothing about a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Nothing that could give him even the slightest hint as to what Kyungsoo had been talking about earlier.

Jongin closed the laptop with a sigh, thinking how silly it was of him to even look up stuff like that. He didn’t want to pry but a not so little part of him wanted to know.

He wanted to know who that person had been who had once managed to make Do Kyungsoo love, who had hurt him.

And Jongin, for some incredulous reason, ended up thinking about that X person as competition and when he caught himself doing that shook his head abruptly and turned in his bed.

“Stupid,” he hissed at himself in the silence of the night. “Stop being so stupid, Kim Jongin!”

But he couldn’t.

Because every time he closed his eyes and tried falling asleep the face of his coach would start floating in his mind again and Jongin ended up sighing in irritation because this was a red light.

This was not supposed to happen.

This meant he was so, so, so screwed on so many levels that it made him feel dizzy.

He was not supposed to have a crush on his coach, but here he was, in the middle of the night with only said coach on his mind and his faltering will to deny it anymore.

“Alright, stop already.”

Jongin flinched when he suddenly heard Kyungsoo’s voice from behind. He turned around from the mirror and looked at his coach who entered with a carton cup holder in one hand and his phone in the other.

 “You can stop practicing now. You’ll ruin your hair and I don’t want to see Suho running around to find your stylists again.”

Jongin winced a little. That was a very fair point.

Suho seemed to be even more stressed than Jongin was about today. He kept on repeating how the outcome from today would be the key to a very important business deal about Jongin being the face of some fashion brand.

Which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but since he kept on freaking out about Jongin making it to worlds it was kind of starting to put some more extra pressure on him.

As if he hadn’t been worried enough.

“I got some drinks.”  Kyungsoo announced as he walked further inside the changing room. “A coffee for Suho, when he comes back, a coffee for me, and a tea for you, since you’re obviously like four.”

“Ha-ha, how funny.” Jongin rolled his eyes but did reach out to take the warm cup that Kyungsoo was handing him. A quick glance to the cup holder and that one extra cup. “Another coffee? Did you not sleep tonight or what? That much caffeine isn’t good for you.”

“That’s for Yixing.” Kyungsoo explained, setting the cup aside. “He was supposed to be here half an hour ago, but apparently he’s caught in traffic or something.”

“Traffic? At this hour?”

“I know. He always says he’s caught in traffic. I suppose he just didn’t wake up on time though.”

Jongin smiled in his cup. That sounded like typical Yixing.

Of course, he was grateful that the choreographer would also come to support him today despite his busy schedule. It meant a lot, even though they hadn’t seen each other in a while.

It was nerve-wracking. More so than last time because this was the last step before Worlds.

And it wasn’t just any competition. He’d skate against some of his closest friends today. Baekhyun was here today, and so was Sehun.

He’d met Baekhyun briefly earlier on his way to rehearsal. He was hotly discussing something with his coach – the tall man with the big coat and the funny ears. Meaning, they didn’t really have time to stop and chat, because Kyungsoo was already waiting by the sound control check point for Jongin to come and Baekhyun seemed to really be set on the idea of convincing his coach to go to the movies after the competition, that they could only nod at each other quickly and shout a curt ‘good luck’ before they both moved in their own directions.

He had also spotted Sehun earlier. Just when he was getting finished with his own rehearsal, he spotted Sehun on the side of the rink with his coach and manager in front of him. A young girl was frantically moving around him and fixing every little crease on his skating outfit. He didn’t have enough time to stop and chat with him because Suho was pulling him forward, stressing how he had to go get ready because he looked like a sweaty mess.

And here he was now, thinking how only in a bit he would be out there on the ice, facing his friends. A concept he hadn’t know would be that burdensome.

He sighed out, before looking up to Kyungsoo.

“Say, whenever I watched your videos skating…you always….you always seemed so calm.” Jongin breathed out. “How did you do it?”

“Ear plugs,” Kyungsoo smirked, before shrugging. “I just tried not to think about the competition. I just always thought about my own routine, about how much work I had put into it. I was talking to the staff. Trying not to worry so much.”

“And it just worked?”

“It will also work for you if you stop overthinking it.” Kyungsoo sat down on the chair next to Jongin, his hands wrapped around his coffee. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

The skater shook his head.

“Nothing in particular.”

“Well I was thinking about something,” Kyungsoo started casually. “Tonight after the competition ends we should all go to the restaurant by the arena.”

“What if I don’t qualify,” Jongin frowned. “What’s the point in going then?”

“The point of eating dinner?” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows. “I hear it’s good for you to eat from time to time.”

“Stop it! You know what I meant.”

Kyungsoo smiled softly at him. It felt comforting.

“I have faith in you, Jongin. You trained so hard, your routine is perfect. If you skate even half as good as you did during practice you will definitely make it. I promise.”

“That’s quite a big promise, you know.”

“I made this promise five months ago when I first met you, Jongin.” Kyungsoo noted with an entertained tone. “I’m just holding my word to it.”

Jongin felt a small smile rising to his lips. It sure felt good to have someone believing in you like this.

Sure, this wasn’t Krystal. This wasn’t Baekhyun or Sehun. This wans’t SUho.

This was Kyungsoo. And even though he didn’t know him for as long as he’d known the others, he made him feel like he could trust him with his entire being.

He wasn’t just his coach. He was his friend.

“What were you doing when I came in, anyways?” Kyungsoo laughed all of a sudden, the soft chuckle escaping his beautiful lips. “Were you really practicing your facial expressions?”

“I thought you wanted me to do that.”

“If that’s your way of achieving it, I don’t mind that.” Kyungsoo shrugged. “What are you thinking about, by the way? And please don’t tell me you’re thinking about your dogs or something, cause that would be really creepy.”

Jongin felt the heat in his face before he could even open his mouth. Instead, he just threw a pointy glance hoping it looked even the slightest bit annoyed because Kyungsoo was now bringing up his dogs of all things to talk about.

“Of course I’m not thinking about my dogs!”

“Then?”

“I’m not telling you!” Jongin turned his head to the side. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Oh, come on! I’m your coach, nothing is embarrassing if it helps you get better. And whatever it is, it certainly did make you better, so…”

“No, absolutely not.”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo’s voice was soft and that was the only reason Jongin looked back towards him. He wanted to see that small smile he could hear in the other’s voice, he wanted to see those beautiful, big eyes staring at him and him only. And his breath hitched when he did. Kyungsoo was leaning over the table lightly, fingers tapping the coffee cup lightly, eye not moving away from him. “Tell me. Please.” 

Jongin stared at his coach for a few seconds, contemplating the idea of just running out of the changing room. That would be idiotic though. He tried to make his brain work hard to come up with something genius, however Kyungsoo’s deep eyes weren’t moving away from him and he suddenly found it hard to breathe.

“You.” He let out quietly, barely registering the fact he was barely whispering. Barely registering the way Kyungsoo’s eyes widened a little. Barely registering, just how dumb that had sounded.

“Me?”

He straightened up, shaking his head.

“I MEAN, your smile.” Jongin practically squeaked. “Your smile is-…your smile is very pretty and I’ve noticed that whenever you’re happy you smile like really widely and your lips turn into a heart and that just makes me really, really happy. And I guess I just thought about it once and then you said it looked good so I kept on thinking about it and-…oh God, I’m talking too much.”

There was complete silence for a few moments and Jongin felt like taking the hockey stick in the corner of the room and straight up knocking himself out with it. It would be better than realizing with every passing second just what he had said.

He felt his lower lip quivering when he watched Kyungsoo pulling up his coffee to his lips and drinking from it calmly, like Jongin hadn’t just said all that bullshit.

“My smile, huh?”

“Y-yeah,” the younger nodded, drowning in his own humiliation. “Your smile.”

“Well,” the older man looked down for a second before looking up with that small smirk. “That’s very flattering, isn’t it? I guess I’ll have to smile more from now on when I’m with you.”

Jongin’s breath hitched, before he forced himself to nod.

“I-…I’d like that.”

 Jognin probably had to thank all gods in existence, because Yixing chose this moment to barge into the changing room and start apologizing for being late. He chose this moment to come in and break the awkward moment and Jongin suddenly felt relief in his entire being because he didn’t only have to focus on Kyungsoo and his calculating eyes, but on Yixing who was speaking excitedly with his accent, throwing hugs and kisses everywhere.

And no matter how excitedly he was talking with Yixing, he could still feel kyungsoo looking at him from the side, his gaze burning a hole in his back.

No matter how much he kept on talking with Yixing. No matter how Suho barged in not much later complaining that his coffee had turned cold. How everyone seemed to be talking about different stuff and although Jongin was engaged in different conversation, he couldn’t still quite concentrate because the very presence of Kyungsoo in the same room was making him feel all nervous and giddy.

However, not even that could compare to the feeling of a staff coming in and announcing it would soon be his turn to skate.

The feeling that washed over him in that moment was completely different and it made him forget about everything but the routine and the ice.

His entire team moved forward to the waiting area and Jongin was suddenly nervous for a whole new reason, he kept replaying the routine in his head, vaguely listening to Yixing’s cheerful words. Vaguely appreciating Suho’s encouraging smile.

He stood up nervously, walking to the railing and watching the skater before him finishing up his performance.

“Deep breaths,” Kyungsoo’s voice was soft when he stood up next to him and Jongin nodded. “Just listen to your music and don’t think about anything else. Pay attention to the step sequence, don’t fall behind beat and be careful with the landing of the first triple.”

“Yeah.” His voice sounded breathless, but that was understandable.

“Don’t worry so much.” Kyungsoo said again and Jongin finally turned towards him when he felt a hand on his shoulder. When he realized Kyungsoo was holding onto his shirt, straightening out an invisible crease. “You’ll do great.”

Jongin didn’t reply to that, instead he just took a quick glance towards the ice again. The other skater had finished his routine. The audience was cheering. He felt a lump forming in his throat when he looked back down to Kyungsoo.

His coach fixed something on his collar, before dropping his hands to his shoulders. Jongin froze at the touch. Kyungsoo was looking up to him with an unreadable expression.

“Jongin?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you’re a very, very beautiful man.”

Jongin felt his breath hitching once again, the nervousness getting replaced by something completely different that he couldn’t identify. He didn’t know what to say when Kyungsoo slid his hands off his shoulders and gave him a smile. A very unaffected one, a very soft and encouraging one.

“You’re up next!” someone from the staff announced loudly and Jongin flinched at the loud sound, at the audience cheering for him. At Kyungsoo smiling at him once again and saying a quiet ‘good luck’ that got entirely lost in the loud cheers from the arena.

Jongin breathed out and nodded, more to himself as he stepped on the ice and pushed himself forward. As he skated to the center of the ice, taking his starting position.

He looked up and barely saw Kyungsoo in the waiting area staring at him with his beautiful smile and Jongin felt his mouth going dry.

Because for fuck’s sake.

He had taken this in all the wrong ways.

And it just felt so right.

So right that he couldn’t help the grin that pulled his lips back, as he waited for the music to start.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit of a mess, but i wrote this very quickly. I hope you liked it, even thought it's like extra cheesy, like on a whole new level smh stop me
> 
> Please, drop a comment and let me know what you thought :)
> 
> Also, if you want to talk you can find me on twitter (jongnugget) ^^


	6. Chapter 6

06

 

 

Jongin’s cheeks were starting to hurt from grinning so much, but even if he tried to, the smile just wouldn’t leave his face.

He was gathering the last of his stuff when Baekhyun and Sehun barged in the room.

“Hey, where were you, man?” Baekhyun smiled at him, skipping forward to pull him down for a quick hug. “That was great, what you did out there. Congratulations!”

“Thanks-…I mean…I’m really sorry, Baek-“

“Why are you apologizing?” the older one laughed cheerfully, punching his shoulder playfully.

Okay, maybe Jongin’s smile did falter for a second there, as his lips twisted into a guilty grimace.

He had placed first. Sehun had placed second. Meaning both of them were going to represent the country on the world’s championships in their category. Baekhyun, however, had come in third.

If it had depended on Jongin, he would have let all three of them on. However, the delegation only needed two skaters. Baekhyun would travel with them only as a back-up.

“Come on, it’s not the end of the world. I still get to participate in the free skating events,” Baekhyun shrugged. “Besides, I’ll be able to support you two. My babies.”

Jongin and Sehun simultaneously protested when the shortest of the three pulled them down to ruffle their hair.

When he just cheerfully laughed, let them go and rested his hands on his waist.

“So? Should we go out for a drink? Celebrate?”

“I actually can’t,” Jongin threw the backpack over his shoulder, watching his two friends raising their eyebrows. “My team’s outside waiting for me. We’re going to grab dinner together.”

“Look at that,” Sehun smirked. “Calling them his team when only a few weeks ago he was cussing half of them.”

“Hey!” Jongin laughed. “I never cussed, alright.”

“Whatever.” Baekhyun spoke up again. “We’re definitely going to drink this week, though. I need this, alright? We need to celebrate and I also need to drown the sorrow in that nice vodka they have at the bar by the rink.”

Had it not been for the small, taunting smirk, Jongin might have as well thought that Baekhyun really meant it.

A quick look down at his phone, before letting out a sound.

“Deal,” he hurriedly said. “I have to run now. I’ll see you guys at the rink, alright?!”

Jongin heard some vague replies, but he couldn’t really make them out, as he was already rushing to the exit. Kyungsoo and Suho were there, waiting for him. Maybe even Yixing.

Jongin owed each and every one of them a lot, it was thanks to them he was now running with the golden medal hanging around his neck and bouncing on his chest with every step.

Tonight they had a reason to celebrate.

Jongin’s grin rose on his lips once again.

* * *

“We need to train harder and longer from now on.” Kyungsoo said as soon as he walked into the hall the following morning. “Worlds are in a month and a half and we need to perfvect your routine.”

“We need to _change_ my routine.” Jongin chided, withstanding the quick glare his coach sent him. He only raised his eyebrows. “You promised!”

“Damn you,” Kyungsoo barely muttered, but even then Jongin could hear him. “We don’t have time to change the entire routine, but I guess-….I guess we could add some of those jumps you wanted to try.”

Jongin tried to hide the victorious grin. This was really enough for him. Raise technicality points, make it more memorable. With the right combinations and jumps it would work perfectly.

“Great!” he replied instead. “Let’s get started then!”

“Nuh-uh,” Kyungsoo shook his head, jugging his chin towards the door. “Off-ice. I’m not going to watch you fall on the ice until you figure it out. We’re doing this on ground.”

Jongin opened his mouth, about to point out that technically ice was ground too.

But that was a useless argument they didn’t have the time for. Besides, if there was anything Jongin had learned from the past five months, it was that he could trust Do Kyungsoo.

Not only with his training, but with so much more.

* * *

Days were passing by quickly.

Way too quickly, in his opinion. It felt like the time he had to prepare was just flying away and he would do anything to make the minutes roll by slower, just so he’d have enough time to perfect the jumps.

However, the clock seemed like it was mocking him every time he looked up and to realize that it wasn’t fifteen minutes, but an entire hour that has passed by.

The skate gave away when he tried to land the jump and he fell forward, the palms of his hands stopping his face from hitting the ice. Thank God for the gloves, otherwise his hands would have been a bloody mess by now.

He didn’t even think before letting out an agitated growl. He was annoyed, mostly at himself for not being able to master this as quickly as he wanted to.

“Jongin.”

Kyungsoo’s voice was quiet, but it echoed around the rink.

The skater could only breathe out tiredly, pushing himself up, before finally looking towards the rail. Towards his coach, who was standing there in his coat, hands twisted in front of his chest. Expression unreadable.

“Come here.”

Jongin puffed his cheeks out, but pushed himself forward. Kyungsoo wasn’t looking away from him. Instead sprawled a hand out when Jongin approached him. The younger one scoffed when he saw the blue neon protectors.

“What’s that?”

“That’s enough for today.”

“Enough?!” Jongin knitted his eyebrows. “I can’t leave now! I didn’t even manage to do anything properly today! I have to stay and keep on-“

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo interrupted him, a strong look in his eyes. He didn’t say anything else, just raised the blade protectors higher.

The skater could only breathe out wordlessly, grabbing them from his coach’s hand and crunching over to put them on his skates. He stepped off the ice, feeling the deep crease forming between his eyebrows from his excessive frowning.

He couldn’t help it.

But he did realize, that once again Kyungsoo was probably right, when he sat down on the bench, ready to take off his skates. The moment he did sit, he started feeling that burning ache in his thighs.

The unhappy scowl turned into a pained frown the moment he felt that.

The moment he took note of how heavy his breathing was. Of how numb his hands felt because of all the falls they’d taken.

Kyungsoo sat down on the bench in front of him and before Jongin could even question it, the older one had pulled his leg between his knees, untying the skates for him.

Jongin just breathed out.

“How am I supposed to win this thing if I can’t even land my jumps properly?” he asked quietly, getting angry at himself all over again. “I fell six times.”

He saw how Kyungsoo stilled down and let go of the strings of his skate, then looked up to him, piercing through him with the look in those round eyes.

“Fell six times. Stood up seven. That’s what matters.”

“Not to the judges, it doesn’t.” Jongin shook his head when Kyungsoo hooked his other leg up and started working on untying the second skate. “When I started doing this I thought it would be easy. I thought that once I was a champion it would be easy to become one again. But at this rate I won’t be able to do that. I’m just not the best and no matter how-“

“The best?” Jongin could see his coach’s eyebrows knitting in concentration. “This isn’t about being the best, Jongin. It’s about being better than you were yesterday.”

“The scale isn’t me. Have you seen those other skaters?!”

“I have.” Kyungsoo dropped his leg and Jongin let out a sigh. His feet were feeling numb, blood finally rushing through them after the ties were undone. “But if you keep comparing yourself to the other skaters you won’t be able to progress. Don’t do it for the competition, do it for yourself. There’s no better motivation than knowing you can do better _for you_.”

“Then why are we stopping?”

“Because you’re barely standing on your feet. We can continue, if you insist. Do you want to get back on the ice?” Kyungsoo deadpanned and Jongin felt his shoulders dropping. “I thought so. Come on, let’s pack up.”

* * *

Jongin hurried out of the changing rooms, knowing that Kyungsoo was waiting for him at the front of the complex. They’d probably go eat dinner together again. It was becoming a daily thing now.

He fished his phone out of his pocket, eyebrows rising slightly at the amount of unread messages.

It was all from the same chat. Mostly Baekhyun. Screaming.

How he’d promised to go get a drink with them and how he’d been stealthily ignoring them for a week. Asking if he was dead. Informing him that they were at their usual place tonight with Sehun and that they were waiting for him.

Jongin sighed out, pushing the phone back in his pocket.

It was a chilly night. Chilly, but in a good way.

Kyungsoo was standing by the doors of the complex, looking up from his phone when Jongin emerged from the inside.

“Dinner?” he asked, like he did every evening. Jongin would just nod and they’d head together to the little restaurant at the end of the street.

However, Byun Baekhyun was a pain in his ass and if Jongin didn’t go tonight he’d have to pay for it.

“Uh…change of plans.” He muttered out quietly and Kyungsoo finally gave him an intrigued look.

“Are you tired? I can give you a ride home.”

“No, no, it’s not that.” Jongin almost rolled his eyes. “My friend texted me. They’re out and waiting for me.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…” Jongin shrugged. “Do you want to come too?”

Kyungsoo looked up to him with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Your friends…? Won’t they-“

“Oh, they won’t mind, I promise.”

“Okay, if you say so…” Kyungsoo shrugged, finally smiling a bit and walking after Jongin as the younger started leading the way. “What place are we talking about?”

“Well, it’s more…more of a bar, really.”

“A bar?” his coach raised his eyebrows at him. “Should you be drinking? You haven’t even eaten.”

“Don’t worry.” Jongin cracked a smile, a tired one. “They also have the best burgers in town.”

* * *

Do Kyungsoo was a quiet person, Jongin had figured out that much since the moment he met him for the first time. He wasn’t one to talk much, to speak useless stuff.

However, tonight he was especially quiet. Way too silent. He had barely said a word ever since they arrived in the bar and met Sehun and Baekhyun, ever since they exchanged quiet introductions. He was only answering when he was asked something with a little, strained smile, and Jongin kept on wondering what was wrong.

Because even though Kyungsoo was quiet, he had never been like this. He genuinely seemed uncomfortable and Jongin’s worried for the night shifted from being unable to land his triples to the crease between his coach’s eyebrows.

He tried his best to include him in the conversations, but even then Kyungsoo would just nod or shake his head, give a small smile, before looking back down to his glass and zoning out.

Jongin let out a defeated sigh, raising his glass to his lips, hoping the alcohol would cloud his mind a bit. Maybe he was just imagining things.

However, the time was passing, and Kyungsoo was still just sitting in the corner of their booth, not uttering a single word, just stressing him out more and more. The amount of glasses in front of Jongin kept growing. He liked to pretend he didn’t see Sehun’s and Baekhyun’s concerned glances. Curious ones.

He just tried his best to look alive and to talk to his friends.

However, the feeling of the man next to him, sitting silently and staring down at his hands, it was unsettling. Jongin ended up puffing his cheeks out at some point of the night.

“You know what, guys, I think I’m gonna go now.” He announced, voice a bit slurred.

“You’re going?” Baekhyun asked, straightening up. “Wait a minute, we have to call you a taxi. Cause you’re not driving like this.”

Jongin frowned. He had a point in there somewhere.

The hand on his shoulder surprised him.

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo spoke up and Jongin looked at the older one as he stood up next to him. “I’ll give him a lift. I have to go as well.”

Jongin was blinking dumbly as Kyungsoo reached over the table to shake the hands of his friends, muttering how it was nice to meet them.

Even though he was a bit drunk, Jongin could clearly see Kyungsoo’s fake smile.

How he knew it was fake? Well, for a person who spent so much time observing Do Kyungoo’s beautiful heart shaped lips whenever they pulled back in laughter, Jongin was pretty sure this twist of his lips wasn’t genuine. He frowned even deeper.

He only got to wave at his friend before Kyungsoo was walking with him to the exit of the place.

“What was all this about?!” Jongin questioned as soon as they stepped out of the bar.

Kyungsoo didn’t stop walking. Instead, he was stepping quickly towards his car, fingers fumbling with the keys. Jongin frowned and followed after him.

He entered the passanger seat naturally, looking at Kyungsoo, who was just stealthily ignoring him, keeping his eyes focused on the road as he started the engine of the car and started maneuvering it out of the parking lot.

“Will you answer?!” Jongin questioned again, eyebrows raising up his forehead. “You acted like a complete, antisocial dick in there. What was that for?!”

“You never mentioned you were friends with Byun Baekhyun.”

Jongin opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Instead, he looked at Kyungsoo in confusion. At Kyungsoo, whose eyes looked empty as he kept on driving.

“What do you mean? Should I give a list of my friends now? What is this…”

“Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing.” Jongin leaned back in the seat. “It’s obviously something. You said no more than ten words in there. What’s your problem with Baekhyun? Do you know him?”

“No. I don’t have a problem with him.” Kyungsoo’s voice was chilly and Jongin took that as a cue to stop talking. Instead, he just stared as his coach’s fingers tightened around the wheel. “You should try taking a nap. You’ve been training the whole day and now you also drank. You’re probably tired.”

 Jongin opened his mouth to argue again, but decided against it. Kyungsoo was right, he was tired. He was extremely tired. So he leaned back in the seat, looking out the window, without realizing that in less than a minute of the quiet purring of the engine his eyelids started giving away.

* * *

Jongin’s eyes opened suddenly at the quiet sound of the car’s parking sensor. He hadn’t even realized he’d fallen into a slumber. It took him a few moments to remember why he was in a car. Why he was in Kyungsoo’s car.

Another few moments to look out the front window as the car stopped, staring at the unknown building.

It was a big house. One of these new architecture things with glass walls and weird angles. It looked great.

“Where are we?” he asked, voice a little raspy.

“My place.” Kyungsoo replied, before opening the door and getting out of his car. Jongin felt his eyebrows rising up his forehead in shock. He stared back at the house, feeling his mouth opening a little.

He didn’t realize he must have been sitting in the seat for too long, but when the door at his side opened and Kyungsoo gave him a look, Jongin just shut his mouth closed and escaped the vehicle.

“Uh….why are we at your place?”

“Because I forgot to ask you for your address and it’s already too late. Figured you might as well crash here.” Kyungsoo shrugged carelessly. Jongin made a sound, unable to look away from the building.

“So…so you live here?!” he asked, unable to keep the tone of amusement from his voice. Unable to stop himself from giving Kyungsoo a look. “Just how rich are you?”

“Not more than you, I’m sure. You have an entire skating complex.”

“I don’t have a skating complex. My parents do.”

“That’s what rich kids say.”

Jongin breathed out, ignoring the playful look Kyungsoo gave him, before he nudged him forward and they started walking towards the front door.

Jongin couldn’t keep the slightly incoherent sounds to himself. This place was even more amazing on the inside. It was very minimalistic, just how he’d have imagined Kyungsoo’s home to look like. That didn’t mean, however, that the place wasn’t incredibly breathtaking. The polished floors, the simplicity of the twister staircase, the ceiling to floor glass walls leading back to a backyard. A backyard that looked more like a forest.

Jongin puffed. He should have figured that the former best skater in the world would live in a goddamn _mansion_.

However, no matter how mesmerizing this place was, and no matter how drunk he was, Jongin’s mind coulnd’t help but skip back to the events from the bar. He frowned at Kyungsoo.

“Will you please explain to me why we’re actually here?”

“I told you, I didn’t know your address, so-“

“No, Kyungsoo. Why did you look like my friends had slapped you in the face the whole evening? What was wrong with you there?”

Kyungsoo just heaved a sigh, a slightly annoyed expression on his face. Jongin threw his backpack on the ground, thinking that maybe he was pushing his luck. However, it would be him Sehun and Baekhyun would be asking tomorrow what had happened, if they’d done something wrong. He needed some answers.

“You mentioned Baekhyun earlier.”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes for a mere moment, before finally looking at Jongin. He looked a bit sad, even Jongin could tell his eyes were somehow empty.

“I guess…no matter how much time passes, no matter how much we grow up, we never really forgive the people who steal our boyfriends, do we?”

Jongin was silent for a few moments, before-

“Boyfriends?” he almost gasped. “You’re into men?”

Kyungsoo stared at him blankly for a few seconds.

“Should I applaud you for that discovery?”

“N-no! I meant-….uh….” Jongin cleared his throat awkwardly, before looking up again. “Wait, he stole your boyfriend?”

“In a way. Yes.”

Jongin knitted his eyebrows, thinking. Thinking hard. Him and Sehun were really close, ever since they were kids really. He had met Baekhyun not long ago, but even so he was pretty close with the man. Close enough to know that he was dating his coach.

Jongin was also sober enough to remember he’d mentioned it before. That his coach had been Kyungsoo’s coach for four years.

Jongin felt his mouth opening lightly. The image of the tall, thin man entering his mind. Park something. Park Chansomething. Park Chanyeong. No. Park Chanyeon.  Chan-…Chan-…

“Chanyeol!” Jongin gasped as the name came to him. “You were-….you were dating Chanyeol?”

“Once again, should I fucking applaud you for those wits?”

“Shut up,” Jongin muttered, looking up with slightly raised eyebrows. “You were dating your coach? Really? How cliché is this?”

Kyungsoo didn’t dignify that with a reply, instead jugged his chin out at the living room.

“Make yourself comfortable.”

Jongin nodded stiffly, waddling slowly towards the couch (an amazing black leather couch, he noted briefly).

His mind, although a bit clouded, was still trying to figure out all pieces of information he had.

Firstly, and most importantly, Kyungsoo wasn't straight. That meant, that he at least had a chance. Jongin almost slapped himself for the thought.

Secondly, Kyungsoo had once apparently dated his coach. Who just happened to now be Baekhyun’s coach.

Suddenly, it made sense, Kyungsoo’s weird behavior at the bar.

Jongin sat down on the couch, trying to think more about that man. That Park Chanyeol.

He didn’t know much about him. Just that he must be a good coach, judging by the skaters he was coaching.

He had seen him, of course, not just once. But he had never really talked to him. All he could associate to that name was a tall, tall man with a wide smile and big ears.

His head shot up when he heard Kyungsoo entering the living room again. He had gotten rid of his coat and was now unbuttoning the button of his shirt’s cuff. A little part of Jongin’s brain screamed, because Do Kyungsoo looked so incredibly good like this, with slightly messed up hair from the wind, walking around his spacious home in his shirt and tight pants.

“So,” Jongin cleared his throat. “Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me about you and your coach and Baekhyun.” Jongin said and almost got burned by the look Kyungsoo threw at him. However, he clenched his jaw. “You at least owe me an explanation. My friends will now think you’re a complete and utter asshole and they’ll judge me for bringing you with me.”

“You know, I really don’t care what-“

“Was he the one you loved?” Jongin asked instead. “You mentioned before that you’ve loved once before. And that it didn’t end well for you. I’m assuming you meant this.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes were judging and his lips were twisted in a small frown as he measured Jongin with a look. He ended up breathing out slowly.

“Are we really going to have this conversation now?”

 “Yes.”

“…I need a drink.”

Jongin barely contained the little victorious smirk.

* * *

The whiskey was burning his tongue, but it was good. Really good. He hadn’t been expecting Kyungsoo to bring out anything nasty and cheap anyways.

They were sitting in the middle of the living room, literally, on the white carpet with the alcohol between them and the clear glasses.

“It was a long time ago,” Kyungsoo started speaking quietly, leaning his back against the table. “I was-…I was young and foolish and I didn’t know any better.”

Jongin didn’t say anything, just took another sip from his cup and waited for the other man to continue talking. His eyes were a bit glassy, as if he was remembering his past. A small, cynical smirk made its way to his lips.

“He started coaching me when I was seventeen. I was…I was young and all I cared about was being the best skater I could be. I was pushing myself every day and training and he was…he was always there. I was young, and stupid, and ambitious. And I dare say now, so was he. He agreed to almost everything I ever wanted. I wanted jumps, he’d work on it with me and let me do it. I wanted more combinations, he’d tell me to try it out. I wanted dinner, he’d smile and tell me ‘let’s go’. Anything, really. And when someone is there for you all the time, when they give you everything you wish for, it’s kind of impossible not to fall for them.” Kyungsoo breathed out and Jongin tilted his head, taking another sip from the whiskey in his hand. His head was feeling heavy, so were his eyelids. “We started dating when I was nineteen. And, well…I was falling deeper and deeper for him with every passing day. And then the Olympics happened. And the Championships. And I started winning, making a name for myself. People were starting to have great expectations for my performances. I dared ask him for harder elements in my routines, and he always agreed…he always agreed.”

Kyungsoo’s sigh was quiet and he sounded tired when he set his glass back down on the floor and continued.

“We decided to take a break. During the Year’s Championships. A lot of sponsorships and endorsements were on the line, along with that medal, so I had to concentrate on training. I was sticking to training. Every day, every hour, every minute. Even though he was there with me all this time, we were both busy with preparing for the competitions. We only had that on our minds…” Kyungsoo’s chuckle was low and it startled Jongin. “Well, _I_ only had that on my mind. Apparently, he was more prone to multitasking than I was.”

Jongin’s vision was a bit blurry, so he blinked quickly, trying to focus back on his coach and what he was saying.

“It was on Worlds’ two years ago. The last competition of the season. The competition, where-“

“Where you fell.” Jongin whispered quietly and Kyungsoo looked at him. Softly. Then he just nodded.

“The competition, where I fell, that’s right. We had been preparing for that so tediously and he wished me good luck before I went out on the ice and all I could think about was all these hours I spent training and preparing for that moment. The routine…it was going great, everything was great. But then…I still remember it. I remember how I looked over to the waiting area and saw him. He was with this boy. With this redhead I’d seen earlier in the junior championship. They were kissing and for a moment on the ice there, I felt my whole world crumbling down. Because we weren’t dating back then, but I had been hoping he would wait for me. However-“

“He didn’t.”

“He didn’t.” Kyungsoo echoed quietly, before his lips turned up into a small smile. He shrugged. “I was distraught, I don’t even remember what happened. I just remember falling down on the ice. I remember the pain in my knee. I remember the screams of people and the emergency units rushing on the ice. I remember not being able to look at Chanyeol when he rushed out there too. I remember losing consciousness and waking up in the hospital. And that’s it.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” Kyungsoo nodded. “As I said, I was young and foolish, and I thought the world was spinning around me. I had to learn the hard way that not everything was pink. My foolishness cost me my entire career.”

“That’s not true, Kyungsoo…” Jongin muttered quietly, bringing his knees under his chin. “You were a great skater. Everyone will always remember that.”

Kyungsoo didn’t reply, just pursed his lips and raised his glass again. He tipped it at Jongin and the younger one, although everything was blurry and his eyes were heavy from exhaustion and maybe from the many drinks he’d had in just one evening, he raised his own glass as well.

Downing the remaining content in two big gulps, that burned his throat all the way down to his chest.

A minute of silence. Mostly because Kyungsoo wsn’t saying anything. Also because Jongin could feel his head spinning. Maybe that last drink was one too many. He shut his eyes for a moment, before leaning back against the front of the couch.

“Say, Kyungsoo…why him? Why Chanyeol?”

“I told you, I was young and stupid. He was everything I wanted back then.”

Jongin closed his eyes, feeling eerie. His mind was floating around.

“He doesn’t even match your height.”

“Excuse me?”

“You height,” Jongin mumbled quietly, trying to speak coherently even though he could already feel sleep dawning upon him. “If you stand next to him your head wouldn’t even reach his chin. It would be awkward.”

“What?” Kyungsoo sounded entertained, but Jongin didn’t have the strength left to open his eyes and check his expression.

“You know, he couldn’t have tucked your head under his.” Jongin hummed thoughtfully. “I could, though. I’m…I’m the perfect height for that.”

Kyungsoo wasn’t saying anything and Jongin was already losing himself somewhere between reality and dreamland.

Another incoherent sound escaped his lips.

“Hey, Kyungsoo…I have been meaning to ask you something. Ever since the Nationals….”

“Yeah?”

“What you told me back then…you told me I’m beautiful.”

“I did.”

“Did you mean it? Or did you just say it because you wanted me to skate well?”

There was silence for another few moments, before his coach finally replied with his deep, husky voice.

“I said it because I wanted you to skate well. But I also meant it. Truly.” A pause. “You are a very, _very_ beautiful person, Kim Jongin.”

The skater could only smile slowly, even though he was already almost out of it.

“Yep,” he barely managed to say. “Kim Jongin. That’s me.”

The last thing he remembered from that night before he completely drifted into sleep was the quiet sound of a low chuckle filling the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go, a kind-of-filler-ish chapter.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a comment, let me know what you think~
> 
> Until next time xox


	7. Chapter 7

07

 

Jongin opened his eyes slowly when the first rays of sunshine peeking through the window caressed his face.

He groaned lightly, as he sat up, eyes adjusting to the light. He had a momentary shock when he looked around and didn’t recognize the room – all white walls, white drapes. Sophisticated black wood and an abstract painting on the wall.

He sighed out when he remembered he was in Kyungsoo’s house. How he got in this room, though, under the blankets of a large bed and with the door of a small balcony open, the curtains dancing because of the light wind, he didn’t know.

Jongin felt the heat in his cheeks when he realized Kyungsoo must have brought him up here. He raked his brain, trying to remember what had happened last tonight. He fought the blush again when he remembered all the stupid things he’d said.

Jongin did get drunk quite easily. However, he always remembered what he had done while drunk. If he was going to make dumb shit, then at least he wasn’t going to forget them.

The last thing he remembered from last night was talking to his coach on the floor in his large living room. Then he must have fallen asleep. And if he had been asleep then Kyungsoo must have carried him here. Jongin almost yelped at the thought.

His eyes quickly scanned the room, before stopping on the clock over the door.

5:03.

_Fuck_ , he pushed the blankets off himself. He was late.

He located the bathroom door just by the door he assumed was leading out into Kyungsoo’s house. He hurried to wash his face and make himself look at least the slightest bit presentable.

As presentable as someone could be after getting drunk the evening before without even changing from his practice clothes. He let out a groan when he realized he couldn’t do any better than that, a hand flying up to mess up his hair.

And then he escaped the room.

He didn’t remember this hallway but it was only leading one way – to the spiral staircase he had seen yesterday. He couldn’t take his time looking around Kyungsoo’s marvelous house, because he was already _so late_.

He looked around the living room frantically, trying to spot his coach. He only saw his own gym bag on the black leather couch. The TV was running with no sound, so Jongin assumed Kyungsoo was already awake.

It was awkward as he looked around, as he walked over to the corner, looking over the glass wall into the backyard. Kyungsoo wasn’t there, but a goddamn pool was. Jongin just let out a sigh, turning back around.

And then he heard the faintest sound. Coming from practically the opposite direction, the hall behind the staircase. He breathed out, feeling like a complete intruder, as he walked across the living room.

“Kyungsoo?” his voice was still hoarse because he had only just woken up. He peeked around the corner.

It was a large room, as well. A dining room, black and white counters separating it from the kitchen. And Kyungsoo was standing there, just behind that counter, wearing a tight fitting shirt. His glasses were resting on the bridge of his nose. He looked up when he heard his name being called, when he saw Jongin entering the room. His lips pulled back in a small smile.

“You’re up? I didn’t hear you.”

“Yeah, I-…” Jongin cleared his throat, looking away from his coach. “I’m sorry. I didn’t have an alarm set and-“

“Sit.”

“What?”

Jongin looked back at his coach, who was pointing at the table in front of him. He was holding a spatula in his hand, eyes fixed on the pan.

“Take a seat.” Kyungsoo repeated, withdrawing the spatula and focusing back on the stove.

Jongin blinked a few times, before pulling one of the chairs back and sitting down quietly, eyes finally taking in the sight of the place. It was beautiful, just like everything else in Kyungsoo’s house he had seen until now. He couldn’t help, but smile lightly at the simplicity of everything. Black and white. And then there were those colorful, abstract paintings, giving life to the house. Making it a home. It did feel like Kyungsoo. Sophistication. Simplicity.

“Fried or scrambled?”

“What?” Jongin blinked back when he heard his coach speaking up again, drawing him out of his thoughts. Kyungsoo stared at him.

“Eggs, Jongin. Fried or scrambled, what do you prefer?”

“Oh…uh, scrambled.”

Jongin blinked once again up from his seat at the man behind the counter, moves natural and relaxed as he walked over to the fridge to retrieve a carton of eggs.

So simple. So normal. Yet, Jongin couldn’t help but feel the little tingling feeling in his chest as he watched Do Kyungsoo simply standing there, preparing breakfast.

“So, did you sleep well?”

“I, uh-….uh, yeah. Yeah, thank you.”

“Good.” Kyungsoo’s chuckle was low and entertained. “Noone had used the guest bedroom in ages, I was starting to think I could probably turn it into something else.”

“Guest-….that was your guest bedroom?!” Jongin felt his eyes widening. Kyungsoo gave him a look, before nodding.

“Well, yeah. Why?”

“Nevermind,” Jongin mumbled, thinking about the size of this place, before throwing a wary look towards his coach. “Did you-….last night, did you-“

“Did I what?”

“Did you wake me up to get me there or did you-“

“You’re not really that heavy.” Kyungsoo’s reply made everything pretty obvious and Jongin felt the heat rushing back to his cheeks, as he looked away, trying to hide the blush. “Besides, I don’t even think you would have woken up after all the drinks you had.”

Jongin heard the clatter of plates and then Kyungsoo was walking around the counter and towards him, holding two plates in his hand. He set one in front of Jongin and then seated himself casually in the chair in front of him.

“And speaking of drinks…do you even remember last night?”

Jongin’s eyes shot up and locked with Kyungsoo’s for what seemed like the longest one second.

Memories of last night and all the things Kyungsoo had shared with him.

Memories of last night and all the things he had said to Kyungsoo.

He blinked away, looking down to his plate. His fingers were almost shaking when he picked at the toast carefully.

He just nodded.

“I do.”

“Good.”

Jongin looked back up to his coach warily. He wasn’t looking at him anymore, he was picking on his food with a fork.

“We should probably hurry up.” Jongin muttered quietly. “I didn’t wake up on time and now we’re awfully late. We should have already started on-ice training.”

“Shut up and eat calmly, Jongin.” Kyungsoo’s lips were stretched in a soft smile when Jongin looked at him. “Practice doesn’t start until I say it starts.”

The skater only nodded again, looking down at the food Kyungsoo had prepared for him.

He tried to hide the little smile that stretched his lips.

* * *

Jongin was spending a lot of time with Yixing these days. He was getting every last single detail of his choreography down with the dancer. Then he’d rush back to the ice rink to work on technique and jumps with Kyungsoo.

Then he’d have to meet up Suho. They’d go together to the tailor shop, where the custom made clothes for Jongin’s performances were currently being made. Then they’d drive to various offices, Jongin would sign deals and contracts, and then, he’d go straight back to the ice rink to finish his training.

By the time he was finally getting at home in the evening, he would be too tired to do anything but just get in his bed and fall asleep in the matter of seconds.

There were a little less than two weeks left until the Worlds’ Championship and Jongin was trying his best not to crumble under all the pressure and exhaustion coming with the upcoming competition.

“You fall behind beat after the second jump.”Kyungsoo’s voice carried throughout the entire rink hall. “Again!”

Jongin breathed in heavily, nodded solemnly, then skated back to the center of the ice, taking his starting position.

And he just carried on. Kept on skating. On trying. On pushing himself.

Until the end of the day, when Kyungsoo would tell him it was enough, hand him his blade covers and wait for him so they could get dinner together.

Every day was passing quickly, way too quickly, and Jongin was starting to feel more and more zoned out. He didn’t have enough time and even though Yixing and Kyungsoo were saying he was doing perfectly well, he wasn’t satisfied. He wanted to be the very best.

Kyungsoo seemed pretty stressed as well. He wasn’t showing it, but Jongin could see his eyebrows knitting together from afar as he was carefully monitoring his every move. He could see him pursing his lips every time Jongin speeded up for a jump.

This was a big deal, Jongin reminded himself, vaguely thinking about Sehun and his own routine. He hadn’t seen that. His closest friend was now his competition.  But in a way, they were also a team. Only the two of them, representing their country.

Jongin drew his arms in closer, starting the scratch spin. He closed his eyes momentarily the faster his body spun around.

And then he made the mistake to open them, even though he knew he wasn’t feeling quite alright.

His entire head was spinning and his vision as blurry. He tripped over his skate during the spin and instinctively raised his hands in front of his face to take the fall.

He sighed out deeply when he fell on the ice, chest heaving up and down with his deep breaths.

He tried to stand up, but it felt like the whole word was still spinning around him. His legs, and even his arms felt weak after all the hours out here.

He just breathed out again, face buried in his arm, feeling the coolness of the ice slowly creeping through his clothes.

He didn’t flinch when he felt a hand on his back. Another one slowly catching him by the elbow, helping him sit up on the ice. Do Kyungsoo’s eyes were slightly widened.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Jongin barely mumbled, staring at his coach who was kneeling next to him. His dark clothes contrasting with the white ice underneath them. “I just got dizzy.”

“Dizzy?” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows knitted once again, concern lacing his expression. “Are you feeling well? Have you eaten today?”

“Not yet,” Jongin said after a second of contemplating. “Didn’t have the time to. I had to rush from Yixing’s dance studio to the rink and then Suho was waiting for me to-“

“What am I gonna do with you?” Kyungsoo breathed out heavily and Jongin felt guilty for a moment. For a second there, blaming himself for hindering practice. However when he looked at his coach, the man was just smiling at him. A very small, very honest smile. “Come on…”

Jongin finally did move, when Kyungsoo stood up and helped him get up, his hands supporting Jongin’s as he dragged him up. The skater tried to move away, but Kyungsoo didn’t let go. Instead, he just looked at him pointily.

“You’re not skating.” The coach said. “Not after this.”

“It’s barely two pm, Kyungsoo,” Jongin shook his head. “I can’t just stop for today. We don’t have time for-“

“I know skating is important, Jongin. I know the competition is important, the medals, the results.” Kyungsoo gave him one another pointy look. The skater felt his fingers tightening around his arm. “But you’re more important. What use would any of these be if you’re not alright?”

* * *

“Where are we going?” Jongin asked when Kyungsoo started driving away from the ice rink. He was sitting in the passenger seat, his muscles aching as he finally let them rest.  He looked out the window as Kyungsoo skipped the street leading to his home.

“We’re gonna go get some food. I don’t want you fainting on me.” Kyungsoo gave him a sharp look and Jongin sighed out.

“Yeah, but where are we going?” the skater reapeated himself. “We could have just grabbed something from the usual place. Then we can go back to the rink and-“

“I told you, you’re not going to skate anymore today.” Kyungsoo flashed him a pointy look when Jongin opened his mouth to complain. “Don’t. Please. Just listen to me for once.”

Jongin opened his mouth again, ready to say something, but decided against it. Instead, he just leaned back in the seat of Kyungsoo’s car, staring out the window as Kyungsoo drove the car into the highway. Jongin furrowed his eyebrows, looking at his coach.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“What question?”

“Where are we going?”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo’s lips pulled back in a smile, the smile Jongin adored so much. His eyes twinkled as he looked back to the road. “It’s a surprise.”

* * *

The first thing he heard before he actually saw anything was the excitement in the shouts he was hearing from afar. The music. The joyful laughter of people.

And then they passed by the corner and Jongin’s eyes widened when everything came in view.

All the lights, all the kiosks and tents, the rides. The large Ferris wheel towering over everything. He looked around, taking everything in, before finally stopping on Kyungsoo. The coach was standing next to him, a small smile on his lips.

“A carnival?!” Jongin asked, looking back to all the people around. “There was a carnival in town?”

“Last day today.” Kyungsoo nodded. “I didn’t think I’d be coming but then you looked like you could use a little distraction. So here we are.”

Jongin just breathed out, looking around again. All the lights around. The entertainers walking around in costumes, little kids laughing, holding onto cotton candy.

He let out a breathy chuckle, eyes taking everything in. He hadn’t been at a carnival in years.

He had never really had the time to when the carnival was in town, he was either too busy training or on competitions abroad. His smile only widened when he looked around at all the rides, at all the games.

“Can we go?” he turned to Kyungsoo and his coach seemed puzzled for a moment, before he smiled.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

Jongin had said he’s pay him back later, because he didn’t have his wallet. Kyugnsoo had only rolled his eyes because this was ridiculous.

After all, he had brought the younger here.

Kyungsoo hadn’t been at a carnival in ages. Jongin was excitedly dragging him from booth to booth, and as excited as Kyungsoo was to be here, he couldn’t help but feel another sort of excitement whenever the younger skater’s eyes twinkled in fascination.

They were walking around, trying everything they thought looked good at the various booths. Kyungsoo almost choked at the chocolate covered banana Jongin kept waving in front of his face on a wooden stick.

Jongin had eventually stopped in front of a shooting stall at the fair, a daring look in his eyes.

“I bet I can do better than you.”

“You wish.”

Kyungsoo laughed hard when Jongin only managed to get three ducks.

Jongin laughed even harder when Kyungsoo only got two.

“We both suck at this.” The younger had laughed, smudged chocolate on his top lip. From that goddamn banana, Kyungsoo suspected, trying hard to stop himself from reaching out and wiping it out for the younger. He was so adorable.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “Guns aren’t for skaters.”

“The things we can do with blades, though.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at Jongin’s dumb joke, before following the younger one further down the street of the fair.

Kyungsoo didn’t know why he agreed to go inside the horror house with Jongin. Heck, he didn’t even know why Jongin had even wanted to go in there when he ended up clinging to him not even ten seconds after they entered and whining that he already wanted to get out.

He also didn’t know why he agreed to get on that monstrous spinning thing that lifted them fifty meters up in the air before shaking violently. Maybe because Jongin pulling on his sleeve was the most adorable thing he had ever seen. Or maybe because it did look like fun. In any case, Kyungsoo found himself standing in front of the cashier, buying two tickets, getting warned to take off his glasses before the ride.

Kyungsoo caught himself screaming in absolute horror as the seats started dropping to the ground. He could barely hear Jongin’s excited laughter from the seat next to him because of his own screaming and the wind blowing past his ears.

“Never,” Kyungsoo had rasped after they were standing on solid ground again. “Never make me do that again. I think I’m gonna throw up.”

But everything was worth it.

The junkfood at the food stalls, the horror and joys of the amusement rides, the mass of people that only kept growing the darker it became.

Everything was worth it if he got to see that happy smile on Jongin’s face.

That happy smile that would pull his lips back and revel two rows of perfect teeth.

That happy smile that would raise his cheeks and his eyes would turn into beautiful crescents.

That happy smile that radiated energy.

Kyungsoo wished he could see that smile more often. But with every passing day the finals were getting closer and that smile would become more and more rare.

Especially these last few days. Jongin had been so tired. So stressed. So set on being perfect, that it almost seemed like he was forgetting the joy ice skating could bring to him.

And today. Today Kyungsoo had been scared. For the first time in a long, long time. When he saw Jongin falling down on the ice after messing up his spin. When he saw him just lying down there, not getting up.

He had known he hadn’t injured himself, but that didn’t make the sight any less scary.

So that’s why he decided to let Jongin rest. At least for this one day. Remind him that there was more to life than just work and ice.

And it was so, so, so worth it.

So worth it when Jongin started laughing at him, pointing out that the slushie had turned his tongue blue.

So worth it when Jongin’s entire face twisted in a grimace and his mouth opened in a soundless scream when he took a bite too big from the ice cream. He started flapping his hands around, trying to get rid of the brain freeze and Kyungsoo could only stand at the side and try to stifle his laughter.

So worth it when he kept seeing that happy smile on that beautiful face. So, so worth it.

“It’s getting kind of late, isn’t it?” Jongin mused at some point of the night and only now did Kyungsoo look down to his watch. It was already nearing nine.

His eyes turned to Jongin. He was looking wistfully around the carnival, and underneath the excitement Kyungsoo could see the dark circles under his eyes. He was tired.

Kyungsoo just smiled, pushing back the slushie in Jongin’s hand.

“We can’t come to a fair and not ride the Ferris wheel.” Kyungsoo felt his lips pulling in a lopsided smile when Jongin grinned at him.

Kyungsoo handed the tickets over to the man who made sure they were sitting down in the cabin before closing the little door after them.

The higher the wheel took them, the more twinkles appeared in Jongin’s eyes as he stared down at the lights of the fair. As he stared at the opposite direction at the distant lights of the city.

Kyungsoo couldn’t appreciate the view. He was too busy staring at the younger man sitting in front of him. Too whipped to look away.

“You know,” Jongin laughed all of a sudden, their cabin ascending once again after a complete turn of the Ferris wheel. “Doesn’t this feel like a date?”

Kyungsoo almost choked on the ice from the slushie, as he gave the younger a look. Jongin’s smile had shrunk. He wasn’t looking at the fair anymore, neither at the city below them. He was looking at him with a soft look in his eyes.

“Do you like me, Kyungsoo?”

Even though they were high in the air, the cabin slightly swaying, Kyungsoo felt like the air around them wasn’t enough. He looked at the younger boy, though, and tried his best to smile.

“I like you, Jongin.”

“No,” the skater laughed quietly, shaking his head. “I mean…do you… _like_ me?”

He ran his tongue over his suddenly dry lips. He could only stare back at the younger man, who was looking at him with expecting eyes. The answer was so easy. So simple.

 “I do, Jongin. I like you very, very much.” Kyunsgoo admitted quietly, fingers tightening around his drink. “What’s not to like? You’re funny, you’re interesting. You’re challenging. You’re extremely handsome. Oh, and…” he smirked. “Your height is perfect.”

He tried to contain his chuckle when Jongin looked at him pointily, a flushed expression on his face.

Even after a whole day of training, days of endless work, he was still so beautiful. Kyungsoo’s insides turned, when he uttered his question without even realizing.

“What about you, Jongin? Do _you_ like _me_?”

“Very much so.”

The reply was as quiet as the question and Kyungsoo felt a warm feeling spreading within his chest. The look in Jongin’s eyes was partially scared, partially bold.

“Then, how about this?” Kyungsoo said quietly, leaning forward on the little bench he was sitting on. Closing the distance between them by a little. The wind blowing was messing up Jongin’s beautiful hair.  “After Worlds’ I can take you out on a date. On a proper one.”

“After Worlds? Why after worlds?”

Kyungsoo smiled at the almost eager note in Jongin’s voice. At the almost childish hint of a pout.

“Because until then,” he leaned back in the bench, because he himself wasn’t sure how long he would be able to stand so close to the skater without snapping. “Until then you have a lot of work to do, Jongin.”

Because there were measly days left until the Championship. Because Jongin had to train hard and Kyungsoo had to make sure he was safe and sound.

And going on a date in the middle of this hectic schedule seemed inconvenient. For him. For Jongin. For everyone working on their team.

But after the Championship, after World’, there was nothing to stop them from doing that. Not until the next season.

Kyungsoo’s heart fluttered in excitement at the thought of this little promise between the two of them.

Or at the satisfied smile that bloomed on Jongin’s face.

Maybe both.

In the end of the day, when the Ferris wheel stopped and they had to get out of the little cabin, when they slowly started walking across the streets of the fair back to the parking lots, when they had to leave, all Kyungsoo could do was think about the look of determination in Jongin’s eyes and the hints of a blush fading away slowly from his face.

* * *

Jongin had always disliked the sweatshirts and sweatpants with the flag that the delegation always made the wear for the big championships.

He also really disliked the fact that they made all skaters from all categories leave together. Pose together for the reporters. Say inspirational quotes and state their ambitions for the upcoming competition.

Jongin noted how the younger skaters around them seemed all confused, before their coaches started pushing the away. He smiled briefly at Seulgi – a girl he’d known for a long time when he started out skating for the first time. They’d been in the same club. He hadn’t known what had happened with her, but here she was now, qualified to the World’ Championship.

The only thing that made going through all this easier was that Baekhyun was cracking jokes left and right, that Sehun was there, right next to him, looking absolutely bored with life as he didn’t even try smiling for the reporters. That Krystal was on his other side, hair raised up in a high ponytail as she barely concealed her irritated groan when some reporter asked her if she and Jongin were back together.

Jongin really wanted to ask the reporters why they were so set on the idea that him and his former skating partner were together. Ever. He just raised his eyebrow upon hearing the question rain more than once.

He flinched when he felt a hand on the small of his back, pushing him forward, away from the flashes of the cameras and the stretched out microphones.

Kyungsoo was pushing him forward towards the check in counter, and Jongin finally spotted Suho there, waving a hand up to catch their attention. Beside him was standing Yixing with a big backpack on his shoulders.

“Don’t let their questions bother you.”

“Their questions don’t bother me,” Jongin said to his coach, rolling his eyes at last. “They just annoy me.”

“I wonder what the reporters would have to say if they knew what I know.” Kyungsoo chuckled lowly when Jongin threw a distressed look towards him. “Imagine the titles.”

“I’d rather not.” Jongin scoffed. “Suho would have a fit.”

“I know.”

They just kept walking forward.

“Alright, here’s your passport, don’t lose it!” Suho spoke to him as if he were a child, holding a pager and a phone in each hand respectively. “First things first, there will be a team waiting for the whole delegation when we land in Helsinki. We land in the morning so we will have some free time before the press conference in the afternoon. The sound-“

“Suho…please.” Kyungsoo spoke up from next to him, interrupting his manager. “We have a thirteen hour flight. It’s crowded here, there are reporters everywhere. Must you explain it now?”

“Must you explain it _at all_?” Jongin mumbled under his breath, hoping no one had heard him.

Judging by Kyungsoo’s entertained look, though, he had.

“You’re right,” Suho nodded. “You’re right, I can explain everything on the plane.”

“Great.” Yixing smiled happily. “Shall we go then?”  

Jongin’s head shot up when he felt fingers wrapping around his wrist. When he looked down briefly and saw Kyungsoo giving him a supportive smile.

This was it.

After all these months, after all these hours and days spent on the ice, training. Preparing himself for this very moment. For this competition.

He breathed out, trying to ease his heart.

He wasn’t alone in this. He had Lay. He had Suho. And most importantly, he had Kyungsoo.

He had Kyungsoo and he had that promise from up in the cabin of the Ferris Wheel.

He had more than one reason to look forward to this.  

And then he nodded.

“Let’s do this.”

* * *

 


	8. Chapter 8

He was in a different country, a different place with a different language and different people.

The ice, though. The ice was the same everywhere.

Jongin finally felt somehow at ease the evening of the day they arrived, after all the press conferences and all the work they had to do. The time difference wasn’t helping either, for he had been yawning half of the day, but he couldn’t just go back to the hotel.

“Alright,” Kyungsoo’s voice carried throughout the hall and when Jongin looked up he saw his coach throwing his coat to the side on the bleachers. Him rolling up the sleeves of his black shirt didn’t help either. Jongin had to look away from the other man for a few seconds to compose himself. “We only have the ice rink booked for one hour, so we better hurry up.”

“One hour,” Jongin scoffed, sliding to the center of the ice. “What are we going to do in just one hour?”

“Ah, sucks to not have an entire skating complex to yourself, doesn’t it?” Jongin threw a look towards his coach. Kyungsoo didn’t look tired from the travelling, or if he was he wasn’t showing it. He just leaned against the railing of the rink, one eyebrow raised tauntingly on his forehead. “Come on, princess, time to train like normal people do.”

“You’re asking for it, coach.”

“Asking for what, exactly?”

“Can we please start training?” Jongin spun around to face his coach again, unable to control his own eyebrows. Neither could he control the small smirk puling his lips back. “We only have one hour left and you’re distracting me already.”

Jongin could see Kyungsoo fought really hard with the urge to say something, undoubtedly something about being a distraction – it was written all over his face. However, in the end his mischievous expression kind of died out and was replaced by a sterner smile, as he jugged his chin at the ice.

“Fifty-nine minutes. Let’s start.”

Jongin just nodded, finally swallowing his own little shit eating grin. One look at Kyungsoo and the way he transformed from the playful young man to the serious coach was enough to remind Jongin why he was here at this hour.

The competition was starting tomorrow.

And every extra minute on the ice would help him get one tiny step closer to his goal.

He skated that night. He skated as hard as he could, going over every move precisely, discussing every last single detail with Kyungsoo, who was standing at the edge of the rink with his arms twisted in front of his chest, his measuring eyes never looking away from Jongin’s form.

Normally, it would have made the young flustered, but he knew that when his coach set his mind on something he was dedicating to it completely. And at this very moment he wasn’t the cheerful and smiling Kyungsoo he had grown to like so much over the past months.

Right now, he was his coach Do Kyungsoo. His coach, who was giving out loud instructions and pointers.

His coach, who in the end of his training that night, smiled warmly at him, raising the blade covers and telling him he did great.

And maybe, just maybe, Jongin realized in utter and complete defeat, he wasn’t only falling for the cheeky and mischievous young man who was taking him to carnivals and was spilling all his secrets to him while getting drunk.

Maybe he was also falling for this part of Do Kyungsoo. 

 _Great_ , he almost groaned on his way to the changing rooms of this unknown skating complex, now even all these hours training on ice with Kyungsoo would feel like the sweetest torture ever.

Somehow, though, he didn’t mind that. Not one bit.

* * *

“Jongin!”

He turned around in the middle of his dance move, earning himself a low complain from Lay. However, Byun Baekhyun’s voice had sounded loud and urgent and when he looked behind he saw the shorter skater barging into the dance studio with a somewhat reluctant Sehun following behind him.

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“The rest of the delegation’s going to get lunch together before the short program tonight.” Baekhyun smiled. “You should come! All of you.”

Jongin breathed out, turning around to look at Yixing and Kyungsoo who were sitting in the corner of the studio. 

“Don’t look at me,” Yixing raised his arms. “Not much to work with you on anyways, so…”

Jongin’s eyes shifted to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, who just raised his eyebrows and gave a look at the other skaters. Then back at Jongin. He shrugged.

“Not my call.”

Jongin sighed out. He knew that look.

“Listen, Baek, we were in the middle of practice and-“

“And you were doing amazing, sweetie, you really were.”

“My point,” Jongin laughed quietly. “I have to finish up here first. We will join you in a little bit, alright?”

“But-“

Baekhyun was cut off in the middle by Sehun grabbing his arm and dragging him away.

“Alright, Jongin. We’ll just wait for you there.”

“Great, thanks.”

He turned around to see Yixing standing up from the chair, grabbing his backpack.

“Well, uhm-…you see, you really were doing great and I don’t really think there’s much else to work on and-…uh…”

“You’re hungry, aren’t you?”

“ _Starving_.”

Jongin let out a quiet chuckle, nodding at his dance instructor.

“Alright, you go too. We’ll join you later.”

He stood in his place, breathing still a little heavy as he watched Yixing flash him a wide grin before hurrying after Sehun and Baekhyun. He sighed out when the studio’s door shut closed again.

“Sorry about that,” Jongin threw a look towards Kyungsoo warily. “But they really won’t leave us alone if we don’t show up in a while.”

“Alright. Then we better hurry up and finish here, no?”

Jongin felt a scowl forming on his face. He just looked at his coach again.

“You sure? That it’s alright?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

Jongin blinked quickly a couple times, before he shrugged.

“Well…the delegation means that also all the coaches will be there, which means that also-…well, Chanyeol will be there as well. I thought-“

Jongin was cut off by Kyungsoo’s quiet laugh.

“You thought I don’t want to be in the same place as him?”

Kyungsoo sounded entertained, and Jongin only frowned a little in confusion.

“Essentially.”

“Jongin, don’t be ridiculous. Whatever happened between me and Chanyeol was a very long time ago. It’s already in the past, forgotten. It would be a bit childish to run away even now.” Kyungsoo stood up, big round eyes fixed on Jongin. “Besides, we were stuck in an airplane yesterday for thirteen hours and I survived that without getting a mental breakdown. I think I’ll survive a lunch.” 

Jongin sometimes found it hard to tell if Kyungsoo was joking or not, but now the light tug on the corner of the elder’s soft lips was an indicator that he was just messing around. Jongin sighed out again, shrugging.

“If you say so,” he smiled barely. “I just didn’t want you to feel awkward.”

He watched as Kyungsoo’s features melted into something softer than Jongin had ever seen on the other man’s face.

“Thank you, Jongin.”

The skater just shrugged again, turning back towards the mirrors on the wall.

“Well now that we know you’re not going to run away screaming…”

Kyungsoo’s chuckle was low and quiet again, before he nodded and stared at Jongin through the reflection in the mirror.

“Start again from the top.”

* * *

Jongin painfully noted that despite what Kyungsoo had said earlier he did seem uncomfortable sitting down on the large table in the restaurant, just against Chanyeol. He couldn’t avoid the conversation – not when he was sitting right in front of him.

Jongin wished he could do something about it but he himself was dragged into countless conversations by different people – Baekhyun screaming joyfully about how they’ll all be there to support him and Sehun tonight and then Krystal later. Victoria asking him how he’d been doing – the woman was, after all, his former coach. He couldn’t ignore her.

He even got Chanyeol turning towards him at some point of the evening, introducing himself with a grin a tad bit too wide, a sparkle in his eyes. He talked loudly and every word was rushed and somehow excited. He looked like a hyperactive child, Jongin noted to himself, throwing a side look towards Kyungsoo who seemed a tad bit more relaxed than when they’d first walked in. He wondered how a person as quiet as Kyungsoo could have ever been with someone as loud as Chanyeol.

He vaguely wondered if Kyungsoo had always been as he was now.

“WE should probably head out soon,” Jongdae, Sehun’s manager said at some point of their lunch together. “The short program starts in less than three hours and we have to-“

“THREE HOURS?!”

Jongin closed his eyes for a mere second. Why was his manager the only embarrassing one?

“We have to go!” Suho jumped up from his seat and Jongin tried to contain the smile as he shook his head and slowly rose from his seat. “We have so much things to do, oh my _GOD_!”

Jongin watched as Yixing stood up from the other part of the table. Kyungsoo beside him also smirked before joining them.

“I’ll see you later at the arena, alright?” Jongin blinked and tried to pretend he hadn’t heard Chanyeol talking to Kyungsoo. Instead, he smiled distractedly when Baekhyun and Krystal said they’d be there later to watch both him and Sehun.

And then he was being dragged away by Suho and the rest of his team.

“Alright, we need to get back to the hotel.” His manager started speaking, eyes fixed on his phone. “I will arrange the car and call up the make-up artists and the stylist. I need you all to be down at the lobby not later than five.”

Jongin kind of tuned him out as he kept on stressing out and giving away instructions. Suho was always like this before competitions. Sometimes Jongin thought his manager got more nervous than he did. In a way, it was endearing. In another way, it was also stressing Jongin out even more.

However, right now he was busy throwing side glances at Kyungsoo and his relaxed face. He was glad he wasn’t feeling bad after the lunch today.

But then again, a part of Jongin started screaming at the memory from only minutes ago when Kyungsoo had been sitting on that large table, laughing along with the other coaches at Chanyeol’s jokes.

He had to shake his head to rid himself of such thoughts. He was being silly, he knew that.

Besides, a little part of him reminded, him and Kyungsoo weren’t together. Despite all words exchanged and all soft smiles and shared secrets, they weren’t.

They were only a skater and his coach. They were only friends.

Friends with a heavy promise between them. A promise that made Jongin feel all giddy inside every time he remembered that night at the carnival.

Reminding himself of that, Jongin was finally able to completely chase his silly thoughts away. In the end, Kyungsoo had promised that to him. Only to him.

And after tomorrow evening, after the long program ended, then there would be nothing standing between them and the fulfillment of that promise.

But before that, Jongin tightened his jaw and finally turned to listen to Suho again, before that he had a competition to win.

* * *

“How are you feeling?”

Jongin was surprised at how calm he felt. At how at ease his heart was as he was standing in the waiting area, eyes vaguely monitoring the skaters on the ice before him.

So when he looked away towards his coach, a small smile stretched his lips.

“I’m fine.”

“That’s good.” Kyungsoo noted and Jongin almost felt smaller at the way the older man’s eyes raked him up and down. “Good…You _look_ good. Has anyone ever told you that red suits you?”

“Is your goal before every competition to see how much you can flirt before I fire you for being unprofessional?” Jongin looked down as he heard Kyungsoo laughing beside him quietly – that low, throaty laugh that was just doing things to him. He just shook his head, before raising his head again. “Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome.”

“Stop it!”

“What?” Kyungsoo laughed again. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Just don’t-….don’t distract me.”

“We have a problem.” When Jongin looked at his coach, the man was smiling. His lips pulled back, his cheeks looking especially soft. “You say I distract you for the second day in a row. How are we going to work together from now on if you can’t focus on your job because of me?”

“Don’t get too full of yourself, coach,” Jongin tried to compose himself and to fight the heat rising on his cheeks. “I know how to separate work from my personal life.”

“Good.” Kyungsoo nodded. “Remember, we changed the triple to a double-double combination. Be careful with the spins and if you feel strained _do not_ go for a triple-double combination in the end. A simple triple will also be alright, the rest of the compulsory elements are already covered.”

“I know.” Jongin nodded, looking back towards the ice rink where the skater from Russia was finishing up his performance.

“Jongin?”

The skater was still looking as the Italian man skated away to the exit of the rink, getting greeted by his team. He heard they were already announcing his name, when he looked down to his coach. Kyungsoo was smiling.

“Yeah?”

“Go show them how it’s done.”

* * *

“TEMPORARY SECOND!” Yixing hollered as soon as the results were out at the end of the competition day. Jongin laughed when the dancer dragged him down to hug him tightly. “I’m so, so, so proud of you! We need to celebrate!”

“I need to train, though.”

Jongin’s voice came out muffled and Yixing laughed again, finally letting go. Suho was standing next to him with a proud dad-smile that Jongin just couldn’t help the warmth that spread inside his chest.

He didn’t take long to change back to his casual clothes in the secluded waiting areas. Getting random congratulations from the other skaters who were in there.

Temporary second. He was in second place after all the short programs. And according to Suho and all his numbers and charts he only needed to place within the top five tomorrow after the long program to be within the top three. To be a medalist. The thought was making him excited.

“YOU DID AMAZING, SWEETIE!”

Jongin laughed when he heard the familiar obnoxious voice. When he turned around and saw Baekhyun barging into the waiting rooms. Krystal was with him, a proud smile on her face.

“OK, you seriously need to stay off the Internet. You’re already enough of a meme as it is.”

“Why, thank you,” Baekhyun grinned before he was pushed away by the girl who walked up to Jongin and pulled him down for a quick hug.

“You really did well, Jongin!” Krystal said cheerfully, the glitter on her face somehow distracting.

“Where is my other sweetie?” Baekhyun interrupted again, looking around. “Where’s Oh Sehun, I need to pinch his cheeks and tell him he did great too where is-“

“If you’re going to pinch my cheeks then I’m not here.”

Jongin laughed when Sehun showed up from behind the lockers, carrying his skates in both hands.

He had placed temporary fifth. Which meant he still had a pretty good chance to place within the top three tomorrow. Jongin was probably not supposed to hope for his friend scoring that high, but he couldn’t help him. The naïve, childish part of him was kind of hoping both of them could leave with medals tomorrow evening.

Jongin just laughed again as he watched Sehun struggling to keep Baekhyun away from himself, earning them all curious glances from the other competitors.

“You’re going to stay and watch, right?” Krystal asked and brought him out of his thoughts. He looked down at the girl who was staring with raised eyebrows.

“Of course,” Jongin nodded. In less than half an hour the women’s finals were starting. Krystal would compete. He wouldn’t just leave. “Isn’t that what friends are for? Someone’s got to hype you up.”

Jongin just laughed blissfully again as he watched Baekhyun momentarily lose interest in Sehun and turn towards Krystal with a mischievous smirk. When she told him to stay away because ‘ _if you ruin my hair my coach will kill you’_. When Baekhyun just laughed and deemed it appropriate to just pull her and start reciting an improvised fanchant, somehow lost in Krystal’s shrieks.

Jongin’s heart was at ease. In fact, his heart felt light. Lighter than ever.

He felt satisfaction and pride pumping through his veins.

“Should we go up?” Sehun asked. “The rest of the teams are probably waiting and there won’t be any seats left if we don’t hurry.”

“Right.” Jongin grinned, pulling up his sack. “Let’s go.”

* * *

“You’re late.” Jongin breathed out when he saw Kyungsoo entering the studio on the next morning.

That was a first. Kyungsoo being late for their training. Especially on the day of the very last final. Jongin sighed out as he pushed himself up. Shaking his leg to relax his leg from the stretches.

“Where did you go last night?” Jongin asked again. “I was looking for you, but you weren’t in your hotel room.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo mumbled. “I went out for a few drinks with some other coaches.”

Jongin blinked silently. He felt a wave washing over him. A wave of what though, he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“Other coaches-…”

“Yeah. Me and Victoria, Chanyeol. Minseok and the coach of the Chinese skater.”

 _Jealousy_. Jongin knew what that wave was now, as the name Chanyeol started ringing in his head.

Kyungsoo had been out with Chanyeol.

The thought made him hurt a little on the inside, before a little part of him had to remind that there were other people with them and that there was nothing going on between them. Jongin nodded stiffly.

“Why were you looking for me?”

“I-…um, it was nothing important.” Jongin shook his head. Last night after the women’s finals had ended he had wanted to ask Kyungsoo if he wanted to maybe go out and look around the city for a while because they wouldn’t have enough time for sightseeing before their plane tomorrow. He just breathed out, trying to empty his mind. “Anyways, you’re late and we’re short on time and the finals starts in just another five hours and-“

“You’re right.” Kyungsoo spoke quietly, throwing his coat aside just like every other time. “I’m sorry I’m late. Now you know how I feel every day when you’re late to practice.”

Jongin almost swayed at the little teasing smirk on his coach’s lips. However, a not so small part of him was still quietly chanting ‘Chanyeol’ in his head and he just couldn’t ignore it.

“Let’s start.” Jongin said instead, trying to focus.

He had an important day today, after all, maybe the most important day of the entire year. He couldn’t afford getting distracted.

Not today.

* * *

It felt surreal. The crowd was huge, probably at least twice bigger than it had been yesterday during the short program finals. The media, all the cameras. Here to be the first ones to report about the new world champions in just another few hours. 

Jongin blinked away from the front row where all these people were standing and turned back.

He looked away in distaste from the corner where Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were talking. Kyungsoo was laughing.

And the worst part, it was his real smile. That smile that Jongin adored so much. It was now on Do Kyungsoo’s face not because of him, but because of his ex. Jongin was going crazy and he didn’t know what he would have done had it not been from Krystal to ramble random stuff to him.

However, even Krystal had to leave at some point when Amber and Victoria appeared out of nowhere and dragged her away to start getting ready for her own finals. Make-up, hair – Jongin supposed it took longer for girls to get ready.

He was about to turn around when he heard Kyungsoo’s laughter again.

When a little part of him shriveled up at the sight of his coach and the tall lanky man laughing in the corner together.

“Jongin, what are you doing here,” Suho’s distressed face appeared in front of his eyes as his manager grabbed him and started dragging him. “You were supposed to be getting your hair done already!”

Maybe he was just getting paranoid, Jongin tried to calm his racing heart down as he was shoved down in the chair of the stylist. As he threw one last look back before closing his eyes and shoving his earphones in his ears, trying to tune out the world.

Maybe it was just the stress talking and maybe he was reading too much into it. It couldn’t be possible for the two of them to get this close again after having not talked for about two years. Not after how Kyungsoo had talked the other day in his house about what had happened between them.

 _Baekhyun is dating Chanyeol_ , Jongin had to remind himself at some point harshly to stop himself from thinking only about that instead of his routine, despite the loud music blasting into his ears.

However, not even that helped when he threw another look and the two coaches were still standing there, talking excitedly and laughing.

Jongin’s stomach just turned unpleasantly before he closed his eyes again.

* * *

“You just have to make it to the top 5, Jongin! You do that and then everything we have all worked so hard this whole year will pay off. I don’t mean to pressure you or anything but-“

“That’s enough.”

Jongin’s head whipped up at the sound of the deep, sweet voice. He looked up just in time to see his coach giving a pointy look to Suho who breathed out and retreated.

Jongin froze in his seat when he felt Kyungsoo’s hand on his shoulder. When their eyes met in the mirror in front of him.

“Are you alright?” Kyungsoo asked, worry lacing his voice. “You’ve been acting weird.”

“Have I?” Jongin breathed out nervously, trying to force out a chuckle. He shook his head. “I’m just nervous about the competition, I guess.”

Kyungsoo stared at him for a few long seconds, before he nodded. He seemed to have bought it, Jongin noted with relief.

“That’s normal.” Kyungsoo’s voice was quiet and soothing and Jongin tensed even more when the hand resting on him squeezed his shoulder tightly. “Do you want to go walk around for a bit? Maybe it will take your mind off everything.”

Jongin pondered about it for a few seconds, before nodding stiffly. Maybe it would help.

Maybe it really was nerves. Maybe it really was just the anxiety raining on him because of the long program finals.

Maybe it was all that and not the fact that a little green monster had awakened inside of him for unknown reasons.

There weren’t many places they could go to. The arena was already half full more and more people just entering. The corridors around them were buzzing with staff, with trainers and coaches and skaters running back and forth. With organizers mumbling things into the headsets, holding folders and track lists in their hands, giving last instructions to the lightning and music technicians.

Walking around all this craze only seemed to make Jongin’s chest feel tighter.

“Hey, hey,” Kyungsoo’s voice brought him out of his daze. The shorter man was smiling. “You look distressed. Calm down.”

“Easier said than done.”

“You seemed fine yesterday. Why are you suddenly so nervous?”

“Because yesterday, even if I fucked up, it wouldn’t have mattered. But today suddenly there’s a chance, a big one, that I might end up on that ladder. I’m afraid I’ll blow it like a complete idiot.”

Jongin froze yet again when Kyungsoo’s hand stopped him from moving forward. When his coach stared right at him, one hand still at his elbow, the other flying up to hold his face.

Jongin’s breath froze. Kyungsoo was touching his face for the first time.

“Don’t say that,” his coach said quietly. “You’ll do amazing out there, I’m sure of it.”

Jongin just tightened his jaw, trying to pull back. Kyungsoo’s fingers around his elbow only tightened, holding him in place.

“Hey,” his coach said, thick eyebrows knitting together. “You didn’t work that hard to end up doubting yourself just before the end. Believe in yourself.”

The skater stood silent for a few moments, before nodding. Kyungsoo finally let go of him, a small encouraging smile blooming on his face.

“Besides,” Kyungsoo started again quietly. “You have to do well out there.”

“You know, you really contradict yourself-“

“Not because of scores and medals,” Kyungsoo interrupted with a little smirk. “You have to do well because when I do take you out on that date I want you to be happy.”

Jongin’s heart tightened at the words. He was pretty sure his eyes had also widened. For a few moments, he forgot how to breathe.

There it was, the proof that he had been delusional this entire day.

Kyungsoo was here. With him. He cared for him and he _liked_ him.

And most importantly, he believed in him.

Jongin finally smiled, probably for the first time today.

When Kyungsoo was putting it like that, there just wasn’t a chance he couldn’t agree.

* * *

“Are you sure you want to watch?”

Jongin just nodded, eyes on the ice as Sehun started skating his routine. He was watching his best friend, the carefully executed routine he had been working on for months.

Sehun was his competition, yes, but Jongin didn’t want to look at him like that. He wanted to support his best friend. He felt relief every time Sehun landed his jumps perfectly. He was watching carefully, appreciating all the work the younger had put into this. It was apparent that he had focused much more on the long program than the short one. He was definitely going to rise up the rankings with this skating.

Jongin clapped along with the crowd when Sehun’s program ended and when they announced the next skater from Italy.

He was standing on the side in the waiting area with Kyungsoo and Yixing by his sides, with Suho behind them talking to some other manager that Jongin didn’t know. Instead, he looked as Minseok, Sehun’s coach, greeted him as soon as the younger skated back to them under all the cheers. He watched as his coach hugged him quickly, but tightly.

“Sehun!” Jongin grinned as he himself approached the younger one. “You did great out there! No wonder your coach never let me stay to watch.”

Sehun’s laughter was breathy, chest still heaving up and down from exerting himself out on the ice.

“Thanks, Jongin.” There was some commotion behind them and someone called the younger’s name. Sehun just turned back to Jongin, pushing him back a little with a little smile – a rarity for Oh Sehun. “I gotta go, results will come out now. Good luck to you too, Jongin! I’ll be watching.”

“You better be.”

He watched as Sehun and his team retreated to the kiss and cry, leaving him alone in the busy waiting area.

Jongin turned back to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, who was looking at him with curiosity in his eyes.

“You know, for someone as worried about the outcome of the competition, you sure are kind to your opponents.”

“He’s my best friend.”

“He’s also your competition.”

“Best friend kind of wins, don’t you think so?”

“Fair enough.” Kyungsoo smiled, urging Jongin to get out of the middle of the area where technicians and cameramen were running around to catch the skaters after their programs or announcement of results for quick interviews. Instead, they returned to the rail, watching the performances of the skaters before Jongin.

He was tense. He could feel the pressure of tonight.

But it was gladly another kind of pressure. The pressure of competitions – he knew that once he stepped on the ice it would be gone. Once he stepped on ice he’d be feeling like he was at home and nothing else would matter.

“How many more skaters before me?”

“Two more.” Kyungsoo’s reply was instant as he looked towards Jongin. “Why?”

“Let’s just say that last bottle of water was one too many. I’ll be right back.”

He walked away down the corridors, after the changing rooms, where the washrooms were. He knew he didn’t have to rush – two skaters with an average program of four minutes was enough time.

He was trying to go over the elements of his routine in his head. Triple Axel-double toe combination. Triple loop. Another triple. All the spins. He felt dizzy as he looked up to the mirror and stared at his reflection. He also managed to stop himself on time before splashing water on his face. Suho would kill him. The thought made him giggle as he washed his hands, leaving the washroom and heading back to the waiting area.

He could hear the loud music and the chants of people to the upbeat music of the skater on the ice now. He didn’t know who it was, but he tried not to think about it.

Kyungsoo had said it before, he also knew it – he wasn’t supposed to care about anybody else but himself right now.

Especially not when his long program would start in just minutes. The most important performance of the entire season.

Jongin felt a wave of pride hit him as he thought back about it – he had barely started skating solo half an year ago and he had managed to come this far. It was kind of amazing, if he thought about it.

He was about to go and express his sudden surge of excitement to Kyungsoo, but he stopped in his tracks as he looked at where he’d last left him and he saw him there standing with Chanyeol.

 _Hugging_ Chanyeol.

Laughing that beautiful laugh that made his entire face glow.

Jongin felt like a piece of his soul broke.

“Ah, Mr. Kim!” he blinked in surprise when a man with a staff badge walked up to him. “You’re up next, please be ready by the rink.”

Jongin just nodded stiffly, once again looking towards Kyungsoo who was holding onto Chanyeol’s arms, still laughing.

He couldn’t believe it. The way his eyes started shaking, the way his heart started beating loudly and painfully against his chest again.

Maybe he hadn’t been that delusional. Maybe he hadn’t been imagining.

“Jongin!” He looked up to see Kyungsoo detaching himself from Baehyun’s coach and walking up to him in rushed steps. “Jongin, you’re up next. Are you ready?”

“Y-…yeah, I-“

“What happened?” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrowed in worry, as he raised his hands to grasp Jongin’s shoulders. “Are you feeling well? You seem kind of-“

“I’m fine!” he hurried to say and to look away from his coach. “I’m fine, I just-….yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” _Stop_ , Jongin thought quietly to himself, _stop asking if I’m fine_. “I can go ask them to change turns if you’re not-“

“I said I’m fine.”

“Alright…” Kyungsoo’s hands slowly slid down his arm, grasping his hands firmly. “Alright, then-….just stay focused. If you skate like you did at training you have nothing to worry about, Jongin.”

It hurt, Jongin was thinking, vision somehow blurry.

It hurt to think Kyungsoo could get so close so quickly to a person who had hurt him in the past. Not directly, of course, but a person who had inflicted so much pain nonetheless.

It hurt to think that Kyungsoo’s beautiful smile that had always made Jongin feel at least the slightest bit special wasn’t only for him.

It hurt to think that despite everything Kyungsoo might have still had feelings for CHanyeol, despite what he had said before, despite all the time that had passed.

“-Jongin!”

He flinched when Kyungsoo shook him, more and more worry written all over his face.

“Sorry, I zoned out.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Kyungsoo said quietly. “I was saying to be careful of the second combination. It’s a bit tricky and right after the spins. If you’re not feeling well then don’t do a combination. Just go for a double Lutz, alright?”

Jongin didn’t have the time to reply.

Because when a man from the staff said and urged him forward, all he could do was follow after him, feeling Kyungsoo’s hands sliding away, as the shorter wished him good luck.

He tried to breathe in. To calm himself down. He stepped on the ice, looking around before breathing out slowly.

The ice. Home. He was strong here. This was his stage.  His place and time to shine.

He tried to force himself to smile as he skated to the middle of the ice, but when his facial muscles didn’t comply, he just kind of gave up on trying. Instead, he took his starting position, waiting for the music to start.

Jongin tried not to think. To let the music just flow through him and to let his body move by itself. After all these hours practicing this same routine he could do that. It was the best thing he could do – skate his program without thinking hard about every move. Without thinking about anything at all.

But there was a pain in his chest and no matter how hard he tried not to think, he couldn’t ignore it.

Maybe momentarily, when he heard the loud cheers of the crowd when he landed his first combination of jumps perfectly. His body was used to this already, it was a routine. He just kept sliding around the ice, moving his fingers in the detailed moves he had been practicing with Lay so much.

Eyes were occasionally flyng up to the arena as he continued with his routine. All these people out there watching and cheering for him.

Not even that made it easier to ignore that devastation within.

 _Don’t think_ , he thought to himself, bringing his hands together before diving the toepick into the ice, pushing himself in a jump.

The landing was clean, the chants were loud.

For one thing he was certain, his skating today definitely didn’t lack emotion. He wasn’t sure if it was the right sort of emotion for this dance, but it was there. He couldn’t stop it from pouring out in every move and every twist, every step and jump.

The music got louder and more intense and so did his breathing as he sped up from one corner of the rink. The combination was executed perfectly and Jongin was pretty sure the chanting had gotten even louder. He couldn’t hear anything, though. It felt like he was somewhere else and all the sounds from the arena were dulled.

He could feel his breathing becoming heavier with every passing second.

_Kyungsoo._

He brought his hands closer to get into the spin.

_Kyungsoo had said everything between him and Chanyeol was in the past._

Jongin shut his eyes closed as his body spun around faster.

_He had said everything was already forgotten._

He dug the toepick to stop the spin and to push himself forward into another step sequence.

Another spin and a single loop.

_He had said all that and he had made all these promises to Jongin._

Jongin’s breathing was heavy as he turned back and started gathering speed for his last combination jump.

_He had said all that but sometimes actions were speaking louder than words._

Jongin threw one quick look towards the waiting area involuntarily. He didn’t mean to, he really didn’t.

He saw Kyungsoo leaning against the railing, eyes fixed on him. And then he saw Chanyeol, standing right beside him, awfully close.

Jongin couldn’t help but feel another wave of foolish disappointment wash over him.  

He didn’t know what happened.

He didn’t know what he did wrong.

He didn’t know why the edge of his skate gave away at the landing.

He didn’t know how he ended up falling.

All he knew was that he felt an unbearable jolt of pain shooting through his leg when he collided with the cold surface of the ice.

All he knew was that his hands involuntarily flew down to grab his leg, lips pulling back at the pained sound that escaped his throat.

He was suddenly aware of the sudden silence in the arena.

He could only make out the sounds of camera shutters and quiet whispers and surprised gasps.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the greatest night of the whole season.

He tried to push himself up, he tried to move but the moment he did another sharp jolt of pain ran through his entire leg and his hands instinctively flew to hold onto it, head falling back against the cold ice.

 _“He’s not getting up!”_ he heard someone screaming. Sounds started filling the arena again.

He didn’t know how he ended up like this.

“Jongin!”

He didn’t know why this had happened. He didn’t know why he was letting the salty tears escape his eyes.

He tried to blink them away when he saw a familiar dark figure running across the ice towards him. When he tried moving his leg again before Kyungsoo could reach him, but another cry escaped his lips at the attempt.

Kyungsoo was kneeling by his side on the cold ice in a matter of seconds, a horrified expression on his face, a hand rising up to his face.

“Jongin, what happened?!”

The skater only vaguely noted more and more people were gathering around him. Those people in the emergency vests. He let out another cry when he moved, hands gripping tightly onto his leg.

“I...I just-...I tripped.”

He looked away from Kyungsoo. He tried hiding the tears on his face.

Because of the unbearable pain in his leg.

Because he had just shattered all his hopes and dreams for this competition.

Because possibly, he had also just ruined his career.

And most importantly, because he had never known heartbreak would be this excruciating.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I too dramatic? I probably am…
> 
> Anyways, you guys I’m sorry I keep y’all waiting so long for any of the romance stuff, but I promise, we'll get there soon adn there's a plot to it….or at least I’d like to think there is
> 
> In any case, please let me know what you think in the comments, I’d really appreciate it ^^
> 
> Until next time! xox


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can blame [Kimi No Sei De](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQJ0uyc592o) for this chapter

“As I expected, the fracture was in the lower leg.” The doctor turned around with a small smile, holding the scan. “I wouldn’t worry. Though the break was complicated, you should be up and walking around in no time.”

“That’s not what I asked you.”

Kyungsoo felt his breath hitching at how low and husky Jongin’s voice was. At how tired and angry he sounded. His usually mischievous eyes were blank.

“Let’s take it one step at a time, okay?” Suho spoke up from the corner, concern evident in his eyes. “You have to walk before you can skate.”

“Don’t care about walking.” Jongin interrupted his manager. “Next year is an Olympic year and I am not retiring. Tell them.”

Kyungsoo had to blink a few times until he realized that those dull, yet somehow filled with anger, eyes were bored in him. He pursed his lips, shaking his head a little.

“Nobody said anything about retiring, Jongin.”

Kyungsoo didn’t know his voice would be so quiet and he didn’t know whether his words were even heard, but he looked up to the doctor again. The doctor, who shrugged helplessly, turning back to the ice skater on the hospital bed.

“I’ve done everything I can do, Mr. Kim. The rest is up to you.”

“Good,” Jongin’s voice had turned ice cold. “Then we have nothing to worry about.”

* * *

Disappointment.

Embarrassment, powerlessness, anger, shame, sadness, hurt, despair.

All these emotions were bubbling inside of Jongin’s chest during the entire fifteen hours it took them to get back to Korea.

All these emotions were tormenting him and not letting go for even a moment, almost bringing him to tears every time he looked down to the cast on his leg and the events from the afternoon started replaying in his mind.

He didn’t know how to put it in words, that emptiness that felt more heavier than anything he had ever experienced in his life.

Because after all these months – _years_ – of working so hard he had failed. He had failed in the most pathetic way possible. He had made a fool out of himself.

In front of all those people in the arena that had been watching.

In front of all the viewers at home that were monitoring the competition.

In front of his friends and fellow skaters.

In front of his team.

And most importantly, in front of himself.

He still couldn’t process it, how he could have been so stupid. Stupid and childish enough to let his mind wander off at the most important moment of the year for his career.

To let himself get affected by the reckless crush he had on his coach at the most crucial moment of the season.

To let himself get wrong ideas because he was in the end of the day just a mindlessly impulsive idiot.

It was tragic to think he had let this happen, because him and Kyungsoo weren’t anything more than just friends, a skater and his coach. He shouldn’t have been as influenced as he had been.

It was his fault for being so unreasonable and lightheaded.

Because the very moment he fell on that ice and he saw Kyungsoo’s expression, he knew he had no one to blame but himself.

Every inch of his coach’s face had been littered with worry and utter horror and that expression managed to stir everything in Jongin all over again.

Kyungsoo cared for him.

And that sole fact made him hate himself even more.

Because if he hadn’t been an idiot and he hadn’t been imagining things he wouldn’t have been on his way back home. He would have been standing on a podium most probably, with a bouquet of flowers in his hand and a medal hanging from his neck.

He wouldn’t have been wearing a hat so low to hide his grim face and puffy eyes, and he wouldn’t have been avoiding conversations with anybody from his team.

He wouldn’t have felt that strong pant in his chest every time he stole a look towards Suho and Yixing. Towards Kyungsoo. They had worked so hard for him and he ended up failing them. All of them.

He wouldn’t have felt tears brimming his eyes every time his mind involuntarily replayed the events from the ice rink.

 _Disappointment_.

Heavy and suffocating, Jongin felt like it would never fade away.

* * *

Two months before he could take the cast off.

Three months until he could walk properly again.

More than four months before he could even think about going back to skating after rehabilitation.

At least that’s what the doctors said.

Jongin could already feel his sanity leaving him. He loved skating more than anything else and now he felt like he had lost that too. Four months sounded like an eternity.

 _That’s great news,_ Suho had chided excitedly in the hospital, _that means the injury isn’t that serious You can return to skating._

In a way, he was right, Jongin knew that. In a way, he was lucky.

But there was always this part in the back of his mind that reminded him that this happening was his fault.

In moments like that, Jongin felt like crying again.

* * *

He didn’t go back home when his parents asked him if he wanted to. He didn’t feel like being around others.

He felt like he deserved to be alone.

The newspapers on the coffee table seemed like they were mocking him, the big red letters on the front page imprinted in his mind.

‘History repeating itself’, ‘Another tragedy in the skating world’, ‘Is this the end for Kim Jongin?’.

Watching TV wasn’t an option either because it seemed like every station was set on displaying his fall from every angle in slow motion. Jongin was fed up with it.

With all the reminders around him that he had failed. That he had ruined everything.

So when there was nothing he could do really, because he was barely moving around with the crutches, he would close his eyes and recall that dreadful day. He’d start cursing at himself mentally.

Trying to wrap his mind around the fact that all this had happened because of his groundless jealousy.

Even more so, Kyungsoo had told him that everything between him and Chanyeol was in the past, that he didn’t feel anything for him anymore.

The more he thought about it, about the reason he fell on the ice, it was starting to get more tragically funny. Because there had been no reason in the first place.

Just his sick mind and hallucinations.

He felt guilty. For letting Suho and Yixing down. For doubting Kyungsoo. For throwing all their hard work in the gutter.

He hadn’t realized he had teared up until his vision started turning blurry.

A quiet curse escaped his lips, as he raised a hand to his face and rubbed the traitorous tears away.

However, when they started flowing down his cheeks again only minutes later when his phone rang and he saw the painfully familiar name on the screen, he didn’t even bother trying to stop them anymore.

Instead, he declined the call and tried his best not to scream.

* * *

“Do something about this.”

Suho looked up when Kyungsoo slammed the papers down on the desk in front of him.

The other man just took a brief look at the newspapers and magazines with the poisonous words and screenshots of Jongin lying down on the ice on the front pages. He just sighed and moved to push them down in the trash bin next to his desk.

“I’m trying, alright?” he said quietly, two fingers flying up to the side of his temple. Kyungsoo pursed his lips, for a moment feeling bad for the manager. He was probably restlessly trying to shut up the press, trying to keep this as low as it could get. “But it’s in the spotlight. There isn’t much I can do, either. It’s everywhere. We can’t sue them, they aren’t spreading false information.”

Kyungsoo felt the rage building up in his chest.

He wanted to stop all this. He wanted to tell everyone to stop talking about it, to stop writing at it.

He knew too damn well what it felt like.

He had gone through this before, after all.

And, fuck, the last thing he wanted was for Jongin to feel like he had felt back then. He didn’t want to see Jongin hurt. He didn’t want him to suffer like he had.

But judging by the way the boy was declining all his calls and not replying to his texts, he had already locked himself in this dark place. He was already in this slump and Kyungsoo wanted to do something to help him, to drag him out of there. Anything, really.

But when Jongin was completely shutting him away, there wasn’t anything he could do but wonder what the hell he was supposed to do now.

“Kyungsoo?” Suho’s voice brought him out of his thoughts and when he looked at the other man he was staring at him with furrowed eyebrows and parted lips. He looked concerned. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” He replied quickly, breathing out heavily. He blinked a few times, before his eyes focused on Suho yet again. He felt his jaw tightening. “You know what? No. Fuck it, I’m not fine.”

“Sit.”

Kyungsoo did. He slumped down in the empty chair, hands flying up to push his hair back in frustration.

“What happened?” he ended up saying tiredly. “How did this happen? _Why_ did it happen?”

Suho didn’t reply so Kyungsoo took that as a sign to continue ranting.

“Everything was going so smoothly. He was acing his routines during his practice, he never had any difficulties with any of those jumps. If anything, I was concerned for the last combination, not those doubles I just-...I can’t understand what happened.”

“He was probably stressed,” Suho said quietly, shaking his head. “Maybe the pressure was too much.”

Kyungsoo shook his head, knowing it must have been more than that. Jongin might have been nervous but being nervous before had never played such a trick on him. But no matter how much he raked his brain, trying to find an answer, he couldn’t.

Maybe he was looking for an explanation he didn’t need. Maybe he really had just tripped. As unfortunate as it was, it really wasn’t unheard of.

Maybe Kyungsoo was failing as a coach. Maybe he wasn’t cut out for this.

He breathed out heavily yet again, before looking up.

“You’ve met him?”

“I have.” Suho nodded. “He can’t really do much in his condition and I can’t let him starve on top of everything. I pass by every few days to get his groceries.”

Kyungsoo just pursed his lips. So Jongin wasn’t shutting out everybody. Maybe only him. But why?

He wanted to go and tell him that it was alright, that everything would eventually pass. To make sure he was fine. His heart was hurting every time he stared at his phone.

“I’ll bring him food tomorrow.” Kyungsoo said before even thinking this through. “I want to check up on him.”

“Are you sure?” Suho asked, face scrunching up a little.

“Of course.”

“Alright. Just…he’s a bit of a mess at the moment.”

Kyungsoo just sighed out again. Memories flooding his mind, along with all the pain and agony he had went through in his life, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“I know. Trust me, I know.”

* * *

Jongin was lying down on the couch and staring at nothing in particular when the bell rang. When he lazily moved his eyes to his phone. Almost 5pm. _Suho_ , he thought, as he pushed himself up and grabbed the crutches leaning against the table next to him.

The moment he stood up, his world spun around for a few seconds – the drawback from spending most of his days lying down and pitying himself. He pursed his lips, before slowly moving forward to the door. One step at a time.

Almost three weeks since the accident and he still hadn’t gotten used to this. He used to run and jump all day long, he used to spin on ice and now he couldn’t even walk properly. Pathetic.

He opened the door, about to apologize to Suho for making him wait, but the moment he looked up he felt like he lost the ability to talk.

Kyungsoo was standing in front of him, looking as clean as ever with his black coat and the glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. He was holding two large grocery bags in his arms.

“Hi,” he said with a little smile. So faint, Jongin barely saw it. His voice was warm and as beautiful as ever and just by hearing it, a part of Jongin’s soul shattered.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, voice raspier than he had thought it would be. Kyungsoo’s smile died out completely, as he pursed his lips and his eyes shone with a look Jongin had gotten used to seeing on Suho’s face – worry, concern.

“You didn’t answer your phone.” Kyungsoo said quietly. Then he stared down for a few moments, before raising his arms a little. “I brought you food. Suho gave me the list.”

“Was he busy today?” Jongin said, as quietly as he could, because he was afraid his voice would betray him.

Seeing Kyungsoo now just restored all these things he had been diligently trying to erase from his mind these last weeks.

The sensation of falling and falling until there was nothing but pain. Seeing fake smiles on everyone’s faces as they told him everything was OK.

His own stupidity.

“I wanted to see you.” Kyungsoo said instead, eyes finally meeting Jongin’s. He breathed out silently. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

Kyungsoo’s voice was a tad bit louder, but soft. Gentle.

Jongin looked down as he pushed the door open, letting his coach enter.

“There are reporters outside your house.” Kyungsoo uttered quietly and Jongin breathed out shakily.

“I know.”

“Suho is trying his best to get rid of them and to calm everything down.”

“I know.”

“Where’s your kitchen?”

“Just leave everything here.”

Jongin felt the older man shooting a glance towards him but he didn’t have the heart to look at him again. He really didn’t. It would break all over again and he was just so _tired_.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo spoke quietly and the skater shuddered lightly at the way his name sounded from those lips in such a begging tone. “Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” His voice was getting hoarser with every word and Jongin panicked. _Leave_ , he thought to himself, Kyungsoo needed to leave before he shattered in front of him.

“Jongin, if there is anyone out there who can understand you it’s me. No one knows better than me what you’re going through, so just…”  his coach sounded frustrated as he sighed. Exasperated. “What happened?”

“I told you already,” Jongin looked away again, leaning against the wall. “I tripped.”

He looked up for the briefest of moments to see Kyungsoo simply pursing his lips and saying nothing.

 “Then why are you avoiding me?”

It felt like the words cut right through him.

“I’m not avoiding you.” He lied. “I just prefer being alone.”

Jongin took this moment of silence to close his eyes and try to compose himself. Too much. It was all too much.

But then he felt something unsettling. When he looked up Kyungsoo was looking at him through his eyelashes, a small frown on his lips.

“Stop lying to me.”

“I’m not ly-“

“I said, stop it.” His coach sounded borderline cold as he spoke. “Do you think I am an idiot?”

Jongin didn’t say anything. Instead, he just looked away again. Cursing himself for being so transparent.

“Look at all these boxes of pizza and unfinished takeout all around this room. Why did you ask Suho to bring you food every day if you were just going to order it?” Kyungsoo was speaking loudly and Jongin just clenched his teeth. “You also never told him to leave. You _wanted_ him to come here. You wanted to be with someone.”

“That’s not-“

“Yet, you don’t even answer my texts. Not even a single syllable to let me know that you are alive and breathing, _damn it!”_

Jongin had to blink to chase away the tears as he looked up and saw Kyungsoo running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

He cared for him.

He cared for him and it hurt so much knowing that and realizing that it just made this situation even worse.

“Did I do something wrong?” Kyungsoo ended up asking softly after a little while and when Jongin blinked he saw the other man staring at him with slightly widened eyes and parted lips. He looked, for all the world, sorry.

And Jongin couldn’t help it. He let out a small choke, mixed with a chuckle, shaking his head.

 “No,” he whispered. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

This was probably the first genuine smile on his face after all these weeks, as he looked up to Kyungsoo again, barely seeing him because of his teary eyes. It was all his own fault. It was all him.

* * *

“I’m sorry,” Jongin barely said after a little while. “I wasn’t there for you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Krystal laughed quietly, reaching out to place a hand on Jongin’s shoulder. Her smile was small and kind and there was relief in her eyes as she looked at him again. “I’m glad you’re doing better now. I was really concerned after I talked to Sehun.”

“Don’t trust anything Sehun says.”

“He never jokes around when it comes to important things, so I believed when he said you were a mess.” The girl said, measuring him with a look, before replacing the serious expression with yet another smile. Instead, she picked up her keys. “So, why am I driving you to the hospital?”

“Suho is busy. Sehun has training. And I hadn’t seen you in a month and a half, Krys.” Jongin sighed out. “I couldn’t congratulate you. I’m sorry.”

“I swear, if you apologize one more time I won’t drive you there.”

Jongin smiled sourly, as he stood up from the couch, leaning against the crutch – now without all the struggling. He had finally gotten the hang of it.

“So…when will you get rid of the cast?”

“In about two weeks, hopefully.” Jongin said as he followed slowly after her. One step at a time. Always one step at a time. “Then I start rehabilitation.”

“That’s great news,” Krystal simply smiled at him as she waited for him to catch up.

Probably, he thought as he slowly entered his friend’s car. He was now closer to getting back on ice.

But no matter how much time was passing from the incident, no matter how faint the pain in his leg had gotten with time, the realy pain, the one inside him just wasn’t fading.

Quite on the contrary, actually.

The more time passed, he felt like an even greater fool.

Because even now, Kyungsoo was here for him. Even when he was trying to push him away, he wasn’t leaving.

The feeling of guilt and sadness was getting mixed with something else.

Something unknown to jongin.

Something so strong, that it was scary.

He just shook his head to empty his mind from such thoughts just when Krystal entered the car with her cheerful and supportive smile and horrible taste in music as she started the radio and Jongin groaned.

* * *

It was deafeningly silent.

The ice on the rink seemed almost eerie. It looked almost blue under the lights in the evening. Baby blue.

So clean and smooth, no traces of blades.

Like it was inviting him to go there, stand on it, skate.

Like it was mocking him, making fun of him.

He couldn’t help but think about all the what-ifs as he stared down at the rink from the bleachers.

There was no sound in the entire arena. It was too late and all the skaters had already went home.

And Kyungsoo had just felt the need to go somewhere, to do something. He couldn’t stand sitting at home and doing nothing, wondering how Jongin was doing because even when he did let him in his house once or twice a week, he wouldn’t open up to him.

He had changed, Kyungsoo sighed out. He had changed so much.

He wasn’t the same bubbly boy with challenges in his eyes and adventures in his smiles. He wasn’t the same boy who would smile a crooked smile at him, who would bicker with him over the smallest things. He wasn’t the same boy who would end up staring affectionately at him with the faintest of blushes on his cheeks.

Whenever he saw Jongin these days he looked like an empty shell. He looked like that same boy Kyungsoo had fallen for, but the eyes were empty and the smiles were gone. His responses were curt and silent.

And Kyungsoo would do anything, anything, to change that. To light up the fire in those eyes deeper than the universe. To bring back the smiles. To help Jongin get back to what he was.

To show him that this accident didn’t define him. That he could stand up on his feet again in just a little while, that he would be by his side at every step of this journey.

He had once promised him to help him if he trusted him.

And Jongin had trusted him.

Maybe Kyungsoo had failed him. Maybe he hadn’t.

His eyes traveled over the smooth surface of the ice rink in front of him and he could vividly see the tall brunette with the eyes full of life and most lovely smile skating, every move filled with love for what he was doing.

When he blinked again, the figure was gone and the empty ice rink was mocking him again.

A promise was a promise. And Kyungsoo wasn’t going to go back on his word.

He was going to help Jongin get back on his feet. He was going to help him get back on the ice and he was going to stay with him.

He wasn’t going to give up.

* * *

It almost felt foreign now that the cast around his leg was gone. It felt odd looking down and not seeing it. It felt odd moving around without the crutches.

But at last, a little part of Jongin was rejoicing. He was now one step closer to the ice. Once step at a time.

He was still limping, of course. Two months of immobilization and complete loss of strength in his leg weren’t going unnoticed. It was a bit hard walking, but he was doing it. Slowly, he could do this.

He was gently twisting his foot, mind scattered all over the place, as he looked out the window. He didn’t know where they were, there were only green fields around them and it looked like they were getting close to the outskirts of the city. He didn’t question it, though, 1) because he was too busy thinking about ways to speed up his recovery and 2) because even though two months had passed already and he was trying his best to talk to Kyungsoo normally he still felt that huge gap in his chest every time he looked at him.

Fool. Fool. Fool.

Kyungsoo had always been there for him and him only and apparently Jongin needed to break his leg to realize it.

Idiot.

In those two months he didn’t stop blaming himself for doubting Kyungsoo. He also couldn’t stop the guilt every time Baekhyun sent him a message trying to cheer him up and he ended up thinking how by blaming Kyungsoo he had also involuntarily dragged one of his closest friends. Doubting his relationship.

He looked out of the window again when he heard the sound of pebbles under the tires. Kyungsoo was parking the car. 

Jongin stared out once again as he looked at the open green field in front of them in confusion.

He pushed the door open and slowly got out of the car, taking a look around, before turning to Kyungsoo, who had picked up a large bag from the backseat.

“Where are we?”

“Don’t you recognize this place?” Kyungsoo asked and tilted his head, motioning for Jongin to follow after him. He was walking slowly. Slowly enough for Jongin to be able to keep up with his limping.

He just looked around the green field again. There were traces on the grass on many places, from tires and something heavier.

He almost bumped into Kyungsoo when the older man stopped and started pulling out a blanket from the backpack. Jongin looked at him skeptically as he sprawled it on the grass.

“When you told me we’re going out to grab lunch I didn’t think you meant a picnic.”

“There are reporters on every corner around our houses, let alone the arena.” Kyungsoo shrugged and Jongin felt a small frown tugging his lips down. “We couldn’t go to our restaurant, they would have seen you.”

Jongin pursed his lips, nodding once. He pretended he didn’t see the way Kyungsoo reached out a hand to help him lower himself down to the ground. Instead, he slowly squatted on his good leg, before almost throwing himself down on the blanket.

He also pretended he didn’t see Kyungsoo breathing out a sigh.

“if we’re just having lunch you didn’t have to drive to the middle of nothing, we could have went to the city park.”

“This isn’t the middle of nothing,” Kyungsoo retorted, sitting down next to him and Jongin looked around the field again. The dark, almost black traces at some places. The city in the distance with its high skyscrapers.

It took him a few moments to realize why the angle was familiar. Why the emptiness around the fields seemed familiar as well.

He could close his eyes and see the booths and all the people laughing. He could hear the joyful music and the excited chatter.

He could close his eyes and remember him and Kyungsoo in the cabin of the Ferris wheel, the happiness of that moment.

But his eyes were open and all he could see was the green field where the carnival used to be, and Kyungsoo sitting next to him with a hopeful expression.

“Why are we here?”

“We made a promise here, Jongin.” Kyungsoo said quietly. “I promised to take you out on a date, didn’t I?”

“And you thought _now_ would be appropriate?”

“If not now, then when?” Kyungsoo barely touched his hand but Jongin pulled it out from under his fingers. “Jongin…if you keep running away then you won’t be able to return to the world you knew. Not the way you were before.”

“You’re assuming I want to be the way I was before.”

“And don’t you?”

“I was stupid and foolish.” Jongin said, head snapping in the opposite direction. He didn’t realize he had started shaking until he looked away. “I was weak and look where it brought me.”

“It was an accident, Jongin. You can’t blame yourself for it.” Kyungsoo sounded tired as he spoke again. “Accidents happen. You can’t let it anchor you. You just have to raise your head, face it, fight it.”

Jongin felt the lump forming in his throat again. It was hard to breathe.

How could he explain to Kyungsoo what he was feeling?

He shook his head, as he pushed himself up from the ground. His face twisted into a grimace as he moved sharper than he was allowed to, but he ignored that for the sake of standing up.

“Bring me back home.”

“No.”

“I don’t want to be here.”

“Fine.” Kyungsoo said and when Jongin threw a look at him he saw the other man had stood up too. He was standing a mere step away from him. “You might not want to be here, you might want to leave…and I will drive you back home, but-…not before you tell me.”

“Tell you what?!”

“Tell me the reason you act like this with me. Tell me I am imagining things.” Kyungsoo spoke almost inaudibly. “Tell me you don’t hate me.”

It was the first time he was seeing Kyungsoo like this, almost speechless. Broken, but still standing tall, with fingers curled into fists on his sides and lips pressed together tightly. His eyes weren’t moving away from his.

And Jongin just felt the world around him shrinking again, his heard combusting at the pained expression on the other man’s face.

“Hate?” he barely uttered. “Why would I hate you?”

“You tell me.”

Much like the last time they were here, it felt like the air around him wasn’t enough.

He felt that same emotion from the last few days resurfacing. The one he had been feeling along with all the guilt and sadness. That big emotion, that he was scared of.

“I’m sorry,” he heard himself barely uttering, voice breaking. “I’m so sorry.” His vision was becoming blurry again because of the tears. Such a crybaby, he scoffed mentally to himself. “I ruined everything.”

He didn’t expect to feel two strong arms wrapping around his body, pulling him closer and holding him securely.

He didn’t expect Kyungsoo to step forward and hug him, hold him tight.

The tears just started rolling down his cheek as he buried his face in Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“You didn’t ruin anything, Jongin.” The man’s voice was soft and soothing in his ear. “You fell but you stood up. You’re strong. You’re stronger than anybody else I know. And you don’t have to be alone in this.”  

Kyungsoo’s hands were around him and Jongin felt safe.

“You don’t have to face everything by yourself. You have Yixing by your side. You have Suho. You have me. We will always be there for you.” He kept speaking quietly. “ _I_ will always be there for you.”

Kyungsoo’s lips were soft against his when Jongin hastily leaned down for a kiss.

It was messy and he didn’t know what he was doing, he was just feeling those raw emotions inside himself building up and up until they finally overflowed, exploded.

He knew Kyungsoo was there for him. He had been since day one. Always.

The gap, the emptiness Jongin was feeling was still there, because he knew it was his own fault that he fell. But that kiss and Kyungsoo’s hands around him were reassurance that _maybe_ , eventually, everything would be fine. Slowly. One step at a time.

He blinked in surprise when Kyungsoo moved his lips against his, finally responding to the kiss after what must have been a moment of shock.

It wasn’t a deep kiss and it didn’t last long. It tasted like salt and Jongin almost laughed at himself for still crying. He was such an idiot, really.

But it did feel like another promise and he felt content with it, despite all the things he was feeling inside.

Kyungsoo broke away first, resting his forehead against Jongin’s. He moved a hand up to the skater’s face, thumb running over his cheek to wipe away the traces of tears.

“Our first kiss wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he said softly. “You were supposed to be happy.”

And Jongin just chuckled again – a sound between a little laugh and a sob, burying his fingers in Kyungsoo’s hair. Holding him close, making sure he wouldn’t fade away or disappear.

“I _am_ happy.”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL IDEK MAN
> 
> First of all, I want to apologize for taking so long to update but I came back to my hometown and I have been busy with really a lot of stuff not really tbh idk what I was doing ???
> 
> Second, I really don’t know why I wrote this chapter like this. Maybe it’s because of the way I ended last chapter (which tbh is also a big reason this update was delayed because I simply didn’t know how to continue). I feel like the same thing is happening in every paragraph but it was a message I wanted to deliver clearly - Jongin knows he was too rash with his judgement at the Worlds’. He realizes it was his own fault for taking it so seriously that he even ended up injuring himself. So basically, this whole chapter he was sad and angry mostly at himself for messing up big time and he was avoiding Kyungsoo because he was being reminded of it I’m even repeating here not only every paragraph of this chapter amazing I’m sorry I keep repeating it but in my last A/N I said the ending was dramatic and a lot of the comments confirmed it haha. I just wanted to make my reasoning for what I wrote in last chapter clear ^^ I hope I managed to do that here.
> 
> Third, and last, real emo hours. This fic is actually half-based on my own experience. I had a really bad accident on ice and that was the reason I had to stop skating altogether, so now that I’m writing about rehabilitation and stuff I realize just how fake it is. Merely a work of fiction. Things don’t really work out this way in real life, but let’s pretend, for the sake of kaisoo fanfics, that they do.
> 
> Forth, fuck Kimi no Seide, I woke up in a good mood today then listened to this song for 284679 hours and ended up writing this angsty(?) chapter. It may sound cheerful but this is the song the devil cries to.
> 
> Oh and, well, they finally kissed. Time to fucking goooooo....also kiss and cry....get it...kiss...and...cry....ha, I'm so lame


	10. Chapter 10

10

 

“You’re gonna regret this.”

“No, I’m not.” Jongin scoffed, pulling the pizza box closer to himself, since Sehun didn’t seem like he’d take another slice anytime soon. He just shrugged. “Your loss.”

“You know, you’re going to return to the ice very, very soon and when you do, you will be falling all the time not because you’ve forgotten the technique, but because fat skaters can’t fucking spin in the air.”

“See if my pizza-stuffed ass cares, noodle.”

Sehun just rolled his eyes and let Jongin pig out by himself, instead grabbing the remote and changing the channel.

A part of Jongin knew that Sehun probably had a point, because according to his doctors and also the absolute lack of any pain in his leg whatsoever when he was walking and even jogging, he could go back to the ice soon. He could start skating again. Once he did, he’d have to start exercising again. He’d have to return to a more balanced diet, and by more balanced diet he meant leaving out all the junk food he’d been surviving on in the past few months.

So yeah, he knew Sehun might have been right.

Which was even more of a reason for him to wolf down the remaining pizza slice. If he was going to have to completely cut it out in just a little while, then he was going to have as much as possible now, while he still could without feeling guilty about it.

“Whatever. I can’t believe you almost finished a whole box by yourself. And there’s still another one. Unbelievable.”

“It’s not all for me, asshat.” Jongin playfully kicked Sehun, and was expecting the whine and the certain insult coming his way, however before any of these came, the doorbell resounded loudly in his house.

“What, we’re having guests?”

“ _I’m_ having guests.” Jongin corrected, as he excitedly jumped up from the couch and hurried to his front door, deciding to ignore the mumbling behind himself.

Even before the door was completely open, Baekhyun’s obnoxiously loud shriek resounded in the entire hallway. Jongin couldn’t help but smile a little as he opened the door wider.

“My boy’s finally alive and functioning just fine. So I thought, hey, why not bring a classic to commemorate this very special moment with my two favorite people in the world.” Baekhyun shoved a bottle in Jongin’s hands. The younger just looked down and smirked at the whiskey.

“Don’t you have practice tomorrow?”

“I do. But my coach also happens to be my boyfriend so I can always cuddle my way out of trouble.”

“You know, that’s really not how it’s supposed to work-“

“You’re right. I would have said I can fuck my way out of trouble, but since you always complain whenever I speak in that manner and since I’m seeing you for the first time in two months I thought I’d control myself and just say ‘cuddle’ instead.”

Jongin was stunned speechless for a few moments, staring down at the shorter male with the red hair in front of himself. He watched as Baekhyun’s lips slowly lifted into a mischievous smile and Jongin just couldn’t help it. He shook his head and let out a laugh, before pulling the other man in a tight hug.

“I missed you, Baek.”

“Of course you did. I’d miss myself too.” Baekhyun pulled back, the playful smirk now erased and replaced by a gentle, more genuine smile. “I missed you too, kid. It was so awfully boring going out with only Sehun.”

“ _Hey!_ ”

“Oh, he’s here already?” Baekhyun laughed carelessly at the disgruntled shout that came from the living room. “YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, SEHUNNIE. I DIDN’T MEAN THAT.”

 _I totally meant it_ , Baekhyun whispered as he pushed his shoes off and entered Jongin’s home as if it were his own.

And Jongin stood behind a few more seconds, throwing an impatient look at his clock, before joining his best friends in the living room. The three of them had a lot of catching up to do.

His leg was finally healed, and his heart, after all these months, finally felt full.

* * *

Jongin almost jumped out of his skin when he felt someone creeping up behind him.

“Jesus!” he clutched at his chest when Baekhyun’s red head appeared on the side and he put a few more glasses in the pile in the sink.

“Nope, only me.” The redhead laughed, leaning back on the counter. “You didn’t tell me Kyungsoo would be coming.”

“I had to tell you?” Jongin asked with an arch of his eyebrows, before turning his back to Baekhyun and opening the fridge, hoping to find some more snacks. Sehun was so fake, pretending not to eat pizza and then engulfing the entire Pringles box. Honestly…

“If you’d told me I could have brought Channie with me.”

Jongin felt a shiver run through his body at the mention of the other coach. Months. It had been months since he’d last thought about him. Since he’d snapped at himself to stop blaming others for his own misfortunes.

“Why would you bring him with you?”

“Because I feel really, really bad?” Baekhyun said with a tone that suggested Jongin should have known what he was talking about. However, since he was quite lost and since he could hear Kyungsoo and Sehun excitedly talking in the living room, he ended up closing the fridge and giving Baekhyun a questioning look.

“What would _you_ feel bad about?”

“Well…uhm, it’s a long story. Too long.” Baekhyun’s eyes shifted and for the first time in forever Jongin was seeing something akin to shame and regret on the usually shameless skater’s face. “Chanyeol felt like shit after Kyungsoo’s accident years ago. You know, he was his coach and he cared about him in ways I cannot even begin to imagine. But Kyungsoo completely shut him off after that and Chanyeol was not being himself for months after that, until I finally persuaded him to start coaching me. He was afraid, you know? That what happened to Kyungsoo would happen to me too. He wanted to quit, but I didn’t let him. Selfish, isn’t it?”

“You point?” Jongin urged, trying not to clench his teeth as he was speaking.

“At Worlds’ when Kyungsoo and Chanyeol met again as coaches, as they finally started talking again after all these years Chanyeol was just so happy. I could see it in his eyes, how glad he was to have his friend back.”

 _Friend_ , Jongin wanted to scoff, but a very big part of him, a very rational part, reminded him to shut the fuck up.

“And then…well, then you fell. And you injured yourself. And it was Kyungsoo’s accident all over again and you shut yourself out just like he once did. And then they stopped talking again, because Kyungsoo and the rest of your team were busy getting you up on your feet and-…well, Chanyeol was just afraid that he’d lost his friend again.”

That word again. _Friend_. Jongin squinted his eyes lightly, suddenly feeling a little tingling in his chest. Maybe he was annoyed. Maybe he was even angry that their night took such a turn with the conversations. Maybe there was also something sour written all over his expression, because Baekhyun sighed out.

“I’m not blaming you, Jongin. I wouldn’t dare. Hell, I was worried sick for you.” The redhead shrugged. “But you need to understand, I love Chanyeol. It breaks my heart to ever see him sad. So if I’d known that Kyungsoo would be here I would have brought him along. To show him that he didn’t have to blame himself again for what happened.”

 _Maybe he should_ , Jongin wanted to bitterly point out, but contained the harsh words. He knew he was just being petty. Nothing that happened on the rink in Helsinki that day was Chanyeol’s fault. It was his own fault. 

“You make too much sense for someone who’s claiming to be drunk.”

“Brings out the inner poet in me.” Baekhyun gave him a little smile and then there was this heavy silence between them for a few moments.

“I know the whole story, you know.” Jongin said after a little while, not knowing why he was continuing the conversation when all he wanted was to desperately end it. “I know about Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s…past. I know about you and Chanyeol. I know that’s why Kyungsoo shut himself out. He felt betrayed.”

“He told you…?”

Jongin just nodded, leaning against the table and giving Baekhyun a measuring look. The redhead was looking at him with a mixture of shock and even more regret.

“I felt like that too, you know. When I fell that day. On the ice. I looked over to the side and Kyungsoo was there with Chanyeol and I just-“ Jongin shrugged at the lack of words. Baekhyun’s expression was slowly shifting from apologetic to surprised. “I just fell.”

Jongin didn’t know why he told Baekhyun about it. It just felt right, sharing that little piece of information with him.

“... _no_.” Realization slowly spread on the other’s petite features as he approached Jongin slowly, shaking his head. “No, no, no. Oh, Jongin. You’re such a fool.”

“Believe me, I had months to accept that fact. I’m still surprised at how much of an idiot I was.” Jongin sniffed, as he shrugged yet again. “Tell Chanyeol he has nothing to worry about. I’m sure Kyungsoo isn’t avoiding him on purpose, he was just too busy these last months babysitting me.”

“You-…God, Jongin, I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Baek.”

“I-…I just can’t believe this. So you and Kyungsoo-“

“We weren’t dating. Not back then.” Jongin shook his head, finally letting out a little chuckle. “That’s the funny part, isn’t it? I was acting like a lunatic.”  

“I fail to see how any part of that is funny.” Baekhyun deadpanned, before shaking his head. His eyebrows knitted together on his forehead. “And what do you mean not back then. Does that mean-“

“Oh. Um…” Jongin blinked in surprise. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Kind of.”

“You guess? You’re ‘kind of’ dating?” Jongin didn’t expect Baekhyun to punch him playfully in the shoulder, his normal taunting smirk back up in its place. “You don’t even make any sense, kid. Sort this shit out before someone else sweeps the ice with their butt, alright?”

Jongin pursed his lips in a smile, before nodding.

“Look, this-…this stays between us, right? It’s embarrassing enough that I even told you.”

“Of course it stays between us.” Baekhyun nodded solemnly. “I do have to say, though, from the point of view of a complete bystander, you were really acting like a freaking idiot, you know. Chanyeol is dating me and if he even dared think about cheating I’d rip those big ears of his right out of his head.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Damn straight, it is. And Kyungsoo, he’s completely head over heels for you. Even if you weren’t dating back then, you surely knew.”

Jongin blinked. Sure, they had their jokes and their innuendos. And their little promise from the Ferris wheel. But head over heels?

Baekhyun scoffed at what must have been his expression.

“God, you really are dense, aren’t you? It’s okay though, it takes time to learn this sort of stuff.”

“How would you know that?” Jongin ignored his friend’s comment. “That he liked me.”

“Honey, I knew from the moment you two walked into that bar together.” Baekhyun smiled quite cheerfully, as he hooked an arm under Jongin’s elbow and headed back to the living room to join the others again. “He just couldn’t take his eyes off you.”

* * *

“Nervous?”

“You have no idea.” Jongin breathed out, eyeing the door of the doctor’s office.

This day. He had been waiting for this day for months now. For the confirmation of the doctors that he was, indeed, fully healed. That he could start skating again. That he could return to his life.

His chest felt tighter and tighter with every passing second.

But there was a reassuring hand on his thigh. When he turned his head, he saw a confident smile pulling full lips into a heart-shaped smile.

“Everything will be fine.” Kyungsoo said quietly, hand squeezing his leg tighter for a mere second, before he leaned in and placed a quick, soft kiss on Jongin’s temple.

He wasn’t alone.

No matter where they were and no matter what was happening, Kyungsoo made him feel safe.

So when Jongin looked towards the door again, the skin where Kyungsoo had just kissed him burning, he wasn’t afraid anymore.

Everything was finally going to be fine.

* * *

“If I have to deal with one more picture of you on a front page of a newspaper, I’m resigning.” Suho dramatically sighed, as he finally shoved everyone inside the arena, away from the dangerous flashes of cameras and never ending questions of the reporters. “Next time we’re using the back entrance.”

But Jongin wasn’t paying attention to him.

All he could hear in that moment was the sound of his own heart beating loudly in his ears.

Just behind those double doors at the end of the hallway was the ice rink. His ice rink. His home.

Just behind those double doors was the thing he had been dreaming about, the thing he had been craving more than oxygen.

Just behind those double doors was his greatest horror.

What if, after all, he wasn’t completely healed? What if he couldn’t perform the way he did before?

What if he fell again?

“Are you alright?”

Kyungsoo’s voice was quiet, almost a whisper barely heard from Suho’s ranting.

Jongin felt something heavy in his chest as his eyes moved from those double doors to the shorter man beside himself. Kyungsoo was standing securely right next to him, a hand resting on his shoulder and eyebrows raised in expectation.

He wasn’t alone. Suho was there for him. Yixing was there for him. Krystal, Baekhyun and Sehun were there for him.

And most importantly, Kyungsoo was there for him. He had been there for him since the very beginning of his new journey. The soft look in his eyes was a promise, that he’d be there till the very end.

Jongin felt a smile pulling his lips back.

“I will be.”

* * *

He felt some sort of relief when Kyungsoo lead him to the indoor studio instead of the rink. The blue mats all over the floor seemed like they hadn’t been moved since the last time he’d been in this room.

Of course they would start from here. Now that he thought about it, it was ridiculous to assume he’d skate on ice as soon as he got back. Only a real nut-job would do that after barely finishing rehabilitation.

Jongin breathed out and let the bag fall off his shoulder on the floor with a quiet thud, his eyes involuntarily staring back at his reflection in the mirror.

It looked like he had never left this place.

A weird sensation filled his chest, as he looked around once again, before his eyes finally found Kyungsoo’s in the mirror.

His coach was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

 “Where do we start from?”

“The very beginning, I suppose.”

It wasn’t his coach who smiled at him in the mirror. It was his boyfriend.

* * *

Jongin was moving with his head hanging low and the hood of his sweatshirt covering his eyes. He could barely see where he was walking.

If it wasn’t for Kyungsoo’s arms guiding him, he would have fallen twenty times by now on the way to the car.

All he could hear until the door was shut securely after him were the shutters of cameras and voices of reporters asking questions he was tired of hearing.

“One of these days I will seriously snap and it won’t look good.” Kyungsoo breathed out as soon as he was sitting in the driver’s seat, starting the engine of his car, maneuvering around and trying not to run the reporters over.

“I think Suho will beat you to it.” Jongin mumbled, staring out the side window as those people kept taking pictures of the car. “He texted me twice today not to use the parking lots. When he sees these online he’ll flip out. I’ll have to turn off my phone tonight.”

“That’s a good idea.” Kyungsoo smirked, eyes focused on the road. “Don’t worry, Jongin. It will pass.”

“I know it will,” the skater breathed out and finally relaxed in his seat, throwing a look towards the older man beside himself. “It just feels horrible to read all these articles. Someone wrote my recovery was a miracle. And there was this paper that wrote all this shit about you risking my safety and gambling with my health by making me train again so soon. It’s just-…it’s vicious.”

“Here’s another good idea,” Kyungsoo finally escaped the parking lot of the complex, the shutters and flashes of the cameras remaining behind them. “Don’t read those things.”

“Easier said than done.”

“How about this? Do you want to do something not related to skating? So you can get your mind off everything for a while?”

Jongin stared out the window for a few long seconds, before his lips pulled back in a smile. He looked at Kyungsoo.

“How about dinner? We haven’t been in our restaurant in ages.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Kyungsoo’s smile grew into a grin and Jongin felt his heart skipping a beat at the sight. His stomach turned when Kyungsoo changed the direction he was driving in, instead heading back to the complex and their favorite little place at the end of the street.

Maybe Kyungsoo had been right, Jongin realized. Slowly, things would get back to the way they were before.

People would stop writing about his accident. They would stop asking him how and why he was returning to skating after an injury.

He would start training properly again. Suho would start bugging him with annoying inquiries in the middle of the night again.

Him and Kyungsoo would start going back to their restaurant every day after practice.

He would be Jongin again.

“That article you mentioned, did they really write I was risking your safety?”

Jongin couldn’t help but laugh at Kyungsoo’s sudden question. At him trying to keep an apathetic expression and utterly failing.

“They did. Not so nicely.”

“Nicely?! That’s _nice_?” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows rose up higher on his forehead than Jongin had ever witnessed before. “What did they write?”

“They called you a gold-obsessed maniac who couldn’t be stopped even after his own accident.”

“Wow.” Kyungsoo mused and Jongin looked up to check his reaction. His coach was just staring at the road ahead of them, a small smirk playing on his lips. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

Jongin shrugged, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“Don’t worry, Kyungsoo. It will pass.”

The older man beside him just let out a chuckle at the fact that his own words had backfired, and ended up shrugging in acknowledgement.  His eyes had turned into crescents because he was smiling and Jongin just couldn’t bring himself to look away, so he didn’t.

“…point for you.”

* * *

Jongin took a deep breath, maybe too deep because his chest started hurting.

A deep breath to fill himself with something. Something other than the horror of things going wrong again.

Never in his life had he noticed just how slippery ice was. Never in his life had he paid attention to how smoothly and dangerously the blades of his skates were sliding on the frozen surface of the rink.

He barely stepped on the ice, before grabbing the railing and breathing out heavily.

“Are you alright?” the concerned voice of Kyungsoo reached him in the same time his arm reached out to hold his hand.

“I’m fine, I just-…I haven’t skated in more than four months.” Jongin said quietly. “It feels…foreign.”

Jongin knew how ridiculously stupid he sounded. He had been skating ever since he could remember himself. All his life, he had spent out on this ice rink, spinning and jumping, performing.

And now he was so petrified he couldn’t even move away from the railing.

Kyungsoo didn’t say anything. He didn’t mock him. He didn’t urge him to move either. Instead, he just walked closer, as close as he could get to him with the railing between them, and he caught his other hand as well. Their fingers were intertwined and Jongin stared at them for a few moments, trying to regulate his breathing.

“I’m scared.” He admitted at final last, his voice wavering when the words rolled off his tongue.

He hadn’t realized he really was scared until he heard himself admit it out loud.

Kyungsoo’s grip on his hands just tightened securely and he leaned closer to Jongin, resting his forehead against his.

“You’d be a fool if you weren’t scared, Jongin.” Kyungsoo said quietly, his deep voice stirring something inside the younger skater. “We are all scared of something.”

Jongin didn’t know if he was supposed to reply or not, but he had nothing to say anyways. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply again. Kyungsoo was much closer to him now, he could feel his warmness in the chilly arena. He could smell his perfume, faintly, mixed with the scent that Kyungsoo was. Something strong. Something solid.

“What happened was an accident, Jongin. An accident, that’s already in the past. You’re better now. You’re stronger.” Kyungsoo was speaking quietly. “You don’t have to face it all at once, you don’t have to fight it right away, but you’ll eventually need to overcome the fear.”

“That’s-…that’s really fake coming from you, you know?”

Jongin wanted to bite his tongue the moment he spoke.

In the next one, all he knew was that Kyungsoo’s hands were sliding off his and he was stepping back, a darker look in his eyes as he glared at him.

“You’re not being fair. I wanted to go back to the ice more than I wanted anything else in this whole wide world. But I couldn’t.” the older man said, the softness from his voice gone. He shook his head. “You injured your leg, Jongin. I injured my knee. There’s a vast difference. Some injuries you just can’t overcome, no matter how passionate you are and no matter how hard you try.”

Jongin hadn’t realized he was gripping the railing of the rink so hard his knuckles were turning white.

He hadn’t realized he was also holding his breath now that there was no warmness next to him and no hands holding his tightly.

“…I’m sorry.”

There was complete silence in the arena for a few moments.

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t leave. I’m sorry._

Jongin felt his insides painfully twisting.

There was a quiet sigh and Jongin looked up just when Kyungsoo closed the distance between them again and the warmness of his hands engulfed Jongin’s again.

“If you really are, then face that ice with no fear. Show me that I’m still working with a winner.”

Jongin leaned down and captured Kyungsoo’s soft lips between his. Feeling his heart beating loudly in his chest and his own fears fading away one by one.

Kyungsoo didn’t push him away. Instead, one of his hands slid behind Jongin’s neck and pulled him closer to deepen their kiss. To make this moment last a little while longer, as lips were moving together and as silent promises were being exchanged.

When they broke apart, Jongin was panting for breath, burying his face down in Kyungsoo’s shoulder. The older man’s arm was still around him, holding him tightly. Consoling him.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin repeated in a whisper. “I really am.”

The body under his head shook and when Jongin straightened up he realized Kyungsoo had laughed.

“That’s highly unprofessional, you know.”

“No one was watching.” Jongin quickly defended himself, his entire being feeling much lighter. “And you didn’t seem to mind.”

“Busted. I have to admit, I like your way of apologizing.” Kyungsoo said, pushing a lock of hair out of Jongin’s eyes. He looked at him from under his eyelashes. “But there are other kisses I’d rather experience with you. A happy one. A triumphant one. An I-landed-my-double one.”

“Double?!” Jongin scoffed. “I’m out of it for a few months and you come back treating me like a junior skater?”

“Baby steps.” Kyungsoo smiled, finally moving away, his hand sliding away from Jongin’s slowly. “I do like your spirit, but let’s take it slow.”

Jongin turned around and the entire ice rink came into view. All he could see was the ice in front of himself. His stage.

His home.

He wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t afraid of the one thing he loved with his entire heart.

“Yeah,” he nodded, as he pushed himself off the rink and slowly skated towards the center. “Baby steps.”

* * *

Two weeks.

It took Jongin two weeks to finally work his way up to doubles, landing them securely. Without a sweat.

It mainly took him that long because Kyungsoo insisted that they didn’t work for more than a few hours a day. He didn’t want Jongin to put too much pressure on his leg just yet.

Two weeks. Those two weeks felt like an eternity.

In those two weeks Jongin started reclaiming his skills one by one. A toe-loop. A flip. A Salchow. A Lutz. An Axel. One after another. A single. A double.

In those two weeks, Kyungsoo received a lot of kisses. _I-nailed-my-jump_ kisses.  _I-did-the-spin-properly_ kisses. _I-finished-a-combination_ kisses. _Sequences-are-a-piece-of-cake_ kisses.

 _Thank-you_ kisses. He got a lot of those.

 _I-think-I-really-really-like-you-way-too-much_ kisses. Jongin never told him what those were about, but he supposed his coach knew it anyways.

Two weeks, and Jongin felt like he’d be on top of the world if he kept working hard.

He was in the middle of the rink, skating quickly, not feeling the chilliness of the arena because of how burning the fire inside him felt, as he spread his hands out and let the wind from his speed mess up his hair.

He was pushing himself forward, one leg after another, as his speed increased.

As the toe pick struck the ice and he was flying.

As his body spun around, instincts from all these years of training and living like this taking over.

He wasn’t scared anymore.

The ice was his.

He landed the jump securely, leg not even twitching at the contact with the solid ice. A wide grin was stretching his lips as he turned to the railing and saw Kyungsoo beaming at him.

And he pushed himself forward, skating towards his coach for yet another kiss.

 _I-just-landed-a-triple_ kiss. A very triumphant, a very happy kiss.

* * *

Jongin was excited when they finally moved to the ice rink that day after the on-ground training. He was practically skipping forward, eager to get on the ice.

“You’re all giddy today, aren’t you?” Kyungsoo remarked form the side as they pushed the doors of the arena open and the chilly air hit them in the face. Jongin just bit his lip and smiled, almost running down the stairs.

“Because I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise for me?” Kyungsoo repeated, mild interest written all over his features, before it was replaced with distrust. He shoved his hands in his pockets and slowly walked down to the bleachers Jongin had chosen. “Have you been working on those sequences again? I told you not to skate when you’re alone in the arena, what if you had-“

“You’re always so grumpy and negative, Soo.” Jongin rolled his eyes carelessly, deciding to ignore Kyungsoo’s expression at the new nickname. He decided to not look up either, because he didn’t realize he’d said it out loud until he did. His cheeks were burning. He hurried to clear his throat. “Anyways. As I was saying-…I have a surprise for you.”

“What surprise?”

Jongin threw a quick look towards Kyungsoo’s curious eyes, before he finally grinned and picked up his bag, rummaging around, before getting hold of the ties.

He pulled out his skates, throwing them on the ground next to his feet because he was going to need them in a few minutes anyways. Then he opened the bag again and pulled the other pair of skates, raising it up high, the two black boots lightly swaying, before he set them on the bleacher between himself and Kyungsoo.

He looked up expectantly.

The grin on his face quickly diet out at the stoic expression on his boyfriend’s face.

Kyungsoo didn’t look impressed. In fact, he seemed to be anything but impressed. It looked like he was  trying to glare a hole through the skates presented in front of him.

Jongin felt his breath hitching when Kyungsoo’s eyes moved from the skates to him, no shift in the frown on his lips.

“Is this a joke?”

“A joke?” Jongin echoed, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “No, Kyungsoo. I-… Join me today. On the ice. No jumping, just…just skating. You and me. I thought that maybe-“

“You thought wrong.”

Jongin was speechless for a few moments, as he watched Kyungsoo turn around and start climbing the stairs up towards the exit.

He watched at his boyfriend’s head hanging low, as he was hurrying up to get out of there.

Jongin clenched his jaw tightly.

He stood up from the bleachers and hurried after him.

Grabbing him by the elbow just before he could leave. Holding on tight and pulling him around.

Kyungsoo didn’t try to pull away from Jongin’s grasp, but he didn’t look up either. He seemed to be far more interested in his shoes than the confused expression on Jongin’s face.

And Jongin, he used those few moments of stillness to think.

He knew how much he suffered after he fell at Worlds’. He knew how hard it was for him to accept the reality. How hard it was to return on the ice. How struck by fear he had been.

He also knew Kyungsoo’s accident had been far more severe than his own. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how Kyungsoo must have felt back then. Knowing that he couldn’t do what he loved anymore. Knowing that with just one fall it had all been taken away from him.

“Don’t leave.” Jongin barely whispered, his grip on Kyungsoo’s arm loosening now that he was sure he wouldn’t run away.

Kyungsoo didn’t reply. He didn’t move either. Jongin thought he might have been imagining but for a moment it seemed like the other man shivered.

Jongin breathed out quietly and walked forward, spreading his arms to pull his coach in a hug.

To sigh in relief when he felt two hands wrapping around him as well.

He hadn’t been imagining. Kyungsoo was shivering. His body was trembling in his arms and Jongin felt his heart shattering in a million little pieces. He only tightened his embrace.

 _You won’t break_ , he thought to himself. _You can’t break. I won’t let you break._

 _If you break then I’ll break too_ , an even fainter voice reminded and Jongin pursed his lips.

“If it weren’t for you I would have still been hanging on to the railing and not letting go.” Jongin said quietly, not knowing exactly what he was saying. His voice sounded strained. “You were there for me, when I needed you.”

Kyungsoo still wasn’t saying anything and his body was still shaking in Jongin’s hands. He felt like such a fool. He never knew just how much Kyungsoo really had been affected by everything that had happened in the last few years.

He had always been the strong one in Jongin’s eyes. The solid pillar he could rely on.

But in this moment, Jongin realized that Kyungsoo was just as vulnerable as everyone else. If not even more. Kyungsoo had been broken, shattered. Beyond repair. He had lost so much because of one unfortunate twist in an otherwise perfect routine. One unfortunate twist in an otherwise perfect career.

And the worst part, he had been all alone. He had went through all of this alone, through all the pain, all the suffering, all the darkness.

Jongin felt a wave of emotions wash over him when he realized just how much courage it had taken for Kyungsoo to return to the world of ice skating, even if it wasn’t as a skater, but a coach. Just how brave he had been to return, when there hadn’t been anyone waiting for him. He hadn’t had a Suho. He hadn’t had a Kyungsoo of his own.

And in that moment, Jongin made a silent promise to himself.

He would be that solid pillar Kyungsoo could rely on, just like he was his.  His hands tightened around his coach, his boyfriend, and he buried his face in his hair.

“Let me be here for you as well.”

* * *

Jongin could see Kyungsoo’s breath. He could also see how his chest was heaving up and down irregularly. His breathing was ragged and his pupils were shaking.

His fingers were almost painfully digging into Jongin’s shoulders, holding on to dear life.

He was afraid, Jongin knew. He was afraid, especially now that they were standing in the middle of the silent ice rink, barely getting away from the security of the railings and the solid ground.

Kyungsoo’s fingers only seemed to dig deeper into him when he moved.

“Promise you won’t let me fall.”

His plead was quiet, almost a whisper. Almost a whimper. Almost a sob.

Jongin smiled sadly.

It would have been funny if he hadn’t finally realized what Kyungsoo felt. It would have been funny to hear the once greatest skater in the world utter those words.

But Jongin knew. He knew now.

And he would never let Kyungsoo fall. He would always be there to hold him up.

He didn’t need any words. They didn’t any words.

Jongin just leaned down slowly, really slowly, and sealed their lips together for a small kiss.

A reassuring one. Yet another promise.

An _I-won’t-let-you-fall_ kiss.

An _I’m-here_ kiss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo let’s give it up for yet another shit-update.
> 
> I’m really sorry you guys, university is sucking life out of me. This took so long because I was literally writing and stopping in the middle of a paragraph then picking up days, weeks later not even knowing what had been going on in my head before that.
> 
> The entire Baekhyun-Jongin conversation was added later because I felt like I had been antagonizing Chanyeol a lot in the previous chapters, or at least it seemed like I did, judging by some comments :D I AM NOT, I WAS NOT, but that’s fiction so everybody can have their own opinion on the matter I guess~
> 
> In any case, once again I’m sorry it took so long, I’m sorry it’s incoherent in places.
> 
> I’m sorry if it’s too dramatic for your taste, but that sort of stuff is really traumatizing…your homegirl tryin’ to keep it real
> 
> Anyways, please leave a comment down below and let me know what you thought~
> 
> Until next time xox


	11. Chapter 11

11

“Jongin, you little _bitch_ ,” the skater shoved the toe pick in the ice to turn around and stop himself from colliding with the railing when the other’s dulcet tones echoed in the rink. “You didn’t tell me you were dating your coach!”

Jongin could only try to stifle his laughter at the sight of Sehun trying to maintain a pissed expression as he was wobbling down the stairs in his skates, a bag on each shoulder.

“I had to find out from Baekhyun _. From Baekhyun, for Christ’s sake._ ” Sehun continued rambling as he threw his stuff on one of the bleachers and leaned down to remove the blade protectors, pointing them towards him accusingly. “Do you know how embarrassing that is? Finding out from your boyfriend's ex-boyfriend’s side hoe that you’re dating Do Kyungsoo?!”

“Oh, come on,” Jongin pushed himself back as Sehun stepped on the ice, still trying to keep his annoyed expression up. “Don’t call him that. They love each other.”

“THAT’S NOT THE FUCKING POINT!” Sehun screeched. “The point is, Byun Baekhyun won’t let me live down the fact that you told _him_ first. Why’d you do that? Why’d you hurt me like this?”

“Baekhyun is always too quick to talk,” Jongin eventually rolled his eyes. ”Things are not like that.”

“Oh, so you cause all this drama and break your fucking leg because of it, but things are not like that? Nice try, I’m not buying it.”

Jongin threw a dirty look towards Sehun, who had deemed it appropriate to skate in circles around him with a threatening glint in his eyes.

“Why does everyone know about that anyways? I should tell Baekhyun to shut up.”

“You probably should.” Sehun scoffed, pushing himself away and skating around the rink quickly. “That’s why you should have told me first. I wouldn’t have spilled to anyone.”

“It’s not like I was keeping it from you.” Jongin replied loudly, his voice echoing around them, the only other sound coming from the glide of Sehun’s skates against the ice. “Besides, I told you. Things aren’t like that. We only went out once. At the carnival. But it wasn’t a date.”

“Sure.”

“I’m serious. It wasn’t a date.” Jongin was pretty sure his face was changing colors as he recalled what had happened months ago up in that Ferris wheel. A promise. “Then the accident happened and that was literally the last thing on my mind and then we-…sort of, kissed? Yeah. We kissed.”

“Once?”

“No,” Jongin shook his head, watching Sehun only pick up the speed, now absolutely sure his face was a faint shade of red. “Just. Whenever. At random times.”

“Let me get this straight.” Sehun’s voice was breathy and loud as he skated around the rink quickly. Jongin wasn’t even sure what he was doing. Was that a warm-up? “You two went out on a date-“

“It wasn’t a date.”

“- and then you started kissing. At random times. Just because?”

“Essentially.”

Jongin blinked when Sehun turned on the ice and started skating towards him, speed not decreasing at all. He had half a mind to move out of the way, but he knew Sehun wouldn’t just clash into him. That would mean damaging his own perfect hair and Sehun really wouldn’t risk that.

He just slightly narrowed his eyes when the younger skater turned to the side just a mere two meters away from him, the edges of his blades digging into the ice as he stopped right in front of Jongin, successfully covering the tips of Jongin’s skates with white.

“That sounds pretty much like what boyfriends do.”

Jongin stared back at Sehun for a moment, before shaking his leg, getting rid of the ice that had snowed on his skates. Sehun was such a show-off.

“It’s not.” Jongin defended himself, feeling a little regret as he said those words. He wished he knew how to engage them in this conversation. He wished he knew how to sort this out with his coach. Sehun was quiet in front of him and Jongin just shrugged. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Jongin bit on the inside of his cheek as he focused on shaking off the last bits of ice from his skates.

It was a pity. It really was. He had never liked anyone as much as he liked Kyungsoo. He knew Kyungsoo liked him too. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be the one initiating half of their kisses. Hell, Kyungsoo had tried to turn the picnic at the carnival’s lot into a date. Jongin had been the one to refuse.

And maybe it wasn’t just liking one another. Maybe it was much more. The last few weeks had proved it. Their relationship, it wasn’t just that of a coach and his skater now, it was much more. Jongin had bared himself to Kyungsoo, he had told him things he had never told anyone else. He had admitted he was scared of the ice. He had admitted his biggest fears.

Kyungsoo, too, had trusted him with something so important to him. He had returned to the ice _because_ of him.

And that, that was so much more than just being friends. Jongin wasn’t entirely sure what they were at this point.

He wished they could talk about it. He wanted it. He just didn’t even know how to start that conversation.

He didn’t know if Kyungsoo would laugh at him for even bringing it up.

“I suppose you two will figure it out sooner than you expect.”

Jongin felt a sense of dread when he looked up and Sehun wasn’t staring at him with his resting bitch face, the words barely leaving his mouth in a whisper. He felt a shiver running up his spine as he realized his best friend’s eyes were focused on something behind him.

A sense of absolute horror, as he turned around and saw a dark figure standing right in front of the arena’s double doors.

_Shit._

Kyungsoo didn’t look impressed. But then again, he didn’t look disappointed either.

He was just staring down at him with that unreadable expression of his that wasn’t letting Jongin in on any of his thoughts.

He almost screamed.

“What are you doing here?!” was the first thing that he managed to blurt out, his chest feeling tight and heavy as Kyungsoo’s eyebrows raised a little.

“Suho’s waiting for us in the office.” His coach said quietly, his low, velvety voice sending yet another shiver up Jongin’s spine. “I thought I texted you about it.”

“ _Shit_ -“ Jongin almost tripped in his own feet as he scrambled to the rink’s little door. He had completely forgotten about it. “Yeah, you did-…uh…”

Jongin did trip this time, in the exit of the rink, and he would have fallen flat on his face if he hadn’t grabbed the railing. He just looked up, panic and regret running through his veins.

Kyungsoo looked at him briefly, then threw a look towards Sehun. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his coat, before breathing out.

“I’ll be waiting in the car.”

Jongin felt another pang in his chest, as he watched Kyungsoo leaving the arena, the double doors shutting behind himself securely.

He just stared on for a couple of minutes, feeling the color draining from his face.

Just how much had Kyungsoo heard? Was he going to be angry with him?

He closed his mouth slowly, before whipping his head around towards Sehun. He was already pushing one of his skates off, as he narrowed his eyes at his best friend again.

“I will fucking murder you.” Jongin wasn’t even sure what he was throwing in his bags, wasn’t even sure if he completely cleaned his blades, as he hurried to throw everything over his shoulders and headed out, sending one last dirty glance towards the younger skater. He suspiciously looked like he was trying to contain his laughter. “I swear, I’ll kill you.”

“What did I do?!”

* * *

They were both quiet in Kyungsoo’s car. Jongin’s heart was beating way too wildly against his ribs as he kept stealing glances towards his coach every once and then.

Kyugnsoo was just staring at the road ahead of them, calmly driving the car without minding Jongin who was a fidgeting emss right beside him.

He wasn’t minding him. And he wasn’t saying anything.

Jongin was going crazy. Had Kyungsoo heard him say that? Probably he hadn’t, because if he had then he surely would have addressed it by now…right?

“Uh…what are we going to do in the office?” was the most intelligent thing Jongin could ask just to break the silence.

“Well,” Kyungsoo started, eyes still not leaving the road. “Given how you’re already skating perfectly fine Suho thought it would be time for you to start thinking about your future plans. If you want to compete in the next season’s championships, we have to start planning things as soon as possible.”

Jongin liked that Kyungsoo said ‘we’. He almost breathed out a sigh of relief, as he brought his legs up, tucking his knees under his chin.

“It’s an Olympic year.”

Kyungsoo just hummed affirmatively as a response, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Probably he hadn’t heard, Jongin thought to himself, throwing one last look towards his coach before looking back out of the front window at the cars stopping because of the red light.

An Olympic year. The thought was kind of making him feel anxious.

He wasn’t entirely sure but he needed to win a whole lot other things before he could qualify to represent Korea at the Olympics. He didn’t know. That’s what he had Suho for. But even without all details, he knew it wouldn’t be easy.

It wouldn’t be easy at all. Especially now, when reporters were still following him around, writing misleading articles about him and his state. He needed to prove himself all over again.

The thought was somewhat disheartening.

But he wasn’t alone in this. He had never been. He knew he wouldn’t have to fight through all of it alone. He had his team, he had his friends.

“So,” Kyungsoo said from the side, drawing him out of his thoughts. “I’m not your boyfriend, huh?”

_FUCK._

“You heard that?!” Jongin could only whisper out in pure horror as he finally realized the car had stopped in the car jam in front of the streetlights. As he finally realized Kyungsoo had taken his eyes off the road and was staring at him with a slightly raised eyebrow.

“…Yeah.”  

Jongin managed to stop himself just in time before blurting out an apology.

He wasn’t really sure what he would be apologizing for. Kyungsoo wasn’t his boyfriend. Not officially, at least.

The skater just tried to gulp down the knot forming in his throat and he pulled his legs even closer to his chest, looking away from Kyungsoo’s wide eyes.

“I didn’t lie.” He mumbled out eventually. “We’ve never really-…talked about it.”

There was another low hum from Kyungsoo, before he returned his gaze to the road. Jongin almost winced.

“I suppose you’re right.” His coach said after a little while, as the car started moving again. “I never thought about it like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never thought talking was necessary. I thought it was something obvious.” Kyungsoo seemed just a tad bit confused as he ran a hand through his hair and Jongin had a mini heart-palpitation at the sight, but he contained himself, focusing instead on what the older man was saying. “But you’re right.”

“I’m not right.” Jongin argued, momentarily halting. What was he even saying? He had been the one to say he wasn’t his boyfriend. _Stupid_. He just frowned. “I just didn’t want you to think I was like, forcing you into this or something.”

“Forcing me?” Kyungsoo laughed and it sounded like he was entertained for a moment, before his lips shifted into a frown and he threw a cautious glance towards Jongin. “You’re not-….I mean, did you feel like you were?! Because, that’s not-…that’s definitely not true. I want to be with you.”

Jongin felt something warm spreading in his chest, as he once again hid his face in his knees.

_I want to be with you._

He remained silent for a while, letting those words permanently etch themselves into his brain. Letting that warmness from being wanted spread all the way to the tips of his fingertips.

“Jongin?” He snapped his head to the side when Kyungsoo’s hand touched his shoulder. His coach was looking at him with a little concern lacing his features. “Are you OK?”

“What? Yeah…Yeah, I’m fine.” The skater shook his head. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

“About how stupid we both are,” he sighed out, letting a little smile pull his lips back. “We both want each other, yet here we are, having this conversation.”

Jongin appreciated the little smile of Kyungsoo, before his coach returned his hands on the wheel of the car.

“In my defense, you’re the one who said I’m not your boyfriend.” His coach shrugged. “But you were right. You were absolutely right. If I wanted to call myself your boyfriend, I should have done this properly.”

Jongin just tilted his head to the side, as Kyungsoo finally parked and finally looked at him. He was smiling.

“This is a question long overdue, but will you go out with me, Jongin?”

The younger skater felt that same warmness from before erupting inside him, making everything hot. He couldn’t help the grin that blossomed on his face, as he nodded eagerly.

Kyungsoo’s eyes twinkled with an emotion Jongin knew all too well.

* * *

“No regionals?”

“No regionals.” Suho confirmed, closing the folder in front of himself. “You already have enough points from last season. The accident…it occurred in Worlds, so that doesn’t matter for the scoring system. You don’t have to start from the very beginning, you can skate directly at Nationals.”

“That’s great.” Jongin mused quietly, throwing a looka t Kyungsoo, who was only smiling. “What about the Olympics?”

“The Olympics have nothing to do with the Championships.” Suho waved a hand dismissively. “You just need to gather enough points to be qualitied. Besides, there can be up to three athletes, so with the current active skaters I’d say you’d easily make it, no?”

Jongin leaned back in the chair. Three from he country.

In his mind, the best case scenario playing was him, Sehun and Baekhyun representing their country.

Reality, though, was different. At least according to the files Suho had shown him earlier. There were new skaters joining the championships this year. Younger boys, apparently talented. Taeyong. Jaehyun. Mark. There were a few more names, that Jongin didn’t remember. But that only meant more competition.

“We need to find you sponsors,” Suho breathed out eventually. “A lot terminated their contracts with us after….well, you know. But sponsors…you need them. You need that publicity, now more than ever.”

“Not as much as he needs to prepare for the competition.” Kyungsoo countered and Jongin could only stare from his manager back to his coach.

“That’s debatable. Maybe from your point of view you’re right.”

“I’m right from every point of view, Suho. You don’t become an athlete with publicity.” Kyugnsoo rolled his eyes and jongin had to agree with him.

“You become a well-liked athlete with publicity and that’s what I’m here for.” Jongin had to also agree with that.

“We’ll do that. We’ll work out a day where we can meet and discuss some sponsorship offers.” Jongin nodded. “But Suho, I need you to please prepare my entire schedule. Ice rink schedule, dance studio, ballet studio. I need you to book everything from now.”

“I’ll do that.”

“I mean it,” Jongin leaned over the desk. “Every day. As many hours as possible. Weekends too.”

“You don’t have to push yourself so hard, Jongin-“

“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to watch.” The skater replied bitterly, throwing his coach a glance. He knew full well Kyungsoo wouldn’t take his words seriously. He’d always be there.  Albeit, with a scowl on his face. Jongin just breathed out slowly, reaching out a hand to put on Kyungsoo’s knee. “I blew my chances once already. I’m not going to let the gold slip through my fingers again.”

He felt a sense of security when Kyungsoo covered his hand with his own,his skin feeling soft and warm against his. They smiled at each other, before Jongin turned back to his manager.

Suho was looing at him with that badly concealed shock on his face that only hinted he’d be getting a lot of questions later. He had to maybe turn his phone off tonight.

If Suho thought anything about it, though, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he gathered all the papers in a stack and leaned back in his chair.

“Understood. I’ll book everything right away.” His manager smiled that bright smile of his. “This will be our season.”

Jongin just grinned again.

It was going to be their season. He just knew it.

* * *

“You’re not getting out of this house looking like this. Not on my watch.”

Jongin threw an exasperated look towards Baekhyun.

“Sehun told me to wear that!”

“Of course he did. Why am I not surprised?”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?!” Sehun finally looked up from his phone, legs thrown over the couch’s side. Baekhyun just made a face at him.

And Jongin?

Jongin, for the first time in his twenty years of life, judged himself for not investing in the real important things. Like, beautiful clothes other than T-shirts and sweatpants. Clothes, fitting for a date and not for an intense workout.

“This is hopeless,” he stared at himself in the mirror. “If Kyungsoo doesn’t ditch my ass for being the biggest idiot ever, he’ll do it cause of my complete lack of fashion sense.”

“Well then you’re lucky I’m here.” Baekhyun jumped off Jongin’s bed and shoved him out of the closet’s way. “You can’t convince me that you don’t have one mesh shirt in this entire closet.”

“Mesh? You’re looking through the wrong guy’s closet.”

“Fine.” Baekhyun’s voice sounded distant, as he was rummaging through Jongin’s stuff. “Leather, then.”

“Leather?! Baekhyun, I’m not going to a metal concert. Get out of the closet.”

“Honey, I’ve been out of the closet since before you were born.” Jongin didn’t expect the bundle that hit him in the chest as Baekhyun turned around and threw something black at him. “Here. Redeem yourself.”

“Baekhyun, no.”

“Baekhyun, yes.”

“Baekhyun, those are my old, slutty ripped jeans from high-school. I only used to wear them at parties!”

“Then we’re on the right track here.” The redhead stared him down. “Look at it this way, nothing could be worse than what you’re wearing now.”

Jongin listened to Sehun complaining once again, as he headed for the bathroom with a defeated sigh.

He stared at those old ripped jeans like they were going to bite him if he got any closer.

Last time he had worn them had been two years ago at a nasty party of his classmate. For a skater like him it had been one of the few times he got to go out with his friends, so whenever they did Jongin would always put in that little extra effort to look good, because he wanted people to know he wasn’t permanently wearing track pants.

However, after high school, when he dedicated all his time to even more vigorous training, his social life kind of faded in the back. He had other things to focus on, like medals and competitions and work.

He just scoffed again, looking at the jeans. Baekhyun was such a pushover. He knew he wouldn’t let him breathe until he at least tried them on.

Jongin lowkey hoped they wouldn’t fit him, just because the thought of appearing in front of Kyungsoo in those made something in his stomach turn. The main purpose of those jeans back then had been to get his ass and legs properly displayed for the audience of drunk teenagers.

With Kyungsoo, though, it was different. First of all, he was no teenager. Second, he probably wouldn’t be drunk. And third, he didn’t just want him to see him as a piece of ass.

He wanted to actually impress him. Not just with his body.

To his utter horror, the jeans fit him. They fit him perfectly, clinging to his skin tightly, leaving nothing to the imagination.

He stepped out of the bathroom to the sight of  Baekhyun and Sehun still bickering. He waited for them to turn around.

Baekhyun’s sleazy grin as he slowly eyed him up and down at least three times made him feel uncomfortable.

“If I didn’t have Chanyeol and if Kyungsoo wasn’t so scary, I’d be throwing myself at you.”

“Lucky for Jongin, you _do_ have Chanyeol and Kyungsoo _is_ scary.”

“Shut up, brat.” Baekhyun snapped at Sehun one last time, before his expression twisted into mock-pride. “Look at you. My Jonginnie. Growing up, abandoning his old prude self, discovering his sex appeal. I lived to witness it.”

“I look like a prostitute.”

“A high-end prostitute.” Baekhyun jumped back on the bed. “Now just mess up your hair a little, give it that after-sex look and you’re ready. Kyungsoo will love it.”

Jongin felt all sorts of things as he looked towards the mirror and breathing out, slowly raising his hand. Then he hesitantly ran his fingers through his hair once. Twice. Three times, until it was a mess on top of his head.

Positive. He really did look like one of those people that attended parties only to be dicked down.

He was going to hell.

* * *

Both of them were standing in front of one another, eyes widened as they said, “Wow”.

Jongin felt the heat rising in his cheeks. He had just looked at Kyungsoo and said _wow_ out loud.

But…wait a minute. Had Kyungsoo just looked at _him_ and said _wow_?

“You look…” his coach blinked quickly, as he tried not to so obviously take in every inch of Jongin’s body in. “You look incredible.”

“You too.” Jongin almost choked, as he took his own time gawking at Kyungsoo.

He was so used to seeing his coach in black coats and black blazers and black sweaters. It was surprising to see him wearing jeans and a black shirt, tucked in. His hair was pushed up, revealing his whole gorgeous face and Jongin found it hard to breathe as he stared at those heart shaped lips and the little smile stretching them.

This was a man who made wearing all black look good. What he did to casual-but-elegant wear was damn near criminal.

Jongin almost choked again when Kyungsoo turned around and opened the door of his car for him.

Kyungsoo shutting it after he was in and calmly walking around the front gave Jongin a good of 8 seconds to collect his thoughts and put his hormones under check. A nearly impossible feat, but he tried his best.

When his coach sat down in the driver seat, all Jongin could do was smile.

“So where are we going?”

“Well, I have three suggestions.” Kyungsoo cleared his throat, as he leaned to the side and stare at him with an unreadable glint in his eyes. “Since this is technically our first date, we can go for the most basic of all first date ideas – the movies.”

Jongin let a little chuckle escape his throat.

“Second option, the art gallery and a restaurant. Real intellectual and romantic stuff. We can have deep conversations and I can stare at you instead of the paintings, because you’re more beautiful than them anyways.”

Was there oxygen in this car? Jongin didn’t think so. He almost suffocated when he looked up to see Kyungsoo smiling and lightheartedly shrugging.

“And option three, try something that is really not us. There’s a hockey game tonight at the arena. Two figure skaters at a hockey match, eating oily onion rings and making fun of everything.”

Jongin let out yet another chuckle. He honestly didn’t care, as long as he was with Kyungsoo. Hell, they could spend the next two hours right here, in Kyungsoo’s car in front of Jongin’s apartment building, and he’d still enjoy it.

However, the man in front of him was waiting for a reply and Jongin just beamed at him.

“I haven’t seen a hockey game in ages.”

Kyungsoo threw him one last look, his cheeks looking chubby and soft from the smile pushing them up, and then he turned the key.

The car’s engine purred sweetly and Jongin’s heart skipped yet another beat as they headed to the arena for something other than figure skating.

Something new.

* * *

Jongin had only attended a hockey game once in his life before, and it was sometime in the beginning of middle school, with his cousin.

He didn’t quite remember it like this. It was loud and it was full to the brim with men and women wearing large oversized shirts with numbers and player names on the back. Besides the well known smell of ice, the odors of fries, donuts and other sweets that people were eating around them were filling the air.

Him and Kyungsoo were kind of probably standing out with their attire, but even when Kyungsoo suggested they buy jerseys, Jongin refused. They didn’t know the players. They didn’t really know the ports. He thought it would be a waste of money.

He had never been the biggest fan of hockey, being a figure skater himself. He just couldn’t quite understand the dynamics of the sport. It looked like rugby on ice. With sticks.

But even so, he found himself getting into the game. Wincing every time two players collided. Screaming with the crowd every time someone scored, laughing at the angry shouts of hardcore fans whenever someone was shoved into the penalty box.

Standing absolutely petrified in his seat as a player attacked the referee.

Kyungsoo was beside him and if Jongin was excited for the game, then Kyungsoo was simply ecstatic.

“It’s my first time attending a hockey game,” his coach had said earlier over the cheers of the crowd. “I’m losing my hockey-virginity tonight.”

Jongin had laughed so hard the Coke he was drinking started stinging in his nose.

They made sure to not sit at the front of the arena, because of the rows of cameras and reporters there. Even though this was a hockey game, maybe at least one of the sport reporters would recognize him and the last thing Jongin wanted was for his date to get spoiled.

“Do you want more onion rings?”

“No,” Kyungsoo laughed. “I don’t think my body will appreciate it if I eat any more of that stuff.”

“What’s wrong with that? Sure, it’s a little oily, but that’s the charm of it.”

“Just remember, you’re the one who has to be jumping on ice at 7am tomorrow.”

Jongin hesitantly put down the oily piece of food down in the tray, eliciting a throaty, hearty laughter from his coach.

It was a beautiful sight. Watching Kyungsoo let go of his professional and serious demeanor. Just sitting in the bleachers of a game he knew nothing about, eating trashy food with him and joking. Looking at him so softly.

“This is fun.” He ended up saying at last, sincerely. He meant it. He didn’t think he had had this much fun in a while.

Kyungsoo just smiled at him and Jongin’s breath hitched a little when he felt something touching his hand.

He looked down where Kyungsoo caught his hand and intertwined their fingers together.

It made his heart flutter in his chest.

The game was progressing and the more intense it got, the louder the screams of the people around them started sounding. Even so. Even if they were both jumping up and down with the crowd, they never let go of each other’s hand. The fact made Jongin felt incredibly pleased with everything.

It was at some sort of break, maybe a halftime ( Jongin didn’t know the first thing about hockey, so he didn’t know the correct terms), when people started moving around. Rushing to the bathrooms. Running to buy more snacks and similar things, when Kyungsoo finally let go of his hand and Jongin almost complained.

“Do you want another soda, I can go get you one.”

“It’s fine.” Jongin shook his head, leaning back on the bleacher and letting his eyes roam the ice. “This is so different. The excitement, it’s not something you see a lot at our competitions.”

“Maybe if I push you against the railing we’ll get people excited.” Jongin threw a look at Kyungsoo, just in time to see his coach straightening up and his eyes widening in realization. He stammered. “I-…I mean, hockey. They…like, push each other at the railing. People get excited when they see that. The whole-…violence thing.”

The more Kyungsoo spoke and tripped over his words, the more Jongin’s grin widened. He just ended up interrupting Kyungsoo with a laugh.

“We should try that for Nationals. I’ll let you push me against the railing if that gets me extra artistic marks.”

“Shut up.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little rough.”

“Jongin…”

“I’m sorry,” the younger skater just laughed. “I couldn’t contain myself. This called for those comments.”

“I hate you.”

They were in the middle of their conversation when Jongin felt a tap on his shoulder.

He turned around to see the middle aged woman from the row behind them staring at him with narrowed eyes and pursed lips.

“Hey, aren’t you that skater?” she asked and Jongin blinked in surprise. “That kid from the news. The skater that fell. Kim Jo-“

“Nope. Not him,” Kyungsoo cut her off. “You’re getting him confused for someone else. Kai here can’t even stand up straight on ice.”

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo. _Really_ , he mouthed, _Kai?!_

“Well I’ll be damned.” The lady behind him laughed. “I could swear you look exactly like him. You too, you really seem familiar.”

Jongin blinked quickly as that woman stared comprehensively at Kyungsoo, as if trying to remember where she’d seen his face.

The more she stared, and the more she wondered aloud, more people were turning towards them.

“Do Kyungsoo?”

Jongin didn’t quite know where the first whisper of the name came from, but he knew that it was soon being repeated all around them, along with his own name.

“Do Kyungsoo is here!”, “Woah, it’s Kim Jongin and Do Kyungsoo.” , “The newspaper said he couldn’t walk, how is he here?”

The one that made him chuckle to himself was the really loud “WHO?!”.

No wonder. They were at a hockey play. Not a skating competition.

He just ended up staring at Kyungsoo, who just shrugged and turned back towards the arena.

The moment Jongin did, however, he noticed that word was spreading around the bleachers fast. A lot of people were starting to look up, trying to locate them.

A lot of people, including the first reporter, who turned around in his seat.

The first flash of a camera surprised Jongin.

The louder mentions of their names startled him, as people started pointing.

He could only throw a confused glance towards Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, whose lips were curled in the corner, trying to contain his smile.

He felt fingers intertwining with his again and he didn’t even need to look down to know they were his coach’s.

Kyungsoo squeezed his hand tightly and their eyes met yet again.

“ _Run_.”

* * *

They were laughing during the entire car ride. Talking about anything and everything all at once.

Jongin’s entire body felt light. He felt high and warm and just _happy_.

So happy to be here, with Kyungsoo. Doing nothing. Just being with him.

They were just two blocks away from Jongin’s apartment, when a thought occurred to him.

“Suho will kill us,” he giggled, earning a half-smirk form Kyungsoo.

“He most definitely will.”

“We can tell him I’m thinking of changing disciplines.”

“Isn’t the requirement for hockey players to be large and sadistic?” Kyungsoo threw him a glance. “You’d drown in the uniform.”

“I bet it’s more comfortable the shirts we wear.”

Jongin felt like it was a pity when Kyungsoo parked the car in front of his home. He almost didn’t want to leave.

Kyungsoo, however, being the gentleman he was, escaped the car first and hurried to open the side door for him.

Jongin stared at the older man, as he shut the door and grinned at him.

“Let me walk you home.”

He almost scoffed. The front door was less than ten meters away from them. Even so, he didn’t say anything, just smiled as Kyungsoo walked him to the front of the door.

He looked so damn gorgeous with his tousled hair and his beautiful smile. Jongin could just stare at him forever.

“So am I officially your boyfriend yet?”

Jongin groaned.

“You won’t ever let me forget this, will you?” when Kyungsoo shook his head without even a spare moment of thought, Jongin just laughed, before nodding. “Yes. Yes, you are. If you want it, of course.”

“Hey, if I didn’t want it I would have stopped eating onion rings after the second serving.”

“You have a pretty solid point in this somewhere.” Jongin leaned against the door and just, stared?

There was a beat of silence, before Kyungsoo shrugged.

“I’m not really sure how this usually goes, but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight if I don’t kiss you now.” His coach said quietly, eyes burning holes through him. “I mean, it’s not like we haven’t kissed, but since it’s official now, it would be-“

Jongin shut him up with a kiss.

He leaned forward and pressed their lips together. It was pretty shallow at first, until Jongin brought up a hand behind Kyungsoo’s neck, pulling him closer.

No matter how many times they’d kissed already, Jongin was always surprised at how soft Kyungsoo’s lips were. At how perfectly they fit against his own, at how full and sensual they were. They were making crazy things happen in Jongin’s mind.

He shivered when Kyungsoo’s hands caught him by his waist and pulled him closer, pushing their bodies together.

The kiss, if anything, got only deeper. Tongues and eager mewls.

It felt like a fantasy that Jongin didn’t want to stop dreaming, until he remembered that breathing was, in fact, necessary for living.

He rested his forehead against Kyungsoo’s when he broke their kiss to gasp for air. Kyungsoo was panting just as heavily as him, fingers still clutching his waist tightly.

They were standing like this for a few moments and Jongin was still holding onto Kyungsoo’s shoulders, not planning to let go.

When he looked up and their eyes met, so close to each other, Jongin just breathed out. Blurting out the first and only thing on his mind.

“Do you want to come upstairs?”

“I may be old fashioned, but isn’t this only our first date?”

Jongin caught the taunting hint in Kyugnsoo’s soft voice. He just rolled his eyes and leaned down to press their lips together again. He was still tightly clinging onto his coach.

“Our timing for everything is so messed up anyways…”

It only took him one more look towards Kyungsoo for their eyes to meet again. There was a different vibe about it this time around. Kyungsoo’s eyes seemed darker.

“So?” Jongin asked again, voice dropping to a whisper. “Do you?”

“Let’s go.”

The last thought Jongin had before Kyungsoo kissed him again and they pushed past the front door was that he had to thank Baekhyun someday.

He was right. Those jeans really did it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend’s been screaming about Baekhyun a lot these days and I thought, YOU KNOW WHAT, better include more Baekhyun. So….yeah.
> 
> This is like, THE Most Generic Chapter I could have written, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways. Let me know what you think, comments are greatly appreciated ^^
> 
> twitter (jongnugget)


	12. Chapter 12

12

Jongin’s eyes felt heavy when he slowly opened them, squinting against the sunlight streaming from the windows.

It took him a few moments to adjust his vision to the brightness in the room, until he saw the messy crumpled sheets on the other side of his bed. On the _empty_ side of it. Then his eyes moved to the clock on the nightstand.

He pushed himself up to a sitting position abruptly, shocked at how late it was already, to only have a pain shoot up his body. He winced a little, as memories of last night erupted in his mind.

Hockey game, disgusting onion rings, soft lips moving against his and strong hands holding him tightly.

A whole lot of warmness, a whole lot of profanity.

A whole lot of pleasure and not so quiet moans and gasps filling the room.

A whole lot of Kyungsoo. _All_ of Kyungsoo. 

His face felt hot as he blinked away the images of hooded eyes and parted lips and Kyungsoo hovering over him , kissing him. Touching him. Everywhere.

He had to bite down his lip to stop himself from smiling. He could practically feel his skin tingling where he remembered Kyungsoo’s touch from last night – his face, his hands, his thighs, his chest.

So perfect. Everything last night had been so perfect. So magical and intimate. So them.

And it would have been even better if Kyungsoo had been next to him when he woke up.

Jongin practically felt his smile dropping as he threw a look towards the empty side of the bed, then winced at the clock again, and pushed the covers off himself.

He felt sore as he stood up  - it felt like he was in his own body, but not really. It felt odd. Somehow euphoric despite feeling wrecked in the sweetest way possible.

However, as his mind was torn between swearing in his mind that he was so late for the rink, and between wondering where Kyungsoo was and straight out wailing about his absence, he didn’t really focus on the fact his limbs felt boneless.

His feet were dragging as he walked out of the room.

The TV was on. He blinked the sleep away from his eyes as he scanned the empty living room and continued down to the kitchen. What he needed was a sip of fresh, cold water so he’d wake up and start rescheduling his day.

What greeted him in the kitchen, however, was much more refreshing than water.

It was Kyungsoo’s back – broad and strong and _naked_.

Jongin halted his movements at the sight -  Kyungsoo facing the counters, sweatpants hanging low on his hips. His sweatpants, Jongin vaguely noted, as his eyes raked in the sight of those strong shoulders and a few red lines painting the canvas that Kyungsoo’s back was. Courtesy of his, Jongin supposed, a little smug smirk blooming on his lips.

He didn’t even flinch hen Kyungsoo turned around and caught him shamelessly staring. If anything, his coach seemed more surprised.

“Oh, you’re up?”

“And so are you.”

Jongin walked over to the table and sat down on the closest chair, wincing a little. He watched as Kyungsoo picked up something from the counter and joined him on the table.

He was smiling when he set down the plate in front of Jongin.

“Scrambled, right?”

Jongin felt a thousand emotions bursting through his body.

Everything was indeed perfect. It was a pity he had woken up without Kyungsoo by his side, but Kyungsoo had been out here making him breakfast. And remembering such a small, stupid detail from months ago. Jongin couldn’t contain the smile.

“Thank you.”

His heart felt like it would erupt from his chest when Kyungsoo leaned towards him and planted the softest of kisses on his forehead. It lasted a few seconds and he wanted to complain when his boyfriend moved away, sitting down. Eyes still trained on him.

Jongin had never felt so self-conscious in his entire life, the blush on his cheeks spreading. So did Kyungsoo’s smile.

So naturally, he did the only thing he could think of to stop himself from staring.

He dug into his food.

It felt ridiculous, but it felt like eggs tasted ten times better than usual because it was Kyungsoo who’d prepared them. That, or Kyungsoo was actually a half decent cook unlike him.

However, after a few bites he realized that even eating felt awkward because while he was munching on the food, Kyungsoo just kept staring at him – chin resting on his palm and a ghostly smile on his lips.

Jongin almost choked on the eggs, when he did the second thing he could think of to avoid the awkward silence.

“I’m sorry….for, uh…for waking up so late.” he looked away from Kyungsoo – the guilt he was feeling was kind of prominent. Not as prominent as the fact that waking up late was definitely worth last night.  “We should have been at the rink already.”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo’s voice was soft when he spoke. Warm and loving and Jongin loved hearing his name spoken like that. “You don’t have to….we can skip training today.”

The sound of the fork hitting the plate was loud in the otherwise silent kitchen.

Jongin didn’t mean to look up so abruptly. He didn’t really mean to squint his eyes.

“Nonsense.” He said sharply. “I missed months. I can’t afford to miss any more. Not a day, not even an hour.”

Kyungsoo just breathed out a sigh.

Jongin could tell from his face that he didn’t really agree with him, he could tell from his face and the dull sparkle in his eyes that he had a lot to say on the matter and that he was probably ready to argue it out with Jongin.

However, he didn’t say anything. Not a single word.

Good, Jongin thought. Because the last thing he wanted was to argue with Kyungsoo right now. After an entire, beautiful night with his boyfriend, he didn’t want to argue with him. He didn’t want to argue with his coach.

When Kyungsoo just pursed his lips into a tight smile, Jongin nodded approvingly.

* * *

By the time they moved onto the ice there was a frown permanently etched on Jongin’s face.

He had known it wouldn’t be comfortable, but he sure as hell hadn’t expected it to be straight out painful at times.

Whenever Kyungsoo would ask if he was fine, he’d force himself to say everything was alright and continue stretching and running.

By the time they actually made it onto the rink, though, Jongin wasn’t so sure if this was a good idea.

The prospect of landing on his ass if he failed a jump definitely didn’t seem all that appealing at the moment.

For the first time ever he was actually grateful for the stupid protectors.

He tried his best. He really did, he tried his best to skate properly but he could see on Kyungsoo’s face that even his coach felt uncomfortable.

He couldn’t execute his turns properly, he ended up cowering from jumps and landing even the simple ones proved to be a task way too hard for the moment.

He ended up skating over to the railings, leaning against them and panting heavily – way too heavily for only that much skating – and he shook his head.

“I really didn’t think this through,” he uttered quietly, feeling the shame engulfing his whole being. “You were right. This was definitely a bad idea.”

If Kyungsoo was pleased to hear him acknowledge that he’d been wrong, he showed it in no way. Instead, he handed him a water bottle and placed a palm over his free hand.

“It’s alright, Jongin.” Kyungsoo said, his calm and collected voice carrying out throughout the arena. “We can continue tomorrow.”

“Thank you-…I-…I’m sorry.”

His boyfriend’s laughter was quiet and soft.

“I’m the one who should be apologizing.” Jongin felt his eyes wandering again. Looking anywhere but at Kyungsoo. He could practically feel the heat travelling to his face again. “Next time, you’re gonna top.”

Jongin felt his skate giving away.

Next thing he knew, the dull pain in his behind from the fall made him whimper again and his palms against the solid ice felt numb. He was pretty sure he spilled water on his shirt, but that didn’t matter.

He only had two thoughts in that very second. First, he really did develop a new-found respect for the protection pads and second, his fall had nothing to do with the pain in his butt.

More with the fact that Kyungsoo’s sudden laughter echoed around in the arena again, as his coach stepped on the ice to help him get up.

More with the fact that sudden images erupted in his mind and he was then painfully aware of the fact that the heat from his blush was moving south to his crotch again at just the slightest mention of a re-run of last night’s adventures.

It had most to do with the fact that he suddenly imagined it all, him hovering over Kyungsoo and making him feel just like his coach had made him feel last night, all hot and impatient and craving for more. Made him feel like he’d been drowning in all the pleasure.

He imagined it all and it was maybe a tad bit too much, and maybe his expression was showing it somehow, because Kyungsoo ended up laughing again, a little bit louder, and held him closer on the ice.

“Excited?”

“A little bit,” Jongin admitted, an amused chuckle escaping his own lips. “You can’t just drop bombs like that on me. _While_ I’m on ice.”

“I thought you loved ice.”

“Hm,” Jongin hummed. “Maybe we can work on that hockey move we discussed yesterday.”

“Or,” Kyungsoo looked down to the watch on his wrist, before tightening his grip on Jongin’s waist. “We could still make use of the day and finish some paperwork now instead of postponing it. Imagine how happy Suho would be. Unless you want to wipe the rink with your butt a little bit more, that is.”  

Jongin’s entire face scrunched up into a frown, as Kyungsoo’s fingers dug into his waist and he laughed.

“I thought so. Come on.”

* * *

For the first time in a very long time, Kyungsoo wasn’t on Jongin’s mind.

The shrill voice of the middle aged lady was the only thing resounding in the studio and all he could think about was executing the moves properly.

It had been a long time since he had last had a ballet lesson. He knew he didn’t really need it, but a part of him was urging to do his best in every single aspect of his performance. And if it meant incorporating a ballet lesson in his schedule here and there to earn himself extra points for artistry, then he sure would.

Every single turn of his head, every single raise of his hands. The positions of his fingers. Everything mattered. Now more so than ever.

Every Arabesque he executed here would make his spirals on the ice better.

Every Pirouette and Degage here would make his spins on the ice better.  

So even though he knew he has a whole on-ice training after this, and then a meeting with Yixing to work on the routine, and then most probably a meeting with sponsors, he tightened his jaw and stared back at the mirror in determination.

He straightened up and started following commands again, pushing the limits of his body’s strength and flexibility.

He didn’t even think about complaining. Not even once.

There was a strong fire burning inside of him.

He wouldn’t give up this time. He wouldn’t fail.

This time, things would be different.

* * *

Running, warming up, on ground training, on ice training, dancing, stretching, ballet, administrative meetings, and then back again.

It was becoming a routine. A routine that was sucking out every single drop of energy Jongin had in his body.

By the time the day ended, when Jongin would sit in his passenger seat as he’d drive him home, he would be so tired – exhausted – that he’d occasionally fall asleep right there and then.

More than once Kyungsoo had ended up looking at the sleeping boy next to him, his heart feeling heavy at the thought of having to wake him up so he could sleep comfortably in his bed and not the seat of a car.

Jongin’s sleepy eyes were making him go crazy. Every time Jongin blinked at him with those eyes filled with sleep, the eyes of a person who wasn’t really asleep but who wasn’t quite awake either, his heart would start beating quickly and he’d smile regretfully. He hated himself for taking the rest away from Jongin, even if it was just for minutes.

But then in the morning, those same eyes would be filled with something completely different from sleep. They’d be filled with determination. The same determination he’d seen in Jongin’s eyes when they first met.

The same determination, but stronger. Much stronger.

Even if he didn’t completely agree with the way Jongin had chosen to achieve his goals – not leaving himself a minute to breathe, he couldn’t help but admire him.

As his boyfriend, he couldn’t help but feel annoyed sometimes. The one hour a day they could spend together, Jongin was spending either in a ballet studio or with Suho.

Also as his boyfriend, he was proud. Proud of everything that Kim Jongin stood for. Proud of his strength and will to stand up stronger than ever even after a fall.

Proud to see him flying higher than ever.

And as his coach, Kyungsoo understood. He understood all too well why this was necessary for Jongin. Not to hone his skills or practice the same routine for hours.

No. He understood why Jongin needed this. It felt like a reassurance. That this time, nothing would go wrong.

That there would be no slip. No hesitant step on the ice. No shaky landing.

That everything would be perfect.

He could see his breath when he let out the sigh, the artificial lights of the ice rink hurting his eyes after all these hours. Even so, he didn’t move them away from the black swan on the ice.

His body’s line, his movements, his gestures, his eyes and his parted lips – everything about him was alluring.

Jongin’s body was moving effortlessly. Every spin and every jump was executed smoothly, every move flowed after the previous one.

His moves were graceful. _He_ was graceful.

But Kyungsoo knew. Behind every step, behind every spiral and every mohawk, behind every spin and jump – hours of practice. A lifetime of passion. 

Kyungsoo was startled when he heard the sound of blades digging into the ice sharply. He’d been so immersed in watching the flow of moves, that he hadn’t considered they’d eventually end.

He watched as Jongin’s shoulders finally slumped. As his chest started heaving up and down heavily – barely gasping for air. As he finally bended down, barely even standing up, hands supporting him on his knees.

Kyungsoo felt something tugging onto his heartstrings.

Such precision and beauty meant art.

And art meant an awfully high price.

He waited patiently for Jongin to finally catch his breath and skate towards the edge of the rink where he was waiting for him.

He watched the lean body clad in all black moving closer. The grace lacing even his ordinary moves. He seemed like he was flying even when he was barely standing up.

“How was it?” Jongin’s voice came out raspy and low. Tired.

Kyungsoo didn’t have any words.

Instead, he reached out to the side of Jongin’s neck, thumb sliding over his earlobe, as he pulled him down and pressed their lips together.

Kyungsoo almost felt bad for stealing the last of Jongin’s breath away, when the younger man gasped into the kiss.

He had no words for Jongin’s performance.

But maybe this would show him how he felt about it. About him.

Pride. Admiration. Love.

They pressed their foreheads together and a low ghostly chuckle resounded in the empty arena. He wasn’t sure if it was his or Jongin’s.

And he knew then, what exactly he had to say.

That’s what Jongin was. That’s what his performance was.

He felt a smile stretching his lips and his fingers digging into Jongin’s hair.

“Perfect.”

* * *

He didn’t mean to sound threatening when he burst into Suho’s office and demanded the manager to cancel all of Jongin’s meetings for tonight.

He didn’t mean to scare the man with his maniacal gaze.

He really didn’t mean to, but judging by the look on Suho’s face he’d done just that.

“Uhm,” Kyungsoo awkwardly cleared his throat after practically shouting out his demand. “If it’s possible. Please.”

Suhos face relaxed a little as he returned his chair to the desk. His phone was lighting up every few moments, indicating new messages.

Kyungsoo didn’t like the way Suho’s eyes flickered to the device and then back to him with the intention of arguing written all over his features.

“If we don’t meet with the spokesperson tonight and arrange all the CF details, I’m not sure this deal would wor-“

“Listen.” Kyungsoo cut him off, sounding a little bit exasperated. Maybe he really was. “He is working his ass off. His days start as soon as 5am and end after midnight. Just for today. Spare him the bullshit paperwork and let him have some free time.”

It was Suho’s turn to have his eyes shine dangerously.

“Free time? Why? So I’d have to deal with stuff like this again?”

Kyungsoo felt a pang in his chest when Suho raised the newspaper. The front cover a picture of him and Jongin at the arena, among the crowd at the hockey game.

It wasn’t new. But it had attracted enough attention. Suho had given them a lot of shit for it.

And while Kyungsoo did understand him – the man did have to deal with all of this by himself – he couldn’t really afford losing this fight. He wouldn’t back down.

“Come with me.”

“What?”

“Come with me, I want to show you something.”

Before Suho could argue again, Kyungsoo had grabbed his arm and started pulling him out of the office.

He could hear that the manager was rambling behind him, trying to pull away and argue. He didn’t hear him though. He kept his eyes trained to the end of the hallway and the large double doors, as he kept pulling.

Suho stilled down when Kyungsoo pushed the door open and shoved him inside the arena.

He leaned against the wall.

And he watched.

Jongin was skating. Moving in that gracious, passionate way across the ice rink.

Even though he knew what it took, even though he witnessed this same routine every day, it still took his breath away.

He didn’t mind Suho. He’d grown awfully quiet anyways.

His eyes were just following Jongin and his determined movements all the way until the end of the routine. Until the loud sound of a toe pick digging into the ice harshly reached even them.

And then the same thing as the days before happened – Jongin’s body slouched.

All the way from the top of the arena they could see his shoulders moving up and down, as he slowly sunk to the ice. Supporting himself on one knee and both hands.

Kyungsoo felt his heartstrings tugging again, and his jaw tightening, as he finally moved his gaze away.

Suho was biting on his lip, eyes unwavering from the rink and the perfect mess that Jongin was at the middle of it.

When their eyes met, Kyungsoo observed the way the manager breathed out. Maybe in defeat, as he nodded once, eyes looking everywhere but at Kyungsoo.

“I’ll see if I can reschedule.” His voice was quiet. Soft.

He understood now, Kyungsoo realized, a weight falling off his chest, as he gulped down the knot forming in his throat and nodded in some sort of appreciation.

“Thank you.”

* * *

Jongin felt some sort of relief when Kyungsoo told him the meeting had been called off.

He felt the smile reaching his face and his eyes, and every pore of his body as he nodded.

He was sitting on the floor, on the blue mats in the training centre, a hand running down his thighs, trying to relieve the tension in his muscles.

He was in the middle of thinking how to use those two hours of time. He contemplated returning to the ice, even if his body protested.

“Do you want to go out after you’re done here?” Kyungsoo’s voice was soft and his tone did a very bad job at concealing the hope hidden in his words.

And Jongin’s plans just evaporated. His body cheered.

Before he’d even made up his mind, he was smiling.

Kyungsoo’s smile was soft and bright – Jongin’s favourite smile in the world.

He felt a quick flash of guilt running through his body. In those weeks he had barely had any time for Kyungsoo.

The most they’d shared were quick pecks in between on-ice sessions and everything else were discussions about routines and jumps.

“Our restaurant?” Kyungsoo suggested and Jongin felt his heart sweeling up just at the thought.

“Our restaurant.” He nodded, before letting out a hiss at the following press of his fingers against his muscles.

He was basking in his own misery for a few moments and missed the way Kyungsoo wlked over to him and sat down just in front of him on the blue mats. Then he did the last thing Jongin had expected him to do – he swatted his hands away and started massaging his leg himself.

At the way those hands kneaded the muscles of his thighs, at the touch, he forgot everything. All his exhaustion, all his soreness. Hell, he was pretty sure he even forgot his name for a few moments.

“You were going too fast,” Kyungsoo’s voice was quiet. “And you were working against the muscle. You should do it the other way around.”

Kyungsoo’s gaze was concentrated on his leg when Jongin checked, and he was suddenly painfully aware of the tight sweatpants and the way Kyungsoo’s hands were moving slowly against them. Moving up his thigh and then back down to the knee again. It felt electrifying.

There was something especially intimate about this. They were alone in the studio, maybe alone in the entire building at this hour, and Kyungsoo’s hands were purposefully moving up and down the inside of his thigh. He wasn’t speaking – neither of them was – and the only sound filling the room was his own hitched breathing.

He sighed out when Kyungsoo switched to his other leg, his fingers and hands starting those same ministrations all over again and he felt something in the pit of his stomach stirring. Something that felt almost foreign, too distant. Something urgent.

“I’m sorry,” he heard himself mumbling out. “I haven’t really paid much attention to you lately, have I? I’m the worst boyfriend in the world.”

Kyungsoo smirked, but it looked more like a smile than anything. It was that lopsided smirk that made Jongin feel certain ways.

He looked up from under his fringe and his deep eyes found Jongin’s.

“You have to work out the muscle slowly,” he said and his deep voice sent a shiver down Jongin’s spine. The idea of him stopping was unbearable and that same urgent feeling only bubbled up in his body. “If you roll your muscle too fast, you’ll bruise.”

Jongin tried to pay attention, but it just felt so good. Kyungsoo’s skilled hands easing the pain away from his muscles. It felt so good, it felt like all the exhaustion flew out of his body. So good, that he coulnd’t find any words to speak. Instead, he leaned back and enjoyed it.

A few minutes passed, a few minutes that felt like hours, and the pressure Kyungsoo was applying lessened, and his hands started travelling higher up his legs.

Jongin’s eyes fluttered open in curiosity and he was surprised to see that Kyungsoo was very far from concentrating on his work. Instead, he was staring at him – his gaze hot and heavy on his face. The same feeling of urgency washed over him again and his breath stopped.

“Kyungsoo…”

His hand smoothly moved down his thigh and below his knee, pulling it around his hips as he moved closer and hovered over him. His eyes were lidded and there was something absolutely electrifying about his gaze, that Jongin’s heart skipped a beat.

“Better?”

Jongin pulled him down to crash their lips together. It felt like an explosion, that kiss. Like he’d been holding in something for so long that finally found its way out. Maybe Kyungsoo had been holding it in for too long as well.

It was like they were trying to put out fire with gasoline.

Jongin’s body was reacting before he could assess what was happening. His legs moved around Kyungsoo to pull him closer – to bring their hips together. To press their bodies closely.

“ _God_ …” Jongin breathed out when Kyungsoo finally moved back, his eyes shining with the gaze of a crazy man. They were both trying to catch their breath.  “Let’s go home?”

“What about food?”

Jongin felt the smirk pulling his lips back as Kyungsoo helped him up.

“You’re a whole meal, Mr. Do. I can eat you all night long.” He pecked the side of Kyungsoo’s neck and had the pleasure of seeing him stiffen a little and – was that blush painting his cheeks? He heard a quiet, awkward chuckle, as two hands pulled him closer.

“So we’ll order takeout later?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.”

* * *

Jongin found himself lying down on the large bed in Kyungsoo’s large bedroom with the view over to the forest. The light, cold breeze coming in through the open balcony and reaching his exposed skin made him shiver. It was that, or the anticipation.

Kyungsoo was sitting over him, skin white and smooth – kind of reminding him of the ice. Jongin reached out, drawn. Just before his fingers reached the soft skin of the other one, though, he hesitated and looked back up to the full lips and deep eyes.

“Are you sure?” his voice was quiet and raspy and he only blinked when the older man wrapped a hand around his wrist, finally bringing his fingers to his waist, a smile playing on his lips.

“Of course I am,”  Kyungsoo’s breath tickled his skin when the man leaned down, pressing his lips against his. Jongin’s mind was all over the place. Kyungsoo pulled back from the kiss for a moment. “I’m not the one that has to skate tomorrow morning.”

When Kyungsoo leaned back down to kiss him again, Jongin found the courage to finally move his hands. From Kyungsoo’s waist, sliding down on his smooth thighs, feeling the other’s warmth underneath his fingertips.

Jongin let out a sigh in the kiss, as Kyungsoo’s hands travelled down his naked chest and down after the hem of his sweatpants. Palming his crotch through the fabric. He felt a shudder running through his body at the friction. Kyungsoo looked at him briefly before repeating that, sending another wave of pleasure through Jongin’s body. He felt his fingers digging into the older man’s thighs.

Felt his heart skipping a beat at the following wave of pleasure when Kyungsoo pressed his own crotch against his, the hand sliding back up his front to hold onto his shoulder tightly.

Jongin felt his self-control getting shattered as Kyungsoo picked up the pace, as his lips moved away from his and as the shallow breaths turned into quiet moans filling the silence of the room.

He could feel Kyungsoo’s fingers tugging on his pants, pulling them down. He pursed his lips, against the wishes of his body, and reached out hesitantly to put a hand over Kyungsoo’s arms. His boyfriend looked at him through thick eyelashes.

“Are you really sure, Soo?” Jongin asked, hating himself for stopping this. “You don’t have to-“

Kyungsoo silenced him with a kiss.

“I want this.”

Jongin couldn’t fight that. Not when Kyungsoo dipped his head again and started leaving a burning trace of kisses down his neck. When the older man pulled his legs away to slide lower on Jongin’s body, all the skater could do was grab the sheets and hold onto them as tightly as he could.

He didn’t have the time to ponder on how good this felt. On how hot the body of Kyungsoo felt against his, when all he was used to was the constant chill of the ice all around himself.

Kyungsoo wasn’t leaving time for such thoughts with the expert way his lips were sliding down his chest, nibbling lightly at the skin.

Jongin’s breathing became more rapid when Kyungsoo’s hot breath ghosted over his already hard cock, eyes shooting up with that same lopsided smirk on his lips. Jongin almost cursed when there was finally a small hand wrapped around his throbbing length, guiding it to his coach’s mouth.

Jongin threw his head back in pleasure at the heat that engulfed him, the wetness that caressed his sensitive skin. Kyungsoo was bobbing his head up and down, taking a bit more of him every time he sunk back down. Jongin groaned when he felt the other man using his tongue, pressing it against his slit. There was a ghostly giggle that vibrated against his dick when he did so, only intensifying the pleasure and _actually_ eliciting that string of curses.

Kyungsoo was good at this. Way too good, Jongin realized when a shallow moan unwillingly escaped his throat.

He looked down and the man’s already alluring lips were red, covered in spit. His hair was messed up. His body moving with every bob, the sounds filling the quiet room, it was too much for Jongin to handle. The bubbling feeling of urgency in the pit of his stomach returned, dangerously strong.

The grip he had on the sheets tightened even more. Kyungsoo was really, _really_ good at this.

Jongin hissed when Kyungsoo slid off his length, the coolness of the air surprising him.

He looked up as his boyfriend wiped his lips with the back of his hands. His eyes were hooded and there was a certain look in them that would have been enough to bring Jongin over the edge.

“I want you to finish inside me.”

Jongin stopped breathing for a second when Kyungsoo reached over him towards the little table on the side of the bed, grabbing the lube and turning it over his fingers. Jongin just stared on as Kyungsoo brought his own hand behind himself before dipping down to connect their lips again.

He almost protested, ready to sit up and do this for Kyungsoo instead. Instead, he got pushed back down to the bed and given a wicked smirk.

“Today’s all about you. Sit down and enjoy this.”

Kyungsoo’s twisted body and the way he was letting out quiet moans slip past his lips in between the kisses was definitely one hell of a sight.

It was a whole new side to Kyungsoo. He had seen him before, hovering over him and turning him into a pleading mess.

Now it was Kyungsoo turning himself into a mess, just for Jongin to see, and somehow it felt so intimate, so personal, that Jongin felt his heart skipping a beat. He couldn’t even form out a coherent sentence when Kyungsoo pushed him back down and straddled his hips.

When he tore the packaging of the condom with his teeth and proceeded to roll it down Jongin’s length. He breathed out at the touch.

“Stay still for a minute.” Kyungsoo whispered, lips brushing at the corner of Jongin’s as he raised his hips. Jongin hissed when Kyungsoo’s hand guided his cock to his entrance, pushing down. Jongin couldn’t say anything when Kyungsoo started sinking down his length with his body, the only thing filling the room - their heavy breathing. When he looked up, his boyfriend was biting on his lower lip.

Jongin was out of his right mind, all he could think about was the arousal pumping through his veins, the tightness of Do Kyungsoo around him. The two hands that rested on his shoulders when Jongin was all the way in. Kyungsoo was still biting on his lower lip, eyes shut tightly. Jongin watched him, a wave of worry washing over him at the expression of the older man.

However, when Kyungsoo slowly opened his eyes and his fingers squeezed his shoulders briefly, when he raised his hips and then brought them back down on Jongin’s length, all the skater could do was shut his own eyes and contain the moan.

Kyugnsoo was so tight around him, so hot. So good.

And he did that again. And again. Picking up his pace slowly.

“Good?” Kyungsoo asked breathily and Jongin almost choked on air. So good. So, so good. His hands snaked around Kyungsoo’s waist, helping him move up and down.

“Can I move?” Jongin asked in between shallow breaths. He looked up just as Kyungsoo shone him a full, wide heart-shaped smile.

“Please do.”

So he did. When Kyungsoo brought his hips down Jongin met them with his own, thrusting up. His lips twitched into a smirk when Kyungsoo’s loud gasp filled the room.

When he did it again and Kyungsoo’s body fell forward, hands clinging onto his shoulders for dear life.

When he did it again and curses spilled from Kyungsoo’s lips along with the soft moans.

Jongin didn’t stop moving, the heat of Kyungsoo around him simply maddening. He brought the other one’s face down to seal their lips together to stop himself from cursing in pleasure.

Kyungsoo moved on top of him, rolling around. Jongin took that as a cue to move as well, changing their position.

His coach wrapped his legs around Jongin’s waist when he was pressed down onto the bed.

The new angle allowed Jongin to sink deeper into Kyungsoo. To draw out louder moans and softer groans. To feel the other one’s fingers digging into his back, nails scraping the skin.

Jongin smirked into Kyungsoo’s neck as he kept thrusting. It meant he was doing _something_ right.

Meant he was doing something really right when Kyungsoo cried out in pleasure suddenly and screamed at Jongin to do that again.

When he kept on writhing under him when Jongin kept thrusting into that one spot.

Kyungsoo’s breathing was becoming rapid and shallow.

“ _Fuck_ , Jongin, I’m going to-“

The younger snapped his hips particularly hard just before Kyungsoo’s cum splattered on their chests in thick, long spurts. His boyfriend’s moans were sweeter and louder in those few moments of utter pleasure. His back arched off the bed, walls squeezing Jongin tighter.

The skater didn’t last much longer himself. After a few more thrusts the bubbles in the pit of his stomach burst and he came inside Kyungsoo. The feeling of urgency blended in his entire body. The last few thrusts as he rode on the bliss of his orgasm were slower, but deeper. Kyungsoo’s fingers dug into his skin again, as he pulled him down.

As Jongin kissed him on the lips again, mind still dizzy from the overwhelming pleasure. He carefully let himself be pulled over Kyungsoo’s body.

They stayed like this for a while, panting, chests heaving up and down.

Jongin had nothing on his mind, but the soft lips of Kyungsoo playing with his earlobe, the gentle fingers tracing light patters over his chest.

And suddenly, when he rolled over and all he could hear was the deep breathing of both of them, he realized that he was supposed to be tired.

He was supposed to be beyond tired.

Yet, here he was. Filled with a new kind of energy.

“You know,” Kyungsoo said quietly eventually, and Jongin could hear the smile in his voice. He looked to the side and smiled himself when he saw Kyungsoo’s lit up face. Sweaty and tired, but his eyes were shining and he was grinning.  “We might as well keep doing this even after the season. You’re damn good at it.”

Jongin scoffed, running his tongue over his dry lips. Memories of their first night together flooding his mind.  

He looked to the side again, to Kyungsoo’s small, round face. To those deep eyes and the puffy lips stretched into the brightest of smiles.

His hair was messy and there was sweat glistening on his forehead.

He had never looked more handsome, Jongin thought to himself, heart skipping a beat.

“No fucking way.”

Kyungsoo just laughed quietly, pushing himself up to connect their lips for one quick kiss, hand sliding down the side of Jongin’s neck down to his chest.

Jongin wondered if he could feel how his heart was beating only for him.

Kyungsoo looked at him again then, something unreadable in his eyes, as he leaned down and sealed their lips together for one more kiss. He pulled away with a smile.

“Come on. Let’s get cleaned up and order food.”

Jongin’s stomach growled in acceptance and then they were pulling each other up and out of the bed.

And maybe, maybe after dinner they’d return here. Jongin knew he was supposed to take the time tonight to rest, but with all this newfound energy he couldn’t stop himself from looking over Kyungsoo’s body again, feeling all kinds of hunger.

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

Kyungsoo tried concentrating on the words, but he couldn’t. His eyes were just glazing over the paragraphs on the page, not really registering anything. He was re-reading the same sentence for possibly the sixth time.

It’s not like the book wasn’t interesting.

It’s just that Jongin was more interesting.

He gave up with a sigh, as he closed the book and leaned back against the wall, fully indulging himself in his distraction.

Jongin was there, standing in the middle of the dance studio with Yixing by his side. The choreographer was laughing as he was showing something in detail.

Jongin was seriously nodding along, only a hint of a smile on his face as he was soaking up all the information. He was following every move – paying attention to every single detail, even the position of his fingers.

Kyungsoo wasn’t even listening to them, he was too busy staring. At the plumpness of Jongin’s lips and the colour of a pink tongue darting out to run over them every now and then. At the deepness of Jongin’s eyes, that held all the galaxies in the universe. At the soft, soft locks of hair flying around with every spin.  At the lean muscles visible under the black practice clothes, at the elegance in every single move and gesture.

He could sit here and admire that sight for an eternity. Jongin, completely lost in his art, a deep etch between his eyebrows as he tried to give another 100 percent on top of the thousand he was already giving.

And Kyungsoo had no doubt.

This time, he just knew. This was Jongin’s time to shine. Only his.

Not because of all the hours of practice poured into the performance that only lasted three minutes.

Not because of the complexity of his moves, not because of the details in every step.

No.

It was because of that glint in Jongin’s eyes he could see.

A sharp look in his usually soft eyes, borderline crazy, as he kept returning to the start and polishing every second – millisecond of his routine.

Determination.

It was because of that determination that he knew Jongin would succeed.

And it was because of the soft smile that bloomed on those full lips when their eyes met that he knew he would do just about anything he could to help him.

The warmth in his chest felt different than anything he had ever experienced before, as he only pursed his lips and dedicated his entire attention to the only man in the world who had ever made him feel like this.

* * *

“The usual.” Suho said absentmindedly, throwing the files on the desk between them, before returning his attention back to whatever he was furiously typing on his laptop.

Kyungsoo threw Jongin a quick look before leaning forward to drag the folders closer and open them.

One by one.

“There’s some new kids as well.” Suho mumbled just as Kyungsoo’s eyes raked over the list.

“Sehun,” Jongin was mumbling beside him, leaning awfully close so he could read it with him. “Baekhyun. Taeyong-“

“Lee Taeyong?” Kyungsoo looked up with a raised eyebrow. “The kid who won the junior championship last year?”

“Silver.” Suho corrected, eyes still trained on his screen. “The other one won gold.”

Kyungsoo and Jongin both looked down at the same time to read the last name on the list.

“Chitta-….Chittaphon Lee-…Leecha-… _porn_?”

Suho sighed.

“Just call him Ten.” He finally looked away from the laptop, pushing the machine aside, as he leaned over the desk and Kyungsoo closed the file. “Those are the competitors you should look out for at Nationals. They have similar placement points as you. To qualify for Worlds you’ll need to place in at least the top four and that still depends on the scored the other guys will get.”

Kyungsoo remained silent and looked over to Jongin instead.

He didn’t have a doubt that he’d make it to the top four.

Hell, he didn’t have a doubt that he’d make it to the very first place.

Jongin didn’t seem to be thinking about that, though. There was a twitch on his eyebrows, as he pulled the files closer, eyes travelling over the names of the other skaters.

“What about Taemin?”

“No. Not anymore.”

“Eunhyuk?”

“Kid, keep up, will you? He hasn’t been skating for a while now. Honestly…”

There was silence for a while. Suho was looking at Jongin. Kyungsoo, too, was looking at Jongin.

Jongin was staring at the files with an unreadable expression on his face. His fingers were tapping against the surface of the desk.

“Good.”

“Good?”

“We have absolutely nothing to worry about then.”

“I hope you’re right, kid. I really do.” Suho’s sigh was loud as he pulled the laptop back and started furiously typing again.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, felt a smile stretching his lips.

A very delighted feeling spread in his chest as he looked to the side and found Jongin nodding in concentration to nobody in particular.

Confidence.

Jongin was confident.

And he wasn’t confident like before. Not like when he first met him and he thought he was on top of the world.

No, not at all.

He was confident now because he had experience. He knew what it meant to fall, figuratively and literally, he knew what it meant to stand up. To crawl your way back up. To fight.

He had every reason to be confident.

Kyungsoo, too, was confident.

He laid his hand on top of Jongin’s knee, a supportive grip as he nodded.

“We don’t.”

The smile that slowly bloomed on Jongin’s face was mesmerizing.

* * *

There was something contagious in Jongin’s smile. Something absolutely magnetic about the way his eyes twinkled with happiness.

It was late. Kyungsoo didn’t even want to know what the time was. He didn’t want to feel guilty for being here instead of sending Jongin home.

But he didn’t regret it, not for one bit, as he watched the boy in the middle of the ice.

After hours of tedious practice, he had finally let go.

He had finally forgotten about technique and about grace, he was just skating around. Arms spread out wide, feeling the wind.

He looked like he was flying and the smile on his lips was the sweetest thing he had seen in his life.

Jongin was happy. Jongin was confident and he was happy.

And that’s all that mattered to Kyungsoo, who finally peeled himself off the railing, unable to withstand that powerful pull of that magnetic aura.

Jongin slowed down when he saw him skating closer and instead glided towards him.

Kyungso let out a breath when they collided softly.

He’d lie if he said he was comfortable. He still felt anxiety inside him every time his feet wobbled on the blades – the blades that had once carried him to the very top. He still felt very much afraid to be standing out here on the ice, instead of the solid ground beyond the railing.

But it was alright.

Because Jongin’s hands were wrapped around his and that was all that mattered.

“Skate with me?”

Jongin’s voice was soft and alluring, and Kyungsoo bit on his lower lip, looking up through his fringe. Jongin was smiling, as he tugged on his arms, pulling him forward.

Kyungsoo looked down as the blades of his skates slid forward and Jongin pulled again. He let out a soundless chuckle.

Jongin was skating backwards, hands tightly holding his as he was pulling him across the ice.

“See? It’s not that hard.” Jongin beamed and Kyungsoo felt his heart melting at the sight. “One step at a time. Just like you’re walking.”

Kyungsoo’s fingers tightened around Jongin’s hands when he moved his legs and started moving forward by himself. Following Jongin’s aimless turns on the ice.

Holding his hands tightly and losing himself in the galaxies in his eyes.

“ _Woah_ -“ Kyungsoo almost stumbled on the toe pick when Jongin let go of one of his hands and took a sharp turn. He was suddenly standing behind him, one hand still holding his tightly, the other resting on his waist. “What are you doing?”

He felt Jongin’s breath on his nape when the younger man chuckled lightly. He felt a press of soft lips behind his ear, and fingers tightening their grip on his chest.

“This,” Jongin said quietly, the very distinct hint of joy in his voice. “is what I’ve been learning my entire life.”

“What? Giving people heart attacks?” Kyungsoo mumbled bitterly, suddenly aware of the fact that maybe he was crushing Jongin’s hand in his grip. He blinked his surprise away, as he slid his leg forward. Skating.

He felt Jongin behind himself. His body not really far away from his, but not pressed against him either. He moved his leg in the same time Kyungsoo did. As if he was mirroring his movement.

“No, Soo.” He could hear the smile in Jongin’s tone. He almost yelped when the other man moved to the side, the hand on his waist guiding him. “Pair skating.”

Kyungsoo had quite a lot of thoughts coursing through his mind in that moment, but the most prominent one was the feeling of warmth. Feeling Jongin standing behind him, guiding him forward. He felt safe.

“One step at a time. You start with the right leg.” Jongin was saying quietly, but in the silence of the arena, where the only sound was coming from the blades of their skates gliding across the ice, it sounded loud and clear. Louder even that the sound of his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. “And I follow. I always will follow you.”

Kyungsoo bit on his lower lip again – harsher this time. To stop the giddy smile from taking over his features. To stop that teenage-like fluttering in his chest.

“Careful now, Mr. Kim.” He mumbled, fingers brushing against Jongin’s hand. “I’m starting to get jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what?”

“Of Krystal.” Kyungsoo uttered that and not a moment later heard Jongin’s quiet scoff. “She’s had you all to herself like this for years. Hearing your voice so closely, feeling your breath on her skin. Having you hold her hands so tightly, her waist. It’s scandalous.”

“You don’t even wanna hear about what I’ve been holding during lifts then.”

Kyungsoo suppressed the urge to turn around and glare at Jongin. He settled for rolling his eyes and maybe deliberately shoving an elbow in Jongin’s chest (lightly, though) as they took a turn.

It felt somehow surreal, being here. Skating. Aimlessly, but still. Skating.

“Have you really never thought about coming back?” he heard Jongn’s voice again. Softer this time. More quiet. He sounded uncertain. Almost afraid to ask. “To the ice. You love it with all your heart. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I’ve told you before. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t possibly do it.”

“What about ice dancing? There are so many shows, you could still perform, you could still-“

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo interrupted, fingers tightening around Jongin’s hand again. “It’s fine. I had my time to shine. I did. Besides, you’re wrong. I don’t love it with all my heart. You’re taking up most of it now.”

He was torn between wincing at himself for saying something like this out loud and smugly grinning because he heard Jongin’s breath hitching behind him. His hand maybe tightened around his waist and Kyungsoo maybe felt like he was flying.

“I prefer being your coach.”

“Well,” Jongin cleared his throat. “We’re doing pair skating right now, Mr. Do. I’m pretty sure that makes me the coach. Turn.”

“What?”

“Turn.”

“Jongin, wai-“

His sentence blended with the surprised exclamation and maybe a cuss word when his skate collided with Jongin’s. He felt Jongin’s fingers slipping away from his grip and his own hands instinctively flying up to protect his face. He fell on his hands and felt Jongin’s knee colliding with his own as the other man fell just beside him.

His first instinct wasn’t even to acknowledge the light scrape of the ice against his fingertips, but to turn towards Jongin.

“Are you alright?!”

He was met with the sight of a very much grown up man sitting on his butt on the ice and laughing, dusting off the ice from his hands. He almost breathed out in relief.

“I’m fine. You?”

Kyungsoo did a quick body check. He wasn’t hurt.

He turned towards Jongin instead, a light squint of his eyes.

“You didn’t even tell me in which direction to turn. Nicely done, coach.”

“Cut me some slack, I’ve been a coach for five minutes.”

Kyungsoo turned around, one leg under the other as he dusted off the ice on his hands as well. He breathed out.

“You said you wouldn’t let me fall.”

He blinked up when he felt Jongin moving closer to him, dragging himself on the ice until he was right in front of him. Those deep eyes were staring right at his and he suddenly felt like they were the only thing in this whole wide world that he could see. Jongin wrapped his hands around his, surprisingly warm after the collision with the ice.

“I fell too.”

His voice was deep and lower and Kyungsoo felt the last breath he had leaving him, as Jongin leaned closer and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I’m sorry.”

“Apology not accepted.”

Jongin let out a quiet chuckle, moving even closer. As close as the space between them allowed it.

He leaned in again, pressing his lips against Kyungsoo’s for a soft peck.

“I’m sorry?”

“No.” Kyungsoo felt the corners of his lips lifting up. “You’re gonna have to try harder than that.”

Jongin’s hand against his cheek felt warm, soft. He pulled him in and connected their lips again. A soft kiss with their lips languidly moving together.

A sweet burst of colors behind his eyelids as Jongin deepened the kiss.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re on the right track.”

Kyungsoo almost laughed when Jongin pushed him back, inch by inch, until he was lying down and the other skater was hovering over him.

The laughter died out on his lips, though, when Jongin kissed him again.

No hint of a joke this time around.

Just eager lips claiming his hungrily. Teeth nibbling on his skin and soft fingers brushing against his face.

He felt the entire world dissolving around them, it was only him and Jongin, and the taste of his lips, and the feel of his touch.

There were kisses, and then there were _kisses_.

He was simply overwhelmed.

Kyungsoo’s mind was hazy and he felt laughter bubbling in his chest.

He slowly pushed the other man away in the same time the chuckle left his lips.

“Jongin?”

“Mmm?”

“That’s really nice and all, but can we maybe continue in some place warmer?” he asked, fingers still holding tightly onto Jongin’s shoulders. “My ass is starting to get numb from the ice.”

Jongin’s chuckle was breathy, as he scrambled up. He reached down, pulling Kyungsoo up and then wrapping his hands securely around him.

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?”

Kyungsoo buried his fingers in Jongin’s hair, admiring his face for a few moments before he pulled him down and pressed their lips together one more time.

He felt Jongin smiling in the kiss. His heart felt like it would burst any moment now.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

“Hey.”

Jongin looked up when he heard the greeting. He smiled.

“Hey, Baek. What are you doing here, I thought you have the arena booked at five?”

“Yeah…” the other skater just trailed off, walking closer as Jongin returned his attention to untying his skates. The blood finally streaming back into his feet made him feel somewhat lightheaded in the best way possible. “How’s preparation for Nationals going?”

Jongin felt the smile tugging his lips. He just nodded vaguely.

“It’s going just fine. You?”

“Same.”

The only reason jongin looked up with knitted eyebrows to inspect Baekhyun’s face was because his friend was being surprisingly quiet.

He felt some sort of relief to find the other man smiling at him. He didn’t look upset or anything, so Jongin just leaned back, completely lost.

“Alright, what is it?”

“What is what?”

“That whole-“ Jongin motioned towards his face. “Look. You’re here two hours early and you look like you have something to say. Spit it out.”

“What gave me away?” Baekhyun grinned and Jongin rolled his eyes.

“The unusual lack of buzzing in my ears due to your constant talking.”

“Sticks and stones, love.” Baekhyun mimicked an offended expression, before shaking his head quickly. “Anyways. I wanted to invite you to dinner.”

“Dinner?” Jongin almost sighed, the schedules and appointments tattooed to the back of his eyelids, all he could see. “I’m not sure I could, Baek…Nationals are in two weeks and I have so much work to-“

“Aaaaa mm. You said it’s going just fine.”

“Yeah, but that-“

“A-a-a. No. You said it. I got receipts.”

“Honestly, I-“

“Come on. Please?” Jongin scrunched up his nose when Baekhyun sat next to him and snuggled closer, holding onto his arm. He was _not_ going to fall for the puppy eyes. He was _not_ going to fall for that. He was _not_ -

“OK, fine!” he let out a disgruntled sigh with a faint smile on his lips. Baekhyun cheered. Incorrigible. “Have you asked Sehun though, cause I think he’s got the CF shoot tonight-“

“Oh. No. I haven’t asked Sehun.” Baekhyun finally let go of him. “I didn’t mean to ask him either. Not this time.”

Jongin felt the confusion bursting inside him once again.

“Why?”

“See, me and Chanyeol were only thinking about inviting you. Oh, you and naturally Kyungsoo.”

Jongin stilled, trying to ignore how fake the nonchalant tone of Bakehyun was. He squinted his eyes at him.

“Me and Kyungsoo? With you and Chanyeol?” he let out a breath, shaking his head. “Baek, this doesn’t sound like a good idea.”

“It is a _great_ idea.” The redhead countered. “See, after the talk we had I realized that it’s really childish to be keeping up with this whole-…..drama.”

“It’s not a drama, Baek. It’s life.”

“I know that. I just thought it would be a good idea to finally all sit together like grown ups. The past is forgotten. Kyungsoo has you now. Chanyeol has me. We’re all happy. I just-…I just want to see the sparkle in Chanyeol’s eyes again. I told you just how happy he was when him and Kyungsoo finally talked at Worlds and I just-“

“Yeah, yeah. I know. You want to see rainbows and you also want to ride a unicorn into the sunset.” Jongin sighed out, bringing a hand up to run through his hair. “You’re trying to play Hello Counsellor, Baek, and I can see about a million things that could go wrong.”

“Stop being so paranoid. The season is starting for us soon. I’d much rather prefer it if the delegation can communicate properly.”

Jongin scoffed.

“Season’s not even started yet and you’re already thinking about the delegation. You’re so fake.”

“Charming is the correct word.” Baekhyun stood up, the bag hanging from his shoulder. “You’ll come, right?”

Jongin remained silent for a few moments.

As much as he liked the idea of them all being friends, as much as he liked the prospect of rainbows and unicorns, he couldn’t help the little tinge of jealousy every time he thought about Chanyeol.

And he didn’t even know if Kyungsoo would want to do this. He didn’t know what his boyfriend would think about being locked in a house with his current boyfriend, with his ex-boyfriend and with his ex-boyfriend’s current boyfriend. His head was spinning.

“I’ll….I’ll ask Kyungsoo.”

He didn’t know why Baekhyun yelped in surprise and lunged down to hug him one last time, positively crushing him, before he skipped away gleefully.

Jongin just let out a sigh and messed up his hair again.

* * *

“So how’s training going?” Chanyeol asked, a very enthusiastic smile on his face. He was either oblivious to the way Jongin’s eyes would jump from one person to another on the table and then down to his hands or he was just ignoring it for the sake of less awkwardness.

Kyungsoo almost sighed out loud. That was typical Chanyeol. Trying to involve everyone and make them feel comfortable with that big smile of his.

Him and Baekhyun suited each other. They were both energizers, Kyungsoo concluded after an hour in their home and endless talking.

They were nothing but cheerful and kind and Kyungsoo felt comfortable being here.

Yet, he still couldn’t shake off the disturbing feeling every time he looked towards Jongin and saw his eyes shifting from him to Chanyeol and back.               

“It’s going great.” He ended up replying after a while, shooting another look in Jongin’s direction Eventually, he moved his hand until it was on top of his boyfriend’s. Jongin looked up with widened eyes when Kyungsoo pulled his hand and intertwined their fingers. He smiled at him softly. “The season hasn’t even started yet, but I’m already so proud of Jongin.”

He ignored Baekhyun’s little squeal, as he tightened his grip on Jongin’s hand. He smiled at him again, supportively.

Jongin looked down for a moment, probably a bit embarrassed. The faint red on his cheeks and the little wobble of his lips into a smile showed that he enjoyed this, though.

Kyungsoo smiled in content when he finally felt Jongin tightly holding his hand.

“Aren’t you two just so _cute_?!” Baekhyun had completely forgotten about the pasta in his plate and was instead leaning against the table to look at them, while pulling on Chanyeol’s arm at the same time. “Aren’t they?”

Jongin cleared his throat, trying to shake Kyungsoo’s hand off, but the coach just held on tighter. Refusing to let go.

Jongin’s face was a pretty shade of pink when he spoke again.

“What about you? Everything’s ready I suppose?”

“Yep. Choreography, routine. Everything’s ready. I even got my costume today.” Baekhyun seemed excited when he mentioned that. “Me and Chanyeol picked out the fabric and I even got to work on the design myself. Of course, the tailors and designers helped, but I mostly did it alone.”

“He claims he can start his own line now.” Chanyeol smiled fondly at his boyfriend and Kyungsoo felt a lopsided smile pulling his lips back. It was kind of bittersweet.

Chanyeol was, and forever would remain, his first love. A not so fond memory at times, but a great friend.

And seeing him this happy now, it was sweet. To see that twinkle in his eyes every time he looked at Baekhyun, nothing but love in his gaze.

He was happy for him. He was happy he had found happiness for himself. True love, maybe.

Because what the two of them had once, it definitely wasn’t this.

It wasn’t what Chanyeol felt for Baekhyun.

It wasn’t what Kyungsoo felt for Jongin.

“I can show it to you!” Baekhyun chided excitedly.

“I’m expecting mesh and leather.” Jongin mumbled, and while Chanyeol only choked on the wine in his glass, Kyungsoo turned to give his boyfriend a confused look.

“Mesh and leather?”

“It’s….it’s a long story.”

“See while I would have definitely used mesh and leather, it’s impractical. Not when you’re on the ice, anyways. However, I do still claim that mesh and leather are the way to go when you’re trying to get in your coach’s-“

“OKAY,” Jongin interrupted him while Kyungsoo’s eyes moved from him to Baekhyun, and then finally to Chanyeol who seemed to be just as puzzled as him. “Why don’t you show it?”

Kyungsoo didn’t even realize what was happening until Jongin was grabbed away from him and Baekhyun started dragging him away.

He opened his mouth, ready to protest and maybe even follow, but by the time he knew what was happening, the two skaters had ran out of the dining room. He was pretty sure he could hear Jongin whining in the distance.

Chanyol’s quiet chuckle pulled him out of his thoughts and he was suddenly very aware of the fact that they were sitting on the dining table. Alone.

“Your life must be interesting.” Kyungsoo ended up saying to break the silence. “Baekhyun really is…he really is something.”

“He’s everything.” Chanyeol chuckled again and there it was again. That twinkle in his eyes.

Kyungsoo wondered if his eyes looked like that when he was looking at Jongin.

He blinked when Chanyeol reached out, pouring more wine in his glass. Then in his own.

The smile was dying out on his face and Kyungsoo knew that look all too well – the concentrated look. His eyebrows knitting together, him biting on his lower lip.

“Baekhyun told me about what happened back at Worlds.”

He felt the smile on his own lips dying out, finger tracing the stool of the wine glass.

“You were there. You saw it all.”

“No, Kyungsoo. I mean us.” Chanyeol looked up, his eyebrows still knitted together in worry. Kyungsoo felt his mood dropping. “We never spoke about it, did we? You never told me it was my fault.”

Kyungsoo grabbed the glass, wine dangerously swirling inside, and he almost drank all of it in one go. He suddenly felt a hint of bitterness in his chest.

It was silent, too. Neither of them was speaking. He could still hear muffled whines in the distance.

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol spoke up first. “I’m so, so sorry. I was young and I was stupid and if there’s one thing I regret in my life it is ever hurting you like this. I never meant to.”

Kyungsoo looked down, the lopsided smile and the exasperated sigh going kind of hand in hand.

“I know.”

He knew. Chanyeol had a big heart. A heart bigger than anything about him, and the man was a giant. His heart was big. He wasn’t a bad person. He wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

“And as if it wasn’t enough hurting you, I also did this to Jongin. And I am so incredibly sorry-“

“What?”

“What?”

Kyungsoo looked up sharply, feeling the muscles on his face working all together to produce a confused frown on his face.

“You did this to Jongin? What do you _mean_ you did this to Jongin?”

Chanyeol looked confused as well, as he straightened up in his seat, the crease between his eyebrows deepening.

“…at last year’s Worlds’ Championship?”

Kyungsoo let out a breath.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Jongin slipped. He didn’t even _know_ you.” At the lack of a response, at Chanyeol’s head hanging low, Kyungsoo felt unease spreading in his body, al the way to his fingertips. He straightened up as well, fingers tightening around the glass. “Did he?”

“No, he didn’t. But he knew _you_.” Chanyeol, too, downed the remaining wine in his glass, before shaking his head. “Wait, he didn’t tell you about his accident?”

“Tell me _what_? What do you mean?”  

Chanyeol finally looked at him. There was something like wonder in his eyes. He opened his mouth and he looked like he was about to say something.

But there was booming laughter in the hallway and his former coach just ended up breathing out and shaking his head one last time.

“I think it would be better if you asked him.”

Baekhyun and Jongin returned then, and all Kyungsoo could do was stare in wonder as Chanyeol leaned back in his chair, letting his trademark grin take over his entire face as he greeted Baekhyun with open arms.

“Hey, everything OK?” Jongin asked kind of breathily, as he returned in his place and Kyungsoo just curiously looked at him. He rested a hand on his knee, before nodding once.

“Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

It was. The rest of the evening was fun. They had a great time.

Yet, Kyungsoo couldn’t shake off that pressing feeling on the inside.

* * *

He felt warmth as he watched Jongin walking around carelessly. Maybe he had finally gotten used to his home, or maybe he had finally gotten used to him.

But seeing a half naked Jongin just walking around his house made him feel some sort of thing.

“You’re gonna stay for the night, right?” Kyungsoo asked. It’s not like he didn’t know already, he just liked to see Jongin turned around to look at him from under bangs of hair. He loved seeing him smile.

“I will. Unless you want me to go, of course.”

“Now, why on earth would I want that?”

Kyungsoo smiled when Jongin halted in his place, leaning against the wall and straight up smirking. He felt the butterflies in his stomach.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” Jongin prompted quietly. “Care to join me?”

Kyungsoo had to bite on his lower lip to stop himself from grinning.

“How about we go for a swim?”

He watched Jongin’s eyes widening a little and him turning his head around to stare through the glass wall towards the pool. They’d never really hung out in his backyard before, let alone the pool.

Jongin raised his eyebrow as he turned back towards him.

“It’s midnight and I don’t have trunks.”

Kyungsoo smirked.

“Good thing it’s a private pool, then. Go on. I’ll be right there.”

* * *

The water was warm, and Jongin felt his entire body relaxing as he stepped into it.

Kyungsoo’s pool was pretty large for someone who lied alone. But under the moonlight and the shining stars, the sounds of crickets in the distance and the feeling of the warm water he understood. It was calming.

It was amazing, being here under the dark night sky. It felt serene.

He heard the door sliding behind him so he turned around.

Kyungsoo was there, two glasses in his hands as he walked closer and closer.

“That’s unfair.”

“What is?” Kyungsoo asked, setting the glasses at the edge of the pool.

“You told me I don’t need trunks, yet here you are, wearing them.”

He watched Kyungsoo raising an eyebrow at him, a tint of that smirk on his full lips. He tentatively reached down to pull the trunks down his legs and Jongin felt his breath hitching when he discarded them to the side.

He couldn’t stop himself from staring as Kyungsoo started walking down the stairs of the pool, his body disappearing under the water bit by bit.

He breathed out in content when Kyungsoo’s fingers brushed against his skin under the water, pulling him closer to the edge of the pool. He handed him one of the drinks.

“Are you trying to get me drunk, coach?”

“No. But it’s one night you took off. Thought we might as well take advantage of it and go all out.” Kyungsoo said. “Just me and you, under the sky and the moon.”

“And they say romance is dead.” Jongin smiled, leaning closer to press their lips together.

Kyungsoo responded to the kiss, his fingers even digging lightly into the skin on his side. Jongin wrapped his hands around the other man’s shoulders, the ice in the glass clinking as they kissed under the moonlight.

He wanted to smile when they parted, panting for air, but he saw that crease between Kyungsoo’s eyebrows. For a moment, that concentrated and concerned glint in his eyes  - the same one he had had ever since the dinner at Baekhyun’s place earlier.

Jongin stepped back, hands still on Kyungsoo’s shoulders.

“Hey, is everything alright?”

“What? Yeah, everything’s fine.”

Jongin smiled, looking down.

“See, you can try lying to me, but it’s not gonna work. You seem out of it. You didn’t look all that happy during the dinner either. What happened?”

Kyungsoo ran a tongue over his lips, his eyes moving from Jongin’s eyes down to his lips.

The skater sighed out when he pushed a lock of hair out of his eyes and then leaned into the touch when he caressed his cheek.

Kyungsoo smiled his lopsided smirk, shaking his head.

“Not tonight.”

“Hm?”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Tonight is about you and me only.”

Jongin would lie if he said there wasn’t a hint of curiosity burning inside him, but it was really nothing compared to the warmth in his chest as he looked back to Kyungsoo’s face.

To his shining eyes and soft lips. Feeling his gentle fingers on his face.

“Alright then,” he said quietly, raising the hand with the glass. “To us.”   

Kyungsoo raised his own glass, the clinking sound louder than anything else in this quiet night.

“To us.”

He was holding his waist tightly, and their bodies were getting close and closer.

Jongin lost himself under the moonlight, the only thing he knew – the sweetness of Kyungsoo’s lips against his.


	14. Chapter 14

 

There were tons of fabrics and tons of colours and tons of different styles. Jongin felt so lost.

The only thing keeping him anchored was Kyungsoo’s hand lazily thrown around his waist and resting on his hip, holding him close.

“What colour?” the tailor asked and Jongin’s eyes flashed towards his coach.

Jongin could already see it – the fiery red contrasting with the white ice.

The fiery red giving him the courage and strength to fight through this.

The fiery red that Kyungsoo had once told him looked good on him.

Kyungsoo was already looking at him, a little twinkle in his eyes.

They answered in the same time.

“Red.”

* * *

Red.

There were red rose petals everywhere and Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow at the sight.

Rose petals on the floor, rose petals in the water, rose petals between the candles.

There were a lot of candles, he noted. Throwing beautiful, flickering shades on the walls and creating a very mysterious atmosphere.

There was only one thing missing.

“Jongin?” he raised his voice slightly, looking around the empty bathroom. He rested a hand on the doorframe, once again taking in the sight of the flickering candles and the rose petals.

“You weren’t supposed to see this yet.”

Kyungsoo almost giggled at the hot breath at the back of his neck, as he felt a pair of soft lips pressing against his nape and then two hands sliding around him from the back. Jongin was holding two glasses in one hand and a wine in the other, the sound of glass clinking together resounding in the silence.

Kyungsoo felt his heart swelling, as he ran his fingers down Jongin’s arms and feeling his body tightly pressed against his back, his breath tickling his collarbone when he rested his head on his shoulder.

“What’s all this?”

“Thought we could just relax a little bit tonight.” Jongin mumbled, pressing yet another kiss to the side of Kyungsoo’s neck. “Just rest. Have a good time.”

“I thought I was supposed to help you relax tonight.”

“You’re always the one pampering me. I just figured I’d do it for once.” Jongin’s breath felt hot and heavy on his skin and Kyungsoo’s eyelids fluttered a little. “Besides, you could still help me relax.”

The coach smiled, turning in Jongin’s hands and sliding his arms up his toned chest all the way up to his neck, fingers gently caressing the back of the skater’s neck.

“Thank you, Jongin. This is beautiful.”

Kyungsoo’s breath hitched when Jongin leaned down to press his lips against his.

It was a gentle kiss, undemanding. Soft and loving. Just like Jongin.

Kyungsoo felt a smile spreading on his lips when the glass clinked behind his back as Jongin tried to tighten his grip on his waist.

“Come on,” Jongin mumbled out after he broke the kiss and headed towards the large bathtub. He left the bottle and the glasses on the side, before turning to Kyungsoo. He lifted an eyebrow. “Want a hand with that? Unless, of course, you’d rather bathe with your clothes on.”

Kyungsoo felt a warmth already setting in the pit of his stomach and he felt himself barely containing the smile.

“Bathe with my clothes on or have you remove them for me? Tough call.”

“Come here,” Jongin beckoned with a little smile, waiting for Kyungsoo to walk into his arms and for his lips to press against his yet again.

Fingers were fast to unbutton everything and Kyungsoo’s, too, were quick to tug at the hem of his shirt.

Piece by piece falling down on the bathroom’s floor, and fingers roaming a little more than they should have.

Kyungsoo thought it was completely unfair how Jongin knew what he was doing to him by letting his fingers brush against his skin when pulling his shirt off, he thought it was unfair how good it felt when he felt those fingers grip his thigh strongly for a moment.

He thought it was completely unfair when Jongin pulled him towards the tub instead of the bedroom.

However at the sensation of the warm water surrounding him, at the sensation of Jongin’s figners gliding on his skin as he pulled him closer, at the sensation of Jongin’s body pressed against his, all protests died out.

He breathed out a sigh and rested his head back on Jongin’s shoulder, feeling the other’s hands loosely wrapping themselves around his waist again.

The silence was serene and them breathing in sync was even more calming. Kyungsoo could feel his eyelids getting heavier by the minute with the calming effect of Jongin’s warmth against him.

„Are you tired?“ Jongin‘s voice was a quiet whisper and Kyungsoo smiled. He could hear the smile in the younger‘s voice.

„Shouldn‘t I be the one asking that?“ Kyungsoo breathed out, before pushing himself up and turning in Jongin‘s embrace. He sat in his lap, water splashing around. Good thing the tub was big. „How are you feeling?“

„I‘m over the moon.“ Jongin smiled, fingers tightening on Kyungsoo‘s waist.

„No. I mean about tomorrow. How are you feeling?“

Jongin took a moment to just stare at him, before pulling him down to press their lips together.

„I‘m over the moon.“

Kyungsoo‘s heart swelled again. He pushed a hand up to tuck a few strands of hair behind Jongin‘s ear. His hand then cupped his cheek.

„Why?“

„I‘m just happy.“ Jongin admitted, shifting beneath him. „To return to the rink. To compete again. To be there with you.“

„So you‘re not nervous?“

„Are you _trying_ to make me nervous?“

Kyungsoo shook his head ever so lightly, reaching out to pick up the wine bottle.

He threw a look towards the glasses, before he shook his head again with the slightest of smiles.

He raised the bottle to his lips, the garnet taste sweet on his tongue.

The look in Jongin‘s eyes was dark when their gazes met and when Kyungsoo lowered the bottle from his lips, Jongin pulled him forward to clash their lips together yet again.

„You‘re asking for it,“ he let out in a hoarse voice between kisses and Kyungsoo ended up smiling again, fingers of one hand digging into Jongin‘s shoulder, the other hand holding on to the bottle tightly.

„Will all due respect, I‘ve been asking for it since last week.“

Kyungsoo had to try his best to not drop the bottle when Jongin pressed him into the other wall of the bathtub, covering his body with his entirely. When his touch started becoming stronger and his fingers – bolder.

He remembered seeing specks of red everywhere – the red rose petals, the red drops of wine flying around as his hand trembled, the red flushed tone of Jongin‘s cheeks.

Everywhere, red.

Passion. Desire.

_„I love you.“_

Love.

* * *

Jongin didn’t feel nervous.

He wasn’t afraid, he wasn’t put off by all the cameras focusing on him upon his arrival at the arena, he wasn’t scared.

He was giddy.

He was confident.

He couldn’t wait to get back on the ice, under the spotlight and in front of the judges and the audience.

He couldn’t wait to show them what he had been working on in the last few months.

He couldn’t wait to prove them wrong.

To show them he could do it on his own. To show them he would not be held down by one unfortunate event.

He was smiling instead.

Smiling at the reporters, smiling at the cameras, smiling at the rest of the contestants who couldn’t hide their curious looks.

„I know I‘m hot, but can you stop staring and _back off_?“ Baekhyun snapped at some younger skater, who immediately walked away with a scared look on his face. Jongin threw a glance towards his friend. „What? That‘s just getting annoying at this point.“

Sehun was sneering quietly on the side, causing them both to look in his direciton.

„What?“ Baekhyun frowned again and the youngest shrugged.

„Nothing. You just said you‘re hot,“ Sehun sneered again. „And that‘s pretty funny.“

„Do you wanna test out how you‘ll skate when I shove my skate up your ass?“

Jongin rolled his eyes.

Baekhyun was getting tense, it was apparent. He usually never was tense, so Jongin found it entertaining to see his usually careless friend get all worked up.

A part of him wanted to be a good friend and comfort him.

Another part of him, the _real_ good friend one, decided to enjoy the moment and watch his two ebst friends going at each other.

„Hey!“ Jongin‘s head turned when he heard the familiar, low, booming voice of Chanyeol. His smile was little when he nodded back in response as Chanyeol approached him. The coach‘s eyes darted up to his boyfriend and Sehun running around the bench in circles. „Did I miss something?“

„Yeah,“ Sehun replied breathily, trying to dodge Baekhyun with laughter on his lips. „Your boyfriend seems to be very interested in my ass and how many things exactly he can shove inside of it.“

„What, like...a dildo or something?“

Jongin almost choked on air at the nonchalant tone of Chanyeol. Baekhyun hissed.

„More like my fucking foot.“ 

„Oh, well, some people might be into that as well,“ Chanyeol shrugged, looking away from them and landing a heavy hand on Jongin‘s shoulder. His smile was as bright as usual. „How are you doing? You alright?“

„Why wouldn‘t I be?“ Jongin shrugged.

„Just thought I‘d ask. I see all those reporters trying to get through to you ever since you arrived. If they start getting on your nerves just let me know, I‘ll kick them out.“

„All taken care of.“

To Jongin it seemed like a choir of angels descended from heaven to perform in his mind. Everything seemed brighter when he looked towards Kyungsoo, who had walked into the changing room.

He was standing tall, long, black coat and black shirt clinging to his body, the blue coach pass hanging around his neck. His hair was pushed up and he was wearing his glasses and Jongin was ready to swoon.

„But thanks for the offer, Chanyeol.“ Kyungsoo‘s eyes shot up tot he bickering skaters and his eyebrow twitched. „Oi, Tom and Jerry. Cut it.“

For some reason, they actually listened to him. Jongin almost smirked at how a ery disgruntles Baekhyun walked straight into Chanyeol’s arms without sparing anybody else a look.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo called again and he turned to look at him, almost melting at the loving look in his coach’s eyes whenever he looked at him. “Suho and Yixing are here. We need to go get ready, love.”

Jongin stood up, trying to ignore the way Chanyeol looked down to hide his smile and the way Baekhyun pursed his lips to do the absolute same thing. Bipolar little thing.

He didn’t care about that, though, because Kyungsoo’s hand was warm against his and his presence was all that mattered.

“I’ll see you around later.” He said to his friends on their way out of the room.

“See you later, _love_.”

The urge to turn around and smack Sehun was strong, but it was the easiest thing to ignore when Kyungsoo laced their fingers together and pulled him after himself.

* * *

Jongin looked like a vision. The red was clinging to his skin and Kyungsoo wanted to trace the black patterns twisting up his sides and creating beautiful forms. It oddly reminded him of fire.

He had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from touching. Now wasn’t the time for this.

He focused on Jongin’s face instead, which didn’t really make it any easier to contain himself. Jongin’s skin was glowing and the red eyeshadow on his eyelids made him look fiercer.

Jongin without even moving was art.

Jongin in just a couple of minutes, when he took his rightful place in the centre of the ice rink, would be art.

Jongin, in his eyes, forever would be art.

He vaguely noted the skater on the rink stumbling and falling on one knee before standing up again. Today was a train-wreck.

Skater after skater. Falling. Messing up. Slipping.

He darted his eyes towards Jongin. If everything went well they had nothing to worry about. He hoped Jongin wouldn’t let this get to his head, though.

“Kim Jongin, you’re next.”

Kyungsoo saw the way Jongin nodded at the staff member and he found himself worrying all over again.

He believed in Jongin, he trusted him, he was proud of him.

Yet, a part of him was scared beyond death. He couldn’t keep his eyes off Jongin, thinking about the white ice.

Smooth. Slippery. Scary.

He grabbed Jongin’s hand, feeling the warmth of his skin under his. He squeezed it tightly.

Jongin’s fingers tightened around his pam as well. Kyungsoo felt the calm spreading in his chest.

Kyungsoo turned to the side, seeing the familiar cloud of fiery red hair. Baekhyun was standing next to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol, who was very brightly smiling at them. Kyungsoo could see the intent in his eyes.

Now was not the time.

He looked at Baekhyun instead. He slightly narrowed his eyes. Baekhyun nodded.

It’s like they could immediately understand each other without even having to talk about it.

Kyungsoo almost breathed a sigh of relief when Baekhyun said something and Chanyeol immediately looked down towards him. Then they were walking away.

He felt a squeeze on his hand and he looked up to meet Jongin’s eyes. The skater was smiling at him.

“What will I get if I do well out there?”

“A qualification to Worlds’,” Kyungsoo deadpanned, sensing the teasing tone in Jongin’s voice. He enjoyed the way his smirk evaporated and was replaced by the whiny expression he knew so well already.

“ _Kyungsoo!”_

“A kiss?” he asked and Jongin squinted his eyes a little.

“A kiss? I only get a kiss?”

Kyungsoo leaned against the railing, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you saying my kiss isn’t enough of an award? Not enough incentive?”

“I never said that!”

Kyungsoo let out a low chuckle at the defensive and outright offended tone of Jongin’s voice.

“Tell you what, you can have anything you want.” He ran his thumb over Jongin’s knuckles. “If you do well, that is.”

There was moment of silence in which Jongin seemed to contemplate this. When their eyes met there was a fierce look on his face again. The smug smirk was back in place.

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Kyungsoo had to contain himself from touching Jongin again. What he did instead was tighten his fingers around his hand and turn him towards himself.

Jongin was taller than him as it was. With the skates on, he was even taller. It was ridiculous how he had to crane his neck up to look at him properly.

“Listen, don’t push it. Everybody’s messed up so far. So don’t push it.”

“But-“

“Please.” Kyungsoo bit on his lower lip. “Please, just-…just listen to me. Don’t try anything funny. I don’t want to see you get hurt again. Never again.”

The look in Jongin’s eyes softened and he ended up nodding.

Kyungsoo nodded too, a lump forming in his throat that he tried to get rid of.

“Be careful with the jumps after the Biellmann. If you start feeling dizzy or unwell, don’t add the third one. Just make it a double combination. You don’t want to end up with cheated turns.”

“You offend me.”

“Now’s not the time to be sassy.” Kyungsoo scolded, letting the sigh escape his lips. “Please, just…be careful.”  

Jongin moved his hands then, pulling them out of Kyungsoo’s palms and resting them on his shoulders instead. It felt comforting and Kyungsoo felt guilt tugging at his heartstrings.

This was supposed to be the other way around.

He was supposed to be comforting Jongin.

Jongin, however, was oozing confidence and strength and while Kyungsoo might have been afraid earlier, he found himself smiling now.

Jongin knew what he could do better than anybody else. Better then him.

He knew his strengths the best.

Kyungsoo believed in him.

He had every reason in the world to believe in him.

“Kim Jongin, you’re up!”

Kyungsoo’s breath hitched as he raised a hand to touch Jongin’s face briefly. He just looked at him for a few moments.

He nodded.

He stepped back to make way for Jongin to approach the opening of the ice rink. His heart was picking up its pace when he watched his boyfriend lean down and remove the protectors from the blades of his skates.

Jongin turned around to hand them to him and when Kyungsoo took them, the younger didn’t let go. Instead, he pulled them, successfully pulling Kyungsoo along with them.

“Only look at me,” Jongin whispered in his low, honey-dipped voice and Kyungsoo felt his heart swelling.

He could only nod.  

“Always.”

* * *

The laughter was loud and clear and Kyungsoo felt the pride filling up his entire being just as strongly as it had a few hours ago.

Their table was relatively small – it was just the team. Jongin, him, Suho and Yixing.

And this wasn’t their first round of drinks.

Everybody was having a good time.

Everybody was proud of the gold still hanging around Jongin’s neck.

But no one was prouder than Kyungsoo was.

Noone could be prouder than he was.

Because he knew.

He had been there every step of the way. Since the very beginning. Suho and Yixing had been there all along too, but they didn’t quite understand.

They didn’t know what courage it took Jongin to skate alone.

They didn’t know what courage it took Jongin to skate again after the injury. 

He knew, though.

He wanted to believe that he actually did.

And now, the pride gathering inside of him threatened to burst.

He was so proud of Jongin.

He had done it. He had proved them all wrong. He had _won_.

He was stronger than ever and Kyungsoo was the proudest person alive.

As a coach. As a friend. As a boyfriend.

“This means so much things to do,” Suho was drunkenly saying, “It means organizing everything with the delegation, booking tickets to Milan. Oh my God…the tickets! You did _great_ , Jongin! I’m booking you first class, baby.”

There was laughter around the table because of Suho’s rambling.

“And it means new sponsors, it means new offers. It means so, so much work! And the dance shows, I will have you _booked_.”

“Suho, shut up.” Kyungsoo laughed, throwing a fry towards the manager.

“I’m just so happy, Kyungsoo!” Suho’s face was already red from the drinks. “I’m so happy I could literally kiss someone right now.”

Yixing stilled down on the table in front of him, turning his head to look at a very excited Suho.

“How about me?”

What Suho did, Kyungsoo didn’t expect.

The manager put a hand on each cheek of Yixing’s, successfully squishing his face. And then he pulled him forward strongly, almost bumping their noses painfully together.

He kissed him then.

Straight on his still squished lips, hard, without a second thought.

“Am I seeing this right?” Jongin mumbled from beside him and Kyungsoo shook his head, laughter bubbling in his throat. Suho was _so_ out of it. “I never noticed Suho liked him.”

“And I never noticed Suho was such a lightheaded drunk.”

By the time Suho let go of Yixing’s face, the choreographer’s skin was just about as red as the other man’s for completely different reasons.

“See?” Suho asked almost in a challenging voice. “I _told_ you I’m that happy!”

Yixing blinked his eyes, obviously still mildly shocked. Kyungsoo didn’t know whether it would be appropriate to laugh or not.

Especially when Yixing hesitantly raised his glass and a very pleased smile stretched his lips, showcasing his dimple.

“To Jongin!”

Kyungsoo did laugh this time. Maybe he had had one drink too many as well. Maybe they all had.

But it was the best feeling in the world when he wrapped his hand around Jongin’s waist and the sound of glasses clinking together resounded around them.

* * *

Jongin was flying on the rink and Kyungsoo was the only one who had the pleasure to see him like this – hair sticking to his face because of sweat, chest heaving up and down tiredly after all the hours spent training, a scowl pulling his lips in a cute pout whenever he wasn’t satisfied.

He was the only one who was allowed to see everything behind the curtain. The only one who was allowed to see the process. To be part of it. Part of every single, dark moment.

There was no glory in practice. But without practice there was no glory.

And even if he hated screaming at Jongin, even if he hated making Jongin do things he didn’t want to do, he did it so Jongin could be who he had always wanted to be.

A champion.

“Raise your hands higher, they’re falling down!”

Jongin immediately listened to his command, gracefully raising his hands as he kept skating.

“One foot in front of the other, don’t hurry!” Kyungsoo continued, looking at Jongin’s slowly slouching figure. “Stand straight!”

He gripped the railing as Jongin prepared for the combination jumps.

“Skate faster!”

So Jongin did. Hurrying across the rink, gliding effortlessly as his thighs tensed and he pushed himself of the ground.

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes, watching the way Jongin landed and immediately pushed himself up again for the second jump.

“KEEP YOUR HANDS ON YOUR CHEST!” Kyungsoo yelled, frowning at the way Jongin stumbled when he landed his double. He mumbled to himself. “Those toe picks are there for a reason…”

Even from here he could see the frown on Jongin’s face.

He let out a breath, throwing a look towards his watch. He almost winced.

“ALRIGHT, that’s enough! Come here!”

And Jongin did.

Immediately after he stopped spinning and gliding around, his shoulders slouched and Kyungsoo could see him barely panting for breath. He could see the sweat trickling down his skin the closer he skated.

“What?” the skater asked, voice a little strained, a little hoarse. Kyungsoo handed him the water.

“That’s enough for today. It’s almost nine. I didn’t even realize we’d been here so long.”

“Nine?” Jongin panted after pulling the bottle from his lips. He seemed surprised.

No wonder he had been tired. No wonder he was barely standing on his feet. They’d been here for _hours_.

Maybe he could cut him some slack this time.

“We’ll continue tomorrow.” Kyungsoo handed Jongin the protectors.

“You know,” the skater said with a little, teasing smile as he walked past him towards the bleachers and his stuff. “You were extra salty today. Almost feels like the first time we met.”

“I’m not salty.”

“You were _screaming_ at me.” Jongin pouted and Kyungsoo almost cursed. He was definitely not immune to that. Jongin pouting was dangerous. “My boyfriend would never.”

“Yeah?” Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Well, your boyfriend will be waiting for you in the car to go get dinner. He’ll make you forget about that nasty coach of yours.”

“He better.”

“Now go shower. You _stink_.”

Jongin’s chuckle was hearty and loud and Kyungsoo laughed, already walking away.

“Wait! Is this my coach or my boyfriend talking?”

“Both!”

Jongin started whining behind him and Kyungsoo just shook his head, a little smile on his lips.

He owed Jongin some good food tonight.

That’s the least he could do.

* * *

“This is fancy.” Jongin looked around, feeling almost a little out of place. It’s not like he never went to fancy restaurants. With his job, he did, quite a lot. Meetings with sponsors and such. However, right now, he felt like a sore thumb sticking out.

Maybe because people around them were wearing formal attire – maybe not too formal, but formal enough for a place like this.

He was in his usual practice sweatpants and his running windbreaker.

“It is, isn’t it?” Kyungsoo gripped his hand and Jongin almost frowned. Even his boyfriend looked formal enough with his all-black clothes and his straight coat.

“Wait, Soo…”

Kyungsoo immediately stopped, turning towards him.

“What is it, love?”

“I don’t think I’m dressed properly for _that_ place.”

He saw Kyungsoo’s face lighting up with a soft smile.

“Is this what you’re worried about?”

“Yeah?” Jongin shrugged. “I suppose sneakers and sweatpants aren’t the dress code around here.”

“Jongin, don’t be ridiculous. Nobody will care.”

But Jongin just frowned even harder, hands firmly twisting in front of his chest. Kyungsoo sighed out, but he was still smiling.

“You’re refusing Michelin three star quality food just because you’re wearing sweatpants?”

“I’d rather have McDonald’s.” Jongin said in a definite tone. He blinked. As an afterthought, he added, “Please.”

Kyungsoo stood there for a few moments, looking stunned. Then he laughed merrily, running a hand through his hair. It was a sight way too alluring and Jongin forgot for a millisecond what his point was.

“I wanted to make it up to you for being salty earlier.” Kyungsoo shrugged. Jongin saw him still eyeing the fancy restaurant behind them. 

“I thought you said you weren’t being salty.” Jongin raised an eyebrow and Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at him. Jongin shrugged. “You can still make it up to me by buying me a cheeseburger. And like, ten chicken burgers.”

Kyungsoo let out a breathy laugh, trapping his lower lip between his teeth and shaking his head in what Jongin would describe as disbelief.

“McDonald’s?”

“McDonald’s.”

He all too willingly gave his hand to Kyungsoo when the other man reached out for it.

“Okay. Whatever you want, love. McDonald’s. We can do that.”

Jongin felt the pleased smile bloom on his face and could only feel his heart flutter at the sight of Kyungsoo’s features softening, as he tugged at his hand, pulling him back towards the car.

* * *

Kyungsoo couldn’t help the fondness spreading in his chest as he watched Jongin.

Sitting in a tiny booth in McDonald’s at ten in the evening, stuffing his face with burgers and fries. There was some ketchup smeared on his lip and Kyungsoo had to fight hard with himself to not lean forward and lick it away. It was only fair to let Jongin eat after an entire day of skating.

He just sat there, full after the second burger and his fries, watching as Jongin kept devouring food.

He could sit there and watch him forever.

His beautiful Jongin.

Even when he was tired and literally wolfing down food, he still looked gorgeous.

To him, he’d always be beautiful and gorgeous. No matter what.

“You done yet or should I order another hundred burgers?”

“An ice cream would be nice.” Jongin shot his eyes up. “Also, I don’t appreciate the sassiness.”

“Soft serve or McFlurry?”

“For that comment earlier, a McFlurry.”

“You would have wanted a McFlurry anyways, shut up.” Kyungsoo ran his hand through Jongin’s hair on his way to the register.

“An Oreo one!” Jongin called from behind him and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, warmth spreading in his chest.

Whatever Jongin wanted.

If he wanted McDonald’s, that’s where they’d go.

If he wanted a McFlurry, that’s what he’d get.

If he’d asked for a lobster, then he would have fucking made sure McDonald’s would make him the best fucking lobster to ever exist.

 _Anything_ Jongin wanted.

So about two minutes later Kyungsoo was walking back to their booth with an Oreo McFlurry and a certain warmth in his chest when he saw Jongin looking up and his eyes blinking happily.

Everything was worth it if Jongin was happy.

He loved him so much.

More than he could describe.

“Do you want some?” Jongin asked, picking up the spoon and offering it to Kyungsoo. He just shook his head with a smile still smitten by his boyfriend and his thoughts.

How he’d do anything for him.

Until an unsettling thought crept in his mind, along with the image of a very wide smile and big ears.

Kyungsoo felt his blood draining form his face at once.

He had forgotten about this. Because of Nationals and because of all the work they had, he had completely forgotten about Chanyeol and what he’d said at dinner that day.

_As if it wasn’t enough hurting you, I also did this to Jongin._

He felt all the joy from earlier evaporating at once as he looked up to his boyfriend again. The way he was happily eating his ice cream, almost looking like a kid.

Kyungsoo felt his mouth drying and his shoulders tensing.

“Jongin?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while, but it never…it never came up.”

Jongin raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“It’s about something Chanyeol mentioned some time ago.”

He noted the way Jongin’s features scrunched in confusion.

“What is it?”

“It’s about Worlds. Last year.”

There was a distasteful expression on Jongin’d face, as he shook his head.

“Let’s not talk about that.”

“No. Wait. It’s…it’s important.” Kyungsoo breathed in. “Chanyeol said it was his fault that you fell during the competition.”

“He said that?” Jongin’s voice was quiet and he wasn’t looking at him.  He had set the ice cream down on the table and Kyungsoo could tell this conversation wasn’t going in a good direction.

“He also mentioned that I might be at fault too.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Kyungsoo would have sighed out in relief and completely forgotten about it had there been an ounce of sincerity in Jongin’s voice. The skater, however, was still looking down at his fingers and refusing to connect their gazes.

Kyungsoo felt his blood running cold.

“Jongin…tell me.”

“No.”

“Jongin, please.”

“There’s nothing to tell. I just tripped.”

Kyungsoo bit on his lower lip harshly. The panic was starting to rise within him the longer Jongin kept refusing to look at him. He reached out to touch his hand.

“Jongin…Jongin, if you don’t tell me what happened I will start assuming the worst things my mind would come up with. If I’m the reason you got hurt…you don’t understand. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

He didn’t know if he was ready to hear whatever Jongin was going to say, but he kept a determined look on his face when Jongin hesitantly looked up.

“Tell me.”

Jongin stared at him for a few moments, before letting out a groan.

“I don’t-…it’s just…it’s so ridiculous.”

“If it is ridiculous, then tell me. Because I’m really starting to lose my mind over here.”

Jongin himself looked like he had an inner turmoil going on, before letting out a shaky breath. He was playing with his own fingers nervously, mouth opening and then closing several times. As if he was trying to look for the right words.

“Remember when you told me about your accident?”

Kyungsoo did. He remembered. He remembered everything about his own accident, he remembered telling Jongin about it.

He remembered everything.

“You told me you looked to the waiting area during your program and you saw-“

“Yes.” Kyungsoo couldn’t help the hoarseness of his voice. Even now it was an unpleasant memory.

“You told me you were distraught. You told me you only remembered falling. And then pain.”

Kyungsoo nodded, eyebrows knitting together. Jongin exhaled slowly.

“Well, that same thing happened to me.”

Kyungsoo shot his eyes up, confusion written all over his face. Jongin saw Chanyeol and Baekhyun kissing? But why would that affect him in any way?

He didn’t even know Chanyeol, he couldn’t possibly have had a crush on him.

But-

“Baekhyun?” he asked, voice suddenly small. “Did you…like Baekhyun?”

“What?” Jongin sounded even more confused than he was. “No!”

“Then why’d you fall if you saw them kissing?”

“I never saw them kissing. Why’d I care about them kissing?”

“You just said the same thing happened to you!” Kyungsoo frowned and it was Jongin’s turn to become silent again. To dig his fingernails in his palms and breathe out again to regulate his breathing.

“I didn’t see Chanyeol and Baekhyun. I saw-…I saw Chanyeol and you.”

Kyungsoo felt himself opening his mouth, but no sound came out. Chanyeol and him?

“What?”

“I really-….I really liked you. Even back then. I liked you so much,” Jongin admitted quietly, hiding his face again. “And I remember how angry I was at Chanyeol for doing this to you ever since you had told me about it. I had thought you were angry too. But then-…then we went to Helsinki with the entire delegation and you were spending so much time with Chanyeol. You went to dinner with him, you went out with him too. You were laughing with him. And just before my program I saw you hugging him. And-“

“Jongin…”

“-I was so upset. I was so jealous. I didn’t want you two to get close again. I felt like he would steal you away from me. And then when I started skating and I looked at you, he was standing right there, next to you. And I just-…I just fell. I don’t remember it. I just remember lying on the ice in pain.”

Every word felt like a stab right to his heart and Kyungsoo found himself breathlessly screaming in agony.

“Jongin…”

“I was foolish. I was really foolish.” Jongin quickly added, still hiding his face, but reaching out to hold his hands tightly. Kyungsoo was afraid that he was shaking. “I knew you two were in the past. I knew that Chanyeol was dating my best friend. I knew all that, but even so…I just…I just…”

Kyungsoo looked up in horror when Jongin sobbed.  

“Don’t cry.” He barely croaked out, trying to control himself. He was still shaken.

So he was the reason Jongin had been hurt.

This felt like the sharpest wound, like the deadliest one.

Knowing that he was the reason the person he loved most in the world had suffered so much.

And knowing that he had just made those memories come back, knowing that he’d made Jongin cry again now. He hated himself.

“That’s why I couldn’t meet you after that. That’s why I was avoiding you.” Jongin said between sobs. “Because the moment we left the rink with the medics, I knew just how stupid I had been. I knew it was all my fault.”

“Jongin, it was not your fault.”

“It was.” The skater argued. “I knew everything, but even so I deluded myself. I wasn’t thinking properly. But I-…I never blamed you, Kyungsoo. That’s why I never told you about it.”

He might not have blamed him, but Kyungsoo did.

Now that he knew, he couldn’t believe how foolish he had been.

He should have noticed.

It was his job to notice this sort of stuff.

He had failed them all.

Jongin’s hands squeezed his hands again.

“Kyungsoo, please. I know that look. Stop thinking about it.” Jongin pleaded in a soft tone. “Please, just forget about it. I did.”

“How could I-…how could I forget when I know you were suffering for months because of me?”

“It wasn’t because of you. You did nothing wrong. Please…I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No.” Kyungsoo shook his head. “No, I’m glad that you did.”

Jongin looked beyond guilty, when he gripped his hands tightly again.

“Listen, I don’t want that to change anything. I love you. I love you so much and I know you love me. Who else would agree to eat at McDonald’s over a Michelin three star restaurant?” Jongin laughed quietly and Kyungsoo pursed his lips. “I love you and that is all that matters. Forget about last year. That’s all in the past.”

“But-“

“And don’t you dare avoid Chanyeol. You and him, you’re friends. I know you’re happy when you’re talking to him or hanging out with him. You are friends and I would hate to be the reason you stop talking to him over something as foolish as that.”

“You risking your entire career is not something foolish.”

“Kyungsoo. Please.” Jongin begged again, tightly holding on to his hands with no intent of letting go. “Promise me.”

Kyungsoo found it hard to breathe for a few moments.

It was irrational, but he could really just go and kick Chanyeol’s ass on the spot. It was very irrational.

However, Jongin was still holding on to him and he was still staring at him with wide, begging eyes.

And anything Jongin wanted, he would get.

Kyungsoo sighed out in defeat.

“I promise.”

“Thank you.”

“But Jongin-…I just-“ Kyungsoo shook his head, feeling more wrecked than he ever had. “I will never forgive myself for that. I don’t know what I could do to make it up to you. I just-“

“I know.” Jongin interrupted him. “Just hold me.”

Kyungsoo looked up, eyes unblinking. Jongin was smiling at him.

“Hold me and never let go.”

Kyungsoo felt another wave of guilt clashing in his chest, followed by regret and sorrow.

But he stood up and rounded the little table, sitting next to Jongin.

And he just wrapped his hands around him, heart feeling heavy. Because he felt all the guilt in the world crushing him. But he also felt all the love in the world keeping him afloat. He was conflicted.

When Jongin rested his head on his shoulder, burying it in the crook of his neck, he knew only thing and one thing only.

He would hold him and he would never let go.

 


	15. Chapter 15

15

The delegation’s uniform this year were ugly white sweatpants and an even uglier jacket that was in no way flattering.

“I mean, seriously,” Sehun was complaining beside him as he turned to the right, fake smiling for the reporters. “Can they at least pick something for once that doesn’t look like a potato bag?”

“It’s better than last year’s sweatshirts,” Krystal said from beside them, the words slipping between her teeth as she forced herself to make a finger heart upon the request of the photographers.

Jongin just breathed out as he, too, smiled at the reporters and gave them an awkward thumbs up. He didn’t like how he could hear his name from every side of the photo area, journalists calling out to get his attention. To ask him the same questions for the nth time.

_How does it feel returning after such a hard fall?_

_Are you nervous for the competition after what happened last year?_

All the questions about him and Krystal irritated him. That was getting old too.

There was a particular question being shouted out that had him gritting his teeth.

_Will Do Kyungsoo make you perform dangerous routines again, risking your safety?_

Jongin let out a breath, a very amused one. The nerve some people had.

“Alright, we’re done here,” he scoffed, turning around.

“Jongin, wait, the group pictures-“

He didn’t stay even when sweet Seulgi awkwardly called out to him. He only gave a very deadly look to the reporter who had asked him that question, before confidently walking back to the check in counters where his team was waiting.

“What are you doing here?” Suho fired, a deep crease between his eyebrows as he fumbled with the passports in his hands. “Wait, don’t answer that. I’d rather not know.”

“They were being assholes.”

Jongin turned around to see Krystal and Sehun. Krystal was chewing a gum, looking positively bored and Sehun – well, he couldn’t really tell with Sehun’s perpetually serious expression. A little smile pulled his lips back. It was good to know that his friends got his back. That they had also ditched the reporters.

“Okay,” Suho mumbled with furrowed eyebrows. “Okay, I’ll run damage control later.”

“Where’s Kyungsoo anyways?”

“He’s taking care of something. He should be back here any minute now.”

Jongin let out a breath but nodded. It was nerve wracking to have those reporters still eyeing him and to not have his rock here to keep him solid. He took his passport from Suho instead.

“I don’t know if you two should hang out so much,” Sehun commented, leaning against Krystal way too comfortably. “They won’t ever stop asking you two if you’re still a thing.”

“Stop hanging out with my little, baby munchkin just because of some dumb reporters?” Krystal was pinching his cheeks before he even knew what was going on and Jongin had to shake his head to get her to let go. “No way.”

“You’re just doing this on purpose at this point.”

“Of course I am!” Krystal laughed. “It’s so fun. They’re too dense to realize that they’re asking a lesbian and a gay if they’re dating.”

“Wait, you’re a lesbian?”

Krystal raised her eyebrows.

“For real, now? All those years of your hands on my butt and thighs with no reaction from any of us and you only realize now?”

Okay. She made a fair point there. Jongin just let out another amused snort as he watched Krystal wave him goodbye to join her team at the end of the queue.

Jongin was absentmindedly listening to Yixing and Sehun having a polite conversation and Sehun attempting to speak Chinese. When the fuck had that happened? Jongin made a mental note to ask him later. Suho was too busy tapping on his tablet and switching to his phone every two seconds to pay attention to him, so Jongin found himself tugging on the zipper of the ugly white delegation jacket, while anxiously looking around for Kyungsoo.

He tried to ignore the flashes of the camera and to focus instead on the only man that mattered walking towards them quickly, with his long black coat and his black rimmed glasses, with his turtleneck and pointy shoes. Jongin had to bite on his lower lip.

He was so busy staring at Kyungsoo that he almost missed the two figures right behind him, carrying their luggage. Two obnoxiously big smiles were the first thing he noticed.

He tensed when he realized Baekhyun and Chanyeol were also, in fact, headed towards them. That they were following Kyungsoo.

“What’s going on?” Sehun was the first one to voice out his confusion as he saw the three men finally approaching, almost next to them. “Not to be mean, but I thought you didn’t qualify?”

“So what, that means I can’t go to Milan with my boyfriend?” Baekhyun snorted, finally stopping right in front of Sehun. Jongin relaxed a little when Kyungsoo walked up to him, hand discretely touching his as he smiled at him.

“You’re going to Milan. To enjoy time with your boyfriend? Now, of all times, during Worlds?”

“I’m not missing the chance to join the mile high club, sweetheart.”

“I’m surprised you’re not already in it.” Jongin mused before he could stop himself. Chanyeol just grinned at him and Baekhyun winked. Okay. Wrong train of thought.

“This is sketchy,” Sehun crossed his arms in front of his chest, a knowing smirk pulling his lips back as he shoved Baekhyun in the shoulder. “You’re coming to support us, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You soft bitch.”

“I’m only here for Jongin.”

There was a wave of warmth in his chest as he stared at Baekhyun and his soft smile. His always supportive, always loud friend.

He felt Kyungsoo squeezing his hand lightly, just in the same time Baekhyun and Sehun started bickering again.

“What’s this about?” Jongin asked quietly as they turned around, Suho shoving a ticket in Kyungsoo’s face.

“I thought about what you said. Before.” Kyungsoo said quietly, pulling Jongin away from the queue so they could talk comfortably. “About Chanyeol. About the whole…thing.”

Jongin’s eyes flashed up towards the other coach, who was very much content with his arm thrown around Baekhyun’s shoulders, laughing at whatever the skaters were talking about.

“What about him?”

“You made me promise to not avoid him.” Kyungsoo said and he sounded somewhat reluctant. “I thought about it a lot, Jongin. I really wanted to hate him, and I really wanted to hate myself-“

“Stop that.”

“But I promised, alright. And if there’s one thing I’m good at it’s keeping promises.” Kyungsoo shrugged and he looked especially handsome with his pursed lips as he stared at Jongin. “I invited them.”

“You did?”

“I thought this would be a great way to prove that I love you the most, that everything else is ancient history. It would be a way to show you that nothing else matters. Just you. Us.” A smile sneaked up on Kyungsoo’s lips. “Besides, having one or two more friends cheer you on isn’t that horrible of a concept, is it?”

Jongin intertwined his fingers with Kyungsoo’s, feeling nothing but content as his eyes flashed towards Chanyeol and Baekhyun again. Yes. It was good. So good.

He let out a little chuckle, though, as he squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand.

“You’re ridiculous, Soo,” Jongin mumbled quietly as he looked at his boyfriend in the eyes. “You don’t have to prove anything. I know you love me.”

“But you don’t know exactly how much I do.” Kyungsoo replied, squeezing his hand on his own turn. He smiled, the most beautiful sight in the word in Jongin’s eyes. “I’ll show you that.” 

Jongin just smiled softly. He wished they weren’t in the middle of a crowded airport, he wished they weren’t waiting for a flight with tens of reporters sending them off, ready to write the worst titles of shitty articles.

He wished they were at home, just the two of them.

So he could hold Kyungsoo tightly.

So he could kiss him.

So he could show him everything.

* * *

Sweat was dripping down his forehead and his chest was heaving up and down heavilz as he tried to regulate his breathing.

The burn in his thighs was on that narrow line between pleasing and straightup unbearable.

But he didn’t stop pushing the pedals of the stationary bike, not even after he upped the resistance. Not even when his breaths started to burn, not even when his shirt started clinging to his sweaty body.

This was just the start. He couldn’t stop now.

“You know,” he said breathily, throwing a look to the side of the gym where Kyungsoo was just sitting on a chair silently, reading his book and eating a muesli bar. “You could join me maybe?”

“What?” Kyungsoo didn’t even look up from the book he was reading, just took another bite from his snack. “Working out?”

“Yeah,” Jongin’s one word reply sounded more like a groan. He kept pushing the pedals, bits of his soul living his body every minute. “You could use some workouts too, you know.”

Kyungsoo did look up from the book then. He seemed entertained, as he pushed the glasses up his nose. Kind of dumbfounded.

“Are you saying I’m fat?”

“No!” Jongin replied quickly. Never. He loved every bit of Kyungsoo. He knew Kyungsoo exercised. If he didn’t he wouldn’t have those subtle muscles on his chest and thighs. He wouldn’t have a body like that. “But you keep eating all those granola bars and you know, it’s gonna stick. Eventually.”

“Are you saying you’ll leave me if I get fat?”

“ _When_ did I say that?”

“Just now.”

“I did not!” Jongin felt himself slowing down, the burn in his thighs erupting at the change of pace, until he leaned forward and incredulously stared at Kyungsoo, who just looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “It was just a observation.”

“That I eat and it will all stick to my ass, yes.”

“That wouldn’t be bad at all.” Jongin hummed, eyes involuntarily sliding down Kyungsoo’s body, towards his butt, now barely in sight. “I’d actually quite like that.” 

Kyungsoo was silent for a moment and the look in his eyes made Jongin think that he’d throw the muesli bar at his head.

Instead, his coach just raised his eyebrows even higher.

“Who said you can stop cycling?”

“What-“

“Continue. One extra kilometer for slacking off.”

“ _What_ -“

“And you’re buying me dinner. For calling me fat.”

Jongin let out a breath, a little flabbergasted smile tugging on his lips.

He wrapped his fingers around the handles of the stationary bike, and started cycling again, the ache in his thighs dulling.

Well, he supposed that their plans for tonight were now confirmed. 

He had intended on buying Kyungsoo dinner anyways.

It wasn’t every day that he could relax like that before the year’s biggest competition on the following day.

And, after all, it wasn’t every day that he could spend a romantic evening with his boyfriend in Milan.

* * *

Kyungsoo had had to almost forcefully drag Jongin out of the training centre and away from the ice rink.

_Just ten more minutes_ , Jongin had tried to plead but Kyungsoo had been very against them staying there.

And Jongin could not complain.

Not when he found himself in that beautiful city with the snow slowly falling around them, creating a beautiful picture of white. He walked hand in hand with Kyungsoo all afternoon long, not caring about being seen or recognized.

He just leisurely enjoyed his time with his boyfriend in that beautiful, snow day. He took pictures with Kyungsoo in front of the cathedral, he stopped to stare in awe at all the details of the architecture. It was breath-taking. Kyungsoo, too, staring in awe, was breath-taking with his rosy from the cold cheeks and nose and his soft lips parted in concentration.

The restaurant they entered when the snow started stinging on their cheeks and when their fingers started feeling numb from the cold was not too far away from the cathedral. It was a beautiful, classy place and they were lucky to be shown to a little table in the corner of the place. Apparently, they hadn’t been the only ones with the idea to seek shelter while also get some warm food.

But that little table, with the live music from the band and with Kyungsoo’s hand holding his tightly with their fingers intertwined next to the candle – it was everything Jongin could have wished for. And so much more.

“Try this,” Jongin raised his fork towards Kyungsoo’s lips, a hand under the food to keep it from spilling everywhere. Kyungsoo just raised an eyebrow.

“Why? So it can stick right to my-”

“Oh, _give it a break_.” Jongin groaned, arm still stretched, waiting for Kyungsoo to try his food.

“What? You were the one that had a lot to say about me having a fat ass earlier.”

“Yeah. Only good things.”

Kyungsoo just let out a breath and rolled his eyes as he let Jongin finally put the food past his lips.

Jongin was maybe a little mesmerized by how plump Kyungsoo’s lips looked. Maybe a little turned on. Maybe a lot.

He was even more mesmerized by Kyungsoo’s expression slowly changing. From curious to confused, then to completely blissful as his eyes widened and he looked at Jongin as if he had just witnessed Jesus’ second coming.

“What am I eating?”

“White truffle macaroni with parmesan and some other cheese,” Jongin smirked. He watched Kyungsoo letting out a breath, before looking down at his ravioli and poking at them with his fork. He looked rather pitiful.

“Remind me next time to try experimenting and not just stick to the things I’m used to.”

“And here I thought the old Do Kyungsoo had died.”

Jongin raised an eyebrow at the way Kyungsoo squinted his eyes at him playfully. Instead of indulging in unnecessary banter, he let out a breathy laugh and reached out to pull Kyungsoo’s ravioli towards himself and push his own dish towards his boyfriend instead.

There was almost childlike happiness in Kyungsoo’s eyes for a moment, before he looked up to him. The look in his eyes changed then – to something softer, something so warm and beautiful.

To love.

He sensed Kyungsoo’s warm fingers on top of his again then, a hand squeezing his firmly.

He held Kyungsoo’s hand, he let the older one caress his knuckles softly for a few moments, trying to read beyond all the adoration in those big, beautiful eyes.

“How do you feel?”

“Neglected,” Jongin answered after a moment of contemplation. “I think my boyfriend might ditch me for truffles.”

A little smile played on Kyungsoo’s lips for a brief moment, before he squeezed his hand again.

“About tomorrow, Jongin.”

The skater looked down to the table. He wasn’t trying to avoid Kyungsoo’s eyes or anything. He wasn’t trying to hide.

He mostly did it to gather his own thoughts.

How _did_ he feel about tomorrow?

He took in a deep breath, before nodding just slightly, mostly to himself.

“Confident.”

Kyungsoo’s smile was radiating and his eyes were shining with all that love, ten times harder than moments ago. Jongin could just sit there and watch him forever, feel his hand tightly around his. It was everything he needed at the moment.

It was everything he would ever need.

Because in moments like this he realized that there were things in life that simply mattered.

Not skating.

Not the competitions.

Not the ice.

Only Kyungsoo with his all the love he had for him.

In moments like this, Jongin realized that this was the only thing that truly had to matter.

He raised his hand, calling over the waiter.

“Can we get a bottle of wine, please?” he asked the man without really taking his eyes off Kyungsoo. “The nicest one you have.”

“A red or a white, sir?”

His heart warmed up at the sight of the little crinkles at the corners of Kyungsoo’s eyes when his coach smiled. They looked at each other briefly.

“Red,” they answered together, smiles blooming on their faces as the waiter walked away.

And Jongin just captured this very moment in his mind.

Him and Kyungsoo on that little table in that little Italian restaurant, just the two of them, with all the love in the world in their hearts.

It truly was the only thing that mattered.

Because no matter what happened tomorrow, win or lose, he still had this. His Kyungsoo.

And that was the greatest victory he could ever achieve.

* * *

It was a long night.

Kyungsoo wanted him to rest.

Jongin didn’t want to rest.

Kyungsoo tried to reason, but Jongin could see his conviction evaporating with every kiss he softly places on his skin until there was nothing but soft whispers of his name sounding right by his ears.

It was a long night.

A long night of love and lust and pleasure.

Until, in the end, nothing existed but Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo. Only Kyungsoo.

His hot breath tickling Jongin’s skin as he held him closely, his body warm against his as he hugged him tightly, his beautiful eyes hooded as they stared right at his.

“I love you,” Jongin said, unable to hold the words in, unable to do anything but feel. “I love you so much.”

Kyungsoo kissed him then, softly, as his fingers ran down Jongin’s naked chest. He kissed him, his lips feeling like fire on his. Like addiction.

“I love you, too.”

And like that, with Kyungsoo in his arms, he let the heaviness of his eyelids take over.

It was a long night, but they had an even longer day ahead of them.

And Jongin was ready.

* * *

Calm. That’s how Jongin felt.

Despite all those contestants giving him curious looks, despite him hearing his name way too much from every corner of the room, spoken by some discretely in hushed whispers or loudly by those who didn’t care, he was calm.

He was more concerned with the way the makeup artist was brushing her fingers against his skin, the glitter on his temples a completely new touch to his outfit from the previous competitions. A new twist.

“That looks nice,” Suho said kind of robotically from the side, too busy glaring at the contestants that Jongin was ignoring. “We need to take pictures of you before you go and get yourself all sweaty and disgusting.”

“You know,” Jongin smirked, earning himself a scold from the makeup artist. “For a manager of an athlete, you’re strangely repulsed by, you know…sport.”

“Sport? No, I’m not repulsed by sport,” Suho denied, sipping from his coffee. That was probably his third cup since they’d arrived at the arena. That coulnd’t be good. “I’m just repulsed by the whole sweating thing.”

“Too bad,” Yixing said from the chair next to Jongin. “You must be repulsed by dancers too, then.”

“That’s not…what I meant.” Suho mumbled, his ears looking suspiciously red. He gestured towards the curtains to the arena. “I’m gonna go check on the-…on the, uh…I’ll be right back.”  

“Cute,” Yixing muttered from the side the moment Suho scurried away and Jongin couldn’t keep the scoff in. Those two were so obviously oblivious.

Instead, his eyes flashed back towards the mirror and the golden glitters adorning his face, his cheekbones and temples. He looked special.

He _felt_ special.

With the golden glitter glimmering under the lights, much like a king’s crown. He was on top of the world now.

“Is the theme sex on ice, because honey, that’s what you are.”

Jongin lowered his head when he laughed quietly, before he turned around to only be assaulted by Baekhyun who reached forward to grab his shoulders.

“You have a boyfriend,” Jongin pointed out, eyes flashing to Chanyeol, who just grinned.

“I’m used to this. He’ll never love me as much as he loves you and Sehun.”

“They’re my best friends, I _have_ to be gay for them.”

“See?”

Jongin moved his eyes back to Baekhyun again. His best friend shook him.

“How do you feel? Nervous? Jittery? Do you want a shot of vodka?”

“Is alcohol the solution to everything for you?” Jongin shimmied out of Baekhyun’s hold. The redhead just looked at him quizzically, as if he really was wondering if anything but alcohol could be the solution to anything. Jongin sighed. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t want me to go spread some drama behind the curtains?”

“No.”

“Really? You don’t want me to go flirt with the judges on your behalf?”

“Uh, no.”

"You don’t need me to exchange someone’s skates with new ones? TO break them in during the competition?”

“Okay, that’s just cruel.”

Baekhyun let out a dramatic sign.

“What a boring and uneventful competition. See? I retire and everything goes to hell.”

“You didn’t retire, you just didn’t-“

“Nobody asked, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun cleared his throat, before shaking Jongin by his shoulders again. “Don’t you worry, love. I’ll do my duty as a best friend and chant ‘fall’ during everyone else’s routine, alright?”

“You really don’t have to do that.”

“I’m gonna do it. Except during Sehun’s routine, of course,” Baekhyun continued, as if not hearing him. “I’m sorry but I love Sehun too. I can’t pick favourites.”

“Speaking of Sehun,” Jongin straightened up, hoping to change the conversation so that no one would hear Baekhyun badmouthing them. “Where the fuck _is_ he?”

“Ah, see, now we’re talking like real skaters.” Baekhyun almost shoved the makeup artist away, leaning dangerously close to Jongin. “I have the tea.”

“The wha-“

“I saw him earlier with that Chinese skater, Luhan.” Baekhyun said, a mischievous grin on his face. “You know, the one we all thought was a junior last year but he ended up being older than all of us?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, our little baby Sehun was trying to get in his pants. And you know just how hard it is to get in figure skating two thousand dollars tapered pants, don’t you?”

“I actually don’t and I am pretty sure you’re exaggerating again.” Jongin hummed. “However, that would explain Sehun suddenly speaking Chinese.”

“He speaks Chinese?”

Jongin just dismissed that with a quick shake of his head. He didn’t want to indulge Baekhyun.

Instead, his head whipped to the side as soon as he saw the curtains moving. As if he had known that Kyungsoo was near, as if he had known that it would be him.

It was him – his coach walking in quietly and calmly, yet somehow drawing all the attention to himself with his straight stance and all the authority surrounding him. The passes were hanging around his neck and he looked just about as calm as Jongin.

When their eyes met, Jongin saw a small smile breaking onto Kyungsoo’s face. A small smile full of love and adoration.

There was fascination in his eyes as he looked at him curiously and Jongin almost reached up to touch the glitter on his face.

It was good to know that it was causing such a reaction. If Kyungsoo loved it, then everybody would. That was a relief.

Baekhyun seemed to notice that he did not, in fact, have all of Jongin’s attention to himself anymore, and he looked like he was going to complain about it had it not been for CHanyeol throwing an arm around his waist.

“Well, Jongin,” the coach said, “I’m happy that you’re feeling good about this. We just wanted to pass by to wish you good luck before we go up to the stands, right?”

“Right,” Baekhyun promptly said and Jongin smiled at them briefly, sensing Kyungsoo making his way towards them. “Don’t listen to what the bad kids say, and don’t fight. Unless someone is being extra rude, I know that one bitch from Rus-“

“Alright, that’s enough.” Chanyeol laughed too loudly, maybe to try masking Baekhyun’s words. Jongin appreciated that.

“Anyways.” Baekhyun shrugged just in time Kyungsoo reached them and put an arm on Jongin’s shoulder, a reassuring squeeze. “If you want me to fight someone, you know where to find me.”

“Yeah.” Jongin nodded, feeling a certain warmth in his chest. That’s the closest anyone could ever get to sincerity. “Thanks, Baek.”

“Of course, love,” his best friend leaned into Chanyeol’s embrace. There was a devilish smirk on his lips when he winked at him. “Give them hell.”

There was a supportive squeeze on his shoulder and Jongin looked up to Kyungsoo, who just nodded at him. His eyes were shining and Jongin just looked back down, a content smile pulling his lips back.

Yes. He could give them hell.

That’s what he had been waiting for that whole year.

That’s what everybody had been waiting for.

* * *

Everything seemed a little chillier now than it had just an hour ago.

The lights in the arena were colourful, the fluorescents were out. The music was booming and the cheers of the crowd were roaring.

Jongin’s breath would hitch every now and thena s he watched the other skaters during their routines. Kyungsoo never left his side, not even for one second.

Until they called Jongin closer to the door of the rink, until they told him he’s up next.

Something in Jongin’s chest constricted for a brief moment, before he looked back at the ice.

The endless ice. His stage, his home.

He felt a hand on his cheek and immediately looked down towards Kyungsoo. The look in his coach’s eyes was soft. The look in his boyfriend’s eyes was loving.

“What?” Jongin smiled as Kyungsoo just stroked his face without uttering a word. “No pep talk?”

“You don’t need it,” was all Kyungsoo simply said and Jongin sighed out, looking back towards the ice where the Japanese skater had just finished his routine.

He couldn’t hear the crowd, he couldn’t hear the people around him talking.

All he could hear was his own heartbeat in his ears.

He leaned down to remove the blade protectors of his skates, handing them to Kyungsoo. His coach was still just looking at him very softly and Jongin didn’t let go of the protectors. He stared at Kyungsoo’s eyes.

“Really?” he raised an eyebrow. “Nothing?”

Kyungsoo’s fingers ran over the skin of his hand softly, sending electricity up his spine with the simplest touch. And then he smiled and Jongin just knew that smile. He knew everything he needed to know when Kyungsoo held his hand briefly for just a moment.

“It’s your time to shine. Go.”

* * *

He skated to the middle of the ice rink.

In front of everybody’s eyes.

Only him. On the ice.

And everything was silent.

Kyungsoo was looking at him and Jongin was looking at him too.

Only them.

He took in a deep breath and then the music started.

And he shined.

* * *

He was shaking.

When he finally skated to the railings of the rink, he realized that his entire body was shaking with the built up emotions.

He couldn’t register anything or anyone until he found himself wrapping his hands tightly around Kyungsoo’s neck. The two strong hands embracing him tightly were supportive and loving.

“You were great,” Kyungsoo sounded somewhat choked up as he whispered in his ear and held him tightly. “You were great, my love.”

Jongin’s fists just tightened around Kyungsoo as he shut his eyes. He was still shaking.

Because after that whole year, after all the suffering and pain, after all the embarrassment and shame, after everything he had went through, he had finally been able to prove himself.

To fight.

To remind everyone who he was.

To shine.

“Jongin!” he heard an all too familiar voice and he finally remembered that it was not appropriate to block the path of the other skaters with Kyungsoo still hugging him tightly. He released his grip on his coach, before straightening up just lightly, seeing Suho and Yixing rushing towards him from the side. They were both smiling so widely and Jongin felt his own face finally giving away, the satisfied and pleased smile pulling his own lips back in a grin. “Jongin, that was _amazing_!”

Before he even knew it he was in a manager-choreographer sandwich, a hug that lasted far less than the one with Kyungsoo. Yixing playfully punched his shoulder twice and it was Suho, with his wide and proud grin, that pulled on his arm.

“Come on! WE all thought that was amazing, but we still need to see what the judges thought about it.”

Jongin nodded, finally realizing just how difficult it was to breathe, how heavily his chest was heaving up and down.

He didn’t even flinch when he felt Kyungsoo’s arm on his waist, guiding him forward towards the little bench in the Kiss & Cry.

Jongin sat down between Kyungsoo and Suho as all three of them anxiously looked towards the screen. He could feel all those cameras on his face but all he could think about was Kyungsoo’s hand tightly wrapped around him and Suho supportively patting his knee as they waited. Yixing handed him water and Jongin took that with a small, appreciative smile.

“You changed the Lutz to an Axel.” Kyungsoo noted quietly. He didn’t sound angry. Jongin just nodded, the water feeling icy in his throat.

“I knew I could do it.”

“I know,” Kyungoso said, his hand squeezing him lightly. “I’m glad you did.”  

Jongin let out a quiet chuckle, before his eyes widened. His name was on the screen.

And so were his scores. Suho’s exclamations seemed somewhat dull as the numbers kept appearing one after another.  The hands on his body felt someone distant as they shook him.

All he could see were those numbers. Those numbers that determined everything.

“Oh my-” he heard Suho almost screaming beside him. “Oh my god!’

Jongin was in a daze, until he saw the one number that truly mattered.

_ Current position _

_ 1. _

It took him a few moment to realize why SUho and Yixing had jumped up on the bench, why Kyungsoo was beaming at him, why all those camera’s shutters went off.

It took him a few moments to realize that he made it.

That he succeeded.

“You did it,” Kyungsoo’s voice was everything he could hear at this moment, among the uproar of shouts and cheers. “You did it, Jongin!”

He did it.

He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in.  He blinked quickly.

And then it hit him.

First. He was first.

The first thing he saw was the glint in Kyungsoo’s eyes as his coach help his shoulders tightly and kept talking to him with the happiest smile.

And there was only one thing he wanted to do.

He reached up with his hands to hold Kyungsoo’s face and to pull it closer.

He pressed their lips together, all the excitement inside him erupting at once as he kissed Kyungsoo and finally felt the sweetness of actually winning.

Jongin didn’t mind the cameras pinned on them, he didn’t mind the loud gasp of the sports journalist behind the screen. He didn’t mind the way Suho looked like he would have a fit beside them, and he didn’t mind the way Yixing only had to put a hand around the manager’s shoulders to stop him from fainting.

He didn’t mind anything or anyone, just the way Kyungsoo’s lips felt against his own as everything in the world ceased to exist. Everything except the two of them and the sweet, sweet taste of success.

Of all that hard word leading to victory.

“Why are you crying?” Kyungsoo asked with a small chuckle when they broke their kiss and Jongin didn’t even know he was crying until his boyfriend asked him. Until his soft thumb ran across his cheek to get rid of the tears rolling down his face. “Now’s not the time to cry, my love. Now’s the time to smile.”

But he didn’t care. He was crying.

But they were happy tears.

And he was laughing, as he felt the euphoria filling his entire body. He felt like he would burst.

So he just leaned forward to kiss Kyungsoo again, fingers curling in his hair as they held each other tightly and shared this moment of utter joy.

And here, in the Kiss & Cry, with Kyungsoo’s laughter on his own lips and with his forehead pressed against his, with those perfect scores on the screen and all the happiness in the world in his heart, Jongin knew that everything would be fine.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here I am~
> 
> I hope you liked that update, even if it did take me a while longer to finish it. I hope you would let me know what you thought, so please leave a comment. I’d really appreciate that!
> 
> With that being said, there’s just an epilogue left for this story, so I hope I’ll have the time to write that soon. Until then, please feel free to talk to me on twitter (@jongnugget).
> 
> Until next time ^^


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue

“Chin up, eyes off the ground!” the voice echoes in the hall of the ice rink and Jongin moved his head up. “Raise your arms higher!”

He did. He raised his arms higher with a wave, feeling the chilly air on his skin as he skated forward. One foot in front of the other.

“And there it is! You’re flying!”

Jongin smiled as he soared forward on the smooth ice, feeling the chill in every bit of his body. He should have been cold, but the fire in his heart was keeping him warm.

Skating had always been a hobby. The one thing he truly loved, the one thing in which he could find an escape.

Skating had always been a job. Something he did to pay the bills.

But now, skating was something else.

Something completely new that Jongin had never thought skating would be to him.

Freedom.

Skating meant freedom.

Because after all the ups and downs, after all the misfortunes, he had finally found the true meaning of skating. And it wasn’t fame, it wasn’t the glory and the beauty, it wasn’t the weight of that gold medal on his neck.

It was much simpler.

Just freedom.

Because the moment he stepped on the ice, the moment he started skating, he knew he was invincible.

“Faster!” Kyungsoo’s voice echoed around him. “Push harder!”

“Funny. I could swear that’s what I was just telling Chanyeol this morning.”

Jongin shoved the toe pick of his skate in the ice, coming to an immediate stop, as he directed is eyes towards the stands. He raised his eyebrows and Baekhyun just shrugged.

“What? We were moving a cabinet.”

“Where? Up your ass?” Sehun scoffed and Baekhyun shoved him in the side. Sehun didn’t mind that. Instead, he leaned on the railing and gave Jongin an exasperated look. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I hear one more sexual joke from him. Please, can’t we _go_ already?”

Jongin threw a quick look towards the clock. He had only 4 minutes of ice time left anyways, then the hockey players would arrive and give him hell.

4 minutes to practice his routine again.

He let out a breath as he looked at Sehun and Baekhyun, who were waiting for him.

Then his eyes moved to Kyungsoo. His coach was standing with his hands in his pockets, his coat pushed back. There was a little smile on his face, as he skated towards him slowly on his black skates.

“That was an ungraceful ending.”

“Really?” Jongin hummed, catching Kyungsoo’s coat and pulling him forward on the ice. “And here I thought skaters usually end routines with sexual innuendos and boners.”

“Baekhyun gave you a boner?” Kyungsoo raised an eyebrows in a challenge.

“No,” Jongin said promptly. “But what he said certainly brought up some images in my mind.”

“Maybe that’s why they don’t allow male skaters to wear thighs.” Kyungsoo mumbled with a playful smirk, as he held on to Jongin’s waist. He could swear that his eyes flashed down before he smirked even wider. “What a pity.”

“Speaking of costumes,” Jongin interrupted, clinging on to Kyungsoo. “I was reading the rulebook and I didn’t find anything about it, but are there explicit rules against crop tops?”

“Crop tops?” Kyungsoo seemed puzzled for a moment, before he shrugged. “I don’t really know the regulations on women’s costumes. There’s too many of them.”

“Oh, Soo,” Jongin let out a breathy laugh, as he leaned forward, his nose brushing against Kyungsoo’s as he gave him a playful look. “I didn’t mean the women.”

Kyungsoo’s lips parted slightly and he could hear him breathing in sharply. His fingers’ grip on his waist definitely tightened.

“You’ll be the death of me.”

“No, _I_ will be,” Jongin blinked quickly as he heard Baekhyun’s voice resounding in the arena again.  Right. Those two were still there. “I’m all in for fucking and all that sexy jazz, but we have a reservation to catch. And unless you two plan on making this worth my time, I’d very much rather eat steak. Medium rare.”

Kyungsoo’s grip around him loosened then, and he looked to the bleachers too. He looked amused as he stared at the redhead and the way Sehun was nodding along.

“ _How_ are you so loud when you’re so little?”

“Little?” Baekhyun seemed offended, as he jumped up. “Little?! Did you really, of all people, have the audacity to call me little?!”

Jongin rolled his eyes and skated away to the rink as he stopped paying attention to Baekhyun throwing a fit and Kyungsoo just taking it all with a little smile and raised in a challenge eyebrows.

“Remember when he used to call him a legend and an angel of anti-gravity laws?” Sehun mumbled as he tossed a water bottle at him. “All that respect’s gone now. They’re talking to one another like truck drivers on a busy highway.”

Jongin took a sip of the water, before throwing a look towards his boyfriend and his best friend. Those two had had a complicated relationship. Now it seemed to have gotten even weirder.

“You know what that means, right?”

Jongin looked away from them and back to Sehun, who was just looking at him with a little smile and a raised eyebrow.

“What?”

“He’s one of us now.” Sehun said and Jongin felt that fire in his heart just exploding at those simple words. “And once someone’s in, there’s no way out.”

Jongin looked back to Kyungsoo and how he was trying to grab Baekhyun over the railings of the rink, how he was laughing. His beautiful smile lighting up his entire face.

And Jongin loved him.

He loved him so much.

That fire in his heart and that freedom on the ice, they were there because of Kyungsoo and he _loved_ him.

“Besides, who the fuck even flirts with someone when his best friends are listening, you creep?!” Baekhyun’s shrill voice resounded in the arena again and Jongin shook his head. “Get a room.”

“Get away.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you apologize to me, you-“

The door of the arena opened widely and Jongin’s eyes flashed up to see all that padding and all those helmets.

“Oh man,” the deep voice of the hockey player at the front sounded exasperated. “They’re multiplying.”

“Hey, Kris,” Jongin said, throwing a look to his friends, before hopping off the rink and sliding the blade protectors on his skates.

“Why are you still here, pretty boy?” Kris said, but there was no trace of hostility in his voice. “I thought we had an agreement. Mondays, 5:30, you’re out, I’m in.”

“Pretty boy?”

Jongin ignored Kyungsoo’s very confused mumble from beside him, instead grinned at Kris.

“Sorry about that. I was just about to go.” He motioned to the ice. “She’s all yours. Just don’t make holes in her. She’s my baby.”

“And this is why I don’t talk to figure skaters.” Kris halted when he finally got down to where they were standing. He looked so huge and Jongin almost would have felt intimidated by the size of the man in all his protective hockey gear. However, Jongin also knew just how big of a dork Kris actually was, so he just grinned at him. “I saw the news, by the way. That you won some competition.”

“ _Some_ competition?!”

“Yeah, just the World Championship.” Jongin once again ignored Kyungsoo’s shocked whisper. “No biggie.”

“Nice. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

Him and Kris weren’t close enough to talk about it and Kris wasn’t interested enough to ask about it. They knew each other from all those years of nagging each other about the 2-3 minutes of ice time Jongin would involuntarily steal because he was too caught up in his skating to look at the clock. But that nagging had turned into friendly banter, a greeting of sorts, and Jongin didn’t think much of it. He just shook his head lightly as the hockey players took the ice and completely forgot about them.

The others, however, hadn’t.

“What was _that_ all about?!”

“Hm? What?”

“Pretty boy?”

If he didn’t know that Kyungsoo was aware of just how much he loved him, he would have thought he was jealous. But there was an intrigued quirk on his boyfriend’s brows and Jongin shrugged.

“It’s an old joke. I’m pretty sure he used to mean it as an insult in the past.”

“Huh,” Kyungsoo mumbled, fingers somehow finding their way to Jongin’s waist again. “I don’t know. I kinda like that. _Pretty boy_. Has a nice ring to it.”

“I hadn’t really thought about it,” Jongin said, pressing his forehead against Kyungsoo’s. “I guess I wouldn’t mind _you_ calling me that.”

“Can you two stop flirting?” Sehun sounded positively exasperated. “Can you _please_ stop?”

“Just because _my_ love life is not dead,” Jongin snapped, and Baekhyun just rolled his eyes.

“Honey, I couldn’t care less about that. Our reservation is in twenty minutes, so unless you haul your ass to the bathroom now to shower, then we’re not gonna make it.”

Jongin let out a breath, his eyes shifting back to Kyungsoo. His boyfriend just let out a low chuckle and then pulled him down for a soft kiss.

Their lips connected and they moved together languidly. Kyungsoo’s hand stroked Jongin’s side and Jongin slid his fingers down Kyungsoo’s cheek.

“Go,” Kyungsoo said when they broke the kiss, laughter in his voice. “Before they burn down the complex.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Kyungsoo laughed quietly again. “Go now. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Jongin couldn’t resist it. He leaned forward again to press one last, quick kiss to Kyungsoo’s inviting lips. He lingered for a few moments, before he finally pulled back. There was nothing in love in his eyes and heart.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

* * *

A wince was the first thing that greeted him when he grumpily walked into the office.

“Uh, Kyungsoo did tell me you got home drunk last night,” Suho remarked. “I can see that.”

“Fuck you,” Jongin groaned tiredly, sinking down into the chair and closing his eyes. His head was still pulsing from the hangover. “It’s Baekhyun’s fault. I told him not to mix those-“

“Here.” Suho said as he poured him a glass of water and placed it in front of him on the large desk. Jongin just threw him a look, mumbling a quiet ‘thank you’ as he slowly sipped on it. “Now I’ll need you to get yourself together because we have really important things to discuss today.”

“I thought you said this was going to be a meeting.” Jongin mumbled in between sips. “Why aren’t Kyungsoo and Yixing here, then?”

“Because it is a meeting that does not concern them, apparently.” Suho sighed out. “I know just as much as you do.”

“Well, whatever pretentious asshole called a meeting at 8am on a Saturday morning can fucking choke.”

Suho threw him a look just in the same time there were three distinct and loud knowck on the door. Jongin almost rolled his eyes, but straightened in his seat as the door to Suho’s office opened and in walked two women.

“Oh. It’s _that_ pretentious asshole.” Jongin forgot all about sitting properly the moment he recognized them. He slumped back in his chair, a hand flying up to his eyes, massaging his still thumping temples.

“Good morning to you, too,” Krystal raised her eyebrows as she sat down in the chair next to him. “You look like absolute trash.”

“I _feel_ like absolute trash, alright?” Jongin groaned, his eyes flickering to Krystal’s manager. “Hello, Amber.”

“Hello, boys,” she greeted with her always friendly smile, before sitting down in the chair.

“Anything to drink?”

“Cut the crap, Jun,” Amber dismissed his manager with a wave of her hand. “No need to be so formal. Let’s get this over with so we can all return to our work. It’s a busy season for all of us.”

“Alright, then,” Suho said with a quirk on his lips. “What’s this about? You said it was urgent when you called me yesterday.”

“It is urgent,” Amber nodded, as she tossed a rather fat folder on the desk between them. “It’s an offer.”

Jongin was too busy trying to will his headache away to look at Suho pulling the folder and opening it cautiously.

“What offer?”

“A sponsorship offer.” Amber said, making a quick pause. JOngin threw a look towards her. “Jongin won gold. My girl won silver. Those are no insignificant achievements. There are sponsors all over the place now, new companies call us every day. But this-…this offer is truly something else. It’s huge.”

“But? I can feel there’s a but coming.”

“But there is a condition.” Amber cleared her throat. “When they are willing to pay this much, they don’t only want to fund one skater. They want the whole package.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning, they are willing to be so generous for a skating pair. And not just any skating pair, but a skating pair of individual medallists. South Korea’s sweethearts.”

Jongin forgot all about his headache in an instant, and he saw the way SUho looked up from the folder and how his fingers stilled. Nobody was saying anything. Only now did Jongin notice how Krystal was throwing curious looks at him every now and then.

“What?”

That was the first thing that escaped his lips the moment he regained his ability to speak.

“Pair skating, Jongin. They want you two to start skating together again.”

Jongin let out a breath in the same time Suho closed the folder and put it back in the middle of the desk.

“That’s absolutely nuts,” his manager said. “Especially after Jongin and Kyungsoo going public at the championship. Do you really think anyone would even believe the façade of South korea’s sweethearts anymore?”

Amber just shrugged.

“It’s not me coming up with those conditions, Suho. I’m just relaying information. Besides, you know how things are. It’s all about publicity and drama. The more, the merrier.” The manager explained. “I can already see the titles they have in mind. Gold medallist breaks off relationship to go back to skating with his previous partner.”

Jongin felt his jaw setting.

He felt like throwing up and he was sure it had nothing to do with his hangover.

“Are you crazy?” Suho scoffed. “Kyungsoo and Jongin together are selling so much. Do you know just how many interested sponsors we have right now all because of that? I can see the titles of other articles, Amber.”

Jongin pursed his lips. He was displeased by the fac that they were discussing his relationship so lightly. That they viewed it as a marketing tool. As something that would only bring them in more money.

He didn’t care about any of that. He didn’t care about the sponsors or the money.

“How do you feel about this?” he asked, successfully interrupting both managers as he looked at Krystal. The girl just slumped down in her own chair, throwing him an exasperated look.

“You know I love skating with you, Jongin.” She hesitated. “But you also know that I have learned how to love skating by myself too. You know what I think about everything else. So it’s all up to you.”

She gave him a hard look and Jongin, despite the haze in his mind, understood.

Krystal was fed up. She was just as fed up with all of this as him.

She was tired of being in the center of attention, she was tired of always being the subject of the articles in stupid magazines and blogs.

She was tired of keeping up an illusion, of pretending to be someone she was not.

Of being 1/2 of South Korea’s sweethearts.

They were both so tired of it. So done with it.

Besides, he had Kyungsoo now. Krystal knew that, Amber knew that, Suho knew that.

The entire world knew that after their kiss at the arena.

And he was content with that, he was happy that everyone knew.

That Kyungsoo was his and that he was Kyungsoo’s.

And nothing could ever change that.

Not a contract, not a sponsorship offer.

Nothing could take that away from him.

* * *

Jongin could practically feel the tension in his own chest, as he straightened and handed Kyungsoo the blade protectors.

He looked at those big, round eyes and the soft look inside them, and he let out a sigh.

“Krystal’s team asked me to skate with her again.”

There. He said it.

He didn’t want to keep anything from Kyungsoo, he didn’t want to have a secret.

And suddenly, the tension in his chest wasn’t as intense as before.

Kyungsoo, however, froze. His fingers still holding on to the blade protectors tightly, but he wasn’t pulling them. He just blinked a few times, before he found his voice.

“What?”

“To skate together again. As a pair.”

Kyungsoo tried to keep a neutral expression, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from wavering and Jongin didn’t miss it.

“Oh…”

Jongin let go of the blade protectors then and pushed himself on the ice, the smooth surface somewhat silky under the blades of his skates. Like he was floating, like he was flying.

He closed his eyes briefly, his eyelids fluttering.

He threw a look back to the railing where Kyungsoo hadn’t moved an inch. He was still holding the blade protectors, he was still staring at the spot where Jongin had been moments ago.

To say he looked shocked would be an understatement.

What troubled Jongin more was that sad glint in his eyes. The way Kyungsoo furrowed his brows and that broke the mask of neutrality.

He looked positively distraught as his eyes shot up to look for Jongin.

And Jongin’s heart was just so warm, so soft inside Kyungsoo’s hands.

He skated forward to the railing, not quite using the blades to stop but using his entire body to lightly bump into Kyungsoo, who was still standing at the opening of the gate.

He parted his lips and Jongin could swear that he tried to say something but the words got stuck in his throat.

He raised a hand to run his fingers down Kyungsoo’s cheek, before he cupped his face and pulled him closer. He pressed their foreheads together, feeling Kyungsoo’s somewhat barely controlled, irregular breaths on his skin.

Jongin dug his fingers lightly into Kyungsoo’s skin, holding him tightly pressed against himself as he looked up to connect their gazes.

The smallest of all smiles appeared on his lips.

“I said no.”

* * *

“Then you just twist it, like that, and it’s done!”

Jongin frowned. Kyungsoo made it look so easy.

Kyungsoo’s half of the counter was almost spotless, the cupcakes perfectly lined next to one another, perfect swirls of cream on top.

Jongin’s, however, was a mess. There was batter all over the place, skittles and sprinkles all over his hands. His cupcakes looks like a very sad mishap.

He tried again, but only let out a frustrated sigh when his cupcake ended up looking like the leaning tower in Pisa.

“I suck at this.”

“No, you don’t.” Kyungsoo laughed quietly,  a warm sound that made the butterflies in Jongin’s stomach dance. He just frowned at his disastrous cupcakes, until Kyungsoo joined him and wrapped his hands around his waist lightly, his chin resting on Jongin’s shoulder.

“Yes, I do.” Jongin sighed, leaving the spritzer aside. “Mine look like they came out of a Tim Burton movie.”

“Hey. Those were pies, not cupcakes.”

“Whatever. They were gross and so are my damn cupcakes.”

“They’re not gross,” Kyungsoo hummed in his ear, reaching out to pick up the leaning tower of Pisa. “They’re just different. They’re special.”

Jongin pursed his lips as he twisted around in Kyungsoo’s hands, resting his palms on his boyfriend’s chest.

“Trust Do Kyungsoo to be a hopeless romantic who’s ready to get food poisoning just to please his whiny boyfriend.”

“Trust Kim Jongin to be worth that food poisoning.” Kyungsoo ran a hand down the side of Jongin’s face, before looking at the cupcake in his hands. He gave it a quizzical look, before bravely taking a bite at the side, the tower of whipped cream successfully messing up his lips.

Jongin just raised his eyebrows in anticipation, not quite appreciating the neutral expression on Kyungsoo’s face.

“Is it bad? Is it horrible? Oh my god, is it even edible? Why are you chewing it so long?”

Kyungsoo just rolled his eyes, before swallowing the bite.

“It’s _fine_.” He said. “It’s good, it really is.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Kyungsoo was a horrible liar. But Jongin couldn’t help the small smile that took over his lips at his boyfriend’s dishonesty.

He didn’t comment anything when Kyungsoo took no second bite of the cupcake, but instead set it back on the counter.

Jongin tilted his head.

“You have a little-…let me.”

He leaned forward then, capturing Kyungsoo’s upper lip between his own, tongue running over his skin to lick off the façade of cupcake tower. And he sure took his sweet time, lips languidly moving against Kyungsoo’s and his eyelids eventually fluttering closed.

All he could pay attention was how those kids slowly became deeper, how they became needier, hungrier.

How Kyungsoo’s arms tightened around him, how his fingers dug into his sides. How he held him closely as he kept kissing him, hot breath hitting his skin between their kisses.

“Wait-“ Jongin mumbled out breathily when Kyungsoo’s fingers tugged on the hem of his sweatpants. “Wait, we’re supposed to finish those cupcakes. We promised Yixing to bring them by tomorrow.”

Kyungsoo pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his lips, hi fingers still very much tugging on his sweatpants with intent.

“I don’t know. I kind of think we can put this whipped cream to better use.”

Jongin coulnd’t even fight it when Kyungsoo leaned down to tuck a hand under his knee, successfully scooping him up in his arms. He let out a quiet giggle, arms tightening around Kyungsoo’s shoulders as he smiled down at his boyfriend.

As they just laughed quietly, before kissing each other’s giggles away.

As everything ceased to exist, but the way Kyungsoo’s lips moved against his and the way his hands moved on his body.

Jongin made sure to grab the can of whipped cream before Kyungsoo actually carried him away towards the bedroom.

* * *

“I don’t see the need in changing the program anymore. You won gold with it once, you can win gold with it again.”

“Yes, but nobody wants to watch the same, old, boring stuff.” 

Kyungsoo’s fingers ran over Jongin’s puffy lips and he could just lie down here, next to his lover, and he would stare at him and his little pout forever.

“You’re not boring.”

“Yeah, you’re my boyfriend. You _have_ to say that.”

Kyungsoo smirked, rolling on top of Jongin and supporting his weight on his elbows. He pressed his lips around Jongin’s briefly.

“Stop that,” Jongin broke the kiss, a little scoff and a raise of an eyebrow following. “This won’t work. Don’t try to distract me.”

“Why? Is it working?”

“ _Kyungsoo_! I want more jumps.”

“And I told you it’s unnecessary.”

“Kyungsoo.” Jongin said, voice now harder and Kyungsoo actually blinked in surprise when the younger skater sat up, wrapping his hands around him firmly. “I mean that. I want to do more.”

“But-“

“I know that you’re afraid.” Jongin pursed his lips before he smiled and cupped his cheeks. “I know you don’t want me to get hurt again. But I want to show them all what I’m capable of. What I truly can do.”

“No one doubts the things you can do, Jongin.”

“Great. Then it’s settled.”

“Wait, no-“

“Kyungsoo. Please.” Jongin pressed his forehead against his. “I _want_ this.”

He stood still like that for a few seconds, just appreciating the sincerity in Jongin’s eyes and his tight grip on his body and his breath on his skin.

Jongin was right, he was afraid. He was scared that Jongin would hurt himself again.

But then again, skating or not, he was always afraid that would happen.

And in the past few months Jonign had really convinced him that he was tough. That he could take whatever was thrown at him. Those few jumps wouldn’t change a thing. It would only make Jongin shine brighter.

And he wasn’t sure if everybody else was ready for that, but he sure was.

“Just one jump.” He whispered quietly, pressing a kiss on Jongin’s jaw and feeling the younger one tensing underneath him.

“Really?!”

“Okay.” Jongin said, blinking quickly. “Alright.”  

Kyungsoo almost let out a sound when Jongin flipped them over and he found himself trapped between the mattress and Jongin’s arms, the only thing he could see – Jongin’s smirk pulling his puffy lips back.

“Talking got me one extra jump. What about a blowjob?”

Kyungsoo wanted to laugh, and he was about to, but that sound turned into a sigh when Jongin hungrily kissed his neck.

He could feel electricity inside his body when the younger grinded on him with purpose. It was only when he reached out to grab Jongin’s hips when the skater pulled away just the slightest bit, raising one eyebrow.

“So? What would _that_ get me?”

Kyungsoo was dumbfounded, but that didn’t stop him from smiling.

“Negotiations.”

Jongin rolled his eyes, before sinking down to brush their lips together.

“I’ll take that.”

Kyungsoo lost himself in Jongin’s kisses that night, the warmth of his fingers on his skin and the sound of his moans bringing him to a whole other world.

A world where it was only the two of them.

* * *

There was laughter coming from everywhere.

Whether it was children messing around, or men and women out together and with friends. There was laughter everywhere.

Laughter and smiles and breaths visible under the lights in the dark night.

But out of all that laughter, out of all those smiles, he only cared about one.

He held onto Kyungsoo’s arm tightly as he threw a look towards his coach and how precious his smile was as it lit up his entire face, eyes turning into little crescents as he laughed.

How adorable he looked with his glasses and with his warm hat and the gloves.

This here, this wasn’t Do Kyungsoo. This wasn’t the legendary skater, this wasn’t his coach.

It was just Kyungsoo.

_His_ Kyungsoo.

“This,” Jongin said after a while, still tightly holding on to Kyungsoo’s hand as they kept moving forward with the crowd. “Is absolutely horrible, but I love it so much.”

They had been skating around in a circle for about fifteen minutes now. Fifteen minutes that felt like a whole eternity at the slow tempo they had to keep because of the mass of people skating together, because of the kids trying to barely stand up straight on their skates.

“Horrible?” Kyungsoo laughed in return, throwing him a playful look. “And here I thought you liked the ice.”

Jongin looked down, smile hidden behind his scarf as they kept barely moving forward.

A public rink.

One of those public ice rinks they opened before the holidays, in the middle of the square, with about a hundred people on the ice at the same time. Everybody was bundled up in layers of clothes, scarves and hats, gloves and jackets and sweaters.

Jongin almost scoffed. At the pace everybody was moving at, of course they’d be cold. He just kept laughing quietly to himself, thinking how ironic this was.

How despite all those people, despite the horrible lumps in the ice and despite the fact that his nose and fignertips were freezing, he loved this.

How they just kept skating in a circle between all those people, and how madly liberating it was.

But Kyungsoo never let go of his hand and Jongin didn’t plan on letting go either.

They were spinning in circled, in the flow of the crowd. Jongin found it entertaining how many people held on to the railings for dear life. How many people used the railings to stop.

Just how innocently beautiful the genuine happiness on everyone’s face was.

And maybe that’s what all skating was about, after all.

He just snuggled closer to Kyungsoo, them being the two people on this rink who didn’t risk falling down by doing so. There were some perks to being a professional skater, even if you were just on a date at the public ice rink, he supposed.

“You’re still up for pair skating, I see,” Kyungsoo mumbled quietly at the way Jongin had reached around him to hold on to his waist.

“Please,” Jongin replied quietly. “If I attempt doing jumps on this rink I’ll risk breaking an ankle. And not necessarily mine.”

Kyungsoo hummed in agreement as they skated forward. He made a remark when the song blasting on the speakers above them changed to something slower. He told him it would be a good song for a program. Jongin told him to shut up and not talk about work. Kyungsoo agreed readily with a bright smile and a quick peck to his cheek.

It started snowing then, light snowflakes falling all around them and Jongin’s heart _hurt_ as he watched them landing slowly on the ice and melting. No wonder public rinks were shit. It was a strangely devastating sight, but one that made him fondly laugh at the same time.

He almost tripped in his own feet when Kyungsoo suddenly pulled him by his arm, away from the flow of people skating in a circle.

“Mind the toe pick.”

“Shut up,” Jongin mumbled at Kyungsoo’s teasing grin, as he dragged him to the middle of the rink.

It was mostly empty here. Everyone was just staying close to the railings.

It looked like they were in the middle of a donut. Or a black hole.

The snowflakes around them falling gently were more visible here, under the direct light of the spotlights over the rink.

His breath was visible in the chilly night air as he looked around at the beautiful sight of those snowflakes softly landing on the ice around them.

On Kyungsoo’s face.

Jongin smiled when a snowflake landed on Kyungsoo’s eyelashes.

Kyungsoo was looking at him, a very serene and loving look in his eyes. He was holding him close to himself, their skates hitting against one another as they tried to get even closer.

“It’s our anniversary soon, you know,” his boyfriend said and despite his fingers feeling numb from the cold and despite his freezing nose, he felt warm. He threw his hands around Kyungsoo’s neck.

“Of course I know. How could I possibly forget?”

“It seems like such a long time ago,” Kyungsoo shook his head, looking down for a mere moment, before he tugged on Jongin’s scarf and pulled him down. “We should do something special. Anything you want.”

Jongin just let out a breath and smiled, shaking his head. He didn’t even need to think about it.

“This year’s been enough of a ride, don’t you think? I don’t want anything big.” He felt Kyungsoo’s breath on his skin as he leaned even closer to his face. “I just want to be with you.”

Kyungsoo’s smile was soft. It was that special smile, that kind of crooked smile that Jongin knew was only reserved for him.

“Alright. We can come back to this rink, then. You seem to like it here. Or we can go to your rink,” his coach said, still playing with his scarf, as he shrugged. “I know how much you love the ice.”

Jongin pressed their lips together again then.

The cold, the people around them, the music – everything was forgotten as he just kissed Kyungsoo under the lights in the middle of the rink.

As he lingered on him, as his heart fluttered in his chest at the sensation of kissing the man he loved with his whole heart. The man who meant everything to him. The man who held him tightly, always, the man who made sure he would never fall. The man who was always by his side.

He just enjoyed the moment, as they kissed slowly in the middle of the rink with the snowflakes being carried around them by the wind.

It was beautiful.

Jongin only broke the kiss when he felt that the air in his lungs wasn’t enough. He never let go of Kyungsoo, though.

He stared at his beautiful eyes as he felt a gloved hand caressing his face.

Happiness and love were filling his entire body, and he just couldn’t help the smile.

“I love you more.”

And there, under the night’s sky, under the beautiful snowfall, with Kyungsoo in his arms and him in Kyungsoo’s, in the middle of the ice rink and with all the warmth his heart could handle, he fell in love all over again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. This story definitely was something different. It was very personal and very dear to me, so I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it.
> 
> twitter: jongnugget

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hey~ As you can see, I bring procrastination to a whole new level and instead of finishing my ongoing fics first I started a whole new one. Great...
> 
> Now before anybody asks, no, this is NOT based on Yuuri on Ice, but I do have to say I felt like writing it BECAUSE OF Yuuri on Ice. I have had the idea of writing a fanfic about ice skating for a long time because I used to train it for many, many years and then the hype with YOI happened and I did watch it, thinking to myself how they didn't really get everything right when it came to the skating in the anime. So yeah, you can say this was somehow influenced by Yuuri on ice, not really inspired by it though. It was inspired completely out of my own experience (I think i don't even know what I'm doing as per usual)
> 
> ANYWAYS, please drop a comment down below and let me know what you think ^^ Thank you and until next time~


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